Cliques

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

For me its not time served, its usefulness/meaningfulness of contribution. Just like in real life, I gravitate towards people with similar interests. There are some people here that I have never conversed, not for any other reason but they haven't posted anything that a) I can comment on b) vice versa

Exactly.

You could be on here for the entire duration of your pre-engagement, engagement, and wedding, and if all you do is post "oh that's pretty" over and over again, or don't really add to the discussion, I would still consider you a relative newbie.

And sometimes, I feel like it's possible to be a newbie in one subforum but not another. For instance, until fairly recently, I posted a LOT in CS and feel like I know the regulars there fairly well. On the other hand, I STILL feel like a total noob in RT (and intimidated by all the knowledge). And part of that is because I don't post there very often, though I like to read through people's journeys and read the technical threads. So I am still a newbie in RT. See what I mean?

And like Freke said, there are definitely newbies who have made a BIG impression on me, in a very bad way. Respect is earned on PS, not through longevity, but quality of contribution.

 

[somethingshiny]

The only cliques that I'm aware of are those that are created because people are in similar situations. Like Freke mentioned, the LIW and BIW have many women in the same boat so a clique is formed. The mommies who were preggo at the same time become cliqued too. As far as seeing a group of "mean girls", never. I definitely see friendships amongst PSers, but that doesn't seem cliquey to me.

Monnie really stated it perfectly on the first reply!


I agree with IWPO and BEG about knowledge vs newbies. I have over 5000 posts but definitely still a newbie in CS, Pearls, etc. I know who is more knowledgeable in those areas and while I'll follow those threads, I usually don't post because there are others who offer more insight and appropriate advice. The downside to this method is I'll always be a newbie in those sub-forums.

 

[Karl_K]

well nearly 7 years and 25000 posts ago I was ignored for about 3 posts :}
Seriously with PS you get out of it what you put into it.

Due to the sheer volume of posts these days it does take a lot to stand out from the crowd but that does not mean that your not wanted and appreciated.

As far as cliques go, they come and go but I can recall only 2-3 times in 7 years that it has it been a real problem.

 

[somethingshiny]

Strm~ Did you say something??

 

[Karl_K]

Strm~ Did you say something??

yea i get ignored now that I crossed over into the dark side...

 

[Dancing Fire]

the Liberals ganged up on me. .. Freke,karen,Thing2 ,Moonwater and list goes on......

I never make the 'bad liberals' list, which means I must have been one of the 'fair and balanced' ones?

were you on my side?...

Is anyone ever on your side, DF?

elle...i love reading your posts.... ..

 

[zoebartlett]

It's just about how well you integrate yourself into the community. Most posters that hide out in only one or two subforums feel like newbies longer (like the posters that stay in LIW and never really venture out). People that post in a variety of places "meet" more people and generally seem like more of a regular presence.

This is what I think as well. I go to LIW occasionally and I'm always surprised at how many people I don't know at all because they never venture beyond LIW. Some of them may have been here for a long time according to their post count, but I still think of them as new because I'm not familiar with them.

 

[Dancing Fire]

i miss those late night fights b/t different PS gangs...

 

[LaurenThePartier]

We were all noobs at some point, so I'm sure many of us can relate to the feeling of not having their voice heard for what you're actually saying. Forums take a bit of getting used to in their pacing and attitudes, and it may take a while to find out if it's a good fit or not.

It's natural to gravitate toward people who you post with day in and day out during major life hurdles. I find myself running back into the LIWs of 2004-2005 and the BIWs of 2006 in the TTC and Preggo thread more and more. Then there are all of the Colored Stoners who have all been part of my coloured stone education for the past few years.

I don't see anyone as overly clique-ish, though there are tons of old inside jokes, but I totally identify with people who are or were going through similar situations I am or have gone through in my personal life. It's why PS is a special little place and I consider all additions to our community as family.

 

[AprilBaby]

So, since some people think there are cliques, and no one but Freke thinks they are in one, who are the members of the cliques? Just interested.

DF is his own clique (group of one) I think we can all agree.

And Kenny rubbing anyone the wrong way? NO!

So who else has a clique?

 

[AprilBaby]

Hey Karl! Can I join your clique?

 

[Gayletmom]

I really like it here and find that people are generally very welcoming. There is a closeness among some of the regular posters which I chalk up to shared experiences and interests and actually meeting in person.

I do sometimes feel a bit left out but I think it's because I'm too busy to post often and I don't really have any expertise to offer. I'm past the LIW & BWW stage and my children are ages 6 to 14 so I'm also out of the baby and toddler phase. That leaves me posting in Hangout sometimes, complimenting people's jewelry in SMTB, and offering my opinion on settings and designs occasionally. I suppose I'm a generalist who stays here b/c it is a friendly, supportive place, b/c I love jewelry and b/c you guys are so helpful when I do have a question. Plus, I love to come here for a laugh (thanks especially to Dancing Fire). I wish I lived close enough to join in some GTGs as it would be fun to get to know posters better.

Freke, is there a clique for Over 40, overscheduled, and planning more jewelry projects than my budget permits?

BTW Amethyste & Autumnovember, I'm always interested in your posts. Seems like you both have a lot to add to PS.

I tried to start a clique but haven't had any takers so far. So what does that say about PS?

 

[yssie]

Monnie really did post the perfect answer.

I feel comfy in RT.. CS intimidates me!
And I've had the "arse handed to me on a plate" rite of passage...


I dunno. Haven't been 'round for long, lurked for a long time before officially joining, posted a ton in a relatively short amt of time b/c my job's been slower the past few months.


Am I a newbie? I don't really feel like one, but I'm sure I'm just one fish among many to most of the long-timers here

 

[Kaleigh]

Monnie really did post the perfect answer.

I feel comfy in RT.. CS intimidates me!
And I've had the "arse handed to me on a plate" rite of passage...


I dunno. Haven't been 'round for long, lurked for a long time before officially joining, posted a ton in a relatively short amt of time b/c my job's been slower the past few months.


Am I a newbie? I don't really feel like one, but I'm sure I'm just one fish among many to most of the long-timers here

Love reading your posts yssie. You are a great asset to our community here..

I hate that so many feel like they aren't a part of the group...

Many of us joined around the same time, so it's natural we are close. I wasn't a LIW, or anything when I joined. But saw the need for the preggo thread. Started that, as a support system for them. Something I never had back in the dark ages.

If you stick around we value your input.

There is something here for everyone..

That's what I love about PS...

 

[yssie]

Aww thanks Kaleigh

 

[Circe]

I don't feel like I belong to a clique, but I'm aware of feeling like they exist - which is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. That's despite having been around for (criminy!) 3 years and change. I think the whole clique mentality/existence is partially attributable to the attitudes posters bring with them, and partially due to circumstance - a lot of what this thread refers to as "cliques" can also be chalked up as milestones.

I just read an article that talked about the big 5 milestones, and I'm damned if I can remember what they were - going to college, moving out, getting married, having kids, and ...? It was one of those lists with a lot of assumptions in it. I think a board like PS is codified to make a lot of those milestones seem like givens.

And that's not a bad thing! But, well. Sometimes life doesn't go according to script. I proposed to my husband before I'd ever heard of PS, so no LIW. I eloped, so not so much with the participation in BWW. And, dear gods, do I wish joining the mommy boards was a gimme, but ... sometimes it can be a right pain. Which also makes the preg threads problematic. And on and on and on. This thread is actually the first time I've ever thought of the disparity between my actual experience and the norm, truth be told.

So if you ever feel like you're on the outside looking in, I say find the posters whose opinions you agree with repeatedly, and make your own clique of whatevers. If it worked in high school (i.e., the last time the word "clique" passed my lips), why not now? KSinger, Haven, you in?

 

[Kaleigh]

Circe,
Had no idea.. Thanks for letting us know.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Well, there are "cliques" here... I can see that. THe older PSERs all know each other and are tight.

I am none - I really don't think I am that well liked here anyways - hence, my rare posts.

Oh Ame - I want to say this is silly but I've felt this way before... I think a lot of people have felt shut out at times... posting on message boards is a strange dynamic - it is quite easy to feel ganged up upon when you have an unpopular opinion or something. But mostly people just disagree, they don't dislike. I think you have quite a few people here who like you, it's just easier to remember the negative things than the positive, especially since it seems so much easier to put your voice out in dissent and remain quiet in support.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Ok so since mostly everyone has agreed that it takes 'time' for a new PSer to 'prove' themselves....then here is another question:


How *much* time does it take until the PSer has proven themselves? One month, five months, a year?

I don't think it is a time issue - sometimes I think it's more how sticky are you... it took so long for me to get my ring done that I was here for almost a year and a half before it was finished... and because I'd generated so much (unintentional yet ridiculous) drama about it I left for a while and I think no one was really surprised - not just because of the mood but because my ring was done and a lot of people leave when that happens... I think now they realize they're stuck with me and I think the acceptance that comes with that naturally helps people accept you as a person. People don't like to get too attached to people who aren't going to stay.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I don't think new PSer's are taken as seriously as much as long term members are. I have no idea why. I still don't feel like I'm taken seriously. As Monarch has pointed out, I *do* feel like I have to prove myself. I have noticed that when I add my two cents to a thread, a lot of times it goes unnoticed. I'm not really bothered by it, but it is definitely something that I've noticed.

That happens to me all the time, Autumnovember. I think it has less to do with being new and more to do with the fact that once a thread really gets rolling people tend to grab onto one strand of the conversation, so a lot of comments get lost in the shuffle.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

Everyone thinks their posts go unnoticed There are threads similar to this one every once in a while, and I think the most common sentiment expressed is "No one likes me!" or "No one would notice if I left!" or "My posts get ignored!"

I think it speaks to the common human state of worrying about acceptance and at the same time, being rather egocentric. The great commonality is feeling like you don't belong. That is the biggest clique of all!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I really like it here and find that people are generally very welcoming. There is a closeness among some of the regular posters which I chalk up to shared experiences and interests and actually meeting in person.

I do sometimes feel a bit left out but I think it's because I'm too busy to post often and I don't really have any expertise to offer. I'm past the LIW & BWW stage and my children are ages 6 to 14 so I'm also out of the baby and toddler phase. That leaves me posting in Hangout sometimes, complimenting people's jewelry in SMTB, and offering my opinion on settings and designs occasionally. I suppose I'm a generalist who stays here b/c it is a friendly, supportive place, b/c I love jewelry and b/c you guys are so helpful when I do have a question. Plus, I love to come here for a laugh (thanks especially to Dancing Fire). I wish I lived close enough to join in some GTGs as it would be fun to get to know posters better.

Freke, is there a clique for Over 40, overscheduled, and planning more jewelry projects than my budget permits?

BTW Amethyste & Autumnovember, I'm always interested in your posts. Seems like you both have a lot to add to PS.

I could be in this clique! You know, I knew for a long time, but really realized when I moved here to china just how EASY kids make meeting other women. Especially little kids. The bonding you form over childbirth, toddler phases, etc. are so easy and yet so strong. I envy all of the young women here experiencing that. Though honestly I had my time and I'm still friends with women from an experience very similar to this one 12 years later. Some of them I have still never met, and some I have - but it's such a wonderful opportunity. When you get older you rely on other things like shared hobbies or interests and it's just not as common as having children. You don't have as many opportunities (there are multitudes as a parent of young children) when you get older and the kids get older... so while there's no way I want to revisit those days and I only occasionally take an interest in those topics, I do envy the opportunity

 

[Cehrabehra]

I really like it here and find that people are generally very welcoming. There is a closeness among some of the regular posters which I chalk up to shared experiences and interests and actually meeting in person.

I do sometimes feel a bit left out but I think it's because I'm too busy to post often and I don't really have any expertise to offer. I'm past the LIW & BWW stage and my children are ages 6 to 14 so I'm also out of the baby and toddler phase. That leaves me posting in Hangout sometimes, complimenting people's jewelry in SMTB, and offering my opinion on settings and designs occasionally. I suppose I'm a generalist who stays here b/c it is a friendly, supportive place, b/c I love jewelry and b/c you guys are so helpful when I do have a question. Plus, I love to come here for a laugh (thanks especially to Dancing Fire). I wish I lived close enough to join in some GTGs as it would be fun to get to know posters better.

Freke, is there a clique for Over 40, overscheduled, and planning more jewelry projects than my budget permits?

BTW Amethyste & Autumnovember, I'm always interested in your posts. Seems like you both have a lot to add to PS.

I tried to start a clique but haven't had any takers so far. So what does that say about PS?

I tried to join but no one heard me lol

 

[gemgirl]

Ok so since mostly everyone has agreed that it takes 'time' for a new PSer to 'prove' themselves....then here is another question:


How *much* time does it take until the PSer has proven themselves? One month, five months, a year?

I think 142 days is typical.

LOL moni. Oh wait, DF probably has a statistic for that too! (I can't stop laughing, seriously!)

 

[gemgirl]

When I first joined PS seven years ago, there were definitely distinct cliques and that's what made it so hard for a newbie to post anything. I was almost embarrassed to post at first because I didn't get any responses. It's a crummy feeling to post something and put yourself out there and have the topic fall dead as a door nail (ker thunk) right afterwards. But most of those people are gone and the feeling of just a few folks corresponding with each other (with inside jokes and veiled personal references) is pretty much over. I think the playing field is more level now.

I just think it's natural that the more time you spend on a board, the better you get to know people and the more cyber friends you make. Hang out long enough, and everyone forms their own little circle of peeps.

 

[ksinger]

I don't feel like I belong to a clique, but I'm aware of feeling like they exist - which is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. That's despite having been around for (criminy!) 3 years and change. I think the whole clique mentality/existence is partially attributable to the attitudes posters bring with them, and partially due to circumstance - a lot of what this thread refers to as "cliques" can also be chalked up as milestones.

I just read an article that talked about the big 5 milestones, and I'm damned if I can remember what they were - going to college, moving out, getting married, having kids, and ...? It was one of those lists with a lot of assumptions in it. I think a board like PS is codified to make a lot of those milestones seem like givens.

And that's not a bad thing! But, well. Sometimes life doesn't go according to script. I proposed to my husband before I'd ever heard of PS, so no LIW. I eloped, so not so much with the participation in BWW. And, dear gods, do I wish joining the mommy boards was a gimme, but ... sometimes it can be a right pain. Which also makes the preg threads problematic. And on and on and on. This thread is actually the first time I've ever thought of the disparity between my actual experience and the norm, truth be told.

So if you ever feel like you're on the outside looking in, I say find the posters whose opinions you agree with repeatedly, and make your own clique of whatevers. If it worked in high school (i.e., the last time the word "clique" passed my lips), why not now? KSinger, Haven, you in?

Sometimes life doesn't go according to script? LOL! I'd say MOST times life doesn't go according to script! My husand and I have known each other for 31 years, and only gave in to the inevitable at year 28. We are a bit old for kids, so we missed that boat. (So for anyone who ever thought in passing that I didn't have kids because I don't like them, well, I just never found the right, stable guy to have them with until it was too late). Because of all this, we were promoted to comfortable old-married BEFORE we offically married, so zero adjustment to the state of marriage (and we've both been married before too). So yeah, LIW, BWW, and Mommies are "milestones" I kinda missed. BWW I might have done back for the first marriage, had I not married when having a computer with an actual internal hard drive was almost unheard of.

So yeah, Circe, I'm in....to the "whatever" clique. I'm sure there are others who will define it for us.

Oh, that other milestone was one for being "grown up" and I recall it being homeownership. I've done that one already, luckily back before the meteoric rise of home prices, and so long ago that I'm really no help to anyone seeking advice in this market.

Is there a clique here for cranky peri-menopausal women with growing lists of annoying health issues? I could be in that one.

 

[perry]

Am I in a clique? A clique of more than 1?

Perhaps, perhaps not.

I've always been kinda known as a person who marches to a different drummer; yet that is not totally accurate.

At times I find myself marching with others of similar interest. We march together for a while, and in a few cases for decades.

As far as PS: I don't post nearly as much as I used to. I rarely get involved in long discussions now like I used to (I miss the old style Around the World tread). There are a few people here I really like... and I'm sure could get along well in life with.

Not sure how that all adds up to where I fall as being in a clique (beyond being in my personal clique).

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[Haven]

I don't feel like I belong to a clique, but I'm aware of feeling like they exist - which is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. That's despite having been around for (criminy!) 3 years and change. I think the whole clique mentality/existence is partially attributable to the attitudes posters bring with them, and partially due to circumstance - a lot of what this thread refers to as "cliques" can also be chalked up as milestones.

I just read an article that talked about the big 5 milestones, and I'm damned if I can remember what they were - going to college, moving out, getting married, having kids, and ...? It was one of those lists with a lot of assumptions in it. I think a board like PS is codified to make a lot of those milestones seem like givens.

And that's not a bad thing! But, well. Sometimes life doesn't go according to script. I proposed to my husband before I'd ever heard of PS, so no LIW. I eloped, so not so much with the participation in BWW. And, dear gods, do I wish joining the mommy boards was a gimme, but ... sometimes it can be a right pain. Which also makes the preg threads problematic. And on and on and on. This thread is actually the first time I've ever thought of the disparity between my actual experience and the norm, truth be told.

So if you ever feel like you're on the outside looking in, I say find the posters whose opinions you agree with repeatedly, and make your own clique of whatevers. If it worked in high school (i.e., the last time the word "clique" passed my lips), why not now? KSinger, Haven, you in?

I am in, Circe!

 

[Haven]

I don't think new PSer's are taken as seriously as much as long term members are. I have no idea why. I still don't feel like I'm taken seriously. As Monarch has pointed out, I *do* feel like I have to prove myself. I have noticed that when I add my two cents to a thread, a lot of times it goes unnoticed. I'm not really bothered by it, but it is definitely something that I've noticed.

That happens to me all the time, Autumnovember. I think it has less to do with being new and more to do with the fact that once a thread really gets rolling people tend to grab onto one strand of the conversation, so a lot of comments get lost in the shuffle.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

Everyone thinks their posts go unnoticed There are threads similar to this one every once in a while, and I think the most common sentiment expressed is "No one likes me!" or "No one would notice if I left!" or "My posts get ignored!"

I think it speaks to the common human state of worrying about acceptance and at the same time, being rather egocentric. The great commonality is feeling like you don't belong. That is the biggest clique of all!

Ha, I don't think that "no on likes me" or anything like that. Rather, I think that the nature of threaded discussions is such that everyone's voice is rarely going to be acknowledged by all participants in the discussion because as readers, we tend to skim through text and find points that catch our eye. OR, we do read through each post, but we respond only to those posts for which we have a direct response. I know that I often read all of the responses in a thread, but I only post a direct response to a few of the posters.

I certainly don't feel bad about that, I think it's just the nature of any large group discussion. Being heard and prompting others to respond are two different things. I'm okay with being lost in the shuffle, or simply with just having my responses out there. Most of the time, it feels good just to have a space in which to respond, to be honest.

 

[AGBF]

I'm totally in a few cliques...

Super Ideal Rock clique.
LIW clique of 2008.
BIW clique of 2009.
ATW Liberal clique of election year 2008.
Colored Stones clique.

And probably more that I'm just not aware of, and able to give a name to.

And no, I don't think newbs get as much respect/aren't taken as seriously as old PSers. Once you're around for a longer time, people know more about you, and have an idea of your personality/thoughts/opinions/knowledge base. Monnie summed it all up very well.

the Liberals ganged up on me. .. Freke,karen,Thing2 ,Moonwater and list goes on......

First I was going to say that I was unaware of any cliques that existed, although I wasn't going to deny that some might exist.

Second, Freke posted this list, and I thought I might actually be in the ATW Liberal clique of election year 2008.

Third, Dancing Fire posted his list of most memorable liberal posters and I didn't make the cut, causing me to wonder if I am really clique material after all. That brought me down to...

Fourth, I decided I must not be good enough to be in any cliques.

Deb/AGBF

 

[AGBF]

When I first joined PS seven years ago, there were definitely distinct cliques and that's what made it so hard for a newbie to post anything. I was almost embarrassed to post at first because I didn't get any responses. It's a crummy feeling to post something and put yourself out there and have the topic fall dead as a door nail (ker thunk) right afterwards. But most of those people are gone and the feeling of just a few folks corresponding with each other (with inside jokes and veiled personal references) is pretty much over. I think the playing field is more level now.

I just think it's natural that the more time you spend on a board, the better you get to know people and the more cyber friends you make. Hang out long enough, and everyone forms their own little circle of peeps.

I like what you are posting, gemgirl. I think we joined at around the same time. One difference between us is that I was oblivious to what was going on around me. (Isn't that something to be proud of? And with that sentence I dangle a preposition, too.)

I just posted away, unaware of who was reacting to me! I still never know what's going on behind the scenes. Never. I am perpetually in the dark. One reason appears to be because I am not on Facebook. What I see on Pricescope is what I respond to.

Deb/AGBF