women do a better job of keeping secrets...momhappy|1440293212|3917868 said:^I don't buy that. I think both men & women try to keep cheating a secret - unless they're just plain dumb….
Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
HollyS|1440190313|3917383 said:Ongoing affair? Yes, of course, I want to know. Because I'm packing my stuff and leaving after I clean out the bank account.
Thanks to Viagra...perry|1440298264|3917893 said:Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
Sorry DF. Not yet, and likely not ever. There is very very good research on that issue for North America and Western Europe; and without looking up the numbers it shows that among older people (>50) that something like 50 % more men cheat than woman. However the ratios even out as the age drops and the latest information I saw shows fairly consistently that among the under 30 age group that the numbers are essentially equal. It is expected that equality in cheating will continue for the future.
Have a great day,
Perry
(CNN)Female breadwinners, especially those who didn't set out to make most of their family's income, have been found to feel less satisfied about their lives, based on a survey by Working Mother Media.
And now, the findings of a new study about infidelity will probably give these breadwinners more cause for concern.
It's tough to know precisely how many people cheat in their marriages, because many might not admit it in surveys, but researchers estimate that between 20% to 25% of married men and between 10% and 15% of married women have engaged in an extramarital relationship.
This new study, showcased in the June issue of the American Sociological Review, found that men who are 100% economically dependent on their spouses were most at risk for cheating, three times more at risk than women married to male breadwinners.
While, on average, women who are completely financially dependent on their husbands face about a 5% chance that they will stray, there is about a 15% chance that a man married to a female breadwinner will cheat, the study concluded.
Survey: Reluctant breadwinner moms are less happy
"I think it has to do with our cultural notions of what it means to be a man and what ... the social expectations are for masculinity," the study author, Christin Munsch, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Connecticut, told CNN.
Being economically dependent on their wives may threaten their manhood, Munsch said, and having an affair is a way to re-establish their masculinity, even if it's all done subconsciously.
"There's plenty of great literature showing how when men in particular undergo gender identity threats, they engage in hypermasculine behaviors," she said.
"Sex is one of the most sort of gender-typed behaviors. You think of men as ... (having) sex on the brain. They can engage in a behavior associated with masculinity."
The study relied on data from more than 2,750 people who are married, who range in age from 18 to 32 and who were part of the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth from 2001 through 2011.
Interestingly, female breadwinners whose husbands were 100% financially dependent on them were the least likely group to cheat. On average, they face about a 1.5% chance that they will cheat in an average year, according to the study.
There's plenty of data suggesting that these women know they are breaking social norms, feel guilty about it at times and do what they can to bolster their husband's masculinity, such as doing more of the housework even if they are the ones working full-time, said Munsch.
"He already might feel threatened that I'm the breadwinner, I'm certainly not going to make him clean the toilet, too," she said, giving voice to the possible thought process of a female breadwinner.
They are going to do what they can to keep a potentially strained relationship intact and would not cheat because that would threaten the relationship, she added.
But, there's another reason female breadwinners are less likely to cheat, and this comes down to pure logistics. "They kind of don't have time to cheat. They're really busy," Munsch said.
Try working full-time and then doing the housework so your not-working-outside-the-home husband doesn't feel threatened, and where is the time for an affair?
Time and opportunity don't seem to be issues for men who are the major breadwinners for their family.
Men whose wives are fully economically dependent on them face about a 4% chance that they will cheat: higher than the risk of cheating for a female breadwinner but dramatically lower than the 15% chance of cheating for men who are economically dependent on their wives, said Munsch.
We often hear about the celebrities, politicians and sports stars, often with wives fully financially dependent on them, who cheat but not the husbands of female breadwinners.
"We don't ever read about the economically dependent men because ... they're probably not famous."
Already, in four out of 10 households with children, women are the sole or primary breadwinners, based on a 2013 report by the Pew Research Center.
As more and more women become the sole or primary breadwinners and more men are economically dependent on their wives, will men grow more comfortable with these roles -- and women, too?
Moms increasingly becoming breadwinners
Judging by Munsch's latest research, no. She's interviewing undergraduate men at an unnamed university, where the women outnumber men in classes and get higher grades, about their breadwinning expectations.
When she asks them about their future families, they fully expect they will be the primary earners, she said. Sure, their wives may work, but they believe that her income will be supplemental and that they will be bringing in the lion's share.
"That is shocking to me that in 2015, in the face of so many women being so incredibly successful ... the fact that these young men have grown up in this 'post-feminist era' still feel that it's that important to be a breadwinner really, I think, speaks to how strong this norm is."
And, as long as men still feel like they're the ones who should be providing for the family, we may continue to see the husbands of female breadwinners the most at risk -- of all groups -- to have an affair.
amc80|1440181580|3917305 said:If he did something stupid and it was a one time thing? Nope, don't tell me. Don't ruin my life by burdening me with your mistakes. Having to live with what you've done for the rest of your life is your punishment.
If it's a long time affair? Or lots of "mistakes" over and over? Yeah, I need to know. That speaks to character, and I don't want to be with someone of that character.
perry|1440298264|3917893 said:Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
Sorry DF. Not yet, and likely not ever. There is very very good research on that issue for North America and Western Europe; and without looking up the numbers it shows that among older people (>50) that something like 50 % more men cheat than woman. However the ratios even out as the age drops and the latest information I saw shows fairly consistently that among the under 30 age group that the numbers are essentially equal. It is expected that equality in cheating will continue for the future.
Have a great day,
Perry
D_|1440615510|3919497 said:perry|1440298264|3917893 said:Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
Sorry DF. Not yet, and likely not ever. There is very very good research on that issue for North America and Western Europe; and without looking up the numbers it shows that among older people (>50) that something like 50 % more men cheat than woman. However the ratios even out as the age drops and the latest information I saw shows fairly consistently that among the under 30 age group that the numbers are essentially equal. It is expected that equality in cheating will continue for the future.
Have a great day,
Perry
I wonder how they conduct this research.
Ask people?
What's the guarantee people won't lie?
Especially if society doesn't hold equal view of cheating men & women.
perry|1440649727|3919734 said:D_|1440615510|3919497 said:perry|1440298264|3917893 said:Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
Sorry DF. Not yet, and likely not ever. There is very very good research on that issue for North America and Western Europe; and without looking up the numbers it shows that among older people (>50) that something like 50 % more men cheat than woman. However the ratios even out as the age drops and the latest information I saw shows fairly consistently that among the under 30 age group that the numbers are essentially equal. It is expected that equality in cheating will continue for the future.
Have a great day,
Perry
I wonder how they conduct this research.
Ask people?
What's the guarantee people won't lie?
Especially if society doesn't hold equal view of cheating men & women.
Great question. How to get accurate information on sexual behaviors is almost its own subject. You even have to be very careful on how you ask the question - as many common wordings favor one answer over another. Further more many people have different concepts of what "having sex" is; and even what is cheating... There are differences between studies carried out by sex researchers and studies carried out by many groups.
I have actually read several research papers on this exact subject. If I was home and had access to my main computer I might even be able to find the link (I am on my 6th or 7th trip in the last couple months). But, for all things related to human sexuality one of my first starting points is with the Kinsey Institute (and various sites they link to).
What I do know was that the studies behind my comments above were bases on a very large number of people and targeted to all social/cultural/economic subsets of society (unlike the study Missy posted that is targeted to a very small populations subset).
Concerning the comment about "if society doesn't hold equal view of cheating men and woman." Which part of society? There are many dozens of subgroups; and there are very wide variations between those subgroups (in many things). My research (when I did it a year or two ago) indicated that the younger generation is more tolerant and accepting of many things in human sexuality than the older generations.
NTave|1440736554|3920208 said:So I looked up my ex husband and found that his email matched with the AM search tool. I laugh about it now, but in all likelihood his subscription was probably when we were married. I take it now as proof positive that I did the right thing by getting away from him. 6 years later I'm thankful everyday that im not married to him.
arkieb1|1440289422|3917851 said:Dancing Fire|1440271927|3917798 said:Ladies FYI, There are more women cheating on their husband than men cheating on their wife.
Not according the the Ashley Madison hackers where the vast majority are married men.
I haven't, and I think AM is trying to shut down the sites that are making that easy (lol). I do know that my city is one of the top canadian cities for %/population of users though.missy|1440757678|3920249 said:NTave|1440736554|3920208 said:So I looked up my ex husband and found that his email matched with the AM search tool. I laugh about it now, but in all likelihood his subscription was probably when we were married. I take it now as proof positive that I did the right thing by getting away from him. 6 years later I'm thankful everyday that im not married to him.
Ugh glad you are free of him NTave!
I didn't even think to check the AM site. Now I am curious. How many of you girls have checked the site to see if someone you know is on it?
packrat|1440811186|3920581 said:I don't understand why a person would get married, and vow to be faithful to someone for the rest of their life, if they want to be w/other people. If you think you are not capable of staying faithful, don't get married. Don't be in a "serious" relationship. Unless the status quo in that marriage/relationship, for *both* partners, is to be w/other people. (again tho, um, der? why bother?) An affair is in no way shape or form a mistake. It is a conscious decision. I'm not going to walk into my house and say "Oh holy hell JD, I had the craziest day today-I was driving home and then suddenly my car was in the parking lot of the hotel! Then, like...wow this is so strange..I was inside the room! Okay, so THEN, all of a sudden, I was naked, on the BED! Then this guy came outa nowhere and had sex with me!" A mistake is reading an 8 as a 3 on the digital clock. Not inserting or having inserted into your vagina, a penis. A mistake is forgetting to dump the dehumidifier tub and it overflows. Not actively seeking out emotional contact/intimacy from someone who is not your partner.
If you are not having a need met at home, and you value the relationship AND THE PERSON at home, then you work on it at home, not rutting around in the backseat of a car w/someone else.
It's not a mistake, it's a conscious decision. Calling it a mistake is justification.
D_|1440726622|3920153 said:Hi Perry,
I also find topics on relationship fascinating.
So I'd love to see some of the links to the research you have been reading when you have a moment.
You're correct about society - now that you mention about it, there are varieties in terms of culture, age groups and many other categories.
What I meant was that in many society, women are expected to uphold certain virtues and cheating can 100% be considered as something to be ashamed of - so in theory, that's one more reason to prevent them from telling the truth when asked such question.
Versus for men, yes cheating is also frowned upon, but as mentioned by another person here, some may be proud to do it. Not only they may be more forthcoming in their response, they may exaggerate their escapades too.