The Just Barely Preggo Thread

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Indy - I hate it when things feel like an avalanche.

I mean u have to care for the cub and worry about every little twitch in your body that''s new and be
concerned about your mom and fly through time zones to help her out.

It''s a lot and there is no way anyone else could magically "not think, think, think about everything."

Not to mention work.

So, all I have to offer are stats that bear out that you and cubby will be fine and that even at 7 wks an US is still considered early.

To us here it feels like an eternity but really go see the doc before you leave. They will identify the embryo and the yolk sack around 4-5 wks (which is pretty cool).
And quite possibly might even detect a heartbeat if their machines are good. Ask for a trans vaginal US.

You''ll have the next US when you get back and it will be fine.

Believe it or not those suckers (cubs) are hearty!!

They do not want to leave that comfy home at all.

Perhaps your doc is the best person to talk to about these concerns.

It is so hard not knowing!!!

I always felt that pregnancy was both the hardest and easiest thing I have ever done.

Your body just goes on autopilot and you have to get out of its way.

Easier said than done!

 

[mela lu]

Hey girl, I totally feel you on this one. the nerves, coupled with the complete lack of control of what''s going on in that oven, and the fact that it''s all so ''blind''.

Here is some interesting perspective for you: In Canada, unless you are high risk etc., they dont do the first u/s until 11 or 12 weeks. They figure, if there is any developmental issues or no heartbeat, then they''ll ''deal'' with it then. In a way, there is something calming about the fact that all you can do is wait. Wait for those first 12 weeks to pass, and only worry if there is something to worry about. If the 11/12wk u/s is successful, then you''re already DONE that agonizing 3 month wait period.
the reality is, anything could happen even after 12 weeks whether or not the 6 week ultrasound shows a viable pregnancy. I think the biggest opportunity that pregnancy gives us is the opportunity to learn patience, and to have faith.

Cheese-dog? yes.
Complete reaction to my recent m/c? Probably.

I just think that us newly pregnats (me included) put too much weight on the first (6-8wk) u/s. The best thing we can do is to try to remain calm throughout.

Indy, try not to worry about whether or not your u/s is before or after your trip. Focus on helping your mom because she needs you right now and that will probably help you take your mind off of your pregnancy.

hang in there girl. we''re here to talk about all kinds of stupidity if you need to take your mind off of things. Hugs.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Hi Erica - You may never get nauseated or vomit!

I didn''t puke once and I was expecting it. I felt sooooo tiiiieerrrd. And bloaty.

I gained 35 lbs. and really tried to keep it down. I think it helped bouncing back.

I know you work out. I''m sure you''ll be the buffest momma out there!

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Oh Guys I forgot to mention that after the insemination like on Sat. DH, Olivia and I are going to
visit his mom in Oklahoma

I hate to admit that it will take my mind off the wait but Oklahoma?

We are driving b/c I have to practically be put into a coma to fly.

2.5 days driving w/ the baby and it will be hot & humid

I asked DH what we will do there besides noodling (sp) (catching fish w/ our bare hands as they bit u)
and he goes, "well there is a lake and we can BBQ."

I say, "for like 4-5 days?"

She lives in a small town over 2 hrs from OK City.

I won''t have computer access, how will I survive? Probably like 2 wks - ugh. You will all forget me by then!

The heat, the follicles, the Olivia, the BBQ oh and the lovely progesterone vaginal suppositories twice daily

Not to mention the WAIT.

 

[erica k]

lisa--

I had queasy stomach issues last week, but this week, nothing. I''d love to be the one who doesn''t have morning sickness, but I''ll take whatever the Lentil (tentative name) throws my way.

Oklahoma, really? Um, are you going to partake in the catching fish with bare hands activity, too? That''s going to be one loooong wait! Don''t worry, we''ll all be cheering your follicles on!


mela lu--

How are you feeling?


Learning to be patient can be so darn tiring.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Indy, I''m so sorry about your mom and I know that having you there with her is going to be the biggest boost and support. It''s great that you can go back, even though to timing is pretty stink-o (is there ever a good time to support a loved one through surgery? Probably not...).

Date: 6/23/2008 8:42:09 PM
Author: mela lu
Hey girl, I totally feel you on this one. the nerves, coupled with the complete lack of control of what''s going on in that oven, and the fact that it''s all so ''blind''.

Here is some interesting perspective for you: In Canada, unless you are high risk etc., they dont do the first u/s until 11 or 12 weeks. They figure, if there is any developmental issues or no heartbeat, then they''ll ''deal'' with it then. In a way, there is something calming about the fact that all you can do is wait. Wait for those first 12 weeks to pass, and only worry if there is something to worry about. If the 11/12wk u/s is successful, then you''re already DONE that agonizing 3 month wait period.
the reality is, anything could happen even after 12 weeks whether or not the 6 week ultrasound shows a viable pregnancy. I think the biggest opportunity that pregnancy gives us is the opportunity to learn patience, and to have faith.

Cheese-dog? yes.
Complete reaction to my recent m/c? Probably.

I just think that us newly pregnats (me included) put too much weight on the first (6-8wk) u/s. The best thing we can do is to try to remain calm throughout.

Indy, try not to worry about whether or not your u/s is before or after your trip. Focus on helping your mom because she needs you right now and that will probably help you take your mind off of your pregnancy.

hang in there girl. we''re here to talk about all kinds of stupidity if you need to take your mind off of things. Hugs.

I ditto everything Mela said! I know how you feel Indy, I am planning a trip back to Vancouver to visit family/friends at the start of August and I would loooove to tell everyone about my pregnancy then, but I won''t have a u/s until my 11-14 wk NT scan! I don''t even see my midwife until 10 weeks! So I am really holding strong to this mantra: "Pregnancy is a natural, health process, and my body knows what it is doing!" Most days it works, but sometimes I go a little mental.

EVERYONE: when does m/s usually start? I am now 4.5 weeks and I have no symptoms at all except being really tired.

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks for all the support ladies! We were at a dinner last night and I was cramping through the whole thing. Then more spotting. Gr! But I''m doing a great job of chilling now, if I do say so myself. Lots of deep breathing. Yoga. And repeating to myself that what will be will be. It IS possible to consciously make yourself relax.

I''ll feel much better if I have a really productive day of work, too. So yell at me if you see me on PS anymore today!

 

[erica k]

I''d read somewhere that m/s starts around 6 weeks, but I''m sure it''s different for everyone. I just finished week 5 and feel pretty much normal except for waking up at 6am and using the toilet.

My first appt. is on July 9, which will put me at the 7 1/2 week mark. I don''t even know if they''ll do an u/s at this appt. We''ll probably start telling close friends and family afterwards.

Are your husbands going to accompany you to the first appt?

 

[Independent Gal]

DD & Erica, I''ve also heard that m/s can get bad starting at 6 weeks. But my mom had pretty much none in any of her pregnancies, and neither did DH''s mom, so that can be normal too.

And Erica, to answer your q, DH really wants to go to the first appointment, but I sort of don''t want him to. It''s his bundle of cells too, though, and I should practice not being controlling in the parenting department. So yeah, he''ll be coming to the first appointment.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2008 10:50:05 AM
Author: Independent Gal
DD & Erica, I''ve also heard that m/s can get bad starting at 6 weeks. But my mom had pretty much none in any of her pregnancies, and neither did DH''s mom, so that can be normal too.

And Erica, to answer your q, DH really wants to go to the first appointment, but I sort of don''t want him to. It''s his bundle of cells too, though, and I should practice not being controlling in the parenting department. So yeah, he''ll be coming to the first appointment.

INDY GET OFF PS!!!

LOL!!

My DH will be coming to all my appointments for sure. I think we both just assumed that''s how it would go. He is a very "involved" and attentive hubby, so I think he would be hurt if I tried to tell him not to come. I actually think it is a good thing for hubbys to come to appointments, if their work doesn''t totally preclude it, because it sets up the norm right from the start that the father is *supposed* to be just as responsible for child-related things as the mother is. I also want him to meet our midwife and become very comfortable with her since he will need to trust her as much as I do.

 

[erica k]

My husband wanted to know if it was ''normal'' to accompany me to my appointments. I''m a control-freak, but I also want to be showered with attention. It''s a bothersome contradiction because I can never have it both ways, so we end up frustrated with each other. Hopefully he''ll ''want'' to be included from the very beginning, rather than see it as an ''expectation.''


Indy--
I better not see you on PS for the rest of the day!!

 

[erica k]

ETA
ugh. double post.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2008 11:37:04 AM
Author: erica k
My husband wanted to know if it was ''normal'' to accompany me to my appointments. I''m a control-freak, but I also want to be showered with attention. It''s a bothersome contradiction because I can never have it both ways, so we end up frustrated with each other. Hopefully he''ll ''want'' to be included from the very beginning, rather than see it as an ''expectation.''

I hear you Erica! I think that can be a universal issue in relationships: desiring one''s partner to act in a certain way, but at the same time not fully trusting that they WILL act in that desired way without being explicitly told to do so. Really that type of situation boils down to our ability to trust that our partner will be responsive to our needs. And having a lack of trust ultimately leads to the controlling behavior you are talking about--"Well he won''t do it on his own, so I better tell him how to act!" Unfortunately, if we control our partner by instructing them about how to behave, we also eliminate opportunities for them to be spontaneously responsive and thereby help build our trust in them

It is a vicious self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways, and I know that when I have been controlling like that I always end up feeling hurt that I had to ask/instruct at all! He should know, right? But it is unreasonable to expect our partner to be responsive to needs he may not even be aware of! And we all know that men can vary in how sensitive they are to our needs

Some guys really need to be told! But then how can we ever fully trust them??

This is something we spend a lot of time researching in social psychology. Despite all that research, I still don''t have an answer except to say, "Know thy husband." If he is a sensitive man, perhaps raised in a family of expressive women, and past evidence suggests that he is a responsive guy, then trust he will think of your feelings etc. If he is a manly man, maybe not used to thinking of another person''s needs or perspective taking about your needs, then tell him what you need and just accept that he loves you, and his lack of spontaneous responsiveness doesn''t mean anything! Just try to be sweet and nice when you make your "demands" so that he will feel good about meeting your desires (e.g., "Honey, it would be so nice if you came with me, I''d love to share this with you!), rather than doing it because you are angry or upset at him (e.g., "Why am I the only one who has to deal with this stuff??".

In the end, if you want him to be present for you at appointments and throughout the pregnancy, who really cares whether he does it because he implicitly want to, or whether he does it to please you... either way he will be there!

 

[erica k]

DD--

Great advice, and so spot on! ("Why am I the only one who has to deal with this stuff??"--I say this ALL the time!

) My husband isn''t particularly masculine, but he isn''t the super attentive, sensitive type, either. I spent about 3 years thinking he was, and then realized that he''s actually oblivious to most things and rarely shows enthusiasm. He''s one of those people who rarely feels less than 100% fit, so he doesn''t understand why I might not want to do things sometimes. I am trying to keep him informed about what is happening to my body without being overly preachy/obsessed. He seems to tire of the ''pregnancy talk'' rather quickly.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2008 1:21:05 PM
Author: erica k
DD--

Great advice, and so spot on! (''Why am I the only one who has to deal with this stuff??''--I say this ALL the time!

) My husband isn''t particularly masculine, but he isn''t the super attentive, sensitive type, either. I spent about 3 years thinking he was, and then realized that he''s actually oblivious to most things and rarely shows enthusiasm. He''s one of those people who rarely feels less than 100% fit, so he doesn''t understand why I might not want to do things sometimes. I am trying to keep him informed about what is happening to my body without being overly preachy/obsessed. He seems to tire of the ''pregnancy talk'' rather quickly.

It can be a real challenge to be married to a man who is not very high in communalism (i.e., the motivation to have harmonious relationships and meet other people''s needs). Typically, women are much higher in this motivation than men, and East Asians or people raised in the West who are of East Asian descent are higher in this motivation than Caucasians/Westerners. So as an asian woman, you are probably very high in communalism!

And it sounds like your partner is probably quite low on this trait. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can lead to confusion just like you are describing!

One of my best friends has been married for 5 years and has a 2 year old child, and her husband sounds a lot like yours. He is a good man, just like I am sure your hubby is a good man, but he simply cannot take her perspective about things and cannot anticipate her feelings! Of course, this can be really hard, because without intending to, such attitudes can really hurt your feelings and can lead to dashed expectations on the wife''s part. The hard truth is that they almost divorced in their first year of marriage, and the first year after their child was born was really really really aweful for her. Things have improved a lot for them because of certain changes in thinking and behavior that my friend has made. She basically came to accept his character traits for what they are, and she decided to no longer be offended when he didn''t behave the way she hoped for and desired. She is really explicit with communicating her needs to him, and when he knows exactly what she needs, he is actually really good at following through and behaving the way he should! With the baby, he was so clueless about how to take care of her that he really was an absent and neglectful father. So he needed a lot of instuction about what was the right way to act. And he needed a lot of *positive* feedback from his wife about how to act, not always the easiest thing when she was so upset and hurt by his behavior at times. It has been a lot of work but by accepting him for who he is and taking the time to try to work with it and not be hurt or offended by his behavior (or lack thereof) she feels much happier.

Yes, that is a lot of accomodation on her part, and yes, it may be easier to just find another partner! But he has his good points: He works hard and makes agood living; he is funny and playful; he is emotionally stable and keeps on an even keel when my friend is going a little cukoo

; he is completely honest and trustworthy; he speaks his mind, with no sugar coating!; he would never ever leave my friend or cheat, or betray her. And he loves my friend to pieces. These compensations are enough for her, and she thinks they balance the negatives and it makes it worth her time to take the effort to improve their relationship.

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Hey guys!

DH came to the appts he could make but I was so way into the whole thing that he could never
catch up!

Heck - I ask him now about "female" stuff (as we''re mired in IF land) and he still doesn''t get how it all works.

I pretty sure he understands the sex part well but I asked him how he was delivered (vag. or c-sect) and he didn''t know.
I asked his mom (vag.).

However, if I tell him to provide a semen sample he goes unflinchingly and doesn''t complain

I''m sorta the academic in the relationship and he''s the rational/common-sense one.

This whole we week we''ve had timed BD before each appt. and he''s like "are we gonna do it tonight? Just tell me when I''m on."

I should give him a Scooby Snack

 

[erica k]

DD--

That''s so spooky, your friend''s relationship with her husband sounds so similar to us. We were going through a rough spot a few months ago, and the biggest factor in improving things has been my awareness that I need to calm down, reinforce his ''good'' behavior, avoid nagging, and take charge of the things I know need to get done. Do I get annoyed that I feel like I''m doing ''all'' the work? Sure. But I''m pretty confident that I''m not exactly easy to live with, either!

Lisa--
Your husband sounds like a dear.
How are you doing?

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Erica

Gave myself the HCG trigger shot last night (Mon) at 11:45 pm - 10,000 iu.

So insemination is exactly 36 hours from that - Wed. at 11:45 am.

It''s wierd b/c I POAS just for the thrill of the 2 lines and guess what - I got a BFP!!!

To be expected since I pumped myself full of HCG and it won''t clear my system for about a week.

So I can pretend - yay!

HCG makes u ovulate all those follies (chem. similar to LH).

However, I have zero s/s of O yet. You''d think there would be some sensation since I am carring a litter on my left ovary.

I''m sorta freaked by the multiples thing since by last count I had 4 major contenders on Sun and they grew even more prior to triggering.

Watch I''ll have a BFN!

I looked up photos of bellies at various stages in triplet and twin moms and whoa!

I am so praying we get a singleton or twins max.

Are u coming home to CA anytime soon?

I''d love to meet and share stories. My mom lives in the OC and we are moving there soon enough!

We can have Kimchee Chigae or Tol Sot Bib-im-bop!!!!!!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2008 2:26:29 PM
Author: erica k
DD--

That''s so spooky, your friend''s relationship with her husband sounds so similar to us. We were going through a rough spot a few months ago, and the biggest factor in improving things has been my awareness that I need to calm down, reinforce his ''good'' behavior, avoid nagging, and take charge of the things I know need to get done. Do I get annoyed that I feel like I''m doing ''all'' the work? Sure. But I''m pretty confident that I''m not exactly easy to live with, either!

It sounds like you are making the same adjustments that she made! The good news is that after 5 years of marriage, he is improving in leaps and bounds and is becoming more and more involved in parenting and supporting her. It was an adjustment for both of them to learn how to communicate with one another, since their styles are soooooo different. But it is worth it and I think the growth she is seeing in him, and in herself to be honest, is well worth the effort.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/24/2008 1:52:09 PM
Author: lisa1.01fvs1
Hey guys!

DH came to the appts he could make but I was so way into the whole thing that he could never
catch up!

Heck - I ask him now about ''female'' stuff (as we''re mired in IF land) and he still doesn''t get how it all works.

I pretty sure he understands the sex part well but I asked him how he was delivered (vag. or c-sect) and he didn''t know.
I asked his mom (vag.).

However, if I tell him to provide a semen sample he goes unflinchingly and doesn''t complain

I''m sorta the academic in the relationship and he''s the rational/common-sense one.

This whole we week we''ve had timed BD before each appt. and he''s like ''are we gonna do it tonight? Just tell me when I''m on.''

I should give him a Scooby Snack

I agree, your hubby sounds great, "Just tel lme what to do dear!" My kinda man

 

[lisa1.01fvs1]

Thought you all might get a kick out of this story and photo.

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger, after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression.

The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother''s cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment.

Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only "orphans" that could be found quickly, were a litter of wiener pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger.

Would they become cubs or pork chops???

Look - you won''t believe it.

 

[violet02]

Date: 6/25/2008 12:33:11 AM
Author: lisa1.01fvs1

Thought you all might get a kick out of this story and photo.

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger, after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression.

The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother''s cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment.

Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only ''orphans'' that could be found quickly, were a litter of wiener pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger.

Would they become cubs or pork chops???

Look - you won''t believe it.

Okay not to rain on the very cute story (because I was like WOW and tried to google it...) but it''s real photos and a fictional story.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/tigerpig.asp

 

[sbde]

hey there!

just checking in on all the barely preggos, preggos and ttc''ers - hope all is well for everyone. sorry i''ve been mia but i''m out of the country for work. little jellybean seems to be doing fine and i''m officially into DOUBLE DIGITS in terms of weeks. yay!

have my next u/s in 10 days so hopefully i''ll have more of an update then.

sorry about the sbde-centric post but this is really just a drive-by until i''m back home.

sticky dust and baby dust to all.