Outgrowing Friends

[~*Snow*~]

Date: 8/29/2008 2:16:27 AM
Author: oobiecoo
Definitely... I''ve outgrown nearly all of my old friends. One of them was my best friend for like 12 years... she was my bridesmaid and we still talk but things just are''t the same as they used to be. It seems that she never matured past high school

I also feel like lately its so hard to find smart, mature, NEW friends. So many people these days are shallow or immature.

Agreed Oobiecoo!!

I can''t believe i found this thread!!!... i''m going through this now, with two of my friends. I thought I was just crazy, and i was suppose to have my friends forever. I guess graduating Uni, starting a career, getting engaged, just changed things along the way. I realized they were toxic friends ( one was a totally Debbie Downer and wanted everyone to be down there with her and the other was still in high school mentality) but i thought i still had to be there for them. I just cut the Debbie downer lose this week. I couldn''t do it any more. But now i look around and think "who am i going to confide in now?" It''s not easy making new friends, and i''m particularly social.. but i can''t be "on" all the time.. sometimes you just need that good girl friend to sit around with you and watch sappy movies and have a good heart to heart with. *sigh*
Anyways sorry for the little vent, but I really thought I was all alone in this, yay for you PS ladies!!

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 8/28/2008 6:59:05 PM
Author:Diamond Confused
Have any of you outgrown a friend? Is there someone you stopped hanging out with because you just didn''t feel like it anymore.

This topic pulls alittle at my heart strings because i was the friend that was outgrown.A close friend of 25 years.We worked together for years,i spent almost every holiday with her family and her family threw me birthday partys and gifts that have become some of my favorite jewelry.Then a year and a half ago her mother passed away way and she didnt tell me and so I wasnt invited to the feneral services.At this time Iwas going to school 60 hour a week and recovering from injuries from a winter time accident.She never returned my calls or messages. Finally after 7 monthes when i was able to walk again and allowed to drive, i went to her store and brought her a gift as a late birthday present...no response...when im in the store now i just tell the manager to tell her hello and give her my best.The loss of close friends can be hard on the heart.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I haven''t been friends long term with anyone I drifted away from (more like I was kicked away!), but there is one girl I have been friends with for four years that I finally had to cut ties with. She is married still, but she seperated from him because he was an alcoholic and hit her, which was good...but she went straight to another guy, got pregnant, aborted it. Left that guy, straight for another guy, got pregnant, aborted it. I am not joking when I say straight either - she left her husbands house the night she called the cops on him to stay with this other guy, and started dating the next one the dat she split up with the first. She has a two year old at home. She''s just become irrationally irresponsible in the last year and she''s all about getting drunk and sleeping around now. I just can''t deal with her, the whole thing is so childish. She has a child at home for christ''s sake.

I also had to finally tell off a friend the other day (via myspace, sadly, because she was trying to ignore me otherwise) for flaking on me every time she made plans with me, and then pulling guilt trips to make ME feel bad about it. Not to mention I hated the way she expected handouts all the time. "It''s my birthday soon, so start saving up to buy me a gift!" Seriously...

 

[Krissie]

Absolutely. There is one person that I''ve been friends with for years. But over the years, much has changed, and she''s turned into a bossy, self-absorbed person, and she''s not very kind to me. If not for our history, I would have moved on. But I feel the need to keep her somewhat in my life, just because I don''t really know how to move on. I figure maybe she needs me more than I need her, so I try to be there for her when she calls, but I don''t initiate getting together anymore.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 8/29/2008 10:29:05 AM
Author: ~*Snow*~

Date: 8/29/2008 2:16:27 AM
Author: oobiecoo
Definitely... I''ve outgrown nearly all of my old friends. One of them was my best friend for like 12 years... she was my bridesmaid and we still talk but things just are''t the same as they used to be. It seems that she never matured past high school

I also feel like lately its so hard to find smart, mature, NEW friends. So many people these days are shallow or immature.

Agreed Oobiecoo!!

I can''t believe i found this thread!!!... i''m going through this now, with two of my friends. I thought I was just crazy, and i was suppose to have my friends forever. I guess graduating Uni, starting a career, getting engaged, just changed things along the way. I realized they were toxic friends ( one was a totally Debbie Downer and wanted everyone to be down there with her and the other was still in high school mentality) but i thought i still had to be there for them. I just cut the Debbie downer lose this week. I couldn''t do it any more. But now i look around and think ''who am i going to confide in now?'' It''s not easy making new friends, and i''m particularly social.. but i can''t be ''on'' all the time.. sometimes you just need that good girl friend to sit around with you and watch sappy movies and have a good heart to heart with. *sigh*

Anyways sorry for the little vent, but I really thought I was all alone in this, yay for you PS ladies!!

Ever since I changed schools to better myself and be happier, my "friend" has been a little more standoff-ish. She just doesn''t understand change at all and has no goals for herself. She hangs out with a group of guys that will go nowhere in life. She just recieved her bachelor''s degree in May but is still working as a waitress. She applied to a couple of places near her home but refused to apply anywhere else because she didn''t want more than a 10 minute commute.

Its impossible to have a serious, meaningful convo with her... I just feel like I''m talking to a 16 year old.

I''m not particularly social... I''m a little shy around people I don''t know. I''ve only made a couple of good friends since being in this new town (been here 2 years). Most people around here just seem interested in partying and getting drunk or "floating the river". None of which I really care to do.

Does anyone else find it difficult to make new, QUALITY friends?

 

[~*Snow*~]

Date: 8/29/2008 1:17:59 PM
Author: oobiecoo

Date: 8/29/2008 10:29:05 AM
Author: ~*Snow*~

Date: 8/29/2008 2:16:27 AM
Author: oobiecoo
Definitely... I''ve outgrown nearly all of my old friends. One of them was my best friend for like 12 years... she was my bridesmaid and we still talk but things just are''t the same as they used to be. It seems that she never matured past high school

I also feel like lately its so hard to find smart, mature, NEW friends. So many people these days are shallow or immature.

Agreed Oobiecoo!!

I can''t believe i found this thread!!!... i''m going through this now, with two of my friends. I thought I was just crazy, and i was suppose to have my friends forever. I guess graduating Uni, starting a career, getting engaged, just changed things along the way. I realized they were toxic friends ( one was a totally Debbie Downer and wanted everyone to be down there with her and the other was still in high school mentality) but i thought i still had to be there for them. I just cut the Debbie downer lose this week. I couldn''t do it any more. But now i look around and think ''who am i going to confide in now?'' It''s not easy making new friends, and i''m particularly social.. but i can''t be ''on'' all the time.. sometimes you just need that good girl friend to sit around with you and watch sappy movies and have a good heart to heart with. *sigh*


Anyways sorry for the little vent, but I really thought I was all alone in this, yay for you PS ladies!!

Ever since I changed schools to better myself and be happier, my ''friend'' has been a little more standoff-ish. She just doesn''t understand change at all and has no goals for herself. She hangs out with a group of guys that will go nowhere in life. She just recieved her bachelor''s degree in May but is still working as a waitress. She applied to a couple of places near her home but refused to apply anywhere else because she didn''t want more than a 10 minute commute.

Its impossible to have a serious, meaningful convo with her... I just feel like I''m talking to a 16 year old.

I''m not particularly social... I''m a little shy around people I don''t know. I''ve only made a couple of good friends since being in this new town (been here 2 years). Most people around here just seem interested in partying and getting drunk or ''floating the river''. None of which I really care to do.

Does anyone else find it difficult to make new, QUALITY friends?

Oobiecoo: my girlfriend was the exact same way. Couldn''t understand why i wanted to get out of the small town and wanted better for myself. Didn''t understand why i didn''t want to marry one of the local losers and start poping out kids, because "isn''t that what we are suppose to do?!". And I know now she prolly thinks i''m a snob, or i''ve turned my back to her, but i really haven''t. I''ve more then tried to be there for her, but it''s just like talking to a brick wall.. they just don''t get it.

Oobiecoo you dont happen to be in Canada are you? I need some quality friends! Someone who won''t think it''s ridiculouse that I value education and that I want to have a meaning full job, and surround myself with positive people...

 

[dragonfly411]

I ended my friendship with my best friend almost two years ago. She had become more distant, only contacting me when she needed things. I tried to be a good friend, but it was always drama, selfishness, and no care for my life. Then she had the gall to try to help her brother try to get in contact with me to try to get me to go back to him. UGH. That was it for me. She contacted me last year to ask me to be in her wedding, again something SHE needed/wanted... nothing concerning my life or what I wanted. I told her no and she asked why we weren''t friends and I explained it had been a one sided selfish friendship and I wanted no part. She called me bitter lol.

 

[onedrop]

I am happy to find this thread because I am going through the same thing and it''s a relief to know I am not alone. Reading all of the comments has let me know that this process of growing apart is *normal.* My best friend of almost 10 years and I are growing apart. Mostly because of a diffence in life philosophy I suppose. We are both newly married (in fact our weddings were weeks apart). But the differences came about because she does not support the fact that my husband and I are an inter-faith couple. Why that should matter to her I don''t know, but her unbending stance has really damaged our relationship. At times I miss her friendship, but in reality I know that things will never be the same with us. It''s difficult to move on, but it gets better as time goes by.

My big issue now is whether you ever find that new BF? Hubby and I are definitely each other''s BF, but I do appreciate being able to exchange with a woman on women''s stuff. I have other close girlfriends who I have been reaching out to more lately so it helps to bridge the gap. What I have learned is that I have to pick and choose who I got to for what purpose. It''s quite the dance.

 

[lululilu]

Its funny that I found this thread. I actually need to vent about my BM who was a different person when I asked her to stand by me on my big day. I have known her for 6 years and she''s a good friend and all, until a bad breakup. From a sweet fun girl, shes turned into ms. know-it-all and almost every comment she makes drips with under-the-radar snark. I am not confrontational but when I called her on it, she claims shes just joking. Yes, shes helped me with wedding details but her negativity is very draining. Everyday theres a phone call and I get trapped listening to her on and on about her life. I have pulled away considerably for my sanity. The week of our wedding, shes staying with me and my family to help me with wedding preparations and I am dreading it. I know there is goodness in her but it is something that is already tarnished in my eyes. I dont think I can go back. FI told me I told you so.

 

[february2003bride]

Date: 8/28/2008 7:42:46 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
Yeah, a couple of them, but one in particular.

She and I were friends through high school and college, I was the maid of honour in her wedding, she came to my tiny wedding in Vegas. But, I''m infuriated with her refusal to go back to work, causing them to have to forclose on their home. Her child was 5 at the time, so it''s not like she needed to be home with the child, especially since her parents lived close by and always offered to babysit.

I just think she''s put her poor husband through so much, and she''ll be lucky if he stays with her long term. It breaks my heart, but I haven''t spoken with her in over a year.

Lauren- can I ask why she won''t go back to work even though it is causing her family to lose their home? (off topic)

I ask because my SIL refuses to work. She and my brother have NO children and have been married for 2-4 years (my parents and I don''t really know how long they have been married. They eloped without telling anyone and have refused to say WHEN they got married.). My SIL hasn''t worked since she moved in with my brother 5 years ago. They are in a dire financial situation and she refuses to work.

 

[blondebunny]

Yes, I have outgrown many friends....

When i went to college I was roommates with my BFF from highschool, I guess I was an adventure seeker, and wanted to explore new things and meet new people than just the people from our hometown (maybe 45 mins away from college) and always just wanted to go back home for the weekends, and we just outgrew each other, same with some other BFFs... they all liked to go back home on the weekends, and I wanted to go out and explore and be independent i guess id say..

After my brother died, I lost 2 of my best friends, because they didnt understand what I was going through (completely understandable) but felt I should go back to my normal self after a month after he died... (my brother committed suicide) and it just got ugly from there because they just got nasty to me about things when I was grieving, and I just moved out of the house we were all living in, and parted ways with them, and havent spoken to them since (2 years)...

Other friends I had, I dont really talk to, I guess after my brother died I just pushed everyone away except my most amazing boyfriend...and honestly thats fine by me, I love spending every moment with my boyfriend and wouldnt have it any other way.

I honestly dont get along with other females, I dont know what it is, but I dont, I always had guy friends, and I guess that got hard to keep guy friends as I got into relationships because both got jealous of time being spent with the other party, so I let all of them go too...but I am friends with all of my BFs friends, and they love having me around, its weird, it will be me and like 10 guys, and im completely cool with it, and they seem to be, always yelling at me when I dont hang out with them...

But to answer the questions, sorry got off topic LOL, yes I think outgrowing friends is only natural, as each others lives will progress at different rates and its almost impossible to be on the same pages, and i think there is always tension when people arent on the same pages because I believe it causes jealousy which leads to ending friendships... but its never fun losing a friend you have had forever...

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:56:25 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 8/28/2008 11:50:20 PM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 8/28/2008 11:13:02 PM

Author: decodelighted

What''s the expression ... ''People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.'' Guess a few have to be ''seasonal'', right?


But the answer is .. yes. Many. I''m almost 41 but I noticed a lot of differences cropping up between mine & my friends relationships in our mid-to-late twenties. Either you realize somethings ''off'' with people as you get wiser (toxic, leech, frenemy) or your lives take different paths & the only thing you have in common anymore is the past.

Absolutely spot on Deco. Being that age I have been going through this for a couple of years now, and Fi is starting to experience it too.

It makes me really sad as some of the girls I have been friends with for many years. But I often wonder if its just a normal part of changing from a young person to an adult?..

Aj, I really do feel that is a big part of it. You are growing into an adult and your interests do change. I think that has happened to many of us.

Decodelighted: I think it is, sadly.
Re: mid-to-late twenties. I feel like I really have a handle on that age NOW .. at 41 I''m sure I''ll get 40-45 figured out any, uh, decade now.

Hey ladies, sorry I didn''t see your answers until now.
Good to hear its not just me, makes me feel less like a social pariah, LOL !

But seriously, thankyou for your advice.

 

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 8/28/2008 6:59:05 PM
Author:Diamond Confused
Have any of you outgrown a friend? Is there someone you stopped hanging out with because you just didn''t feel like it anymore.

I have on several occasions had to walk away from a friendship because the person had started down a path that couldn''t include me. Morally, or relationship-wise... or just because as the friendship grew I found out that the person wasn''t the kind of person I could allow in my circle of influence.

Friends divorcing... and then starting to date again, live a wild nightlife... that kind of stuff...

One friend who I was friends with for near a decade just fell off the face of the earth... no doubt walked away from ME... because I was marrying, and maturing, and leaving the single, nightlife kind of lifestyle... and I guess she wanted to keep the party going without me!

It''s hard! But sometimes you just have to move on with your life, in a way that will have the most positive result for YOU. In the end... that''s who you have to think about the most! As selfish as that may sound... you are responsible for your self first!