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How can you have a "surprise" proposal when you are involved in selecting the ring?

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A heated topic between my boyfriend and I recently has been my disappointment in not having a proper proposal. I have been very actively involved in the ring search. He doesn''t see the point in bothering with a proposal at this point. All of our immediate family and close friends already know about it. I still think that he needs to get on one knee darn it!

Just wondering about the other LIW experiences and stories.
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LilyKat

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Well, I sort of see what he means. When I first joined PS, I was puzzled by the concept of choosing a ring together, knowing he has it, and then being "surprised" by the proposal. It just seemed kind of, well, contrived. (Don''t anyone hit me - I''m just trying to explain where your boyfriend might be coming from!)

Now I understand it better. The proposal is making it official. Like a graduation ceremony - you''ve already done the work, you know you''ve passed and earned your degree, but that doesn''t make the ceremony any less special or meaningful. It''s a tangible, formal rite of passage that you can clearly look back on and KNOW without doubt that he did want to marry you, and you wanted to marry him - it wasn''t something you both just drifted into. Maybe if you explained it to your boyfriend like that, he would understand it better?

Proposals don''t have to be over-the-top. They can be a simple, straightforward, heartfelt question from one person to another. It''s really not much effort - so if it''s important to you, your boyfriend should care enough to make it happen.
 

Cinna

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Completely agree with LilyKat.

Mine says the same thing. Think about it though. You’ve picked the ring together so you know you’ll love it. He knows you’ll say yes. So now it’s up to him to pick the date and time to get down on one knee to make it official. It’s a special memory that you’ll want to have, not some step or business transaction.

Last night I told my fiancé “Honey, your kids are going to ask how you proposed. I’m going to say ‘Well kids, your father and I opened up the fed-ex box at the appraisers office… think a room that looks like a doctors office…. I put the ring on… and then he forgot to propose. How romantic of your daddy… Don’t be like him Kids.’ ”

He says that he’ll do it even though he feels the same way as your boyfriend. He said “Otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it!” Just let him know how important it is to you.
 

legallyspoiled

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I totally get where he is coming from. However, it doesn''t make me any less sad that I won''t have a fairytale proposal experience.

Your explanation was awesome. I will try explaining it to him that way.
 

princesss

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Date: 3/30/2010 1:59:16 PM
Author: LilyKat
Well, I sort of see what he means. When I first joined PS, I was puzzled by the concept of choosing a ring together, knowing he has it, and then being ''surprised'' by the proposal. It just seemed kind of, well, contrived. (Don''t anyone hit me - I''m just trying to explain where your boyfriend might be coming from!)

Now I understand it better. The proposal is making it official. Like a graduation ceremony - you''ve already done the work, you know you''ve passed and earned your degree, but that doesn''t make the ceremony any less special or meaningful. It''s a tangible, formal rite of passage that you can clearly look back on and KNOW without doubt that he did want to marry you, and you wanted to marry him - it wasn''t something you both just drifted into. Maybe if you explained it to your boyfriend like that, he would understand it better?

Proposals don''t have to be over-the-top. They can be a simple, straightforward, heartfelt question from one person to another. It''s really not much effort - so if it''s important to you, your boyfriend should care enough to make it happen.
Great explanation, LilyKat!
 

NewEnglandLady

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I also agree that a proposal doesn''t have to be over-the-top, but I do think that some thought should be put into it.

My husband proposed two ways--the first time he proposed we had just woken up and were still in bed. We had gone ring shopping, but he didn''t have the ring. It wasn''t the "I can''t hold it in anymore, I have to propose" type of proposal, it was more of an "I set an internal deadline and need to do this" kind of proposal. It was sweet, but not thoughtful, nor did the engagement last for more than a few weeks!

The second time my husband proposed was very different--I''d picked out the ring, knew he had the ring, knew that the only point of the trip we were taking was for him to propose. Still, the destination was a complete surprise (he told the ticket agents, gate agents, customs agents etc. not to let me know) and the proposal itself was very well-thought-out and a surprise--I didn''t expect him to propose when and where he did. So while it was not a surprise that he was proposing, it was very sweet, thoughtful and he did everything he could to make the details around the proposal a surprise. It was a complete departure from his initial proposal (for a reason) and it showed me how much it meant to him to be engaged.
 

jenmarie

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I''ve been wanting to ask something similar! Originally, we both felt like when the time came, he''d pick everything out and surprise me completely. Since we went ring shopping a couple times, he realized how many decisions needed to be made. We decided that since we''ve been together so long, it made sense for us to pick it out together. The proposal itself will be a surprise, but the fact that we''ll be getting engaged definitely isn''t.

My question was going to be along the lines of...If you picked out the ring together, did you ever regret it? You know, like knowing about the time it was going to be happening instead of being completely surprised.
 

legallyspoiled

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I loved your story NewEnglandLady!

I love that JenMarie! Just because the engagement isn''t a surprise, doesn''t mean that the proposal can''t be either!
 

RaiKai

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For me, I can relate to your boyfriend''s thinking.

I guess I consider a couple engaged when they have decided to be engaged, ring or not. I have never quite understood when a couple picks out the ring and then want or expect a redo I guess. It is a bit different if there was never the question in the first place and they just start "looking at rings", but if they have agreed to get married already or there has already been a proposal either by the guy or the girl then I have a tougher time.

My husband "proposed" to me in some rather unusual circumstances (and by a text message yet!), and there was no ring. We only discussed rings afterward. For me, the ring was never an important part of it. And I actually opted not to get an engagement ring for various reasons at the time now that we are married, I am actually having one made). Even if I HAD chosen to get a ring (and he chose to get a ring...as he would of wanted one too he told me at the time!) I would not have wanted a "new proposal". For me, that original proposal, that original decision, WAS my proposal. And while it was not over-the-top or "planned out" or any of that sort of thing, it was incredibly special to us both. We did ask one another many times after that original way in various ways (never in a surprise planned way though and it was more just "our thing" - my husband still asks me, and I reply that "yes, and we already are married!") but nothing could ever take from that original proposal.

But, I realize that is not the usual way of thinking. For me, I have never put much credence in the Hollywood or fairy tale version of proposing (just as I don''t rely on fairy tales for my beliefs, understanding or values respecting life, relationships, marriage, etc), or been fond of some of the historical "reasoning" behind the traditional proposal, so perhaps that is where I am coming from in some part...but even MORE importantly to me is that original proposal was still OUR proposal.

And I realize this does not work for everyone. Including you. Talk about it with your boyfriend about it, and share WHY it is important to you. Also listen to what he thinks in a compassionate and patient way. See what you can figure out that works for you BOTH.
 

FutureMrsMRS

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Agreed with liking the formality of it with a graduation ceremony.

I wouldn''t have cared if he chose the ring on his own...I guess the least input I would have liked to give is white gold & princess cut (although I discovered I also like emerald cut). I don''t think I would have been horrified to get a RB or something although I would have probably been sad to get yellow gold.

He''s had the ring an (agonizing) 12 days now. LOL! I think I''ll still be *surprised* at the timing. I''m not a believer in the whole thing being a complete surprise...I think that''s kind of odd.
 

LadyJane83

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Date: 3/30/2010 4:00:01 PM
Author: RaiKai
For me, I can relate to your boyfriend''s thinking.

I guess I consider a couple engaged when they have decided to be engaged, ring or not. I have never quite understood when a couple picks out the ring and then want or expect a redo I guess. It is a bit different if there was never the question in the first place and they just start ''looking at rings'', but if they have agreed to get married already or there has already been a proposal either by the guy or the girl then I have a tougher time.

My husband ''proposed'' to me in some rather unusual circumstances (and by a text message yet!), and there was no ring. We only discussed rings afterward. For me, the ring was never an important part of it. And I actually opted not to get an engagement ring for various reasons at the time now that we are married, I am actually having one made). Even if I HAD chosen to get a ring (and he chose to get a ring...as he would of wanted one too he told me at the time!) I would not have wanted a ''new proposal''. For me, that original proposal, that original decision, WAS my proposal. And while it was not over-the-top or ''planned out'' or any of that sort of thing, it was incredibly special to us both. We did ask one another many times after that original way in various ways (never in a surprise planned way though and it was more just ''our thing'' - my husband still asks me, and I reply that ''yes, and we already are married!'') but nothing could ever take from that original proposal.

But, I realize that is not the usual way of thinking. For me, I have never put much credence in the Hollywood or fairy tale version of proposing (just as I don''t rely on fairy tales for my beliefs, understanding or values respecting life, relationships, marriage, etc), or been fond of some of the historical ''reasoning'' behind the traditional proposal, so perhaps that is where I am coming from in some part...but even MORE importantly to me is that original proposal was still OUR proposal.

And I realize this does not work for everyone. Including you. Talk about it with your boyfriend about it, and share WHY it is important to you. Also listen to what he thinks in a compassionate and patient way. See what you can figure out that works for you BOTH.
Hahaha... I can relate to this a bit. I told my bf he can do whatever he wants as long as he doesn''t call my dad and ask for "permission" (or offer him a goat) lol.

Good luck explaining to your bf, I am sure he will come around if you explain it to him. A lot of guys feel pressure to make sure it is "perfect"- you could just let him know that it''s the sentiment that counts (he doesn''t have to take you to Paris etc.)
 
A

Anonymous

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My FI and I did a LOT of research (as in 2+ months of learning about diamonds online and in brick and mortar stores) and searching for a setting that we both loved. I am not one for total surprises, and we both were at the "ok let's do this!" stage of the game, so I knew it wasn't going to be a total surprise anyhow. I didn't WANT a total surprise. I wanted to share that experience with him (which is just how we operate as a couple, and I love that) and he wanted my help in picking it out. He gave me a time frame (before Easter, which was a 3 week window at the time he told me) and even that was a bit more open ended than I could handle, so he eventually narrowed it down to "Friday or Saturday of next week". So I knew it'd be on our trip, but I also knew there were so many different times and places that he could ask me, so it'd still be a wonderful surprise. Let me tell you...even though I had seen the diamond, had picked out the setting, and knew the likely day, it was still *amazing* and the moment itself was a surprise.

I think that it's far more important for us to hear the heartfelt question in whatever scenario he comes up with (a quiet dinner at home, a romantic picnic if the weather is beautiful, a walk in your favorite park, or sometime more elaborate...as long as you get to have that memory of him asking you and slipping the ring on your finger. Your bf probably won't ever understand it fully, but he will have a much better idea (or at least be happy because he did something that makes YOU happy) after the proposal.

I like the way the OP's put it as making the engagement official, and the one about how her kids will ask (as will friends, family, etc.) how he asked her. It's just one of those monumental moments in life for some women (myself included!). I hope reading some of these posts to him helps, good luck!
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4ever

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To me a mutal desision to get married doesn''t equal an engagment. There are 14 year olds out there that tell each other they want to get married but that dosn''t mean they are engaged. BF and I have decided we will eventually get married, but we are not there quite yet and do consider ourselves to be engaged. I think the directness of a proposal, which is just a question and an answer, removes any maybes or uncertainties and make it an official agreement so you can then announce it to friends and family. I also think women in particular like there to be a moment of change, when they go from not being engaged to being engaged, so they can look back and say that that is the exact moment their relationship status changed. If there was no proposal it wouldn''t feel like a real engagment to me.
 

vespergirl

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Well, I think that I officially had the least romantic proposal on PS - here''s how it went down:

Me: "I think I''m pregnant."
Him: "Well, I guess that means we should go ring shopping tomorrow."
emcrook.gif
Seriously, that was it.

But, we went ring shopping the next day, which was loads of fun of course, and he encouraged me to pick out whatever ring I wanted.
Then, when he picked up the ring the following Tuesday, he waited for me at the front door when I got home from work, popped open the box (while standing, there was no getting down on one knee) and said, "Will you marry me?" Then he took me out to dinner at our romantic little neighborhood Italian restaurant.

Obviously an unexpected pregnancy and shotgun wedding 7 weeks later was not the stuff of my dreams, and for a couple of years afterwards I was kind of sad that I would never know what type of proposal DH would have planned had we not been so - um - rushed. However, we had been together for two years, and living together for one, and DH had started talking about wanting to marry me just a few months after we started dating, so we knew we were eventually headed down that path ... but still.

I think that you should let your boyfriend know that it''s important to you to have a somewhat romantic memory of your proposal. Even if you help choose the ring, he can pick it up & hold on to it and plan a special date and proposal that is a surprise to you. It''s important to have a romantic memory of the day you get engaged.
 

RaiKai

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Date: 3/30/2010 5:04:07 PM
Author: 4ever
To me a mutal desision to get married doesn''t equal an engagment. There are 14 year olds out there that tell each other they want to get married but that dosn''t mean they are engaged. BF and I have decided we will eventually get married, but we are not there quite yet and do consider ourselves to be engaged. I think the directness of a proposal, which is just a question and an answer, removes any maybes or uncertainties and make it an official agreement so you can then announce it to friends and family. I also think women in particular like there to be a moment of change, when they go from not being engaged to being engaged, so they can look back and say that that is the exact moment their relationship status changed. If there was no proposal it wouldn''t feel like a real engagment to me.

Let me clarify, there is a big difference for me between fantasizing about getting married (such as telling each other you want to get married), or talking about getting married in some uncertain future date and actually making the decision together that you are both *ready* to get married and presenting yourself to the world as engaged. Such a mutual decision can be VERY official.

It all depends on the people involved, but, for me *personally* I tend to believe that as a couple can very much be engaged when they decide together they are ready to get married and start moving towards that (i.e. announcements, planning a wedding, whether or not there is a ring involved). My husband and I were engaged when we decided we were ready. He did ask, yes, but it certainly was not in an over the top Disney fairy tale way. That does not matter, it was genuine, it was a real proposal and a real engagement. Obviously, as we got married a few weeks later.

Then again, I also think that if it matters that much to have a "moment" to look back on as "the moment", and she feels she has not received that originally, why can''t the woman ask rather than get into heated discussions for him to do it?
 

RaiKai

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Date: 3/30/2010 5:23:20 PM
Author: vespergirl
Well, I think that I officially had the least romantic proposal on PS - here's how it went down:


Me: 'I think I'm pregnant.'

Him: 'Well, I guess that means we should go ring shopping tomorrow.'

emcrook.gif
Seriously, that was it.


But, we went ring shopping the next day, which was loads of fun of course, and he encouraged me to pick out whatever ring I wanted.

Then, when he picked up the ring the following Tuesday, he waited for me at the front door when I got home from work, popped open the box (while standing, there was no getting down on one knee) and said, 'Will you marry me?' Then he took me out to dinner at our romantic little neighborhood Italian restaurant.


Obviously an unexpected pregnancy and shotgun wedding 7 weeks later was not the stuff of my dreams, and for a couple of years afterwards I was kind of sad that I would never know what type of proposal DH would have planned had we not been so - um - rushed. However, we had been together for two years, and living together for one, and DH had started talking about wanting to marry me just a few months after we started dating, so we knew we were eventually headed down that path ... but still.


I think that you should let your boyfriend know that it's important to you to have a somewhat romantic memory of your proposal. Even if you help choose the ring, he can pick it up & hold on to it and plan a special date and proposal that is a surprise to you. It's important to have a romantic memory of the day you get engaged.


19.gif
I think that is an awesome story. I am curious, which one do you consider to be "the proposal"?

I will say, that while there are a lot of romantic stories on PS, it seems in the real life around me the stories are far different. One of my coworkers proposals went like this; after her and her now-husband went to meet his family.....he rolled over in bed and said "maybe you should pick out a ring tomorrow?". She cannot even say she was pregnant! They have been married around 20 years now with two lovely children.

My mother and stepfather, after 25 years of living together, just decided one day to get married, about a month following my wedding actually. They realized that though they were recognized as common-law, it caused some issues with pension applications and it would be easier to be married....they were married two weeks later in a small private ceremony at home (that my DH and I attended via Skype as we live in another city!). It was incredibly touching! They have been through a heck of a lot together (including my mothers fight with cancer) and I was thrilled for them they announced they were engaged!

Mine was via a text message (we are in our thirties, not exactly the text message generation) while my husband was in another province being taken to the hospital. Just a simple "will you merry me" (yes, he spelled marry wrong as he was furiously typing away on his phone). My reply "Yes". Then I could not talk to him for a day until I managed to fly out to the hospital!

I also know many elaborately planned proposals...that turned into rather impromptu spontaneous deals when the plans did not exactly go as planned!

I guess the way I usually see it is...proposals often need to have some flexibility for real life circumstances and events, and that means the fairy tale ideals often don't end up working out as planned! And that's great, as well, that is the way life just is and flexibility is required (that goes for life in general, as well as relationships/proposals/marriage/parenthood, etc as well!).
 

4ever

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Date: 3/30/2010 5:26:40 PM
Author: RaiKai

Let me clarify, there is a big difference for me between fantasizing about getting married (such as telling each other you want to get married), or talking about getting married in some uncertain future date and actually making the decision together that you are both *ready* to get married and presenting yourself to the world as engaged. Such a mutual decision can be VERY official.

It all depends on the people involved, but, for me *personally* I tend to believe that as a couple can very much be engaged when they decide together they are ready to get married and start moving towards that (i.e. announcements, planning a wedding, whether or not there is a ring involved). My husband and I were engaged when we decided we were ready. He did ask, yes, but it certainly was not in an over the top Disney fairy tale way. That does not matter, it was genuine, it was a real proposal and a real engagement. Obviously, as we got married a few weeks later.

Then again, I also think that if it matters that much to have a ''moment'' to look back on as ''the moment'', and she feels she has not received that originally, why can''t the woman ask rather than get into heated discussions for him to do it?
I think once you make a definate desision or he asks the question and you say yes, that''s a proposal and an engagment. I don''t think a disney fairy tale proposal is at all a nessesary component to an engagment- this just happens to be what many women these days expect because that''s how it happens in the movies and this has created a massive standard that some guys feel that they have to live up to. IMO it''s all these movies and magazines and these new expectations that have turned the whole marrige process into a bit of an eleborate stage show rather than a ceramony for a life long commitment.
 

legallyspoiled

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Wow. This is all great advice. We too have been searching for a ring now for months. And our immediate family knows that we are searching. We have been called daughter-in-law and son-in-law by our parents for months. But still, in my heart, it won''t be official until he asks properly. It doesn''t have to be anything over-the-top. It just has to be heartfelt and thoughtful, and it will mean the world to me.
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KittyGolightly

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Just a thought, but perhaps he is already planning something and wants to lead you off track?
 

legallyspoiled

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KittyGolightly,

For a second, I thought the same thing. And I wish that was the case. But he is following the examples of his less than romantic friends and has admitted, and apologized for it. I know him pretty well at this point and I don''t think he is throwing my scent off the path with this one. I will admit that I thought he was throwing me off the path with buying a ring when he offered for 6 weeks to just "cut me a check for the ring" because he was overwhelmed by the process before I actually took him seriously!
 

KittyGolightly

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Ah, that is a tough one. It sounds like he understands that you really would like a romantic proposal, so perhaps he will come around. I''ll cross my fingers for you!
 

Callisto

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Date: 3/30/2010 2:13:38 PM
Author: princesss
Date: 3/30/2010 1:59:16 PM

Author: LilyKat

Well, I sort of see what he means. When I first joined PS, I was puzzled by the concept of choosing a ring together, knowing he has it, and then being ''surprised'' by the proposal. It just seemed kind of, well, contrived. (Don''t anyone hit me - I''m just trying to explain where your boyfriend might be coming from!)


Now I understand it better. The proposal is making it official. Like a graduation ceremony - you''ve already done the work, you know you''ve passed and earned your degree, but that doesn''t make the ceremony any less special or meaningful. It''s a tangible, formal rite of passage that you can clearly look back on and KNOW without doubt that he did want to marry you, and you wanted to marry him - it wasn''t something you both just drifted into. Maybe if you explained it to your boyfriend like that, he would understand it better?


Proposals don''t have to be over-the-top. They can be a simple, straightforward, heartfelt question from one person to another. It''s really not much effort - so if it''s important to you, your boyfriend should care enough to make it happen.

Great explanation, LilyKat!


Ditto. I love metaphors... and that one is superb!
 

JulieN

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If you have ever read/seen The Importance of being Earnest (1895) you will remember that women have been trying to get one-knee proposals, even after mutually agreeing to marriage, for over one hundred years.
 

Winks_Elf

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When my other half and I got engaged, we had already been living together for a few years, had a 1-year-old child together, and picked out the diamond together, which he had put into a temporary solitaire setting. He picked it up without me knowing, and he proposed at almost midnight on a Friday night (Friday, the 13th no less...a lucky number for me). The proposal was a complete surprise. I had been cleaning, and he was hanging out on the porch of the condo we lived in at the time. I didn''t notice him setting up the wine or the roses, which is where he had placed the ring (in one of the roses).

Whether or not you are involved in the ring and stone process, the proposal can still be a surprise. Personally, I would much rather have a say in a piece that I''ll be wearing for many years to come. If you are at the point that you''re ready to get engaged to each other, you should be able to have input into the rings. Getting engaged is a mutual decision, not winning a contest.
 

Haven

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I think you can have a surprise proposal when you are involved with selecting a ring the same way you can have a surprise birthday party even though you *know* that you''re birthday is coming up.
3.gif


We throw surprise parties for loved ones because we want to mark the occasion and make it special, and it doesn''t make it any less special because the party is the only thing that was the surprise, and not the birthday. I think marriage proposals are similar.

Just because you know what the ring will look like doesn''t mean you have to know any other details, such as when it will be ready, and how and when he plans to propose to you.

I chose my stone and setting with my husband. The jeweler told me that it would take much longer to be ready than it actually took, so I had no idea he would have the ring by the time he proposed. It was a wonderful moment--sweet, private, and a complete surprise to me. I like that he put the thought into proposing and making it special, and I wouldn''t have had it any other way.
 

vespergirl

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Date: 3/30/2010 5:35:44 PM
Author: RaiKai

Date: 3/30/2010 5:23:20 PM
Author: vespergirl
Well, I think that I officially had the least romantic proposal on PS - here''s how it went down:


Me: ''I think I''m pregnant.''

Him: ''Well, I guess that means we should go ring shopping tomorrow.''

emcrook.gif
Seriously, that was it.


But, we went ring shopping the next day, which was loads of fun of course, and he encouraged me to pick out whatever ring I wanted.

Then, when he picked up the ring the following Tuesday, he waited for me at the front door when I got home from work, popped open the box (while standing, there was no getting down on one knee) and said, ''Will you marry me?'' Then he took me out to dinner at our romantic little neighborhood Italian restaurant.


Obviously an unexpected pregnancy and shotgun wedding 7 weeks later was not the stuff of my dreams, and for a couple of years afterwards I was kind of sad that I would never know what type of proposal DH would have planned had we not been so - um - rushed. However, we had been together for two years, and living together for one, and DH had started talking about wanting to marry me just a few months after we started dating, so we knew we were eventually headed down that path ... but still.


I think that you should let your boyfriend know that it''s important to you to have a somewhat romantic memory of your proposal. Even if you help choose the ring, he can pick it up & hold on to it and plan a special date and proposal that is a surprise to you. It''s important to have a romantic memory of the day you get engaged.


19.gif
I think that is an awesome story. I am curious, which one do you consider to be ''the proposal''?
You know what? When I think about our "real" proposal, I think back to the random Thursday night, 5 months after we started dating, that DH showed up at my doorstep unexpected, and told me that he knew that he wanted to marry me. He just told me, "you are the girl that I want to marry, and I am going to marry you someday."

It sucked that I had to wait almost a year and a half after that for a pregnancy and after living together for almost a year to get a "real" proposal, but from that day on, we had just both kind of operated on the assumption that we would eventually get married. I don''t know if that makes sense, but I think that''s why it took him forever to get off his butt for an "official" proposal - he told me afterward that he had basically already considered us life partners, but just hadn''t gotten around to the formal proposal yet. Just shows the difference between men & women I guess ...
 

RaiKai

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Date: 3/31/2010 12:10:02 PM
Author: vespergirl


You know what? When I think about our ''real'' proposal, I think back to the random Thursday night, 5 months after we started dating, that DH showed up at my doorstep unexpected, and told me that he knew that he wanted to marry me. He just told me, ''you are the girl that I want to marry, and I am going to marry you someday.''


It sucked that I had to wait almost a year and a half after that for a pregnancy and after living together for almost a year to get a ''real'' proposal, but from that day on, we had just both kind of operated on the assumption that we would eventually get married. I don''t know if that makes sense, but I think that''s why it took him forever to get off his butt for an ''official'' proposal - he told me afterward that he had basically already considered us life partners, but just hadn''t gotten around to the formal proposal yet. Just shows the difference between men & women I guess ...

Makes complete sense to me, and it sounds wonderful. Thanks for sharing!
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,542
A proposal doesn't have to be a total surprise to be memorable and romantic! I designed my entire ring, then DH picked it up (I knew when he picked it up, but didn't get to see it). He wanted to propose on a trip, so we planned a trip to Martha's Vineyard and I knew he would do it then. On the trip, there were at least 3 times when I thought "Ok, the proposal is coming *now*" and it didn't. Haha. Then one night, we went out to dinner and he made me park near the wharf thing. I was totally clueless, believe it or not, until he pulled me on the upper level of the wharf and proposed. It was very sweet and no less special because I knew it was coming sometime during that weekend.

So yeah, it's not going to be a 100% surprise, but it's totally possible for him to plan something that involves getting down on one knee. Even if you know it's coming, it won't be any less magical.
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
11,073
I don''t think you can ever have a *completely* surprise proposal unless you have not discussed marriage at all! Since I don''t like the idea of getting engaged without having discussed marriage, I would only expect a semi-surprise.

Like others have said, you may know its coming in a week, month, year, but you dont know *exactly* when. It can still be quite a surprise!
 

Hudson_Hawk

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Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Honestly, marriage is a HUGE decision that shouldn''t be taken lightly. If a bf just randomly proposed out of the blue with no prior discussion of the topic I''d be freaked out and probably say no, or at least inadvertently make him feel like I was saying no. Just because you''re involved in the ring search or have discussed marriage doesn''t mean it will not be a surprise. This is a big decision that should be made together as a team, but you can still give your man the element of surprise with the timing and how he''s actually going to ask.
 
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