Do you mind the question, "What do you do?"

[JewelFreak]

Get that riffraff off your bridge, Smith! They spoil the view. Now you'll have to send the serfs to sweep up after them!

(I know April Baby was not talking specifically to you about buying to impress, girl. It's obvious to anyone that you buy for looooove, like the rest of us.)

Re. when did the overly-PC culture start in the UK? Probably has it roots in the Labour Government after the war. At some point a few years after the NHS was set up, Britain began to welcome large numbers of immigrants looking for better lives. I'm not sure if the population had been so decreased by the war that there was an urgent need for workers, or what - that's just a guess. Anyway, so we became much more diverse and multicultural, which obviously brings a need for greater tolerance and understanding of others from different cultures. And for whatever reason, it snowballed a little too much and we ended up with this very touchy, PC culture. Still, it's better to be over-tolerant than under-tolerant, even if the PC lobby gets a bit much sometimes!

I think much of it was colonial guilt, Smith. May have been a need for workers too -- especially after WWI when half the men were killed -- I do think it was something like 1/3. Conditions after WWII in some colonies & ex-colonies were awful & I've read there was feeling that Britain had a moral responsibility for that population. Didn't take long for the floodgates to open completely. But even when I was spending a week or more every month in the UK for 5 years -- decades & decades after that -- people didn't hesitate to express themselves, sometimes the most awful ways. To people's faces, too.

Good that that stopped, but the pendulum has swung way over the other direction, to where you can't wish someone a nice day, in case they're not having one. It seems like the crackpot fun has gone away; life is more serious & drudgery in attitude. I hate to see the country that practically invented freedom of the populace get to the point where no one is free even to make idle chat. Sigh, I guess we're all going that way.

--- Laurie

 

[dk168]

In another board that I frequent, there is a lot of inverse snobbery for those who put "professional" in their profiles.

Whenever a thread comes up in that board about what it means by being "professional", my usual response is that, if one has to ask what that means, then he/she is unlikely to be the profile owners' intended targets.

As for me, I have earned the letters after my name, and am proud to be a professional, and I don't care what people think.

As the L'Oreal advert goes, I am worth it.

DK

 

[Smith1942]

In another board that I frequent, there is a lot of inverse snobbery for those who put "professional" in their profiles.

Whenever a thread comes up in that board about what it means by being "professional", my usual response is that, if one has to ask what that means, then he/she is unlikely to be the profile owners' intended targets.

As for me, I have earned the letters after my name, and am proud to be a professional, and I don't care what people think.

As the L'Oreal advert goes, I am worth it.

DK

Go, sista go, sista!

 

[Smith1942]

Get that riffraff off your bridge, Smith! They spoil the view. Now you'll have to send the serfs to sweep up after them!

(I know April Baby was not talking specifically to you about buying to impress, girl. It's obvious to anyone that you buy for looooove, like the rest of us.)

Re. when did the overly-PC culture start in the UK? Probably has it roots in the Labour Government after the war. At some point a few years after the NHS was set up, Britain began to welcome large numbers of immigrants looking for better lives. I'm not sure if the population had been so decreased by the war that there was an urgent need for workers, or what - that's just a guess. Anyway, so we became much more diverse and multicultural, which obviously brings a need for greater tolerance and understanding of others from different cultures. And for whatever reason, it snowballed a little too much and we ended up with this very touchy, PC culture. Still, it's better to be over-tolerant than under-tolerant, even if the PC lobby gets a bit much sometimes!

I think much of it was colonial guilt, Smith. May have been a need for workers too -- especially after WWI when half the men were killed -- I do think it was something like 1/3. Conditions after WWII in some colonies & ex-colonies were awful & I've read there was feeling that Britain had a moral responsibility for that population. Didn't take long for the floodgates to open completely. But even when I was spending a week or more every month in the UK for 5 years -- decades & decades after that -- people didn't hesitate to express themselves, sometimes the most awful ways. To people's faces, too.

Good that that stopped, but the pendulum has swung way over the other direction, to where you can't wish someone a nice day, in case they're not having one. It seems like the crackpot fun has gone away; life is more serious & drudgery in attitude. I hate to see the country that practically invented freedom of the populace get to the point where no one is free even to make idle chat. Sigh, I guess we're all going that way.

--- Laurie

Funny old world, isn't it, JewelFreak? Anyway, as annoying as all the political correctness can be sometimes when it gets too much, too much tolerance is definitely better than too little!

 

[aljdewey]

...... I'd rather be allowed a chance to define myself in conversation with a new person rather than having my job do it for me.

Well, in order to define yourself in conversation, you first have to BE in conversation, and that's less likely to happen if the very entry questions that lead to the conversation are offensive.

I don't mean to be pointed, but it seems the reason for the offense is that you're going in with a presumed expectation of being judged. What would happen if you went into it instead with the presumption that people you don't know are looking to find common ground with you and become friendly? Maybe not everyone else is like your family in wanting to judge????

 

[Smith1942]

...... I'd rather be allowed a chance to define myself in conversation with a new person rather than having my job do it for me.

Well, in order to define yourself in conversation, you first have to BE in conversation, and that's less likely to happen if the very entry questions that lead to the conversation are offensive.

I don't mean to be pointed, but it seems the reason for the offense is that you're going in with a presumed expectation of being judged. What would happen if you went into it instead with the presumption that people you don't know are looking to find common ground with you and become friendly? Maybe not everyone else is like your family in wanting to judge????

They're not my family - they're my husband's family! My family are not like that at all. That's why I find my husband's lot so difficult to cope with - I mean, talk about an eye-opener! I didn't realise that people with such judgemental attitudes existed before I met them. I try not to have very much to do with them because I find them quite depressing. This is the lot who won't read Harry Potter because it's not intellectual enough. Silly me, I thought you could read some books for fun and others for self-improvement!

I still don't like the question from people I've just met. It's closely linked to how much money you earn - because we all know roughly how well-paid or not some professions/roles/jobs are - and it's a watered-down way of finding out what ballpark you're in for money. I think questions about fun or interests or hobbies are much nicer and more fun, and demonstrate an interest in you as a person rather than what employment box you're in.

 

[aljdewey]

I don't know if you realize it, but you sound just as judgmental about their lack of interest in light reading as you're claiming they are about your lack of interest in weightier reading. Ironic.

I can appreciate that you still don't like it - we all have different styles. One of the wonderful things is that we learn pretty quickly whose styles we mesh with and whose we don't, and that's good information in and of itself.

I figure, if someone isn't into my style of communication, better to know it and move on to those who appreciate it.

 

[Smith1942]

I do get your point, Smith. When I reply that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I definitely get some less than polite looks, or they'll write me off like I'm just some uneducated woman who sits around watching soaps all day (most definitely not!).

I get this.

I also get the very condescending "OH that is the HARDEST job in the world!" comment. Then the person exits as fast as they can because they seem to fear that I will have nothing to share but conversations of baby poop and Goodnight Moon! Sigh.

Laila, people give you bad looks for being a SAHM? You're not serious? That's awful!

House Cat - yes, that could definitely be seen as condescending. And the fact that they exit stage left - again, awful.

See, this is why questions about fun and hobbies and interests are much safer, as well as demonstrating a more personal interest in someone.

 

[canuk-gal]

I do get your point, Smith. When I reply that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I definitely get some less than polite looks, or they'll write me off like I'm just some uneducated woman who sits around watching soaps all day (most definitely not!).

I get this.

I also get the very condescending "OH that is the HARDEST job in the world!" comment. Then the person exits as fast as they can because they seem to fear that I will have nothing to share but conversations of baby poop and Goodnight Moon! Sigh.

HI:

I've had the reverse occur at a Christmas party......

(them) What do you do?

(me) I am a nurse. I work at xyz. What do you do?

(them) Oh, I used to work as a nurse. But now I am a SAHM. I don't have to work, because my DH has a "good job". TURNS away to talk to her DH beside her.

I was dumbfounded as it never occurred to me that having a job was something I had to justify or my profession was something to be ashamed of. For the future I think the embalming response is a good/funny one....may as well use it, since I will get the same result!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Mayk]

I don't mind I usually keep it light....

I worked for a large consumer company selling premium pet food. My answer... I sell kibble...

When the company sold the brand I was on (not pet food) and I went to a new company after 25 years... I told people "when you buy the farm you get the cows... I'm just part of the total package."

These questions don't bother me...

 

[Smith1942]

I do get your point, Smith. When I reply that I'm a stay-at-home mom, I definitely get some less than polite looks, or they'll write me off like I'm just some uneducated woman who sits around watching soaps all day (most definitely not!).

I get this.

I also get the very condescending "OH that is the HARDEST job in the world!" comment. Then the person exits as fast as they can because they seem to fear that I will have nothing to share but conversations of baby poop and Goodnight Moon! Sigh.

HI:

I've had the reverse occur at a Christmas party......

(them) What do you do?

(me) I am a nurse. I work at xyz. What do you do?

(them) Oh, I used to work as a nurse. But now I am a SAHM. I don't have to work, because my DH has a "good job". TURNS away to talk to her DH beside her.

I was dumbfounded as it never occurred to me that having a job was something I had to justify or my profession was something to be ashamed of. For the future I think the embalming response is a good/funny one....may as well use it, since I will get the same result!

cheers--Sharon

Canuk gal, I'm speechless. How could anybody be so horrible?

 

[Smith1942]

I don't know if you realize it, but you sound just as judgmental about their lack of interest in light reading as you're claiming they are about your lack of interest in weightier reading. Ironic.

I can appreciate that you still don't like it - we all have different styles. One of the wonderful things is that we learn pretty quickly whose styles we mesh with and whose we don't, and that's good information in and of itself.

I figure, if someone isn't into my style of communication, better to know it and move on to those who appreciate it.

That's right, I am. I judge a lot, very much indeed. Always judging. They call me Judge Smith.

 

[Smith1942]

I don't know if you realize it, but you sound just as judgmental about their lack of interest in light reading as you're claiming they are about your lack of interest in weightier reading. Ironic.

I can appreciate that you still don't like it - we all have different styles. One of the wonderful things is that we learn pretty quickly whose styles we mesh with and whose we don't, and that's good information in and of itself.

I figure, if someone isn't into my style of communication, better to know it and move on to those who appreciate it.

Well, I'm a book editor, so I'm weighted down with weighty reading. I see books as things that can be enjoyed on many different levels. I am not snobby about ANY books. I read everything from ancient literature to make-up instruction manuals to modern literature and chick lit. But my in-laws actively look down on those who read any book that isn't intellectual. Not nice. So yes, I am judging that judgement. Is that what you meant?

 

[JewelFreak]

it seems the reason for the offense is that you're going in with a presumed expectation of being judged. What would happen if you went into it instead with the presumption that people you don't know are looking to find common ground with you and become friendly?

Well put. I thought about this today. When I was younger I'd go over & over party conversations: what did they mean by this? Why did I say that? Discovered whomever I talked to didn't remember the chat, sometimes didn't remember meeting me. It's just light talk. Looking for ulterior motives -- like how much you make when they ask where you work -- is over-thinking. They do not care. Honest. The few who do are jerks & can be avoided. The world is not going to change in order to suit any of us.

In America, work has always been of prime importance -- not as an indication of how rich someone is, but because we were a hardworking people who defined ourselves by our commitment to doing whatever it was well. We spend most of our waking hours at work -- it's a natural way to show interest in somebody else. We don't have nobility; except for doctors, we don't introduce ourselves with professional titles. In Italy a person introduces himself as Engineer Anselmi, so someone might ask "what kind of engineering do you do?" Not rude, interested. Here, we have to start from the ground up: "What do you do?" "I'm an engineer."

But if you choose to be offended by this cultural custom, you're gonna be offended. I can tell you it is not meant offensively but that won't change how you feel. Guess it's just how we are & I don't feel apologetic. I also don't feel tacky when I ask the question -- because it's a way to lead to possible common interests -- or at least while away the boredom.

--- Laurie

PS -- Most people don't listen to your answer -- they're waiting till they can talk again. A friend of mine tested this once. At a wedding reception where most guests were unknown, he introduced himself like this: "Hi. I'm Eric Smith and I'm running for President." Not one person reacted! They all nodded, "Nice to meet you." "Oh, that's nice." It went in one ear & out the other of every single person he said it to!

 

[packrat]

That's why you tell them you're a chicken sexer or a fluffer. That'll make 'em listen, I'm tellin ya.

 

[AprilBaby]

Smith , I would love to come to your summer place but I'm quite afraid of the ponies. Perhaps some croquet and tea would be pleasant. Oh, and make sure you invite david beckham so we can check out the family jewels if you know what I mean

 

[Smith1942]

it seems the reason for the offense is that you're going in with a presumed expectation of being judged. What would happen if you went into it instead with the presumption that people you don't know are looking to find common ground with you and become friendly?

Well put. I thought about this today. When I was younger I'd go over & over party conversations: what did they mean by this? Why did I say that? Discovered whomever I talked to didn't remember the chat, sometimes didn't remember meeting me. It's just light talk. Looking for ulterior motives -- like how much you make when they ask where you work -- is over-thinking. They do not care. Honest. The few who do are jerks & can be avoided. The world is not going to change in order to suit any of us.

In America, work has always been of prime importance -- not as an indication of how rich someone is, but because we were a hardworking people who defined ourselves by our commitment to doing whatever it was well. We spend most of our waking hours at work -- it's a natural way to show interest in somebody else. We don't have nobility; except for doctors, we don't introduce ourselves with professional titles. In Italy a person introduces himself as Engineer Anselmi, so someone might ask "what kind of engineering do you do?" Not rude, interested. Here, we have to start from the ground up: "What do you do?" "I'm an engineer."

But if you choose to be offended by this cultural custom, you're gonna be offended. I can tell you it is not meant offensively but that won't change how you feel. Guess it's just how we are & I don't feel apologetic. I also don't feel tacky when I ask the question -- because it's a way to lead to possible common interests -- or at least while away the boredom.

--- Laurie

PS -- Most people don't listen to your answer -- they're waiting till they can talk again. A friend of mine tested this once. At a wedding reception where most guests were unknown, he introduced himself like this: "Hi. I'm Eric Smith and I'm running for President." Not one person reacted! They all nodded, "Nice to meet you." "Oh, that's nice." It went in one ear & out the other of every single person he said it to!

Hold it - where does nationality come into this? The question is asked a thousand times in the UK and in every other country I've visited. I meant this in no way to be a country- or nationality- specific question. I was talking about the question occurring anywhere.

 

[Smith1942]

Smith , I would love to come to your summer place but I'm quite afraid of the ponies. Perhaps some croquet and tea would be pleasant. Oh, and make sure you invite david beckham so we can check out the family jewels if you know what I mean

Eww, David Beckham? Seriously? He cheats on his wife and he's got a squeaky voice! Doesn't do anything for me. You can have him and the hayloft all to yourselves!

 

[Andelain]

I'm a Field Support Engineer on one of the specialized computer systems for the US army. That's all I'll tell anyone I don't know or work with, and more than I'll tell someone who just comes up to me and asks without any reason given. To them I just say "I work with computers". I keep details to myself for both personal and professional reasons. If a person tries to pull more info out of me it sends up a bit of a red flag, and I turn into the proverbial clam.

 

[TooPatient]

I'm a Field Support Engineer on one of the specialized computer systems for the US army. That's all I'll tell anyone I don't know or work with, and more than I'll tell someone who just comes up to me and asks without any reason given. To them I just say "I work with computers". I keep details to myself for both personal and professional reasons. If a person tries to pull more info out of me it sends up a bit of a red flag, and I turn into the proverbial clam.

Neat job!

I love your answer -- true but vague enough to not be too much information. That could be anything from IT support to engineer and anything in between!


Your last sentence is the thing that bugs me. If I give an answer (to any question!) and leave it there, I don't like to be pushed for extra details. Some stuff is private and more than I feel like sharing in detail.
When a person gives a vague answer it should be a big hint that they'd rather not talk further about it.

 

[Andelain]

I'm a Field Support Engineer on one of the specialized computer systems for the US army. That's all I'll tell anyone I don't know or work with, and more than I'll tell someone who just comes up to me and asks without any reason given. To them I just say "I work with computers". I keep details to myself for both personal and professional reasons. If a person tries to pull more info out of me it sends up a bit of a red flag, and I turn into the proverbial clam.

Neat job!

I love your answer -- true but vague enough to not be too much information. That could be anything from IT support to engineer and anything in between!


Your last sentence is the thing that bugs me. If I give an answer (to any question!) and leave it there, I don't like to be pushed for extra details. Some stuff is private and more than I feel like sharing in detail.
When a person gives a vague answer it should be a big hint that they'd rather not talk further about it.

I completely agree. Also, because of the nature of what I do, where and who for, I have to look at any prying person as a possible security risk. My very private nature fits in well with operational security requirements.


And yes, I do like my job. All of us that do this are making a difference, and that motivates me to work even harder.

 

[innerkitten]

Interesting. My first question when I meet someone is always " where are you from? ".

 

[Smith1942]

Interesting. My first question when I meet someone is always " where are you from? ".

There's a whole thread on that question!

 

[innerkitten]

Interesting. My first question when I meet someone is always " where are you from? ".

There's a whole thread on that question!

Uh oh! I'll have to take a look.

 

[rubyshoes]

No. I love it!

There is only one thing that annoys me. DH's work colleagues and acquaintances have a tendency to avoid asking me what I do. I don't know why they do that, since as the OP said, it's a very common question. My only guess is - they think I'm a trophy wife (please don't think I'm bragging but DH is pretty high up the corporate ladder).

But I usually end up referring to how my day went or deadlines or something... that leads to me being asked what I do and then I get to say I work with high-end jewelry AND I've written two novels Suddenly, DH looks like the trophy husband!!!

I always enjoy the looks of astonishment I get and the sudden interest. OMGGGG YOU'VE WRITTEN NOVELS???? HA! Thought I sat on the sofa all day and ate bonbons while spending my husband's money, didn't ya?

 

[Smith1942]

No. I love it!

There is only one thing that annoys me. DH's work colleagues and acquaintances have a tendency to avoid asking me what I do. I don't know why they do that, since as the OP said, it's a very common question. My only guess is - they think I'm a trophy wife (please don't think I'm bragging but DH is pretty high up the corporate ladder).

But I usually end up referring to how my day went or deadlines or something... that leads to me being asked what I do and then I get to say I work with high-end jewelry AND I've written two novels Suddenly, DH looks like the trophy husband!!!

I always enjoy the looks of astonishment I get and the sudden interest. OMGGGG YOU'VE WRITTEN NOVELS???? HA! Thought I sat on the sofa all day and ate bonbons while spending my husband's money, didn't ya?

Rubyshoes, that's fascinating! What are the novels about? Can I get them from somewhere?

 

[rubyshoes]

Smith, they're unpublished.

I am taking a small break from the manuscripts and intend to start shopping them around sometime in the new year. I don't know if I want to go the find-a-literary-agent-try-to-get-published route or if I want to self-publish but either way, wish me luck! When I found out you were a book editor, I was all Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

 

[MonkeysInk]

I often ask that question...I work in HR and I'm genuinely interested in what makes people like/dislike their jobs or how they got into their line of work.

I rather dislike the question, though, as I find it often is a status-judging question. I had a stressful, high income job and when my husband returned from deployment and went back to the inactive reserves, I was our only breadwinner for nearly a year while he was Mr. Mom. I quit to be a SAHM for a while because we liked not having childcare headaches. I then started a small business and also work p/t in HR, and it's funny to watch how attitudes evolve as my employment does.

I plan to ask this a bunch this weekend. We're going to a company Christmas party where I know most of the employees and none of the vendors, so I usually ask "what do you do for XY Business?" to better understand what part they play.

 

[pregcurious]

I think this is hitting upon the general concept that not everyone is good at small talk. I guess I'm like the British in that I think it's best to stick to the weather and totally impersonal things when you are talking to someone at first (not for a job interview of course), or just an acquaintance.

 

[Smith1942]

Smith, they're unpublished.

I am taking a small break from the manuscripts and intend to start shopping them around sometime in the new year. I don't know if I want to go the find-a-literary-agent-try-to-get-published route or if I want to self-publish but either way, wish me luck! When I found out you were a book editor, I was all Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!

Yeah, and when I found out that you'd landed a job at Tiffany, I was like, Oooooooooooh!

But seriously, I wish there was some way you could send me your stuff. I give authors honest feedback, totally brutal, and they LOVE. ME. I had to extricate myself from a terrible project recently where the author was practically holding on to my ankle. And it was a book that was being published by Pearson, my old employer, (owner of the Financial Times, the Economist, Penguin, etc.) I was like, "I don't care that your book is under contract with Pearson; your writing is so terrible that I can't bear to look at your manuscript anymore. It's so bad that you've got me crying into my pillow like an eleven-year-old whose pony has died. You can have my editing for free as long as you never contact me again." I would be very happy to critique your stuff. You're probably making about a million errors. Just don't come crying to me when you don't like the black-and-white, OK? ROFL!

What are the novels about?