Not everyone wants kids

[chemgirl]

That's it. Not everyone wants kids.

Not every childless woman is looking at your family with envy.

Needed to say this and didn't want to threadjack. I could get into how thankful I am that I don't have kids and how many of my friends feel the same way, but yeah, I'll keep it short and sweet. Not everyone wants kids.

 

[CJ2008]

No they don't.

 

[missy]

I agree completely and in fact think you would be hard pressed to find someone here who doesn't agree with your statement. Not everyone wants kids for whatever reason and it is OK. What is key IMO is knowing which category you fall into so you don't make a big mistake. I don't know what you are going through chemgirl nor do I know what thread/post you are referring to but just wanted to give you (((hugs))) in case you are going through any difficult times.

 

[chemgirl]

This was in reference to the thread about the sister in med school and the several comments about her being jealous. Also general assumptions that life with a husband and children is somehow more fulfilling.

Life is what you make it. It can be very fulfilling with a husband and children. It can also be fulfilling without.

I feel there is a lot of pressure in society to conform to this ideal family when it's not what many of us end up with. I'm tired of hearing "when are you going to have kids?". It's a rude question for countless reasons. I hate how instead of saying "Oh I don't actually want them" I say "Oh i don't know" because I don't want to get jumped on.

So it was a culmination of life plus a certain thread here.

 

[CJ2008]

TI'm tired of hearing "when are you going to have kids?". It's a rude question for countless reasons. I hate how instead of saying "Oh I don't actually want them" I say "Oh i don't know" because I don't want to get jumped on.

SUCH a rude question to ask someone.

Way too personal a question.

 

[Caramelfreak]

I change my mind about children all the time.
There really was a time when I didn't want them because I really like wine and I have to study.
Now I am more of a "if it happens it's great, if it doesn't it's not the end of the world."
I'm happy with my stance at present. But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Whatever people's decision is on that matter- that's their personal decision and it's a choice that works for them.

No life is ideal, it's what you make of it and what makes you happy and able to sleep at night.

Now, what piss me off really are people who have kids then abandon them, neglect them,abuse them, etc. But that is another thread.

 

[momhappy]

And thank goodness that's the case!!! The world needs people who don't want children - we have plenty of them already. Some of my closest friends are child free (by choice) and while they might envy bits of my life (with kids), I envy bits of theirs. I think it's a wonderful thing when people make their own choices

 

[yennyfire]

And thank goodness that's the case!!! The world needs people who don't want children - we have plenty of them already. Some of my closest friends are child free (by choice) and while they might envy bits of my life (with kids), I envy bits of theirs. I think it's a wonderful thing when people make their own choices

This. Beautifully said...

 

[stracci2000]

Kids are overrated......

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Very true.

My sister recently died. She never married or had children and I always {secretly} felt she didn't have a fulfilled life. She worked for her town's police as their secretary and was given a policeman's funeral {we were estranged and had no interaction, my other sister gave me all the details}. Apparently just about everyone in the town turned out for her funeral, she was apparently well liked, had a lot of friends and contributed a lot to her community.

Did she regret not having children? I'll never know. But it seemed to me she made the most of her life and had a good one.

 

[JDDN]

And thank goodness that's the case!!! The world needs people who don't want children - we have plenty of them already. Some of my closest friends are child free (by choice) and while they might envy bits of my life (with kids), I envy bits of theirs. I think it's a wonderful thing when people make their own choices

Couldn't agree more!

Some of my best friends do not have children. They do not envy those who do because it was their choice to not have any. They are extremely fulfilled and happy people, my friends, lol.

I also agree that it is extremely rude to ask people "when they are going to have children." Whether the person wants them or not, it's none of their business!

 

[momhappy]

One of our favorite couples to hang out with (who is one of the childless-by-choice friends that I mentioned in my previous post) has an extremely fulfilling life. They travel to amazing places and they have the freedom to do what they want, when they want. Although I found fulfillment in having children, I know that others find their true happiness elsewhere. I think that it's perfectly normal to have feelings of uncertainty about children (whether or not to have them, etc.) and those feelings don't necessarily indicate that one is not fulfilled/happy and it doesn't necessarily mean that one is envious. My kids are my world, but it is a colossal commitment, and I can appreciate why one might choose a different path.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

I wanted to add this: My other sister had a child she really didn't want. And left him and the child's father three years later. To this day the boy tells her he hates her, she tells him she doesn't much like him either and she's only in his life to see her grandchildren. The whole relationship just makes me sad. She definitely should have stuck to her initial inclination not to have children. He had a very difficult upbringing and still has lot of hostility.

 

[Mayk]

Parenting is hard! This is such a personal choice. Right now with two step kids in College and my only in private school and music lessons, car, insurance etc... It's a huge commitment both financial and personal sacrafice. I love my sweet girlie but I'm glad God knew better than to give me more than one. It's all I can handle and and a little more some days.

 

[Laila619]

Kids are overrated......

I think they're the best thing ever!

But if other people don't want them, great. Their choice!

 

[distracts]

But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Wow, that IS one of the most insulting things! WTF

 

[sunseeker101]

I don't think anyone said it wasn't cool and acceptable to not want/have kids. The world is an egg to crack your way For anyone who's ever felt it, the longing for children and marriage can be a heavy and indigestible feeling when you know you're miles off and doubtful. That's part and parcel of the human condition. What differs is how we deal with that feeling -- riling and dismissing your siblings isn't a great statement about character. This is the potential system being guessed at.

 

[LLJsmom]

I was pretty noncommittal about kids all my life. I thought if my future husband really wanted them I could probably live with it. I ended up having my first child mostly because I promised my DH I would, not that I wanted to have a baby. I was very unhappy with the whole world of motherhood the first year. Then after my son turned one, I completely changed my mind and so wanted another. We ended up having two, but I would be happy having another. I'm one of those people who changed her mind after experiencing it first hand. But I'm still not a baby person. I'm interested only if it's mine.

People in general can have fulfilling lives either way, with or without children. I don't think it is wise to presume.

 

[Tanzigrrl]

I'm not a kid person and I knew by age 5 I didn't want to have any.

I hear comments right and left all the time. It irritates me so much.

 

[telephone89]

I haven't fully decided if I even want kids lol. I look at the lives of older friends/family members without kids and their life is SO GOOD as far as money goes. Children are so damn expensive!

 

[packrat]

But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Wow, that IS one of the most insulting things! WTF

I would like to tell that woman "Having kids doesn't make one a woman. Having a vagina does."

 

[missy]

TI'm tired of hearing "when are you going to have kids?". It's a rude question for countless reasons. I hate how instead of saying "Oh I don't actually want them" I say "Oh i don't know" because I don't want to get jumped on.

SUCH a rude question to ask someone.

Way too personal a question.

I so agree. People (who don't know me) still ask me LOL and I'm way too old to have kids though I know they have no clue how old I am because I look young enough to have kids. BUT how rude is that question yanno?

Chemgirl I totally get how you feel about getting jumped on because with some people they make their disapproval known. I have gotten judged many times. I am a healthcare professional and for some reason some of my patients and even some of the doctors (I will have to say it is mainly the religious people and it doesn't matter which religion who start with this) I work with think it is OK to try convincing me I am making a mistake and it is a real shame not having kids. Wow like you cannot be a whole family without kids. Like you cannot have a good and fulfilling life without kids. Like you aren't doing your part to ensure future generations without you having kids. OMG ridiculous.

My dh likes to say when I share these unpleasant interactions with people that they just want us to be as miserable as they are with kids haha. JK of course! Because I know having kids for many is amazing and their main reason for living (in a good way I don't mean it in a bad way). My darling sister falls into this category and she always knew she wanted kids even when she was a little girl. As much as I knew I did not want kids from when I was a little girl.

I LOVE kids and interact well with them. I just don't want my own. I am not maternal and I am too selfish. I just did not ever want to have kids. I want to do what I want to do and was not up for the sacrifice. I think it is key knowing which category you fall into or at least if you have kids (in the unsure category) rising to the occasion to bring up your kids to be amazing and responsible, loving adults.

 

[dk168]

I knew critters and ankle biters do not agree with me when I baby-sat a family's friend's first born when he was 2 weeks old for 2 weeks.

He is now 32.

I was not asked to baby-sit their second child and I did not volunteer.

I avoid going on holiday during school holidays, except for Easter as it is usually too cold for the less hardy to go camping in a tent.

I definitely do not like or want kids, and it is one of the best decision I have made not to have any.

DK

 

[missy]

But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Wow, that IS one of the most insulting things! WTF

I would like to tell that woman "Having kids doesn't make one a woman. Having a vagina does."

Haha well perhaps clinically but these days there is more to being a woman (or man) than meets the eye. The transgender population are a good example of this.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Kids are overrated......

Over expensive!.. but we love both of our PITB daughters dearly. Wife and I never regretted having kids.

 

[ennui]

I knew critters and ankle biters do not agree with me when I baby-sat a family's friend's first born when he was 2 weeks old for 2 weeks.

I'm kind of curious to know the circumstances. Most people don't leave their 2 week old baby right away. I'm just being nosy.

 

[UrsTx]

Growing up, I thought I wanted kids; loved my 1-night babysitting jobs where I doted on and spoiled the kids. Then at 19 I agreed to nanny for a summer. Afterward, I knew I never wanted children and I still don't at 42. I enjoy my nieces and nephews and then I enjoy giving them back to their parents.

 

[Caramelfreak]

But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Wow, that IS one of the most insulting things! WTF

I would like to tell that woman "Having kids doesn't make one a woman. Having a vagina does."

Haha well perhaps clinically but these days there is more to being a woman (or man) than meets the eye. The transgender population are a good example of this.

I kinda wanted to tell her Professor Shania Twain said to feel like a woman one only needs perogative to have a little fun, feel the attraction, colour my hair, do what I dare, oh oh oh... real deep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL4UGSbeFg
She got her weird ideas but on the balance she's a nice person (my dad's wife).

 

[ennui]

In my formative years, Ann Landers (a popular advice columnist in American newspapers) did an anonymous survey of her readers, asking if they had children, would they do it again, and a whopping 78% said that if they had to do it over, they would not have children.

This is from memory, so if I have the numbers wrong, forgive me.

 

[Caramelfreak]

But I get constantly harangued by my dad's wife about how one is not a woman unless she has kids. I thought that was one of the most insulting thing I have ever heard.

Wow, that IS one of the most insulting things! WTF

I would like to tell that woman "Having kids doesn't make one a woman. Having a vagina does."

Haha well perhaps clinically but these days there is more to being a woman (or man) than meets the eye. The transgender population are a good example of this.

I kinda wanted to tell her Professor Shania Twain said to feel like a woman one only needs perogative to have a little fun, feel the attraction, colour my hair, do what I dare, oh oh oh... real deep.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL4UGSbeFg
She got her weird ideas but on the balance she's a nice person (my dad's wife).