samkongado
Rough_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2006
- Messages
- 66
Well, I''ve never posted on this forum by I swing by every once in a while just to get a female perspective on things. So here''s my story and I''d love to hear any opinions or comments...
I''ve been with my girlfriend for about 5 years, and we have a great relationship. We moved to a new city together a little under a year ago, and before we left she made it clear she was struggling to move in with me before we were engaged, but she decided to anyway as I was not ready to get engaged or married yet. Anyway, I''ve been planning out my proposal for a couple months now, and during that time my girlfriend made it VERY obvious that she was more than ready to get engaged. While I never straight out said "I will marry you" I made it very clear that I was in it for the long haul and that we would have a family and be together forever. However, she has always had trust issues (not with me but just in general) and I think she never fully believed me, or at least wasn''t completely sure that''s what I wanted. I''d never told her "I''m planning on proposing" or "I''ve been ring shopping" or anything like that because it was always my intention to completely surprise her one day with an amazing proposal and absolutely sweep her off her feet.
So, to make a long story short, last night we got into an argument and the root of it was that she was mad that she has been living with me this long and I haven''t proposed yet, and that she was highly considering moving out in a month if I don''t make some sort of decision for good. Unlike other times we''ve talked about it, she wasn''t looking for a "trust me I love you I want to be with you have faith in me." She was looking for confirmation. So, I felt I was left with no choice but to tell her I''ve been planning a proposal and been ring shopping for the last month. Well, that totally changed her demeanor and she went from mad at me to being sort of mad at herself and sad that she may have ruined the surprise. Needless to say I was sad too, I had been getting so excited to plan out the details of the proposal and to see her face when I actually asked. But now I feel like that''s all ruined. It totally took all the wind out of my sails. I feel like now if I propose I will just sort of be "going through the motions" without all the excitement and energy behind it because she knows it''s coming. Of course when she asked me then if I was mad at her I couldn''t say I was because she was already upset and felt bad, and if I told her how disappointed I was it would just make her feel even worse. But now I just feel sort of blah... I was probably going to propose next week or the week after, and I guess I still want to but it just doesn''t have the same meaning, you know?
I know a lot of the girls here know a proposal is coming, and may have even helped pick out the ring themselves, but I''ve always had the idea my whole life that I''d surprise my girlfriend one day and totally shock her with an amazing proposal. It sort of takes the romanticism out of it this way. Although it''s an exaggeration, I feel like maybe I should just buy the ring and give it to her and ask her if she''ll marry me, very straight forward.
So I''d love to hear any feedback or comments, or suggestions of anything I should do- from a female point of view. And to all the ladies who are pressing their man in the same way, just a word of caution: be careful because you might end up pressing too hard and he''ll have to do something he''s not ready to do.
Thanks a lot to everyone...
-SG
I''ve been with my girlfriend for about 5 years, and we have a great relationship. We moved to a new city together a little under a year ago, and before we left she made it clear she was struggling to move in with me before we were engaged, but she decided to anyway as I was not ready to get engaged or married yet. Anyway, I''ve been planning out my proposal for a couple months now, and during that time my girlfriend made it VERY obvious that she was more than ready to get engaged. While I never straight out said "I will marry you" I made it very clear that I was in it for the long haul and that we would have a family and be together forever. However, she has always had trust issues (not with me but just in general) and I think she never fully believed me, or at least wasn''t completely sure that''s what I wanted. I''d never told her "I''m planning on proposing" or "I''ve been ring shopping" or anything like that because it was always my intention to completely surprise her one day with an amazing proposal and absolutely sweep her off her feet.
So, to make a long story short, last night we got into an argument and the root of it was that she was mad that she has been living with me this long and I haven''t proposed yet, and that she was highly considering moving out in a month if I don''t make some sort of decision for good. Unlike other times we''ve talked about it, she wasn''t looking for a "trust me I love you I want to be with you have faith in me." She was looking for confirmation. So, I felt I was left with no choice but to tell her I''ve been planning a proposal and been ring shopping for the last month. Well, that totally changed her demeanor and she went from mad at me to being sort of mad at herself and sad that she may have ruined the surprise. Needless to say I was sad too, I had been getting so excited to plan out the details of the proposal and to see her face when I actually asked. But now I feel like that''s all ruined. It totally took all the wind out of my sails. I feel like now if I propose I will just sort of be "going through the motions" without all the excitement and energy behind it because she knows it''s coming. Of course when she asked me then if I was mad at her I couldn''t say I was because she was already upset and felt bad, and if I told her how disappointed I was it would just make her feel even worse. But now I just feel sort of blah... I was probably going to propose next week or the week after, and I guess I still want to but it just doesn''t have the same meaning, you know?
I know a lot of the girls here know a proposal is coming, and may have even helped pick out the ring themselves, but I''ve always had the idea my whole life that I''d surprise my girlfriend one day and totally shock her with an amazing proposal. It sort of takes the romanticism out of it this way. Although it''s an exaggeration, I feel like maybe I should just buy the ring and give it to her and ask her if she''ll marry me, very straight forward.
So I''d love to hear any feedback or comments, or suggestions of anything I should do- from a female point of view. And to all the ladies who are pressing their man in the same way, just a word of caution: be careful because you might end up pressing too hard and he''ll have to do something he''s not ready to do.
Thanks a lot to everyone...
-SG