What is the hardest thing you've had to endure?

[sarahb]

My diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

Last March I was hospitalized for two weeks while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I never got an official diagnosis before I was discharged but knew it was either MS or Lupus.

I got my final diagnosis last July.

It changed my entire world and subsequently my entire perspective on life. I don't look at the world with the same eyes at all.

After dealing with my own heart break from it, my husbands, and my families, I think I'm in a better place.

The biggest part of coping with it has always been to remain positive and hopeful. I am grateful for everyday that I can wake up and go to work and do my normal daily activities. Since I work with oncology patients, it keeps me very grounded and has been a good reminder that there are people out there fighting a harder battle than I am.

There are days that I allow myself to cry if I need to or feel bad for myself but I don't allow it to last for days at a time.

I have had some really good support from my family, husband and some close friends.

Hi Autumnovember I also have MS. My heart goes out to you!

At first in my case, it was a crushing blow--but now 30 years hence, it's not so bad. Really! I'm telling you straight, you WILL get there!

Fortunately, I have relapsing/remitting rather than the more severe form of chronic/progressive. I treat mine like a cold that comes around every so often. It resides in the part of my mind where I've compartmentalized it away. In other words, it does not define me, but is a part of me. Maybe time has allowed my emotions to deal. I wish you the best! In my early stages, I found it best to talk with others in similar situations, it helped greatly! Now I know what to do on the 'visits', & it doesn't freak me out when it arrives like it used to.

I'm also a 7 year survivor of bone cancer, I'm thinking we're in the clear--we were so fortunate in that we caught it in probably it's earliest stages. So, we're good. I am not defined as the gal who has had cancer & MS. I'm just that nutty chick who loves life & diamonds!

All my best to those who are currently struggling & kudos to those who have over come. I love the positive stories of the survivors!!! Thank you for sharing!

 

[Dreamer_D]

"This too shall pass" is my mantra in life. In hard times, it reminds me of the light at the end of the tunnel. In good times, it reminds me to savour the moment.

 

[4ever]

Advice; Recognise that the hard times will end and imagine the further afterwards.

 

[minidancer]

Thank you all for sharing. All of your stories are so humbling, and there is some beautiful advice in here that I will take to heart.

Deamer_D, "this too shall pass" has been one of my favorite sayings whenever I am in a particularly hard place in my life.

NTave, I have never heard advice like yours, but I won't forget it. Thank you.

1. Something for you. 2. Something for someone else. 3. Something for the place where you live.

Missy- sounds like your dad is a very smart man.

My heart breaks for everyone who has had to deal with health issues, death of a loved one, and painful relationships. Your stories of inner strength are so so inspiring.

 

[MMtwo]

Thank you for sharing your stories and how you made it through. For those who lost loved ones...my heart breaks for you.

My worst experience ever was when my daughter (at 1 had a car accident and broke her back after being ejected from the vehicle. She called me while laying in the road (cell was in her pocket!). Memories of that time literally still make me sick to my stomach. She is okay now (2 years later) but I am still working on putting that time to rest. Even now, there are no words that can express the fear in the moment and the call and my stomach still knots up in panic.

The biggest life lessons came from this experience years ago: I left an abusive husband with my kids and ended up without anything but the clothes on my back and in a shelter. It was one of the scariest things I ever did. After feeling sorry for myself for a while, I started to plan and look at my life (and the decisions I made leading up to this time) and discovered that part of it was my fault. I realized I had chose to see myself as a victim, but victims are powerless creatures. I changed that mindset to taking responsibility for my life and actions. Some of my decisions could have been wiser, so I started trying to figure out how to be that wiser person who didn't crash their life into the ground. I figured I didn't really have good life skills, so I would fantasize about a women who did. I would try to be THAT woman. I decided to write the next chapter in the stronger heroine's voice that I sort of made up as I went along. There was some value to stepping outside of my "stuck" self to channel the person I wanted to become. I realized that when you lose everything (including pride) you get a certain freedom of understanding what really matters. There was a simplicity (or maybe just tons of time to think about it) that allowed me to see how much hogwash had been stealing my resources and who mattered.

I found a stable job, went to school at night and picked up a college education and started to make better choices aimed at the longer term solution. It worked, eventually. The other piece I leaned was the serenity prayer (cliche, I know). It helped me find the parts in the big drama I could change, and to let go of the parts I could not.

 

[isaku5]

Tyry come from a place of calm. Let me be the adcovate and resaerch with friends, who I an call in a heart beart. When it comes to a child and we know the etiology. Sometimes they are lets waight and see... My family kids included could hve lost their lives has I not ben so damn digent strong.. I see some docs know and then and they always remayk that I had that healing gift.

Kaleigh, are you feeling okay? This post doesn't read like any of the others I've read.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I have been through many, many difficult things in my life. I always remind myself, "this too shall pass." Every emotion is temporary and it is important for me to remember the pain will not last forever. I work with people enduring horrible things. It still surprises me how resilient people really are. Learning coping skills and CBT techniques I think is really valuable for dealing with trauma, mental illness, substance abuse, grief, etc. I also have found support groups very powerful in my personal life. Prayer/spirituality also has played an important role.

 

[dk168]

Events that happened after my late partner's death, some of which can still bring tears to my eyes at the drop of a hat.

They were my darkest hours, and I'd like to believe I became a stronger person when the dark clouds finally lifted.

DK

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Moneymeister-- I so admire what you have done and accomplished. You had a unusual approach to your future that I love. Envision the person you will become. I wish you good wishes for you and your children.

Annette

 

[MMtwo]

The other key part was playing Eminem really loud (Lose yourself) sing along and learning I would never have a career in rap.
Thanks Annette for your kind words and wishes. Life is stable and happy now days and those bad times seem far away now. Reading the stories of others here...we have all had our trials and times of heartbreak. Reading these stories I want to send hugs to everyone.

Hi,

Moneymeister-- I so admire what you have done and accomplished. You had a unusual approach to your future that I love. Envision the person you will become. I wish you good wishes for you and your children.

Annette

 

[isaku5]

One of mine jumped to the surface so I thought I'd share it.

The sound of my father's tears falling on his shoes when he walked me down the aisle was unnerving to say the least. I will never forget it as long as I live. He had been an emotional man most of his life, but the fact that his daughter was marrying a German guy was just too much.

One of the jobs my father had was delivering telegrams to the people he knew well, saying that their son had died was the worst. When people saw him walking up the street they would avoid him any way they could. Nevertheless, the telegram had to be hand-delivered. Many of the young men he had known well as our town was small.

Understandably, no one wants to read such horrific news. My dad was ineligible for service due to a withered arm that he had acquired during surgery for a lump on his back. Those were the days when surgeries were performed on a kitchen table. The doctor had inadvertently cut the cord which fed the blood flow to his arm. At the time, he was 10. He had been right handed, but he had to learn to use his left. He didn't consider his limitations a handicap and learned to swim, golf and write with his left hand. He never complained.

On that fateful day, he cried because he was giving away his daughter to the (perceived) enemy. My now DH had absolutely nothing to do with the war except that he had lost his older brother (14 years difference) in Russia. That's what caused the family's emigration to Canada in 1952.

My dad thought that he was giving his only child to 'the enemy'. Time showed that his fears for me were unfounded. DH was the kindest man he could have chosen. I had finished two years of a BA when we married. While our daughter was sleeping, I worked on the courses I was missing for my BA. In summer school that last two were off the list and I received my BA which meant that I could apply for a teaching job. I was able to find one every easily (Ontario was short of teachers at the time). Once the job was secure, I was eligible for 'Teachers College' which meant two more summers of education. It happened to be the last two years that the 'express program' was available. All I had to do now was show up on the first day of school and hope for the best.

Teaching secondary school was amazing and getting paid for doing what I loved was more amazing. At last, my dad was ecstatic! I had a career!! He was so proud and I was so happy doing what I loved.

'All's well that ends well'?' IDK, but my career lasted 19 years and our marriage has lasted 51 years. Perseverance works as does true love

Sorry to be so long winded

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Surviving my childhood. Abusive alcoholic father, eventually he died of cancer when I was 12 and I felt guilty to be relieved that he had died. A few years later my Mother went to prison as a result of business dealings from when my father was alive. It was my now DH that got me through it. We met right before she went away and we have supported each other ever since.

What I took from all of it is that you are only responsible for your own choices. Do not ever feel guilty about what other people chose for their own lives. It took me many years but I've made peace with it all. My relationship with my Mother was far better after her ordeal than before.

 

[GliderPoss]

I'm sorry to hear so much pain and suffering has affected you all. *HUGS*

Certainly I have found that time & perspective has helped me in the past. I went through a period in my early-mid 20's where DH & I were very poor and constantly unlucky. Everything that could go wrong - did go wrong! I got to a stage where I wondered if love was enough for us to survive. I used to lie awake at night crying silently as everything felt so overwhelming. The old saying "All you need is love" is difficult to follow when you are unemployed and cannot afford to buy food, petrol or pay your rent. We are so blessed to have a wonderful family who helped us get by at that time and now we both feel "richer" for the experience and our marriage thankfully survived. It was definitely the toughest year of two of my life so far...

 

[february2003bride]

Being a teen mom. I had my daughter at 19 and she made me a better person. Having her gave me laser focus on the person I wanted and needed to be. While I had her young and alone, she was the best thing to ever happen to me. She's 17 now and I am amazed at the person she is, and everyday I get more proud of her.

 

[Sky56]

Illness, rape, situations where I could have lost my life, harassment, loneliness, drug dependency, loss of loved ones from death or estrangement - it's been a rough life long ago but I have now had 30 years of happiness and healthy thriving, and I feel grateful.

 

[iLander]

The death of my mom when I was five. I know my life is better than it would have been ( long story) but I wish I at least knew her.

I also did not have the opportunity to know my mother.

It helps me to know that half of me is her. So I know her, in a way.

Hope that helps a little bit.

 

[packrat]

My grampa dying when I was 13-right before my 14th birthday. We shared a birthday and it was such a special thing for me. Twenty six years later and it still makes me tear up, just typing that. Being raped when I was 16 by someone who was supposed to be my friend and the insanity afterward, in such a small community. Panic attacks that left me shaking and in tears. Rushing Trapper to the emergency room when he started throwing up blood, the bathroom looked like a murder scene and I was covered, thinking I was watching my son bleed out right in front of me.

 

[Autumnovember]

My diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

Last March I was hospitalized for two weeks while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I never got an official diagnosis before I was discharged but knew it was either MS or Lupus.

I got my final diagnosis last July.

It changed my entire world and subsequently my entire perspective on life. I don't look at the world with the same eyes at all.

After dealing with my own heart break from it, my husbands, and my families, I think I'm in a better place.

The biggest part of coping with it has always been to remain positive and hopeful. I am grateful for everyday that I can wake up and go to work and do my normal daily activities. Since I work with oncology patients, it keeps me very grounded and has been a good reminder that there are people out there fighting a harder battle than I am.

There are days that I allow myself to cry if I need to or feel bad for myself but I don't allow it to last for days at a time.

I have had some really good support from my family, husband and some close friends.

Hi Autumnovember I also have MS. My heart goes out to you!

At first in my case, it was a crushing blow--but now 30 years hence, it's not so bad. Really! I'm telling you straight, you WILL get there!

Fortunately, I have relapsing/remitting rather than the more severe form of chronic/progressive. I treat mine like a cold that comes around every so often. It resides in the part of my mind where I've compartmentalized it away. In other words, it does not define me, but is a part of me. Maybe time has allowed my emotions to deal. I wish you the best! In my early stages, I found it best to talk with others in similar situations, it helped greatly! Now I know what to do on the 'visits', & it doesn't freak me out when it arrives like it used to.

I'm also a 7 year survivor of bone cancer, I'm thinking we're in the clear--we were so fortunate in that we caught it in probably it's earliest stages. So, we're good. I am not defined as the gal who has had cancer & MS. I'm just that nutty chick who loves life & diamonds!

All my best to those who are currently struggling & kudos to those who have over come. I love the positive stories of the survivors!!! Thank you for sharing!

Hi Sarah!

I also have relapsing/remitting but its still scary to me. I try my absolute best not to think too far into the future but there are days when I get the best of myself and can't help it. I have only had one flair up since my diagnosis and it involved my eye. Took 4 months for my eye to return to normal and two months of prednisone (that I CANNOT STAND). I do talk to others that have it but sometimes I'd rather not only because I've heard a lot of horror stories and it scares the living crap out of me. You are one tough cookie, surviving cancer and MS together. Glad to know there are others out there who are doing fine and have a good outlook and perspective on life like you do.

 

[minidancer]

One of mine jumped to the surface so I thought I'd share it.

The sound of my father's tears falling on his shoes when he walked me down the aisle was unnerving to say the least. I will never forget it as long as I live. He had been an emotional man most of his life, but the fact that his daughter was marrying a German guy was just too much.

One of the jobs my father had was delivering telegrams to the people he knew well, saying that their son had died was the worst. When people saw him walking up the street they would avoid him any way they could. Nevertheless, the telegram had to be hand-delivered. Many of the young men he had known well as our town was small.

Understandably, no one wants to read such horrific news. My dad was ineligible for service due to a withered arm that he had acquired during surgery for a lump on his back. Those were the days when surgeries were performed on a kitchen table. The doctor had inadvertently cut the cord which fed the blood flow to his arm. At the time, he was 10. He had been right handed, but he had to learn to use his left. He didn't consider his limitations a handicap and learned to swim, golf and write with his left hand. He never complained.

On that fateful day, he cried because he was giving away his daughter to the (perceived) enemy. My now DH had absolutely nothing to do with the war except that he had lost his older brother (14 years difference) in Russia. That's what caused the family's emigration to Canada in 1952.

My dad thought that he was giving his only child to 'the enemy'. Time showed that his fears for me were unfounded. DH was the kindest man he could have chosen. I had finished two years of a BA when we married. While our daughter was sleeping, I worked on the courses I was missing for my BA. In summer school that last two were off the list and I received my BA which meant that I could apply for a teaching job. I was able to find one every easily (Ontario was short of teachers at the time). Once the job was secure, I was eligible for 'Teachers College' which meant two more summers of education. It happened to be the last two years that the 'express program' was available. All I had to do now was show up on the first day of school and hope for the best.

Teaching secondary school was amazing and getting paid for doing what I loved was more amazing. At last, my dad was ecstatic! I had a career!! He was so proud and I was so happy doing what I loved.

'All's well that ends well'?' IDK, but my career lasted 19 years and our marriage has lasted 51 years. Perseverance works as does true love

Sorry to be so long winded

Congrats on 51 years of marriage, isaku!

 

[minidancer]

Being a teen mom. I had my daughter at 19 and she made me a better person. Having her gave me laser focus on the person I wanted and needed to be. While I had her young and alone, she was the best thing to ever happen to me. She's 17 now and I am amazed at the person she is, and everyday I get more proud of her.

Feb03Bride, two of my closest friends were teenage mothers. What an undertaking. I'm sure your daughter is very proud of you as well.

 

[KaeKae]

For a year, I watched my mother bravely fight lung cancer. She died in 1979, I was thirteen.

Having my father turn his back on me, because he did not approve of my marrying DH. He died five years later, we never spoke again. Then, I was expected by family to stand beside my brother, while burying him, as if nothing had happened. I did it, for my brother and aunt, and mourned the father I remembered from my childhood, including the man who held us together after mom died. (DH and I have been married 25 years this month, btw.)

 

[FrekeChild]

My mom's battle with cancer and death. I don't really remember the two weeks following her passing.

 

[sarahb]

Autumnlover:

I would take my MS any day than be an oncology patient. True warriors in my book.

Yes, early on issues were varied, & crazy, would just absolutely freak me out whenever things started. But now, it's just a re-run, & familiar. In that I know I can handle it, & it's just what it is. Always recovered. A few minor minor deficits. Steroids, yuck, a few wild rides. Not a fan, but they do the job.

Just get your rest, eat well & just plain take care of yourself--follow the basics, & maintain as best as you can, happy you have strong family support, so important

 

[partgypsy]

Thinking about it I can list many many things...

I have my family, and a job, and two children. All the positive constants in my life, and things like music, or waking up in the morning, and trying something different.
When I was born I was a twin and a preemie (even the doctor didn't know). As my Mom says I was a bonus baby.
I wasn't the strongest kid and would catch whatever sicknesses went through the neighborhood. I was a quiet and very nearsighted so the teachers thought I was retarded and told my mother such, that I would not be able to finish high school and probably would not be able to hold down a job. (thankfully, she waited until I was graduating HS to tell me this particular story!). Instead I got college scholarships to multiple places and after college and working for awhile, returned to school and completed a PhD. For awhile I even had a career in my field (I have a couple dozen publications to my name). But due to some crazy stuff (i.e. hardest thing to endure) I left my career. But now, because I don't have such a demanding job, it gave me the space to have two kids, when I didn't even know if I was going to have one.
So life is a mix of bitter and sweet. When I get discouraged and frustrated, I remind myself that I was a bonus baby, that it's all extra, and for me not to hold onto everything too tightly and appreciate what I do have.
And in a way we are all "bonus" babies. No one knew until you were born, that it would be you that was born.

 

[sarahb]

What a great outlook you have! Thank you for sharing!