Would You Return a Boxful of Gems?

[missy]

I hope this doesn't come off sounding condescending or self righteous or any of those qualities I hate as it's hard to explain things online vs in person sometimes but I just wanted to add some thoughts. I don't do what I consider "the right thing to do" for others. I do it for me if that makes any sense. I live by a code of ethics that brings me peace of mind regardless of how others behave.

The others in this case being the people who are the rightful owners of said possession (whatever that is). So in arkieb's example those people behaved abominably however that is a reflection on them and no one else. Arkieb's bf did 100% the right thing. It has nothing to do with that girl and her mother. It was their money period. Doesn't matter how they behaved because in the end the money did not belong to anyone else. Their horrible behavior is a reflection on them-whether or not it was just the shock of losing all that money they had saved for so long or if that is a longer term reflection on who they are as individuals doesn't matter.

My dh always says (and after some reflection over the years I totally though sometimes reluctantly agree) we shouldn't let other people's bad decisions/behavior influence our own behavior. We should follow the direction of our own moral compass and not anyone else's.

Hope that didn't sound like preaching or anything. Just sharing some thoughts that I hope might be helpful to some who might at times struggle with what is the "right" thing to do. And ofc that isn't always a black and white or a clear right or wrong decision, but you have to follow what you think is the right thing to do.

 

[arkieb1]

Agreed. It was 100% the right thing to do. But my point was I am not sure they actually deserved to get it back again. The neighbourhood where those shops were was like the "hood" version in Sydney where a large majority of the people that shopped there would not have handed the money back. I think they could have been at least a little bit happier about us finding it and giving it back to them. A simple smile and a thank-you would have gone a long way.

 

[missy]

Agreed. It was 100% the right thing to do. But my point was I am not sure they actually deserved to get it back again. The neighbourhood where those shops were was like the "hood" version in Sydney where a large majority of the people that shopped there would not have handed the money back. I think they could have been at least a little bit happier about us finding it and giving it back to them. A simple smile and a thank-you would have gone a long way.

Absolutely. This behavior was abominable as I wrote in my last post. Inexcusable in every way. NOT the way I would ever behave and not a way I can imagine anyone I know and like and respect would behave. This type of behavior is why I prefer animals over the majority of people I meet haha (only half kidding here). Seriously poor behavior. Having said that there is no question in my mind your (ex)bf did the right thing regardless of their actions. Kudos to him and everyone else who continue to do the right thing in the face of people behaving badly.

 

[JewelFreak]

Arkieb, you bf did just the right thing -- and the people were slobs. I can picture their panic, all that time saving added to the loss of the girl's trip, but no panic justifies their behavior. I'm glad he wasn't too put off by them.

we shouldn't let other people's bad decisions/behavior influence our own behavior. We should follow the direction of our own moral compass and not anyone else's.

Yes. If I find something valuable, I do think about how happy the owner will be to get it back & that feels good, but anything has to be returned because it's the right thing to do. Big thing or small. Maybe that's Pollyanna-ish, but honesty is necessary in any society or you have chaos. It's also necessary to me when I look in the mirror. I guess that's why this box of gems intrigues me -- because there isn't a real true owner, even if they find a technical one, and it's an item that is so incredibly tempting -- I feel like this is an issue that separates the mice from the men & I'm not sure in this specific case, which I am, lol.

I prefer animals over the majority of people I meet haha (only half kidding here).

ME TOO, Missy!!!

--- Laurie

 

[Smith1942]

I'd turn them in. Maybe I'd do a bit of research first, to see if there was anything in the papers about it. I can't imagine how you'd liquidate them, anyway. Large amounts of money appearing in your bank account, word gets around the jewellery community where you're selling that someone is letting go of a suspiciously large amount of stones...I mean, the whole thing is dodgy. I wouldn't be able to sleep.

By turning them in, I'm no worse off than I was before. I haven't actually lost anything. The best-case scenario is that it all goes through the proper channels, the appropriate wait time passes, strenuous efforts are made by the authorities to find the owners, the plane's passenger list and cargo list is combed, if available, adverts are placed, news reports are pored over, all avenues are exhausted....and then they are officially signed over to me, and appropriate taxes are paid, if any due. THEN it would be party time at Smith Towers!

I've never stolen anything in my life. Once, when I was a poor student, I had a love for Clarins skincare products, which there's no way I could afford. I was having a guest day at my mother's gym, when I came face-to-face with a brand-new bottle of my absolute favourite expensive Clarins cleanser, sitting there on a bench, and there was no one around. I couldn't afford that cleanser, and I loved it. I stared and stared at it, but I didn't touch it. I walked away! Of course, I should have handed it in at the front desk, but I thought that if I marched off with it in my hand, the owner would see and think I was stealing it.

More recently, a few months ago someone left their smartphone in the loo at the shopping mall in Boston. I took the phone to the customer service desk, when the owner rang, so I answered it and told her where I was. She was so grateful.

Both my husband and I have left numerous items in taxis or restaurants, including phones and passports, and not one single thing has ever been returned to us. I have also had three items of jewellery stolen from me. I think that the majority of people, while not actually out-and-out thieves, if the opportunity presents itself, will help themselves.

 

[Catmom]

I would turn them in immediately. I would never keep anything that wasn't mine. I wouldn't even keep them overnight to play with them. I've been known to turn in a handful of change that I've found in a parking lot.

 

[JewelFreak]

Smith, I wouldn't debate keeping the whole box. Not for a second. I would think about -- specifically here, where the owner is long gone -- keeping one stone. One is as much theft as is hanging onto them all, so that is the moral battle.

I turn in change too! Tell clerks or waiters if they forget to charge me for something -- all that stuff. If these gems belonged to a guy who paid for them & deserved to make a profit on them, it's a no-brainer. But in this situation, that's not the case. Nobody's looking for them. To an insurance co. or to heirs, they are a complete windfall. It's an interesting question.

BOO on people keeping your stuff you lost! Maddening & disappointing. Since I lost my Tiffany diamond watch, I've often pictured someone finding it in the parking lot, thinking, "Wowza! Cool!" and putting it in a pocket. How crummy. They'd know its owner (me ) was distressed to lose it. Put it in the pocket anyway & drive off all happy. Ick.

--- Laurie