How to encourage 2.5 year old to sit on the real toilet?

[Logan Sapphire]

My son is 2.5 and has started using the potty at home. We have a Baby Bjorn training potty that we got when our 4.5 year old was training, because that's what their daycare used and we thought it was good to have continuity at home. She then segued to the real toilet using a ring for a brief while and had no issues perching herself delicately.

DS refuses to go at school and apparently gets very emotional when they try with him. I noticed that all the Baby Bjorn potties were gone and was told that licensing said they couldn't have them out. So, all kids must now use the real toilet, which is a shorter, but still the real deal. DS has said there are monsters inside and he's scared.

Seeing as how he'll have to learn to use the real thing at school, is there anything we can do to help him even try to sit on it? He sees us and his big sis using the real thing and he's fine with that, but does freak out if we suggest he try it himself.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

B HATED the potty too and we had some really bad situations for about a year when we were out in public (the "best" being him really having to go, locking his knees, refusing to sit, and peeing all over DH and the entire bathroom).

We got a bigger kiddie potty (it was sort of in between a small toilet and the bjorn potty in size) and then what really helped was having the ring and a footstool for B. He would not sit on the ring alone, but the footstool made him feel a lot more secure. He is 4 now and still strongly prefers to use the ring and footstool when he goes potty.

His fear seems to be more about falling in than about monsters in the potty though...

good luck!

 

[Puppmom]

That's a tough one. Convincing a toddler to do something they're afraid of is pretty difficult!

Is there any urgency around getting him potty trained or had he been *almost there* and is now reverting because he doesn't like the big boy toilet? I personally would probably just ignore it for a while. As in, I wouldn't push it and hope that he eventually comes around. Toddlers, at least my DS, change what they like/don't like and are scared of/aren't scared of *fairly* often. I think the more he perceives pressure, the more he'll resist. And, I can't think of anything creative to make him want to use the potty. Now, if he was 5, I might push it but no biggie if a 2.5 year old won't use the toilet...in my opinion anyway.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

That's a tough one. Convincing a toddler to do something they're afraid of is pretty difficult!

Is there any urgency around getting him potty trained or had he been *almost there* and is now reverting because he doesn't like the big boy toilet? I personally would probably just ignore it for a while. As in, I wouldn't push it and hope that he eventually comes around. Toddlers, at least my DS, change what they like/don't like and are scared of/aren't scared of *fairly* often. I think the more he perceives pressure, the more he'll resist. And, I can't think of anything creative to make him want to use the potty. Now, if he was 5, I might push it but no biggie if a 2.5 year old won't use the toilet...in my opinion anyway.

Puppmom, no real urgency to get him trained now, except just a worry about what will happen if he won't go on a regular potty. Daycare works with us to train, but if he refuses to sit on the real toilet at school, I don't know what will happen with potty training. He does need to be trained by June, when he moves up to the next class. I guess one could be half-trained- would go on a little training potty but not on the real deal?? He goes at home regularly and will tell us when he has to go, but if all daycare has is a big toilet and he refuses to sit on it, what happens next??

 

[Puppmom]

LS, it does stink that he seems ready to train but there's this obstacle! My DS is a smidge under 2.5 and JUST started telling us (sometimes) when he poops. Most of the time, he doesn't care that he has a poopy diaper. He just moved up to the room in daycare where they potty train so it'll be interesting to see what happens. Right now, his potty is collecting dust.

 

[Puppmom]

LS, this is a total long shot but I saw this stuff called "Stay Away Monster Spray" on mamabargains.

http://stayawaymonsterspray.com/

Maybe not worth $10 but you and DS can *make* some. Maybe just maybe something like this would work?

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Thanks for the suggestion, Puppmom! We can definitely make some with him. That's a great idea!

Bella- how's B doing? Are you ready for Christmas?? We just celebrated the 4th anniversary of C's referral a couple of days ago. I know it probably sounds weird to people who haven't adopted, but it was definitely a very special and exciting day and both DH and I have great stories to tell C about how we got the call and where we were.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hunter would not use the real toilet for ages, and I have no idea what I would do in your case!

I think I would use bribery. Massive bribery at home. He must have a commodity that works every time? Our son Hunter will do almost anything to be allowed to watch a little TV. So we save it for the big things. Or, you could go buy some really cool toys and let him know if he uses the big boy potty he can have it. I would not force him in either case, but let him choose to use the toilet to get what he wants. Like, we might show him to cool toy we bought and tell him he can have it "as soon as he uses the potty!" Then we would put the toy on a high shelf and when he said he wants it we would say, "Well all you have to do is earn it by using the big boy potty." Keeping it upbeat and positive. So really, its in his control. Same for TV. Always a positive frame with smiles and positive emotion. NOT negative framing like, "You CAN't have the toy until you go potty" which I think somehow seems more coercive and frames the whole thing in a punishing way. Always positive: Do X and then you get Y! If he got upset and cried saying he wanted to watch TV or wanted the toy, we would comfort him and say, "I know you want it honey, all you need to do is use the potty." So validating his emotion and frustration but making clear he has control to get what he wants. If he does what you want. We use this a lot for things ranging from getting dressed ("You can come downstairs when you are dressed!") to staying in bed at night ("You can earn one TV show tomorrow if you stay in bed and don't fuss."). We tried stickers and they were not immediate enough.

We do that with our almost 4 year old. It might need simplification for a 2.5 year old. And I would not do it if you think fear is really and truly a big thing. For the fear I would first try things to ease the fear then use the bribes to reward the behavior. For the fear, I might do something silly like put flower petals in the toilet and tell him they make it safe and clean. Or clean the toilet with him "helping" and say it makes the toilet nice and safe. Maybe also starting out ask him to sit on it clothed to get used to it, which is a funny thing to do. So making him laugh and have a fun time around the toilet. The when you think his fear is eased, use the reward to try and create the behavior and keep it going.

ETA: These are classic learning theory and psychological principles: Classical conditioning says make positive associations with the toilet with sillines and play; operate conditioning says give a reward when the behavior happens; and making it the child's choice to use the toilet (albeit to get what he wants) supports autonomy; validating his feelings about the toilet or frustration having to earn a toy/TV makes the child feel loved and understood.

 

[noelwr]

I agree with making sitting on the toilet fun. we usually blow bubbles and I have a wand and DD has a wand and we try to catch each others' bubbles. we've been doing this for months and she still enjoys it. (there was a time when she would ask to go poo poo just so she could blow bubbles.)

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Thanks Dreamer and Noelwr!

Dreamer, that was a really good post- I enjoyed reading it, especially the parts about making sure it's coached in positive words, not negatives (even though there's a treat of some sort involved). So thanks for that!

He did tell us that he sat on the potty at school and that he didn't cry. I'll have to double check with his teachers The good news is that he's gotten really good at going on the small potties we have at home. He also used to only go if big sis was also sitting on the real toilet, and now he'll go if I direct him there, even if she's not there.

 

[SB621]

This probably wont' help with your son as he already has fears, but for others I recommend sitting your little one on the potty from the get ago as soon as they can sit by themselves. We only did it for a few seconds starting when DS was about 1, but it helps teach them that there is nothing to be afraid of.

We also got a potty seat (to help him sit on the toliet) at home and we started to read him books while he sat on it. Anything to get them familiar with it helps.

As far as your DS is there something that he really loves? We reward our DS with episodes of Mickey Mouse when he does something we want him to do that he is having trouble with. I know a lot of people use food or sweets, but that never worked with us. MMCH does work!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I actually have good news to report- DS started going on the big potty three days ago!! We do have potty rings, but I bought him another one (that thankfully has a splash guard) and for some reason, he allowed me to put him on it to try it out while fully clothed. Then, I had him sit on it naked and try, and nothing happened, but I rewarded him with a Hershey Kiss for just sitting. Then, the next time, he went and has gone ever since! I don't know what will happen at school, but at least at home, things are progressing well. I guess he just needed time?

 

[Puppmom]

Logan, that's great news!