Help! 2 year old won't stay in his bed- advice needed!

[Puppmom]

A little off the bedtime topic but I'm learning that the way Nolan now expresses displeasure is through *fitting*. Gosh, I hope this phase ends soon. I *think* it started with this MOTN waking and we rewarded him by letting him in bed when he would freak out long enough. Now, it's carried over to other areas - eating being the worst. The degree and length of the fit varies but this kid has decided a simple "no thanks" isn't enough to let Mommy and Daddy know he doesn't want something.

Dreamer, thanks - I really appreciate the time you put into your detailed responses. It really makes things a lot more clear. ...off to look up 1-2-3 magic!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Pupp Hunter does that too Extinction is the only way to really go: Meaning ignore it and no matter what, don't give a reward! A reward for that behavior could be snuggles, love, attention, or whatever he wants/ is fitting over. Hunter did it on and off from about 2 until 3. We called it "meltdowns". I think they get overwhelmed with emotion.

I think parenting with purpose is just so hard. As a parent you have to be SO disciplined and energetic to really do the things you need to do sometimes. Like, in the middle of the night, take your kid back to his bed and stay up for an hour while he tantrums over the notion of being in hos own bed. Blech.

I certainly don't have this stuff figured out. I think knowing learning theory helps. But somehow they always throw some loop at you.

Logan I feel like if he is laying there for an hour and not falling asleep, he is not tired. I don't know the answer because I agree with you that 11 hours is not much sleep for a kid his age. But I think when kids are tired, if they are laying still in bed they will fall asleep in about 20 minutes once they are still and settled (not hyper and jumping around). That is my experience with both my kids. So I have no suggestions really. Our older son liked one of us in his room too, and we are just at the point where we are going to start weaning him off it. Just need the energy

 

[Puppmom]

Dreamer, you're right but it is very hard. DD was such an easy-going kid. She never really resisted or melted down and always obliged. It's just how she was. It certainly wasn't stellar parenting. I was 17 when I had her. I did the best I could and sometimes I think she knew I was a young, inexperienced mommy and had mercy on me.

With DS, we're learning that things build over time and we can't take *breaks*. He remembers when we give in and he'll fight even harder next time he wants something. I think it all started when he first began to communicate what he wanted. We were so excited that he could use words to tell us what he wanted that we almost always obliged. No harm at the time or so it seemed. Then, we started teaching him how to use please. When he would ask for something, DH would say "what do you say?" and DS would happily *please* away because it meant getting what he wanted. We rarely said no. Now, he thinks he should get what he wants when he asks and, if he doesn't, he'll try a few *pleases*. Then, all hell breaks loose. Needless to say, we have some retraining to do. We're finding that evenings are the most difficult for us. Mostly, because they include dinner and bed but partly because we're all spent. It is tiring to parent with thought and purpose.

Sometimes we have to laugh because it's to the point that he'll make silly requests just to see if we'll oblige. He'll ask for a snack then cry for something else when we give it to him. We let him watch 15 minutes of TV before bed. He'll ask for a show then ask for something else when we turn it on. He'll ask to sit with the parent who is busy doing something else. He'll ask to move to the couch if we sit on the chair. I could go on but you get the point. We're going to have to be methodical about teaching him he's not the boss. It'll be an uphill climb but I think we can do it. My motivation is knowing how NOT cute this is when they aren't squishy little toddlers!