If you got to choose....

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 12:38:16 PM
Author: Definitely, Maybe
I say get engaged now and give it a few years for *your* ring. Who knows your tastes may change just a bit after saving. Plenty of women on here have their first and an upgrade anyways. Also, with this economy, if you are worrying about money... I''d say use that ''ring'' money for the wedding and other daily expenses as needed, or better yet, put it in savings.


Here''s **dust** to seeing your engagement thread SOON!!

Hehehe, for others this might be a concern, but there is very, VERY little chance my tastes will change between now and then. I''ve been ''shopping'' (of the window variety

) for about 15 years now, and the Torchiere is my perfect ring (with the exception of the heart prongs which I will ask Mark Morrell to adjust very slightly). It makes my heart go pitter-pat and is just so swoopy and elegant and simple and...well, perfect.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 6:39:10 PM
Author: FrekeChild
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB


And did I mention B?

Hahah! You are too funny.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/7/2009 4:35:51 PM
Author: Bliss
These are awesome choices, Gwendolyn!


I''d go with the 6-9 month wait. You only get engaged once... And it''s such a special time. Everyone will be gushing and grabbing your hand. You will be happy with or without a ring, but it''s extra nice to be glowy about the ring, too. If I didn''t wait, I think I would have been over the moon, but not quite so giddy when people were grabbing my hand. You''d be able to see it in my face that it wasn''t my ''forever'' ring. Maybe I''m sentimental in my old age. But I would want that to be THE ring...and something I''d be giddy over every time it caught my eye.


Then again, the heirloom ring is just as special. If you LOVE LOVE LOVE it as much (or nearly as much) as you will your forever e-ring, I would not be opposed to doing that either! If it were me, I''d be torn! I''d want to be engaged sooner than later, but also with *the* ring.


All are really amazing options, though!


p.s. You two are a lovely lovely couple!

They are amazing options, and I totally agree with the bolded bit (well with a lot of what you said, but that especially)--in a perfect world, that *is* what would happen! But it isn''t possible, so it''s one or the other, and it''s really not bad either way!

Thanks for the compliment! He''s definitely the lovelier half.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I voted B because to me the ring isn''t THAT important (don''t shoot me down PSers!!

) I just want to marry my SO sooooo bad. If money is an issue at the moment I would take the heirloom ring and look forward to your dream ring as a later present.

However the decision is yours Gwennie! You should choose what would make YOU happy. If you are happy to wait then hold out for that dream ring girl!

 

[LaraOnline]

I agree it is something of a compromise to have to go without your dream ring though. When I got engaged, I was at teacher''s college. Lots of other girls were getting engaged at the same time, and I couldn''t help noticing how much more expensive their rings looked than mine!

No-one was really grabbing my hand and gushing...but at the end of the day, I have to say, it wasn''t a significant issue for me.

However, I am on PS for a reason, and I am certainly now very much looking forward to getting a ''real'' 1c diamond solitaire engagement ring!!!

Perhaps if it''s only nine months more to wait, that is not so long.

 

[icekid]

I vote for more rings

Heirloom now, and get YOURS later. Plus I have such a thing for heirlooms

Given all of the expenses that you will have coming with the wedding and all, I think this way will be the most practical, too.

 

[D&T]

yes,yes as others have said... "BBBBBB"" all the way...

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

SO and I were actually presented with this opportunity. I didnt want to insult anyone by accepting the heirloom and then replacing it later on (which wouldve been rather soon not at a 5 or 10 year upgrade point) It wasnt an heirloom ring though, only a diamond, but it was substantially smaller than either of us had imagined. I felt like people would automatically assume that I felt it was too small if SO and I upgraded to something more in our size range (im talking 1carat not anything unbelievable) and that would get people talking. I guess thats shallow but I didnt want to be called vain for not keeping the ring I was originally presented with. SO and I talked about it A LOT and we both want our ering to be the ring I wear for the rest of my life, possibly something thats used as and heirloom in our family when I'm gone. I hope our childrens children arent all buying eachother 1.5s or 2.5s by then! My diamond will be substantially smaller in comparison and my great grandson wont want to use it, haha. Karma.

 

[Still_Waiting]

I voted to just wait it out for *your* ring...I'm assuming the heirloom ring has no sentimental value for you. I would be afraid, knowing MY SO, that if I chose to use the heirloom and wait for an anniversary for my real ring, anniversaries would come and go and I'd never get my ring because we'd always be saving for the "next thing." Hmm...maybe I'm a little selfish? LOL

I'm curious what others have to say...I'm going to go back and read the responses now!

EDITED: Oops, I missed the part that it IS sentimental. But I think I'd still wait.

 

[bee*]

Personally I''d wait for my forever ring. Six months isn''t too long in the grand scheme of things so I''d have no problem waiting.

 

[Rhea]

I vote for B! The heirloom ring is a nice idea and you could save up for as long as you needed for the ring.

Not to side-track the conversation, but you''d be lucky to walk away with immigration just being a couple of thousand! Especially if you both want permanent rights in both countries.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/8/2009 3:01:05 PM
Author: Addy
I vote for B! The heirloom ring is a nice idea and you could save up for as long as you needed for the ring.


Not to side-track the conversation, but you''d be lucky to walk away with immigration just being a couple of thousand! Especially if you both want permanent rights in both countries.

We''re taking it one country at a time. I think we''re settling here for the next 5-10 years or so...probably...(nothing confirmed but that''s my gut feeling how it''ll be). The immigration costs are so depressing; I try not to think about them but I know they are there.

 

[musey]

I can''t decide.

I''m between heirloom = forever ring, and save for "your" forever ring. I think they''re about equal (unless you don''t like the heirloom one, in which case I would by default wait for "your" ring).

You could always start planning before the ring is purchased

so really all you''re waiting for is the ring on your finger... which is worth waiting a few months for if it''s what you really want!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Did anyone vote other?? Gwen did you have something in mind when you put that option there? hehe I''m curious -

"other - win the lottery and buy multiple carat diamonds for every finger and wear the heirloom amongst them" hehe

 

[ladypirate]

LOL, SS--I like your idea!!!

 

[Dreamgirl]

I voted for C. "SO proposes 6-9 months from present after the money is saved and *your* ring is ordered."

I think an heirloom is a wonderful piece of jewelry to have but if it wasn't what you had in mind for your engagement ring, you will have that little guy in the back of your head telling you how you always wanted 'dream ring' over heriloom ring. You mentioned using it for now and receiving another as an anniversary present but what if times get worse and you are unable to get your 'dream ring' down the road? If you are in no real hurry to get engaged, I'd wait and save up for 'dream ring'. It's only a few months longer anyway, right? Then probably still have the heirloom ring but wear it as a RHR? I think that would be quite lovely indeed.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 3/9/2009 11:13:43 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
I voted for C. ''SO proposes 6-9 months from present after the money is saved and *your* ring is ordered.''

I think an heirloom is a wonderful piece of jewelry to have but if it wasn''t what you had in mind for your engagement ring, you will have that little guy in the back of your head telling you how you always wanted ''dream ring'' over heriloom ring. You mentioned using it for now and receiving another as an anniversary present but what if times get worse and you are unable to get your ''dream ring'' down the road? If you are in no real hurry to get engaged, I''d wait and save up from ''dream ring''. Then probably still have the heirloom ring but wear it as a RHR? I think that would be quite lovely indeed.

If times get worse, wouldn''t she not be able to get her dream ring at all? Plus, if she uses the heirloom ring for now, she can get a gorgeous bling-y wedding band to go wtih it.

 

[Dreamgirl]

True LP.....true.....

lol

 

[tlh]

I''d love to receive an heirloom ring as I think they are beautiful.

But I might hurt the family, in the fact that I am soo fickle about things and would want something ELSE a few years later. I''d really hate to seem ungrateful by the fact that I''d long for something else... after such a short period of time. Especially if the heirloom piece...well.. wasn''t me or my style. I''ve seen GORGEOUS heirloom pieces that I''D LOVE TO WEAR!!!! A friend of mine got this GORGEOUS LARGE CUSHION CUT, and I wanted it soo bad! It was perfect that it wasn''t a highly replicated ring... but I would be less than thrilled if it were a cut I wasn''t in love with... and I would hate having to wear something I did not enjoy. I would feel guilty and burdened by it.

I would much rather have my SO offer me the choice... and if it were a ring I''d approve of... I''d take it and wear it happily, but if it weren''t... I''d rather wait - than accept a ring, because I SOOO wanted to be engaged, and just not enjoy my hand me down ring because my SO didn''t want to spend money on the ring when he could get a nice one from a family member.

I am very weird about proposals... I look at the difficulty it takes a man to be able to save for a ring - not as a waste of money- but as a testiment to how badly they want to marry. I feel that amount of savings, thought and effort, someone must put into the planning of the purchase of the ring - says a lot. I want it to be well thought out... and not rushed. With over half of marriages ending in divorce... I would like a little forethought into the marriage. Now this doesn''t mean - the people that spend more on their rings will last. I am not saying that at all... but for ME, it just meant a lot that my man had to work soo hard, and save, to buy my ring outright. So when he was plopping down all that money - it was something he had thought about for a long time... and made me smile. There was nothing impulsive about our marriage, or the proposal.

Now, your situation, I know how hard it is to be a LIW, and at the time I would have done anything to be married, as I didn''t care about the ring THEN. HOWEVER, I DO NOW. You say the ring isn''t your style. You already have it as a RHR... would just moving it from the right to the left hand - deflate the moment for you? I mean you''ve waited this long... what is another 6 months? But at some point... waiting sucks.... so I am not sure what to say. You are already nesting... and your marriage requires soo much commitment with the paperwork already.. that the ring purchase itself doesn''t apply.

I just think you are soo ready to be engaged, that you are willing to use a gift you''ve already received as the engagement ring. I think that since the heirloom is already in your possession - you''d be best to wait it out - to get your own ring.

 

[gwendolyn]

Hahah, SS! Love that idea!

tlh, I know I posted a lot in this thread and no one probably really read all I wrote, but there are a few key points about my situation and me that you have assumed that aren't the case.

--my SO is the one who's been waiting (almost 2 years), not me, and he's the one who "just wants to be married already" (his words from a convo a couple of weeks ago)

--I will be paying for a large portion of the ring, as we don't really see it as being just a gift and I'm the breadwinner in our relationship

--we're an international couple and have lots of immigration fees (thousands of pounds worth) coming up and my legal residency here in the UK expires in August 2010

--my SO and I talked it over a few times and he asked me which I preferred (waiting and saving or heirloom and Torchiere later), and I told him honestly that they both had their perks and that I wanted him to decide. I make 95% of the decisions about everything that I wanted him to pick and leave me in the dark a bit, because I really am happy with either.

So, if we *DO* get engaged sooner rather than later, it'll be because J doesn't want to wait anymore, not me--the guy's been really patient as it is!

 

[FrekeChild]

James needs a big hug. What a lovely guy.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 3/9/2009 1:58:27 PM
Author: gwendolyn
--my SO and I talked it over a few times and he asked me which I preferred (waiting and saving or heirloom and Torchiere later), and I told him honestly that they both had their perks and that I wanted him to decide. I make 95% of the decisions about everything that I wanted him to pick and leave me in the dark a bit, because I really am happy with either.

There you go! That''s your answer right there!!! Isn''t it so nice to let them worry about it instead?

lol

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/9/2009 2:03:04 PM
Author: FrekeChild
James needs a big hug. What a lovely guy.

Hahah, he read this over my shoulder and said, "Wait, what? I need a hug why?!" I said, "Because you''re lovely!" and he replied with, "hrmmurfhrmmurrm."

 

[tlh]

Date: 3/9/2009 1:58:27 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Hahah, SS! Love that idea!

tlh, I know I posted a lot in this thread and no one probably really read all I wrote, but there are a few key points about my situation and me that you have assumed that aren''t the case.

--my SO is the one who''s been waiting (almost 2 years), not me, and he''s the one who ''just wants to be married already'' (his words from a convo a couple of weeks ago)

--I will be paying for a large portion of the ring, as we don''t really see it as being just a gift and I''m the breadwinner in our relationship

--we''re an international couple and have lots of immigration fees (thousands of pounds worth) coming up and my legal residency here in the UK expires in August 2010

--my SO and I talked it over a few times and he asked me which I preferred (waiting and saving or heirloom and Torchiere later), and I told him honestly that they both had their perks and that I wanted him to decide. I make 95% of the decisions about everything that I wanted him to pick and leave me in the dark a bit, because I really am happy with either.

So, if we *DO* get engaged sooner rather than later, it''ll be because J doesn''t want to wait anymore, not me--the guy''s been really patient as it is!

I am sorry if I made any assumptions about who wanted it more than the other. I was really more from a personal perspective. I do now remember you mentioning that it is your SO that wants to tie the knot and is the MIW... I also mentioned I don''t believe that the ring thing applies to your situation... it was only what I used as my own personal guide for me... on what would I WANT. It is an exciting situation!

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/9/2009 2:16:46 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/9/2009 2:03:04 PM
Author: FrekeChild
James needs a big hug. What a lovely guy.

Hahah, he read this over my shoulder and said, ''Wait, what? I need a hug why?!'' I said, ''Because you''re lovely!'' and he replied with, ''hrmmurfhrmmurrm.''

 

[musey]

Date: 3/9/2009 2:58:56 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 3/9/2009 2:16:46 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/9/2009 2:03:04 PM

Author: FrekeChild

James needs a big hug. What a lovely guy.

Hahah, he read this over my shoulder and said, ''Wait, what? I need a hug why?!'' I said, ''Because you''re lovely!'' and he replied with, ''hrmmurfhrmmurrm.''

Too cute! What a BOY

 

[Clairitek]

I voted "other."

I haven''t read anyone else''s responses so I apologize in advance for repeating anything that has already been said.

I found it hard to vote because I know (at least I think I do) what your dream ring is and I too am infatuated with that mounting. It is really hard to knowingly pass up. FI had actually called MM to get a ring for me but decided to do something more local when he realized it would take a while to get a custom ring for the cushion.

I can see both sides having an advantage here. If you use the heirloom ring you can get engaged sooner and will have more cash available for your wedding, home, and other settling down things. However, if you feel like "upgrading" later (I put it in quotes because I wouldn''t consider getting a new ring to replace an heirloom an upgrade, but more like a chance in style) you can with your dream ring. The cash will leach much more slowly out of your and your FF''s wallet if you go this route.

Do you think that if you go with the heirloom you will be wistful for the potential MM ring? Personally, I think I would.

On the other hand, an heirloom ring is an honor to wear, IMHO. If there had been one for FI to use it would have been a tough choice for me as well.

I might not have helped much here but these were my thoughts.

One more thing to consider- have you thought about getting a less expensive stone for the MM ring? How about a fabulous OEC/OMC/transitional cut? If you don''t mind the color, they seem to be a great value for the size and appearance. I get weak in the knees when I see a firey old cut stone. Perhaps that way you could get your favorite mounting AND not break the bank (too much, I know MM still isn''t cheap

).

 

[katamari]

I voted to wait, but only because I know how how confident you are in your and J''s relationships is--it is only a matter of when and not if anymore, and that would be good enough for me (especially if it is only 6-9 months). But, I will be interested to see what he decides!

If I were you, though, I would see if you could order the ring to your family''s house in the U.S. and have them ship it to you to save on international taxes and fees. Is this a possibility?

 

[AmberGretchen]

Looks like I''m with the majority Gwen - I like the idea of having the heirloom ring, that will always be special to you guys, but I agree that it seems like with so many other saving priorities right now, the money that would get saved towards *your* ring is better directed towards those other savings goals.

 

[caribqueen]

I voted to wait. But I have to admit, I voted from a personal perspective. Once my BF and I started looking for rings I started to form an idea of what I wanted, and it would be hard for me to wear something I didn''t love. I think it just depends on where the person is in the "waiting" process too. If you had already been waiting a while, you might say, the heck with it, just propose to me now with what you have. But it sounds like you guys will be getting married in a year anyway, so he could propose without a ring too.

On a sidenote, I personally would not feel weird about upgrading later from an heirloom ring. I think people''s tastes change and you could always just move it to another finger. Besides, I think just because you don''t wear something regularly doesn''t mean that you don''t treasure it.