Get the ring, then find out what she wants.

[warbirdx]

It''s great to finally write up my own post on this site. After months of perusing the topics of years past, I had decided on a ring, learned about diamonds, and made my purchase. I''ve got a plan for the proposal but a situation has arisen. She, for some reason, out of the blue, decided to throw down a magazine ad, and said "That''s the one that I want!", and it wasn''t the one I had gotten.

So I had gotten a Vatché Platinum Solitaire with channel diamonds. I love this ring, and I think it looks great. I set it with a round 1.06 ct.

The ring she pointed out, is a Tiffany Novó. Instead of diamonds in a channel, it appears to be diamonds set individually in the band. Also, it was a Princess (square) cut diamond. Not round.

Personally, I "hate" the ring she pointed out. I think it looks guady and not elegant.

Anyone out there think I''m being stubborn in not returning the ring and starting from scratch?

 

[decodelighted]

Oooof. Tough one. I feel for you.

Is it even possible to return the ring you bought? Within the return period? If so -- I''d say try to put your ego aside & get her (a version of) the ring she really wants. It doesn''t have to be the Tiffany Novo itself -- that ring is actually a CUSHION cut in a micro-bead set band ... but can be reproduced easily enough by using a Square H&A stone or a square-ish cushion stone.

Personally -- I don''t really like channel set rounds ...seems kind of a dated look ... and one men prefer WAY MORE than women. What if she looks at the ring (emotions aside) & thinks THAT one is "gaudy" & "not elegant". I''m sure she''ll be thrilled to be proposed to with ANY RING, but since she''s going to be wearing it presumably FOREVER .. isn''t it truly more important that she love the style, than you?

Before you do anything though -- I''d try to figure out if she was just playing around or if she''s really committed to the Novo style. Passing fancy or True Love yanno? No reason to change everything around if she''s just lightly daydreaming & not "set".

 

[iwannaprettyone]

hmmm, I would stick with what you have... on proposal day she should be so overwhelmed that she will enjoy what you got. If she can''t live with it the way you picked it (all by yourself coz you love her) then maybe then you can have a discussion at that time.

I am a firm believer that you both should like the e-ring.


p.s- I have shown my honey a million rings in the past 2 years and half of them i look back on and think THANK GOD he chose what he did for me! lol

 

[musey]

Date: 8/17/2007 1:24:43 PM
Author: decodelighted
Oooof. Tough one. I feel for you.

Is it even possible to return the ring you bought? Within the return period? If so -- I'd say try to put your ego aside & get her (a version of) the ring she really wants. It doesn't have to be the Tiffany Novo itself -- that ring is actually a CUSHION cut in a micro-bead set band ... but can be reproduced easily enough by using a Square H&A stone or a square-ish cushion stone.

Personally -- I don't really like channel set rounds ...seems kind of a dated look ... and one men prefer WAY MORE than women. What if she looks at the ring (emotions aside) & thinks THAT one is 'gaudy' & 'not elegant'. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to be proposed to with ANY RING, but since she's going to be wearing it presumably FOREVER .. isn't it truly more important that she love the style, than you?

Before you do anything though -- I'd try to figure out if she was just playing around or if she's really committed to the Novo style. Passing fancy or True Love yanno? No reason to change everything around if she's just lightly daydreaming & not 'set'.

Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto. Deco is a brilliant woman, you'd be smart in listening to her.

If she does truly love the Tiffany Novo (as Deco said, not passing fancy) she will likely not love channel-set rounds. They are completely different looks.

I had very clear ideas of what I wanted--and more importantly, what I didn't want--in an engagement ring. I would have been very, very hurt/insulted if my FI had blatantly ignored what I wanted. Not that that's what you've done, but it may come off that way, especially if you don't explain what happened to her.


ETA: Did you try to get an idea of what she wanted before purchasing the Vatche? Or did you just go in blind?

 

[luckystar112]

I agree with Deco...and yes, you are being stubborn.

She''s told you what she likes...I''d get it for her!

 

[Nicrez]

Always put yourself in the situation and think what would you want HER to do, then do that. If she bought you a car, one you would keep for many years and it would be your only car (not even a good example, but humor me...) and you wanted a truck and she got you a sedan, how would you feel?

Your intentions were sweet, but if you are surprising someone and you want it to be to her liking...GET TO KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES...My friend HATES princess cuts, and the ONE cut she hated was that. She was proposed to with a princess cut. She sucked it up and put on a happy face, but she hates the ring and almost never wears it...She never told him how she felt.

As I always tell men ready to propse it''s not about YOUR ideal ring, SHE''s wearing it. Do your homework in this project and always, and she will never have a complaint about how thoughtful her husband is...

Good luck and see if the vendor can help with a Novo-like ring (it''s actually a cushion cut, not princess).

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

I def agree with the ladies here, it is really about her, while yes you should also be somewhat attracted to it as someone above pointed out, the real focus in my opinion is what she wants. Because you are already so commited to what you have you might want to somewhat lesson the surprise and make a few hints and mention a few things when you are out to see if she is really set on square shapes, cushions, tovo style rings, etc. She may get the idea that you are in the market and its coming soon, but if you dont stress it too hard the wont have any idea what phase of the process you are actually in, and so the appreciation she will have for getting her dream ring will surely offset any loss of surprise that might incur--as long as you dont go about destorying the surprise all together. I would probably say bring that magazine out and leave it lying around somewhere, flip through and mention it directly, then move on to do something else. she will know something is up, but you will gain valuable information.

 

[Nerves]

Hmm, I have a similar problem. My GF has always said that she would like a ring from an auction - just an old fashioned yellow gold solitaire. She said that auctions were best as you get more for your money, and that second hand rings were really good value. Trouble is, I looked in a lot of auctions, and I could not find any that were very nice. The diamonds were all yellowish and not that clear. Also, they were all a bit TOO good value (they all came in WAY under my budget, which although it seems good, I would have felt a bit cheap).

Instead, I decided to go for something unusual, and designed a ring myself by hand - I wanted something nobody else would have, so had a jeweller make a 1 carat EVS2 solitaire with small natural blue diamonds on either side, set in platinum. I think it looks great, and is totally unique, but I now am worried that she would rather have had a cheaper, more boring yellow gold ring.

 

[firebirdgold]

Look, let''s not forget the whole point of this. It''s not a present, it''s an expression of love and a physical symbol of a promise. Because of that, nothing can make a ring more special than if the guys puts thought, time, and energy into choosing the ring. I''d far rather have a ring with a diamond and a style that my honey picked out for me than something that took him 5 minutes at Tiffany.

You put thought and effort into choosing that diamond and that ring. When you propose, it will be the only thing that matters.

Besides, there were several things I showed my now-dh that I''m awfully glad he didn''t get. Sometimes it was more a matter of ''Just propose with something for the love of god!''. I pointed him at Tiffany as well merely because I thought it''d be easier for him, not because I wanted a tiffany!


Good Luck, and don''t worry! Your ring is gorgeous!!



Oh and btw... I love channel set rounds. They look so clean and elegant! That micro-set pave-y stuff is not my cup of tea!

 

[Nicrez]

Date: 8/23/2007 11:05:04 AM
Author: IndieJones
Look, let''s not forget the whole point of this. It''s not a present, it''s an expression of love and a physical symbol of a promise. Because of that, nothing can make a ring more special than if the guys puts thought, time, and energy into choosing the ring. I''d far rather have a ring with a diamond and a style that my honey picked out for me than something that took him 5 minutes at Tiffany.

You put thought and effort into choosing that diamond and that ring. When you propose, it will be the only thing that matters.

Besides, there were several things I showed my now-dh that I''m awfully glad he didn''t get. Sometimes it was more a matter of ''Just propose with something for the love of god!''. I pointed him at Tiffany as well merely because I thought it''d be easier for him, not because I wanted a tiffany!


Good Luck, and don''t worry! Your ring is gorgeous!!



Oh and btw... I love channel set rounds. They look so clean and elegant! That micro-set pave-y stuff is not my cup of tea!

I think a person''s age, stage in life, and priorities are what determine how they feel about the engagement process. If I look back to when I was younger, it was so much more important the DETAILS of such an event, because you still have that youthful optimism and romantic spirit. But as one grows older, and more mature, you realize thatsome people care about the surface of the relationship, you are more interested in the heart of a relationship and WHY you are there.

I guess that warbirdx is young, and his fiancee likely in her early twenties or so? There is a certain level of practicality that generally sets in later in life, and I think before you reach that level, it''s important to be realistic in your romantic wishes, but still be very circumspect to see IF there is indeed a good fit between the two people, or is it just the blush on the rose.

Although the ring really is only a symbol as is the process of enagement, to me every thing before the wedding should be carefully considered, with like-mindedness and compatability as key. Too many people marry just to "be married" and don''t actually know WHO they are married so their expectations will run so far from reality, until reality hits them over the head. People ignore signs hoping to make their partner their "soulmate" without any real connection. So if there is a good connection, they could propose in the rain with a gummy lifesaver and you would both be ecstatic! But what I noticed from the post was if you want to make the other person happy, you don''t care what it looks like, or what YOU want, you make them happy. Neither of them seemed to show that, which made me question why two people who so particularly wanted a certain ring or proposal (apparently quite different) didn''t find out these differences in likes MUCH sooner, and didn''t communicate about what they wanted and liked much much earlier on...

A delayed engagement is far better than an expensive divorce. Take your time, learn about each other and slow down to make such a momentus decision.

*steps off soapbox*

 

[mimzy]

i think it's great that you put effort into picking out a ring that you really loved. i'm assuming that you had arrived at the ring that you did after receiving hints from her about other rings that she liked. so even if she does like the ring she pointed out, if that was the case, then you're probably pretty safe that she will like the one you picked out (if it was indeed inspired by things she said she liked previously).

it's true that a lot of girls point out dozens of rings that are THE one, and then change their minds later - it's no crime to be fickle! ALSO, it's impossible to be sure that you really love a ring until after you've tried it on...so if she has only seen it in magazines then there is a chance that it might only be THE one on paper.

anyways what i guess i am getting at is that you should assess the situation! is your ring inspired by others she said she liked? if yes then you are probably safe to keep it. is she still talking about the ring she saw? then you might want to take her to try it on to see if she loves it as much in person, and you'll know your answer from her reaction to it.

there is always the option of proposing with the ring you have, and then giving her the option to change it. i know you would probably prefer to surprise her with her dream ring....so it might not be ideal....but it might be better than changing rings every time she points out one she likes! either way, i think it is very considerate that you would be willing to completely redo the whole thing for her.

also, i don't think that this situation warrants the whole reassessing of the engagement like suggested above. lots of people in wonderful, perfectly functional relationships find themselves in situations just like yours. It's not like she was making a ridiculous request - she was just pointing out a ring she liked - i think every girl waiting to get engaged does that! I don't think that i would trust my SO to pick out an ering for me that i would completely love (devoid of all sentiment) without putting in at least a little input myself - but i don't think that is reflective of our communicative ability. it just means that i'm picky and he doesn't know a lot about jewelry!
good luck!

 

[DMBsGirl]

This is a sucky situation. If only you had given her the ring before she said what she liked! but alas, now you have the info and if she went out of her way to show you exactly what she wants, my advice is to get her exactly that (or close enough). She will wear it forever, and you want her to LOVE it. I suggest going to Mark at Engagement rings direct, and getting a squarish cushion and pave setting from him. He is very reputable and has made lots of lovely rings for PS''ers. Good luck!

 

[sassybride]

i am glad i picked my own ring after my husband proposed to me. I am the type that changes my mind all the time. what i want now , might not be what i like years from now. If he surprised me with the ring i didnt want, i would not be happy...specially if i knew about rings and and diamonds. If i didn''t, i would be really happy with what you have chosen. SO if i were you i would try to please her

 

[Sha]

Wow. Will you be able to exchange the ring that you purchased, to get her one she likes, at the same store? If not, that would be a lot of money wasted.

Is there any chance you think she might just like the one you got, do you think she willl disappointed? I''m wondering if you could propose to her, then if she is still adamant about getting the Tiffany Novo, you could both go in for an exchange?