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Guest Gripes - hmmmmm

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Croí

Shiny_Rock
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This was on the MSN site this morning. I think people need to get a grip - the day honestly isn''t about THEM !!! I was especially peeved at No. 21. What about a honeymoon ?? This person expects you to be thinking of THEM on your honeymoon ????? HELLLO !?!
I''m married eight weeks today and am only just now getting to my ''thank you'' cards. It takes up a bunch of time, especially if you have to go and specifically get overseas stamps.

I had an aunt who griped about us getting started late at the reception but we really didn''t. She was just one of those who wasn''t happy with ANY of how we did our day(s) - she was not impressed about not being invited to the ceremony either. Still, thought I''d post them, see what you girls think .... C.

Guest gripes
Judy Dutton
Pretty much every bride knows she should not, under any circumstances, play a singles dance or put Aunt Florence next to the groom''s frat buddies. But no matter how much care couples take in picking a DJ or planning the seating arrangements, wedding guests still encounter plenty of things that get under their skin. Since few would feel comfortable saying anything other than "Your wedding was beautiful!" to the bride''s face, we''ve encouraged them to kvetch to their hearts'' content here so you can avoid these nuptial no-nos and throw a wedding that''s fun for everyone. Please note: Some names have been changed to protect those guilty of gaffes.
Gripe 1: Choosing sides.
"At many ceremonies, all the bride''s friends have to sit on one side of the room and all the groom''s friends sit on the other side. That sucks, because sometimes you''re friends with both of them -- how do you choose? That moment of indecision is just weird for me. Plus, one side is usually much less crowded and people sit there thinking, ''Gee, the groom doesn''t have many friends.'' All of this can easily be avoided by just letting guests sit where they want." -- Angie, 35
Gripe 2: The kneel thing.
"I don''t like the full-on mass where you have to stand, sit, kneel, and sing for an hour. By the end of my sister''s ceremony, I wanted to gouge out my eyes with a hot poker -- we''re here to celebrate, not get converted. Unless they''re really religious, it''s overkill. It''s as if they''re saying ''Look how married we are.''" -- Anna, 33
Gripe 3: Sound check.
"A close friend of mine hired this awful singer with a really flat soprano voice for the ceremony. I bowed my head and tried to think about something else so that I wouldn''t burst out into hysterical laughter. However, when she got to the chorus, I glanced at my date -- big mistake -- and we both totally lost it. I was trying to control my laughter, but tears were pouring down my face. So I did the only respectable thing I could do at that point and pretended to be crying, loudly. The moral of the story is that brides should really check out the musicians they hire in advance." -- Tina, 32
Gripe 4: On the far side.
"I hate when there''s a long distance between the ceremony and reception. I went to one wedding where the ceremony and reception were over an hour''s drive apart from each other and no transportation was arranged. We kept passing churches on the way to the reception and saying, ''Why didn''t they get married there?''" -- Jennifer, 34
Gripe 5: Theatrical weddings.
"The worst was this wedding where the lights dimmed, and then this guy dressed up as something out of Phantom of the Opera came out and performed songs from the musical." -- Joe, 39
Gripe 6: Class act.
"I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful... until the DJ let it rip with ''Baby Got Back.'' It must have been the bride''s request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her ass swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I''m not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin'' at your own wedding." -- Colleen, 33
Gripe 7: Camera shy.
"I hate intrusive video cameras, when the guy shoves the mic into your hands and says, ''Do you have anything to say?'' What if you don''t have anything to say? What if you''re camera shy? What if you''re drunk? I think it''s better if he just tips the mic in your direction so you can grab it if you want to or say ''no thanks'' with a smile." -- Brett, 35
Gripe 8: Table matters.
"There''s always that one table: The people kind of know each other but not really -- or they''re all the extra people who couldn''t be seated with people they know due to space constraints. It''s always a random mix of cousins, college friends, neighbors, work friends, and distant relatives. The guests always know they''re the misfit table, and it''s always awkward to sit there trying to make conversation with these people you have no interest in. Lack of thought in the seating plan has one of the most painful, sometimes embarrassing, results for a guest who often wonders, ''Why am I stuck behind a pole at a table with a bunch of strangers?''" -- Megan, 27
Gripe 9: Love mismatch.
"I was at a wedding where the bride had told her single girlfriends that they''d be seated with single guys for a little matchup. But when they got to the reception, the ''singles table'' was all women and one single guy. What a shame because the truth is, people go to weddings to meet someone or at least have a little flirt. I think she should have put close to equal numbers of guys and girls at the table!" -- Gina, 34
Gripe 10: Note this.
"I can''t stand bands or singers who are way too high on themselves, like they think they are performing at Carnegie Hall. This is a wedding, people! You are wedding singers, not Earth, Wind & Fire!" -- Rebecca, 29
Gripe 11: Singles clubbing.
"I remember one friend''s wedding at which the DJ was given names of single female friends to bellow over the microphone to make sure they were participating. The horror!" -- Gina, 37

Gripe 12: Solo horrors.
"I loathe the ''everyone get up and dance with your spouse'' portion. More often than not I am sans date -- so I''m either forced to sit alone like a loser and watch everyone dance, or I''m forced to dance with a loser who has been thrust on me by a relative with that look of pity in her eye." -- Cathy, 29
Gripe 13: Timing is everything.
"I can''t stand any speech that''s longer than four minutes -- especially sentimental ones where a brother talks about not being sure he could ever fill his big bro''s shoes." -- Walter, 24
Gripe 14: Raising the bar.
"I hate bartenders who don''t know how to make good drinks or, worse yet, bartenders who skimp on the alcohol and give you mixed drinks that are watered down. I''m not sure if they''re being cheap or if they just don''t want someone to get smashed and say what happened at the bachelor party. Either way, I want my cosmos the way I like them." -- Diny, 33
Gripe 15: Bad timing.
"I hate when you have to wait for hours before you get to eat. One friend''s wedding took place at 3:30 and the cocktail hour started at 5:00, with an open bar and hors d''oeuvres. Unfortunately, it was just that -- a cocktail hour. At 6:00, the food was whisked away and the bar started charging. At 8:30, the bride and groom wandered in, and half an hour later dinner was served. We were starving, and by the time we finished dinner, after 10, nobody was in the mood to party." -- Megan, 27
Gripe 16: Slow food movement.
"We went to a wedding where there was a make-your-own pasta station where you got to pick the pasta and the sauce and have it made for you personally. Only problem is, it was way too slow. They could only do two people at a time, which means only two people could eat at a time while the rest of us stood in this enormous line. I would have rather not had the choice and not had to eat in shifts." -- Tammy, 35
Gripe 17: Good, clean fun.
"Messy food -- ribs, lobster, corn on the cob -- can be a nightmare. Someone, usually me, always ends up in the bathroom trying to wash off a big blob of barbecue sauce." -- Judy, 32
Gripe 18: Making the cut.
"I once received a wedding invitation with an extremely early RSVP date: It gave us only ten days to return it. When I asked the bride why, she said, ''Well, I have guest list A, B, and C. Once people from the A group drop out, we''ll start inviting group B, and so on.'' At least I was in group A, but I still thought that was pretty bad." -- Jennifer, 35
Gripe 19: Cold call.
"If the festivities are outside in a tent, you''d really better be sure it''s fairly warm out. One time I was at a wedding that was so cold, everyone had to keep their coats on over their beautiful outfits and
huddle around the space heaters." -- Gina, 36
Gripe 20: Great expectations.
"My brother was married on a Friday afternoon and had his rehearsal at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday. That meant that we were all required to take two full days off from work. Time off is limited as is and difficult enough to get without wasting it on an afternoon rehearsal. I feel that consideration for the guests could have been taken into account." -- Terry, 26
Gripe 21: Giving thanks.
"I can''t stand it when brides bitch about who didn''t buy them a gift, then fail to thank you for the one you bought them! I expect a handwritten thank-you note within a week of the wedding -- not a brief ''thank you'' shoved into a Christmas card months later!" -- Theresa, 28
Gripe 22: Dance-a-thon.
"Too many special dances that people have to watch drive me crazy. Father and bride, mother and groom, and bridal party is fine -- but I attended one wedding where there were so many! Bride and grandfather, groom and grandmother, bride and godfather -- it became excessive. We wanted to dance too!" -- Angie, 25
Gripe 23: The drive-by hi.
"It stinks when the couple doesn''t say ''hi'' and ''thanks for coming'' to you because they''re so busy." -- Rosanna, 33
Gripe 24: Obstructed views.
"Centerpieces that are too big are a problem. It''s nice to have dinner conversation, and I''ve been to too many weddings where the centerpieces blocked my view of the other side of the table." -- Valerie, 25
 
Geez...

I sometime bitch a lot about other people''s weddings, but nothing quite as stupid as these things! The drive-by ''hi.'' It''s a wedding, usually the bride and groom are busy and don''t have time for a 30 minute conversation. Get over yourself!

It''s one thing to judge, it''s another thing to be a complete moron!
 
My goodness! What ungrateful guests! I mean, here brides and grooms are throwing down thousands of dollars and these people are so rude! If people have so many issues, they just shouldn''t attend!

Here are the ones I have a problem with:

#2 -- the Church complaint -- well, even if people aren''t religious, many people were raised within a specific religion and feel like they really want a whole church service. I''m pretty religious and I will have a full mass with my wedding and NOT to show "just how married I am," but because that''s part of my heritage! That woman sounded SUPER bitter!

#3 -- Distance between ceremony and reception. Look, I just feel like some people have special attachments to churches or reception locations. When it''s their wedding, they can have everything at the same place!

#8 -- Random Table People -- oh for goodness sake. Get over yourselves. Yes, it can be awkward to sit with someone you don''t know -- it''s a great opportunity to make a new friend. Jeez. I mean, everyone just does the best they can when seating people.

#9 -- Ok, ok, I know people go to weddings to meet people of the opposite sex, but HONESTLY. This girl is complaining about the ratio? Come on. You''re SUPPOSED to be there to celebrate the marriage of your friend.

#18 -- I actually have no problem with the ABC list, although, I would NEVER tell people I had that. I had one friend who did that, but she took a pen and changed the RSVP date on each RSVP card for the B list (which I was on). I thought it was a little tacky that she did the pen thing, but I wasn''t offended to be on the B list. I wasn''t close friends with her, so no big deal?

#19 -- I laughed out loud at this one. The brother complaining that he had to take a whole TWO days off work for his BROTHER''s wedding. I couldn''t believe it! That was really funny! Good grief!

All in all, I hope that my guests, when I get married, AFTER I get engaged
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, have a fantastic time. I mean, I think all brides out there just do the best they can?
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It''s a good thing these guests only say to the bride and groom''s faces "What a beautiful wedding"- some of this stuff is almost too rude to think to yourself.
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Besides the examples AmandaPanda and elephant mentioned, so what if the singing at the ceremony is not the best and the bride likes a raunchy tune every now and then.
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REMINDER: it''s their wedding, full of details particular to the couple. (A couple who has decided it was important to have you there.)
 
I read this a few weeks ago when it was on my Today on MSN thing... and all I could think was how shallow and spoiled these people sounded.
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All I can say is if you dont like it...SUCK IT UP. The wedding is not about the guests it is about the people getting married. If I want a full wedding mass (and I do, my V was a alter boy until we went off to college)
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then I will have one. If you dont like it dont come. I honestly think people are oversensitve about weddings. If you get a drive by hi, at least be glad that they took time out of one the most important days of their lives to stop and say hello to you. Really. As for the ratio issue, why do people feel that way, if you wnated to fix up your single friends you would have a mixer not a wedding.
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And yet people wonder why I am thinking elopment sounds so good...(I just need to find a Catholic church in Vegas)
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uh oh. Well I guess I''m going to be disliked, but it''s not the first time! I personally didn''t see anything wrong with some of these, many of them are complaints I''ve had myself. But, then again, I''m not a fan of weddings. I think they are overrated (most of the time, I have been to a few really nice and romantic ones) and that is why I got married in a courthouse! Like I said in the past, I''m missing the bride gene!

Sorry guys, just my opinion, I hope you don''t hate me now!
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Date: 6/30/2005 4:56:56 PM
Author: IrishEyes
uh oh. Well I guess I''m going to be disliked, but it''s not the first time! I personally didn''t see anything wrong with some of these, many of them are complaints I''ve had myself. But, then again, I''m not a fan of weddings. I think they are overrated (most of the time, I have been to a few really nice and romantic ones) and that is why I got married in a courthouse! Like I said in the past, I''m missing the bride gene!

Sorry guys, just my opinion, I hope you don''t hate me now!
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Hehe, don''t worry IrishEyes, I had the same response as you to some of them...I mean, quite a few of them are pretty petty, but some of them, I think, are valid.
 
Yeah Blue! I have a partner in crime!!
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I just read a lot of the same one in some wedding **** and had the same roll my eyes reaction
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. Seriously, some pple need to get over themselves!
 
I agree with things like intrusive video cameras and too loud dj/band. But, I completely disagree with the ones about "making sure it''s fairly warm out" if things are in a tent ( I do agree with bringing in space heaters) and the thank you note one. Ummmm...most places won''t allow a bride to move a tented wedding indoors if she wakes up and it happens to be chilly out that day, nor can a person be expected to fully plan a wedding at two venues "in case." I hate not getting thank you notes, but expecting them within a week of the wedding!?!?!? "Oh, sorry honey...I know we''re in paradise, but can you help address all these envelopes, oh and write a note to Aunt Bertha for me?"

I have had my gripes about some weddings, but I was able to recognize that not everything can be perfectly controlled - and the couple isn''t always responsible for the way things play out. I also feel like many older, married couples forget just how complicated and stressful planning a wedding can be. I further think that many people "forget" and genuinely forget basic guidelines. IE The names on the envelope tells you exactly who is invited. Not mentioned? Not invited.

Sorry, I guess this turned into a post for me to vent about guests! I think what I am trying to say is that I understand valid gripes. I just don''t have any patience for guest gripes that stem from lack of understanding or respect or a sense of entitlement.

(climbs down off soapbox)

Munchkin
 
Date: 6/30/2005 10:57:23 AM
Author:Croí

Gripe 6: Class act.
''I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful... until the DJ let it rip with ''Baby Got Back.'' It must have been the bride''s request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her ass swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I''m not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin'' at your own wedding.'' -- Colleen, 33

Gripe 23: The drive-by hi.
''It stinks when the couple doesn''t say ''hi'' and ''thanks for coming'' to you because they''re so busy.'' -- Rosanna, 33
Ok I just had to post because of #6 and I''m working a wedding tonight and they just played Baby Got Back. Started laughing because of the article...anyway, the dance floor was PACKED!
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Hehe and as for #23, tonight''s bride & groom didn''t even eat dinner in the same room as the guests! They escaped for 30 minutes to dine privately. I''ve never seen that done before. I''m guessing that wouldn''t go over well with Miss Rosanna.

Back to work
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Date: 7/2/2005 10:53:18 PM
Author: Blue824

Date: 6/30/2005 10:57:23 AM
Author:Croí


Gripe 6: Class act.
''I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful... until the DJ let it rip with ''Baby Got Back.'' It must have been the bride''s request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her ass swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I''m not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin'' at your own wedding.'' -- Colleen, 33


Gripe 23: The drive-by hi.
''It stinks when the couple doesn''t say ''hi'' and ''thanks for coming'' to you because they''re so busy.'' -- Rosanna, 33
Ok I just had to post because of #6 and I''m working a wedding tonight and they just played Baby Got Back. Started laughing because of the article...anyway, the dance floor was PACKED!
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Hehe and as for #23, tonight''s bride & groom didn''t even eat dinner in the same room as the guests! They escaped for 30 minutes to dine privately. I''ve never seen that done before. I''m guessing that wouldn''t go over well with Miss Rosanna.

Back to work
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Okay I have heard of the couple taking a few moments after the wedding but prior to the reception to go and take pictures and makes kissy faces at each other....but to leave their own reception to dine seperately seems off and tad bit rude. I mean if you didnt want to have these people share the time with you why pay for it?
 
Date: 7/3/2005 2:49:34 AM
Author: Matatora

Date: 7/2/2005 10:53:18 PM
Author: Blue824


Date: 6/30/2005 10:57:23 AM
Author:Croí



Gripe 6: Class act.
''I was at a wedding in Malibu and it was beautiful... until the DJ let it rip with ''Baby Got Back.'' It must have been the bride''s request, since she and her gaggle of friends began squealing and ran onto the dance floor. There she was, in her beautiful white Vera Wang wedding gown, with her hand in the air and her ass swinging back and forth. It was nasty. I''m not Miss Proper, but it just seemed out of place to be rump-shakin'' at your own wedding.'' -- Colleen, 33



Gripe 23: The drive-by hi.
''It stinks when the couple doesn''t say ''hi'' and ''thanks for coming'' to you because they''re so busy.'' -- Rosanna, 33
Ok I just had to post because of #6 and I''m working a wedding tonight and they just played Baby Got Back. Started laughing because of the article...anyway, the dance floor was PACKED!
3.gif


Hehe and as for #23, tonight''s bride & groom didn''t even eat dinner in the same room as the guests! They escaped for 30 minutes to dine privately. I''ve never seen that done before. I''m guessing that wouldn''t go over well with Miss Rosanna.

Back to work
3.gif
Okay I have heard of the couple taking a few moments after the wedding but prior to the reception to go and take pictures and makes kissy faces at each other....but to leave their own reception to dine seperately seems off and tad bit rude. I mean if you didnt want to have these people share the time with you why pay for it?
Yep, I thought that was weird too...but then we saw the caterers setting up in another room that they had and the bride and groom followed soon after. Oh well. Its not the weirdest thing I"ve seen, believe me.
 
Ack! Number 4 and 6 killed me! Hey it''s not your wedding, is it? I''d like to think that the happy couple can pick out their own ceremony and reception sites! Plus if the sites are that far apart getting a shuttle to ferry people back and forth would make no sense at all! And regarding the ''Baby got Back'' it''s the bride''s day, right??? She deserves a little fun! Even in a Vera Wang dress!
 
I thought some of the gripes were petty and silly. But, I do agree with some of them to some extent.



Gripe 4: On the far side.
"I hate when there''s a long distance between the ceremony and reception. I went to one wedding where the ceremony and reception were over an hour''s drive apart from each other and no transportation was arranged. We kept passing churches on the way to the reception and saying, ''Why didn''t they get married there?''" -- Jennifer, 34

I agree with this to some degree. I''ve been to weddings where the distance between the sites is an hour and a half to a two hour drive. Most of the guests lived near the wedding site and that''s where the hotel where everyone stayed was, so we all drove about four hours that day (that seems like a lot to me).


Gripe 11: Singles clubbing.
"I remember one friend''s wedding at which the DJ was given names of single female friends to bellow over the microphone to make sure they were participating. The horror!" -- Gina, 37

Okay, that kind of sucks! I''ve never had that happen, but I can''t imagine!


Gripe 15: Bad timing.
"I hate when you have to wait for hours before you get to eat. One friend''s wedding took place at 3:30 and the cocktail hour started at 5:00, with an open bar and hors d''oeuvres. Unfortunately, it was just that -- a cocktail hour. At 6:00, the food was whisked away and the bar started charging. At 8:30, the bride and groom wandered in, and half an hour later dinner was served. We were starving, and by the time we finished dinner, after 10, nobody was in the mood to party." -- Megan, 27

I guess it depends. I went to a wedding where we had the wedding at 3pm, but dinner wasn''t served until 10pm. That was a little much....

Gripe 16: Slow food movement.
"We went to a wedding where there was a make-your-own pasta station where you got to pick the pasta and the sauce and have it made for you personally. Only problem is, it was way too slow. They could only do two people at a time, which means only two people could eat at a time while the rest of us stood in this enormous line. I would have rather not had the choice and not had to eat in shifts." -- Tammy, 35

I can see how this would be annoying....


Gripe 18: Making the cut.
"I once received a wedding invitation with an extremely early RSVP date: It gave us only ten days to return it. When I asked the bride why, she said, ''Well, I have guest list A, B, and C. Once people from the A group drop out, we''ll start inviting group B, and so on.'' At least I was in group A, but I still thought that was pretty bad." -- Jennifer, 35

I don''t have a problem with the ABC list per se, but why advertise it???


Gripe 21: Giving thanks.
"I can''t stand it when brides bitch about who didn''t buy them a gift, then fail to thank you for the one you bought them! I expect a handwritten thank-you note within a week of the wedding -- not a brief ''thank you'' shoved into a Christmas card months later!" -- Theresa, 28

Well, I don''t agree with the week thing, but I do think I should get a thank-you note!

Anyway, if you''ve made it through, now you know what I think :)
 
I have to agree with #19. It is horribly inconvenient for guests to have to take off from work for a wedding. Its not just the missed time at the office, but the rushing around to get out of work early and getting dressed, and the Friday traffic in our area is a nightmare. Not everyone has a straightforward 9-5 job that they can easily take off from work. Some people are actually in charge at their offices, and if they are out it causes a major problem. Not to mention if the wedding falls at a crucial time for a company. My husband almost wasn't able to come with me to my cousin's wedding in April. They were working on a project with a deadline of that following Monday. I actually had to get dressed at my MIL's, and bring my husband his suit to get dressed at the office and practically dragged him out of there to make it on time.

Most people get married on a Friday to save money. If you can't afford that big Saturday wedding, scale back!

#12 is absolutey rediculous...its a WEDDING!!! The "dance with spouse" is to celebrate marriage, and to wish the newlyweds a long and happy marriage.
 
wow !!

I never expected this to generate so much comment! I had been thinking of writing a "What I Learned" post for you all about what I learned from our wedding.

To be honest, I really did feel it was our day and I really wasn''t bothered about catering to any of my guests. Those who griped about whatever, were just exactly the people whom I would have expected to gripe .... and those who got on with it and made it a great day for themselves (regardless of how much we spoke to them or any other details) were exactly the people I would have expected that from too.

So I think it''s really a matter of being honest with yourself about your guests - YOU know them, so don''t be surprised if they end up being who they are ... the laid-back-delighted-to-be-there friend and/or the got-to-find-fault-with-something-relative ...............

It''s all part of the package !

C
 
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