When enough is enough - mental illness

[kmarla]

Diamondseeker and Queenie60, I find it so interesting that while our adult children are all on the autism spectrum, your sons' difficulties with changes and transitions are far more typical and what I would have expected with our daughter. Instead, she impulsively runs away without a thought as to how things will work out. I think that's what makes it so challenging for our family to understand. In day to day life she is so rule bound, always on time, very reliable with work etc. She hates it when plans change or someone is late and will pace and worry. She swears by her day planner. But it's like a switch flips at times (due to the bipolar) and she goes completely off script. It's like two completely different people. That's what makes life with her so unpredictable.

Queenie60, I feel like I'm having a bad senior moment. Did you mention before that your son was on the spectrum? I remember some of the other challenges, but somehow forgot the ASD. I can only use my current stress levels as an excuse but that would explain his difficulty with this change in living arrangements. I would change what I said and instead say that he would need some time to process and come to terms with this change. It still has to happen though, for all of your sakes.

Deb, I agree with you about parenting. Every situation is different, just as every personality is different. It's especially hard when you have an adult child that is unpredictable in their behaviour and emotions. We're in it for the long haul, even though the challenge can be overwhelming sometimes. Saying no to being abused and looking after your own emotional and physical wellbeing is about having self regard. Sometimes you parent close up and sometimes you have to parent from a distance. We don't always get to choose.

Update: My daughter called home yesterday, the first time since she ran away. She was filling out an application for rent and needed me to help her answer some of the questions. She was polite and thankful and seemed to be in good spirits. If this arrangement works out, she would actually end up living within walking distance of our house. Ironic, isn't it.

 

[Jambalaya]

Being a parent certainly does not end at 18. I agree that YOU need to be safe however. I hope you are.

Thank you, Tacori.

This is not me versus them. Someone who allows the child to stay versus someone who puts the child out. I refuse to be unsafe again. I have always called the police if I needed help...ever since I realized that was what worked! Even though I spent a huge amount of time in the court system for a while when my daughter was younger (before her brain matured and her impulses were less strong) and that was tedious. As I have discussed with friends off Pricescope who have children in similar situations to mine, it is a real pain to call the police because once you have had your kid arrested and there is one case against him, the next arrest means you will be in court ten times more often. But I did it. Mine hasn't been arrested in years, though.

Every time I see a horror story by another mother, I feel for her. I have walked in her shoes. I send her my utmost love and compassion. I totally understand why she has to do what she is doing in order to survive and i know she is being ripped apart by it.

But that was my point. I know she is being ripped apart by it. She doesn't feel OK about putting her child out. If she did, she wouldn't be posting here. This is traumatic stuff. It doesn't matter what the law says. Parenthood is about more than laws.

I have watched the movie, "Parenthood" with Steve Martin more times than I can count. I find it incredibly moving. The theme is really that a parent is a parent forever, no matter what kind of mess the child gets into, no matter how old he gets. And that parenthood continues. And boy, does that movie ever explore the extremes of behavior!!!

I often think I will have to evict my daughter. And I may have to do so. My comment was not based on whether I could live with her or not. Some situations are intolerable. Something about the remark that the obligation ended at 18 hurt my heart as a mother. I am sorry if I appear to be criticizing you, Jambalaya, and nitpicking. I find you so kind and thoughtful. I didn't mean to pick on you. I just needed to say this about my daughter because I saw her before she became ill. She wasn't some "thing" to be thrown out when the law allowed me to do so. And I feel myself being offensive to you again. That isn't my intent. You are a wonderful woman. I just can't seem to wrap my mind around what I need to say.

If I have been offensive, please forgive me, Jambie. I think of you as a lovely, caring woman.

Deb

That's OK, Deb! I didn't take it that way. This is one of those complex topics that's really hard to discuss in writing, with no body language or tone.

I have huge experience of living with immediate relatives who are mentally ill - my earliest memory involves a scene I'll never forget - but I am not going to write about it on Pricescope because it's too personal. I counted up and I lived with an immediate relative - so parent, sibling or spouse - who is mentally ill for almost four decades. I currently only live with one who has challenges, who is well-medicated and has responded extremely well to those meds, thank God. I really, really wish I could say more in order to better explain myself, but I just don't want to on Pricescope because then everyone here will know, forevermore. Given the effects on the first half of my life from mentally ill family, I have no faith whatsoever in my own ability to deal with a mentally ill child. I think all the parents on here are just amazing. And about the post-18 bit, I only meant legally. Of course the love and involvement doesn't stop at 18 - well, for some types of parent it seems to, but not for most. I'd love to have a little peach of a daughter like you describe - well, wouldn't we all? - and it must have been absolutely wretched for all of you when she became ill. I do feel for you.

 

[AGBF]

I'd love to have a little peach of a daughter like you describe - well, wouldn't we all?

Yes. I was really blessed. I had tried to have a baby for a long time and she was the answer to my prayers. She was the easiest baby and child in the world and I loved her so!

Thank you for your tremendously kind reply to me. You have a full and gentle heart. We are so lucky to have your input here on Pricescope.

Big hugs,
((((Jambalaya))))
Deb

 

[Jambalaya]

Thanks, Deb. My heart just melted when you wrote "I loved her so."

I wish all the very best and lots of peace to all the parents who struggle with mental illness in their children.

 

[Queenie60]

Diamondseeker and Queenie60, I find it so interesting that while our adult children are all on the autism spectrum, your sons' difficulties with changes and transitions are far more typical and what I would have expected with our daughter. Instead, she impulsively runs away without a thought as to how things will work out. I think that's what makes it so challenging for our family to understand. In day to day life she is so rule bound, always on time, very reliable with work etc. She hates it when plans change or someone is late and will pace and worry. She swears by her day planner. But it's like a switch flips at times (due to the bipolar) and she goes completely off script. It's like two completely different people. That's what makes life with her so unpredictable.

Queenie60, I feel like I'm having a bad senior moment. Did you mention before that your son was on the spectrum? I remember some of the other challenges, but somehow forgot the ASD. I can only use my current stress levels as an excuse but that would explain his difficulty with this change in living arrangements. I would change what I said and instead say that he would need some time to process and come to terms with this change. It still has to happen though, for all of your sakes.

Deb, I agree with you about parenting. Every situation is different, just as every personality is different. It's especially hard when you have an adult child that is unpredictable in their behaviour and emotions. We're in it for the long haul, even though the challenge can be overwhelming sometimes. Saying no to being abused and looking after your own emotional and physical wellbeing is about having self regard. Sometimes you parent close up and sometimes you have to parent from a distance. We don't always get to choose.

Update: My daughter called home yesterday, the first time since she ran away. She was filling out an application for rent and needed me to help her answer some of the questions. She was polite and thankful and seemed to be in good spirits. If this arrangement works out, she would actually end up living within walking distance of our house. Ironic, isn't it.

Hi Kmarla: I am not sure if I had mentioned his diagnosis before. He has been diagnosed with so many things since the age of 12 - it's difficult to think of all of it during these times when he's "acting up." At 12 he was diagnosed with "onset bipolar disorder" which I was told is they way they describe an adolescent with bipolar as this can change as their bodies change with hormones, etc. At age 15 we sent him away to a Therapeutic Boarding School in Idaho for two years. During that stay he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and Non Verbal Learning Disorder. And again we were told that many of the symptoms to these metal disorders cross. His current Psychologist doesn't want to give him a "label" his approach is to treat the symptoms. It's difficult to treat the symptoms when our son refuses to take medication and smokes so much pot that it wouldn't help any way. At this time, our son will only communicate with my husband and has shut me out. I don't know why he's angry with me, other than I seem to be his target when he's angry and I am to the point of refusing to allow him to call me vile names and say mean and threatening things to me. So we are where we are now - we have this lovely apartment waiting for him. He is refusing to move out and we aren't sure why; other than he wants to be defiant. He told my husband as of yesterday that he doesn't know what to tell his friends since they are well aware that he can't afford a nice apartment like that. Personally, I feel it's not their business. Now we feel that he's warming up to the idea slowly, which I thank Diamondseeker for bringing to my attention. He's always been this way - when he was younger I would take several days to present him with a change of any kind. I forget about these things as it's difficult for me to imagine the cute, lovely little boy he once was as he has gone out of his way to terrorize me in his young adulthood. This has all gone so far that I have thrown my hands up and passed this burden on to my husband. Although there is a piece of me that still wants to help him, just because he's my child. Even though I don't like the person he is, I still love him because he's my child. Bottom line, the best thing for all of us is for him to move into this apartment and to feel his independence. Maybe then we can begin to mend our broken relationship. I do still have a small amount of hope for this. Many thanks to all of you for your support and understanding.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

diamondseeker2006 - your advise is very well taken and I thank you. Yes, my husband and I talked about this extensively last night and came to the conclusion that this is the best way to handle this. He does have autism spectrum disorder as part of his diagnosis and we feel that gradually approaching the situation may be the best way. Only time will tell. Thank you for your suggestion - well taken.

Oh, I am so glad! I was worried saying it because I cannot walk in your shoes. But I have learned a LOT from my own son. I have to always approach him with utmost calmness about anything. If I do, he stays more calm. I was a special ed teacher but my specialty was not autism. But I do know that change is very hard for them and it has to be very gradual. Now there are times he makes impulsive decisions on his own, but we cannot spring something on him and expect it to go well. If we are going somewhere such as out of town, we tell him well in advance. Assuming he is invited to go, he never knows until the day of if he feels like going or not. But it would be impossible if we told him at the last minute. That just won't ever work because he has to get used to changes in his normal routine.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Diamondseeker and Queenie60, I find it so interesting that while our adult children are all on the autism spectrum, your sons' difficulties with changes and transitions are far more typical and what I would have expected with our daughter. Instead, she impulsively runs away without a thought as to how things will work out. I think that's what makes it so challenging for our family to understand. In day to day life she is so rule bound, always on time, very reliable with work etc. She hates it when plans change or someone is late and will pace and worry. She swears by her day planner. But it's like a switch flips at times (due to the bipolar) and she goes completely off script. It's like two completely different people. That's what makes life with her so unpredictable.

Queenie60, I feel like I'm having a bad senior moment. Did you mention before that your son was on the spectrum? I remember some of the other challenges, but somehow forgot the ASD. I can only use my current stress levels as an excuse but that would explain his difficulty with this change in living arrangements. I would change what I said and instead say that he would need some time to process and come to terms with this change. It still has to happen though, for all of your sakes.

Deb, I agree with you about parenting. Every situation is different, just as every personality is different. It's especially hard when you have an adult child that is unpredictable in their behaviour and emotions. We're in it for the long haul, even though the challenge can be overwhelming sometimes. Saying no to being abused and looking after your own emotional and physical wellbeing is about having self regard. Sometimes you parent close up and sometimes you have to parent from a distance. We don't always get to choose.

Update: My daughter called home yesterday, the first time since she ran away. She was filling out an application for rent and needed me to help her answer some of the questions. She was polite and thankful and seemed to be in good spirits. If this arrangement works out, she would actually end up living within walking distance of our house. Ironic, isn't it.

Hi Kmarla: I am not sure if I had mentioned his diagnosis before. He has been diagnosed with so many things since the age of 12 - it's difficult to think of all of it during these times when he's "acting up." At 12 he was diagnosed with "onset bipolar disorder" which I was told is they way they describe an adolescent with bipolar as this can change as their bodies change with hormones, etc. At age 15 we sent him away to a Therapeutic Boarding School in Idaho for two years. During that stay he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and Non Verbal Learning Disorder. And again we were told that many of the symptoms to these metal disorders cross. His current Psychologist doesn't want to give him a "label" his approach is to treat the symptoms. It's difficult to treat the symptoms when our son refuses to take medication and smokes so much pot that it wouldn't help any way. At this time, our son will only communicate with my husband and has shut me out. I don't know why he's angry with me, other than I seem to be his target when he's angry and I am to the point of refusing to allow him to call me vile names and say mean and threatening things to me. So we are where we are now - we have this lovely apartment waiting for him. He is refusing to move out and we aren't sure why; other than he wants to be defiant. He told my husband as of yesterday that he doesn't know what to tell his friends since they are well aware that he can't afford a nice apartment like that. Personally, I feel it's not their business. Now we feel that he's warming up to the idea slowly, which I thank Diamondseeker for bringing to my attention. He's always been this way - when he was younger I would take several days to present him with a change of any kind. I forget about these things as it's difficult for me to imagine the cute, lovely little boy he once was as he has gone out of his way to terrorize me in his young adulthood. This has all gone so far that I have thrown my hands up and passed this burden on to my husband. Although there is a piece of me that still wants to help him, just because he's my child. Even though I don't like the person he is, I still love him because he's my child. Bottom line, the best thing for all of us is for him to move into this apartment and to feel his independence. Maybe then we can begin to mend our broken relationship. I do still have a small amount of hope for this. Many thanks to all of you for your support and understanding.

Whew. Gosh our kids have a lot in common. Kmarla, yes my son also has a bipolar diagnosis and he can be very impulsive, too. He has been depressed for a few months and I see it much less in that case.

Queenie, the biggest difference for me is that my son communicates mostly with me, and mostly by email. I have to say that I don't think his meds do a whole lot. He just can't get off of them because his body is dependent on them. He has tried going off things gradually but he can't get all the way off. Honestly, I think plant-based self-medication is a heck of a lot better than alcohol and maybe safer than some of the chemicals in the meds my son takes (and they surely don't fix much of anything).

I will tell y'all that maybe three years ago, our son got mad for some reason and impulsively said he was going to move out. I was thinking YAY!!! in my head! So we happily helped him do so. But the isolation drove him into deeper depression and the substance abuse worsened. It was out of sight, out of mind for us, and we didn't really realize how bad things were for awhile. But at some point he found a "friend" who said he could move in with him, and we helped him move out since it just didn't seem like he was going to make it alone. The friend situation was awful. Just bad influences. So that came to a head and we just went and brought him back home. This time, though, we moved him into a finished room in the upstairs of our extra, detached garage. He has a small frig and microwave out there but has to come in for shower and bathroom. This has been 1000 times better than when he was in the house. I couldn't sleep when I'd hear him in the kitchen in the middle of the night. But this way he can sleep when he wants and fix some simple food when he wants without bothering us. He pretty much knows not to come in between 11 pm and 7 am unless it is an emergency. If we could just get him feeling halfway decent consistently, I think he'd greatly benefit from a part-time job. But that almost has to be custom made for him since he doesn't like being around a lot of people. He'd like to work with animals, but finding someone who'd hire someone with so many problems may be impossible. Really, this all seems so depressing when you think about the future, but I have learned for my own sanity to take one day at a time.

Someday let's take this thread down.

 

[Queenie60]

I hear you DS - one saving grace is that my son does have a job. He is a clerk at an upscale grocery store in our town. He loves the job because he sees all of the people he grew up around and I think it gives him a great sense of security. He also does valet parking for a company in town that caters to high end parties. A few months ago he parked cars for a fundraiser for Jeb Bush. So all of this makes him feel important. I just wish he could get a grasp on his moods. The ups and downs are difficult to deal with. I think a lot of his current troubles stem from the fact that his younger sister (by 4 years) is away at college and is doing quite well. She has a huge social life and I'm sure it troubles him that he is not able to do the same. He has a great dislike for her. I hope that someday they can redevelop their relationship. And I do agree that the marijuana is probably better than pills he could be taking for his moods. I don't know what to think about the medication part of this. I hope that someday we can take this thread down!! Despite it all - have a wonderful Valentine's Day weekend!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

And I do agree that the marijuana is probably better than pills he could be taking for his moods. I don't know what to think about the medication part of this.

Actually THC is VERY dangerous for people with mental health issues.

 

[Queenie60]

And I do agree that the marijuana is probably better than pills he could be taking for his moods. I don't know what to think about the medication part of this.

Actually THC is VERY dangerous for people with mental health issues.

I will take this comment seriously. As I said, I'm not sure what to think about the medication part of this ordeal. The marijuana, disregard for medication and all of the other parts of this equation have me baffled. I appreciate all input however, my hands are tied when it comes to his choice of medication. Thank you Tacori E ring - I will discuss this piece of the puzzle with my husband.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

And I do agree that the marijuana is probably better than pills he could be taking for his moods. I don't know what to think about the medication part of this.

Actually THC is VERY dangerous for people with mental health issues.

I will take this comment seriously. As I said, I'm not sure what to think about the medication part of this ordeal. The marijuana, disregard for medication and all of the other parts of this equation have me baffled. I appreciate all input however, my hands are tied when it comes to his choice of medication. Thank you Tacori E ring - I will discuss this piece of the puzzle with my husband.

Of course your hands are tied and he is going to do what he wants. I just wanted to make sure you are aware as there is a great deal of confusion among the risks. THC can trigger anxiety, paranoia, and other unstable moods.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I'm sorry S, I didn't mean to sound like I was promoting it, and I think what people buy today may be more dangerous than what used to be natural. It's just that the prescription drugs my son have been on have been dangerous, too, as far as I am concerned. Going off of things that don't work can make them worse of than they were to begin with. No.easy.answers.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry you are all going through this and my heart goes out to you and your families. I am keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping for somehow a happy resolution.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Missy, you are a sweetheart.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I'm sorry S, I didn't mean to sound like I was promoting it, and I think what people buy today may be more dangerous than what used to be natural. It's just that the prescription drugs my son have been on have been dangerous, too, as far as I am concerned. Going off of things that don't work can make them worse of than they were to begin with. No.easy.answers.

The content of THC in modern pot is so much higher than pot grown in the 60s. Prescription drugs are made in a lab and monitored by a psychiatrist. I agree that is can be difficult to find the right combination. Often times it can be so frustrating for patients and their families. However, smoking illicit drugs can cause harmful and PERMANENT effects. I have witnessed it. THC lives in the brain and it can be laced with a variety of other substances. Most of my patients' mental illness is made worse by drugs and alcohol. At times I do get someone who experiences mental illness as a side effect of the drugs and alcohol but they don't usually end up in my group (since I focus on Dual issues). You are right though, there are no easy answers. It is a slow process.

 

[Natylad]

Missy, you are a sweetheart.

Yes...she is...

 

[AGBF]

Missy, you are a sweetheart.

Yes...she is...

Definitely. But there have been many other sweethearts posting in this thread and supporting other women, including me, as well. I thank all of you. Sometimes your support is simply in the stories you tell. Sometimes your children are exactly like mine and I do not even post to tell you so. But it helps me to hear about them. Queenie, your son is often very much like my daughter. But your child is not the only one here who is like mine!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Queenie60]

Thank you Deb.

 

[kmarla]

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I wanted to share that I got a lovely e-mail from my daughter a little while ago. She updated me on her rental search and then said that she was saving her money so that we could have lunch together soon! Of course I will treat her if the opportunity arises, but this is a positive step that I didn't think would happen just a month ago.

Yes, there are wonderful people sharing their stories here. I am very grateful to them and I'm also amazed at how similar our experiences seem to be.

 

[december-fire]

kmarla,

I'm so glad I decided to take a look at this thread and see how things are going. What wonderful news about your daughter!

Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family for continued communication and involvement.

Dark, stressful times can be followed by love and hope.

Hugs

 

[missy]

Thank you DiamondSeeker and Naty. And I agree with Deb. Everyone here is a real sweetheart and I apologize for having derailed this thread in any way.

Kmarla, so happy for you and the positive direction your daughter is taking!

Continuing to keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs))).

 

[Queenie60]

Thank you Missy.

 

[kmarla]

Thank you December-fire!!

Thank you Missy!!

 

[Queenie60]

My March 1st update - With much kindness and patience (many thanks to Diamondseeker2006 for her advise) - our son is moving into his apartment today! I followed the advise to take it slow and with much patience and it worked! I owe most of this to my husband who is an exceptional father. He has such strong feelings for his two children and seems to share the instincts of a mother! I took the back seat on this one and he led the crusade. Our son is in an "upswing" currently and his good mood has allowed him to come to terms with the idea of moving out to be on his own. Bob and I spent many hours over the weekend moving furniture into the apartment - I spent 4 hours yesterday putting the women's touch on the place. New towels, lined cabinets and all other fine tuning. All he needs to do is to bring his clothing and toiletries.

I am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. I will go away this weekend to visit my daughter at her college - it's moms weekend for her sorority and she is so excited to have me there to take part in the events. I can leave in peace knowing that the home fires are burning just as they should. My husband can golf and do whatever he wishes without the worries of our son.

Many thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. I appreciate all of your kind words. Now I pray that this continues to go well.

 

[House Cat]

My March 1st update - With much kindness and patience (many thanks to Diamondseeker2006 for her advise) - our son is moving into his apartment today! I followed the advise to take it slow and with much patience and it worked! I owe most of this to my husband who is an exceptional father. He has such strong feelings for his two children and seems to share the instincts of a mother! I took the back seat on this one and he led the crusade. Our son is in an "upswing" currently and his good mood has allowed him to come to terms with the idea of moving out to be on his own. Bob and I spent many hours over the weekend moving furniture into the apartment - I spent 4 hours yesterday putting the women's touch on the place. New towels, lined cabinets and all other fine tuning. All he needs to do is to bring his clothing and toiletries.

I am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. I will go away this weekend to visit my daughter at her college - it's moms weekend for her sorority and she is so excited to have me there to take part in the events. I can leave in peace knowing that the home fires are burning just as they should. My husband can golf and do whatever he wishes without the worries of our son.

Many thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. I appreciate all of your kind words. Now I pray that this continues to go well.

Wow! This is fantastic news!!!! Have fun at the sorority weekend!!!!

 

[Natylad]

My March 1st update - With much kindness and patience (many thanks to Diamondseeker2006 for her advise) - our son is moving into his apartment today! I followed the advise to take it slow and with much patience and it worked! I owe most of this to my husband who is an exceptional father. He has such strong feelings for his two children and seems to share the instincts of a mother! I took the back seat on this one and he led the crusade. Our son is in an "upswing" currently and his good mood has allowed him to come to terms with the idea of moving out to be on his own. Bob and I spent many hours over the weekend moving furniture into the apartment - I spent 4 hours yesterday putting the women's touch on the place. New towels, lined cabinets and all other fine tuning. All he needs to do is to bring his clothing and toiletries.

I am looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. I will go away this weekend to visit my daughter at her college - it's moms weekend for her sorority and she is so excited to have me there to take part in the events. I can leave in peace knowing that the home fires are burning just as they should. My husband can golf and do whatever he wishes without the worries of our son.

Many thanks to all of you for your support and understanding. I appreciate all of your kind words. Now I pray that this continues to go well.

Excellent news Queenie! I'm so happy for you! I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Queenie60]

Thank you House Cat, Thank you Natylad.

 

[kmarla]

Queenie, I'm so happy to hear your update! I'm glad that your son is accepting of the new changes, and I hope you have a wonderful time with your daughter this weekend. You sure deserve it!

Your update very much parallels mine. Our daughter also moved in to her new townhouse on Sunday. My husband and one of my brothers helped with the move, transferring her things from the apartment where she was staying temporarily, the storage unit, as well as bringing furniture and other things from our house for her. She is very happy about everything and she will be sharing the townhouse with three other people. I also have taken more of a back seat during this move, and my husband has been wonderful about taking charge. I am very relieved that she is finally settled and will be living in a much nicer and safer neighbourhood that where she was crashing. She now lives about fifteen minutes away by highway, so close enough that we can be there for her when she lets us. My husband seems better able to move forward from the past and meet our daughter where she is emotionally right now. I am more bogged down by the recent past with her, and I'm struggling more with hurt feelings and needing to protect myself. I know that with time I'll bounce back and things will be better. In the meantime I talk to her by phone, e-mail etc.
DH and I just booked a cruise for this coming fall, so I have something great to look forward to. We're also talking more about retirement plans etc, and we realize that we have a lot more flexibility now that our daughter no longer lives with us. So the good news is that things are looking up for all of us!

 

[Queenie60]

Great news Kmarla. I am glad that things are looking up for your daughter. It's been a long road for us - thankfully we were able to hold the apartment for him while he slowly decided that moving was best for him. He will be in a very safe apartment complex where it is gated and secure. This gives me good feelings regarding his safety. Also, the manager's apartment overlooks his unit and she will report to us any negative things going on. I am hoping that he can maintain this living situation. I am where you are - it's going to take time for me to get over the hurt feelings and all of the terrible things he has said to me. Now that he is in a good place mentally, he acts as though none of the bad things have happened over the past few months. This boggles my mind but I'm sure it's the mental illness that does this to him. How is your health Kmarla? I am hoping that you are taking care of yourself. (((hugs to you))) - wishing you well.

 

[kmarla]

Thank you Queenie Health is okay. I saw my doctor and he has concerns about the stress etc, so I'm doing my best to look after myself. I never mentioned it earlier, but we have a new little puppy that we brought home in November and she's been like a little godsend. She's a Havanese and is just adorable. She will snuggle on my lap, and then two minutes later want to run and play, and she helps distract us from everything going on. She'll be six months on Thursday and weighs a whopping 4.8 lbs. She's tinier than my little Yorkie was at the same age. We're busy with obedience classes etc so it gives me something positive to focus on. We also don't want her or our other little dogs to pick up the negative energy so it helps us to stay calm. My daughter is very much like your son. She is happy, stable and doing very well right now (thank goodness) and for her also it is like the recent past never happened. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realize or even remember some of the things she said and did. She's been very friendly lately and is looking forward to showing me her new place. I'm careful with her right now, as I also can't forget all the things she's said. I try to keep things positive in all our interactions to make sure the door stays open.