What makes a strong marriage?

[suchende]

Sorry if this has been discussed before or recently, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I hear the women on here raving about how great their husbands are (and patient, and indulgent, lol) and it makes me wonder: what traits should a young woman, ESPECIALLY one who''s a big fan of the sparkles, look for in a mate?

And what makes a good wife? In the age of feminism, this subject almost seems taboo.

For the record, I do NOT mean, "How do I find a man who willl pay to keep me in diamonds?" I am definitely a career girl! Many happily married people have told me that you need to be compatible when it comes to money management, but right now, when we both don''t have much, it''s hard to know what that means, or how to recognize it.

 

[April20]

First of all, I think it''s great you''re thinking about this now, rather than after the fact!

Before I was married and was thinking about the traits that were important in a husband, it was important for me to consider the role that the husband plays in a marriage. For me, this means being the family head. Would he be a good provider?- not just materially, but emotionally, spiritually, etc. How does he view the role of his wife? I think it''s important to understand what his expectations are and if they''re realistic. I also think it''s important to closely examine how he treats others as it reflects how he''ll treat a wife. Does he put her needs ahead of his own? Not to say that it turns into a relationship that''s all about the wife. If the wife is taking the same consideration, thinking of the husband first, neither mate will consider their own selfish longing all the time. Does that makes sense?

One a softer note, I truly think it''s important to think thru what things are truly important to you and what your "deal breakers" are. I think it''s very important to discuss any and all aspects that can be stressers in a marriage BEFORE you''re married. How will finances be handled? Do you want children? If so, how will they be raised? I think the more you discuss this before marriage and have an agreement, the stronger your marriage will be in the long run.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

I think it is important to find someone that, realistically, you can live with for the rest of your life. Remove the lust and the superficial markers such as homes, jewelry, cars etc etc and really look at the person. There is a great book out there that I highly suggestion EVERYONE work through with there mate before (or after marriage). It will open your eyes to many things that become the glue of a relationship.

check it out!

http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Questions-100-Essential-Before/dp/1585420042


Or here is an overview on OPRAH

http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/relationships/couples/slideshow1_ss_advice_questions/1

 

[vespergirl]

I think that you have to find someone who has compatible values and future goals. I have been married twice - the first time in my early 20s to a fun guy that I loved to be with, but we had very different values when it came to the practical issues in a marriage. We had talked about both of us "wanting to have enough money to live comfortably." For me, that meant an upper-middle class minimum six-figure salary, because that was the type of family that I had grown up in - but for him, if he had enough money to eat ramen noodles every night, he was happy. I also wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and his family had talked about the importance of having a parent at home all the time, and not sticking kids in daycare, which I agreed with. However, when he kept taking low-paying part-time jobs, and I told him that I didn''t feel comfortable having kids with someone who could barely support himself, he told me that I could get a night job cleaning offices so I could be home with them during the day

Excuse me, but that''s not why I went to college. So, our brief union only lasted two years, and I felt a great sense of relief after my divorce.

The second time around, I was looking for someone who shared my traditional values, and who earned a good living. I remember hearing somewhere that "you can fall in love with a rich man as easily as a poor man," so I only dated people who were high-earning professionals. If I wasn''t hanging around artist types, I wasn''t going to fall in love with one. When I met my husband, I met a stunningly handsome guy, with a great sense of humor, caring, gentle manners, and he was very ambitious and hardworking. He also wanted a wife that he could support, who would take care of him and our future kids. He is also very supportive of my career goals - when our child is in school, I plan to go back for my Master''s Degree, which he is happy to help me pay for. Not to say that there aren''t things he does that make me roll my eyes from time to time (and I''m sure he feels the same way about me) but we get along so well because we are both working towards the same goals.

I think it''s about knowing what you want your life to look like, and where you want to be in 20 years, and finding someone who has the same tools and ambitions that you do to get there. It''s different for everyone - what works for us might not work for everyone, so it''s about finding the man that has the same goals and ideals that you do.

 

[neatfreak]

Well if your goal is to have diamonds then you need to find someone with the same money managing skills and spending type as you. They need to understand that diamonds are one of your priorities and be ok with spending some discretionary income on it.

Money is one of the biggest causes for divorce-so you need to make sure you are on the same page about earning, spending, and saving.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Ditto to Vespergirl and April 20.

 

[somethingshiny]

Really good posts so far! I''ve been married for almost ten years, and this is what I''ve come up with...

First off, I think a strong marriage is based on two strong individuals. Basically, you each have to be a whole and complete person by yourself. You can''t depend on your SO to "complete me." It''s absurd to base your life, your happiness, your future on the giving of One other person. And, besides, isn''t that a lot of stress to put on one person?

I believe in sharing all your deal breakers on a first date. (my deal breakers happen to be very different from most people, but I still found my husband -- at a very early age) I don''t believe in compromising deal breakers--from either side.

And, I think that marriage goals, children, career aspirations, etc should ALL be discussed and agreed upon before marriage. Granted, things change, your priorities shift, etc. But, it''s awfully hard to be in a loving relationship with someone whose ideals are different from your own. There begins to be a deterioration in the relationship and with that, usually a lack of respect creeps in.

Which brings me to my next topic. Respect. I believe respect is the basis of ANY good relationship. (this also goes hand in hand with the "two strong individuals make a strong couple") Respect also opens lines of communication which of course is absolutely necessary.

And, my best advice for daily married life is "Don''t neglect the little things." Marriage is comprised of millions of little things that can make or break you. You have to know what your little things are and what your partner''s are and be willing to work with that. For example, DH has this weird thing about me cooking him supper. To him, that shows how much I love him. For me, it''s putting gas in my car. I hate to pump gas, I hate the way it smells, I hate not being able to thoroughly wash my hands after I''m done, I hate to walk into the gas station to pay for the gas while standing in line and listening to the gossip about town. So, DH basically always pumps my gas. It means a lot to me. (these, of course, are just a couple of the little things that matter to us.)

I also think sex has lots to do with marriage. I think both partners need to be willing and open to discuss sex with each other and make themselves available. I''m not saying you have to get the swing hung up, but if it''s something you''re willing to try, let him know.

That''s what I got so far.

 

[suchende]

prettyone, thank you for the book recommendation, I will want to check it out!

My boyfriend and I are going into the same field where six figure salaries are the norm. He''s in grad school right now and I''ll be going next fall, right now working in a related field. I''m a little concerned that he''ll think my indulgences are excessive, but it is hard to tell.

The only jewelry purchases I''ve made since we were together (with my own money, of course) have been second-hand pieces that were definitely great steals, and he didn''t seem to think I was out of line, but when I showed him one of the pieces on the Tiffany website he was like, "Oh jeez, you didn''t pay that much for it, did you?!?!" I didn''t, but that struck me as a small red flag.

I can relate Vesper, I was engaged to a man that sounds a bit like your ex. Lucky for me, he cheated on me 3 months before the wedding and I called it off. After that close call, I am even more hesitant about making a commitment at a young age (I''m in my mid-twenties).

 

[bee*]

I think that although you can differ on things like hobbies etc and have different interests, you have to agree on the important things-like kids, careers etc. Respect is also a huge thing and liking to share their company.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/26/2009 2:04:16 PM
Author: suchende
prettyone, thank you for the book recommendation, I will want to check it out!

My boyfriend and I are going into the same field where six figure salaries are the norm. He''s in grad school right now and I''ll be going next fall, right now working in a related field. I''m a little concerned that he''ll think my indulgences are excessive, but it is hard to tell.

The only jewelry purchases I''ve made since we were together (with my own money, of course) have been second-hand pieces that were definitely great steals, and he didn''t seem to think I was out of line, but when I showed him one of the pieces on the Tiffany website he was like, ''Oh jeez, you didn''t pay that much for it, did you?!?!'' I didn''t, but that struck me as a small red flag.

I can relate Vesper, I was engaged to a man that sounds a bit like your ex. Lucky for me, he cheated on me 3 months before the wedding and I called it off. After that close call, I am even more hesitant about making a commitment at a young age (I''m in my mid-twenties).

you need to find a man that loves diamonds. remember...diamonds are girls best friend !!

 

[Haven]

Find a man you adore and love spending time with, and make sure that he doesn''t annoy you.
Seriously.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 4/26/2009 2:40:10 PM
Author: bee*
I think that although you can differ on things like hobbies etc and have different interests, you have to agree on the important things-like kids, careers etc. Respect is also a huge thing and liking to share their company.

I agree.

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 4/26/2009 10:50:47 AM
Author:suchende
Sorry if this has been discussed before or recently, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I hear the women on here raving about how great their husbands are (and patient, and indulgent, lol) and it makes me wonder: what traits should a young woman, ESPECIALLY one who''s a big fan of the sparkles, look for in a mate?


And what makes a good wife? In the age of feminism, this subject almost seems taboo.


For the record, I do NOT mean, ''How do I find a man who will pay to keep me in diamonds?'' I am definitely a career girl! Many happily married people have told me that you need to be compatible when it comes to money management, but right now, when we both don''t have much, it''s hard to know what that means, or how to recognize it.

My hubby of 22 years is wonderful, loving, romantic, I could go on and on...but let me say, he wasn''t this way when we met, we were both very young, he was and sweet and nice, we had the same values and goals, but it takes time and effort to build a great marriage...he was my diamond in the rough...I was his. It takes many years, hardships, laughter, tears, to make a beautiful marriage.

While financial security is great and important, don''t look down on having to work through lean times together, hard times build character...you learn more about each other and grow more, through adversity than you do in good times.

Don''t be afraid of a bank account ''poor'' young guy, who is ''values rich'' and working toward financial stability...none of us would want to be judged by our earning potential...we want to be appreciated and valued by our ideas and ideals, personality, what we can bring to the relationship that is meaningful and real...not that I am saying you should look for a guy with zero ambition, but starting off a marriage with a six figure salary can have its drawbacks as well. The things I hold dearest are the things we have worked hard, to achieve, together...not what we brought to the table at the beginning.

And people change over the years...what you see is not what you''ll end up with. Be ready for change and be ready to change as well...not talking about compromising on deal breakers, but be ready to compromise on the small things.


As perfectly stated in the bible, Corinthians 1:13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


It doesn''t get better than that.

 

[Pandora II]

Just my opinion (based on watching my parents exceptionally happy marriage, my own 36 years, 5 years of living with my DH (married for near 10 months) and 3 long-term relationships living with other men including one for 7 years):

- Shared Values, Ambitions & Goals - coming from similar backgrounds also helps considerably. Agreeing on things like education, household structure and division of responsibilities, religion, political values etc. You don't have to agree 100% on everything, but there needs to be similar thinking on the majority of major issues.

- Similar IQ - marrying someone with a significantly different level of intelligence is a bad move IMO.

- Financial Responsibility - ability to plan for the future, solvency, realistic financial goals and ability to live within your means.

- No Addictions - I dated an alcoholic and never want to be with someone with a substance abuse issue again.

- Kindness - my husband is a fundamentally kind person (despite writing a lot of political satire for which he has an evil pen!)

- Mutual Respect - VITAL

- Shared Interests - you don't have to have completely the same hobbies, but a few shared ones do help. Also taking a bit of an interest in the other's hobbies is nice: DH is into photography - I will happily go to exhibitions, photography shops and help him with editing, but I have no interest in actually taking the pictures. I am into Gemmology - DH knows his spessartites from his paraiba tourmalines, gave up several days on our honeymoon to gemstones and will come and oggle Graff's windows with me. Together we are both into interior design, politics and LOVE shopping, we also have joint membership at a lot of the London Art Galleries.

- Compatible Personalities - both DH and I like a far amount of 'space' and are happy to spend a lot of time together in the same room in silence with our respective laptops. Neither of us gets upset when the other is 'cavey'. My sister and her husband and DH's brother and his wife have significant problem because one person needs to be with people all the time and the other needs a lot of alone time and so there is resentment and frustration on both sides.

- Prioritising your Partner - Loving the other person enough that their happiness is a major priority for you. Putting them BEFORE anyone else in your family (except perhaps your children - and even then...). They should be more important than your own siblings and parents and vice-versa and if there are issues with in-laws then he should put you and your 'family unit' first and you should do the same for him. Your partner also comes before your friends.

- Friendship - passion, lust and great sex are not a basis for a marriage. If DH or I were to have a major accident that put paid to the physical side of our relationship it wouldn't be a big problem for our marriage. We are each others' best-friends, we like to do things together - we both play poker, he's gone out to that tonight, the only reason I haven't is because I'm too pregnant to sit there long enough

, we are never bored with each other and will still have things to talk about when we're 90 (I hope!)

 

[JSM]

I did not marry a rich man, or even a well-off man. He grew up a very poor farmer and his family is barely (maybe) middle class.

However, I married a man with whom I share values and goals with. He is a hard worker. He is loyal. He has known hard times and knows how to survive them. He is a leader. He has ambitions, and is working towards them, but if we never have a boat, or a large home, or a fancy car, he will be okay with that too.

Nothing makes him happier than making me happy. He does so not by handing me diamonds (though I would LOVE that!), but by supporting me in my work, by doing work around the house, by rubbing my feet and holding me when I am down.

I have been married not even a month, so my opinion doesn''t count as much as those who have been married for years! But, I know that we are committed and happy.

Our relationship (just four years old) stays strong because of honesty, trust, communication, and effort. I hope that if we keep these things up, we will be together for a very long time.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I''m not married, but I will be in 68 days or so (the counter below hasn''t been updated), so take this for what it''s worth.

I think that what makes someone right for someone is completely subjective and depends on that person. Similarly, I think all marriages are different. Marriages, like the people who make them, have strengths and weaknesses and take work to improve a daily basis (just like we''re all continually trying to better ourselves).

For me personally, I knew from past relationships that I needed someone who was patient and tolerant. Who liked everything about me, not just my face or where I came from, who my parents were, where I went to school, etc. I needed someone who could make me laugh, all the time, on a daily basis. I needed someone who could handle some health issues I have and my moody nature. I needed someone who I could feel comfortable farting or throwing up in front of, someone who I could literally say anything to (anything not hateful towards that person of course) and not have them judge me. Sure,t here are things I wish I had gotten with the package. I would love for FI to be 6'', tidy and a financial wizard. But he''s 5''6" on a good day and he''s horrible at managing money and he''s messier than I am.

Those things weren''t deal breakers. Some of you may cringe on the money thing, but this is also a trait I have. I''ve made a personal commitment to work on this and improve and have made great progress.

I think what makes a good wife is someone who is patient and tolerant, who''s not afraid to support her husband and let her husband support her (financially AND emotionally). Someone who''s truly willing to be a "partner," however the couple chooses to define that word. I have friends who are very dependent on their husbands, the quintessential 50s June Cleaver wife; and I have others who are the main bread-winners, who''s husbands cook and clean. Are either of these relationships better than the other? That depends on who''s doing the judging. It''s what works for these particular people. Neither relationship would work for FI and I. We''re right comfortably in the middle, farts and all...

 

[Rhea]

Agreeing on how to disagree. For us, this is a biggie. We''re working on it.

I''m reading a couple of John Gottman''s books right now. I studied him some of his stuff as an undergrad but never really took it on because it didn''t apply to me. I can''t let you know what I think quite yet, but so far it seems pretty good.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 4/26/2009 5:47:37 PM
Author: Pandora II
Just my opinion (based on watching my parents exceptionally happy marriage, my own 36 years, 5 years of living with my DH (married for near 10 months) and 3 long-term relationships living with other men including one for 7 years):


- Shared Values, Ambitions & Goals - coming from similar backgrounds also helps considerably. Agreeing on things like education, household structure and division of responsibilities, religion, political values etc. You don''t have to agree 100% on everything, but there needs to be similar thinking on the majority of major issues.


- Similar IQ - marrying someone with a significantly different level of intelligence is a bad move IMO.


- Financial Responsibility - ability to plan for the future, solvency, realistic financial goals and ability to live within your means.


- No Addictions - I dated an alcoholic and never want to be with someone with a substance abuse issue again.


- Kindness - my husband is a fundamentally kind person (despite writing a lot of political satire for which he has an evil pen!)


- Mutual Respect - VITAL


- Shared Interests - you don''t have to have completely the same hobbies, but a few shared ones do help. Also taking a bit of an interest in the other''s hobbies is nice: DH is into photography - I will happily go to exhibitions, photography shops and help him with editing, but I have no interest in actually taking the pictures. I am into Gemmology - DH knows his spessartites from his paraiba tourmalines, gave up several days on our honeymoon to gemstones and will come and oggle Graff''s windows with me. Together we are both into interior design, politics and LOVE shopping, we also have joint membership at a lot of the London Art Galleries.


- Compatible Personalities - both DH and I like a far amount of ''space'' and are happy to spend a lot of time together in the same room in silence with our respective laptops. Neither of us gets upset when the other is ''cavey''. My sister and her husband and DH''s brother and his wife have significant problem because one person needs to be with people all the time and the other needs a lot of alone time and so there is resentment and frustration on both sides.


- Prioritising your Partner - Loving the other person enough that their happiness is a major priority for you. Putting them BEFORE anyone else in your family (except perhaps your children - and even then...). They should be more important than your own siblings and parents and vice-versa and if there are issues with in-laws then he should put you and your ''family unit'' first and you should do the same for him. Your partner also comes before your friends.


- Friendship - passion, lust and great sex are not a basis for a marriage. If DH or I were to have a major accident that put paid to the physical side of our relationship it wouldn''t be a big problem for our marriage. We are each others'' best-friends, we like to do things together - we both play poker, he''s gone out to that tonight, the only reason I haven''t is because I''m too pregnant to sit there long enough

, we are never bored with each other and will still have things to talk about when we''re 90 (I hope!)

Pandora, Very, Very well said.

 

[suchende]

Thanks for all the perspectives, ladies! It''s certainly appreciated.

 

[HollyS]

What makes a good marriage? Mutual respect. Agreement on the major issues of life. Values, morals, and idealogies that are in sync. Your spouse should be your best friend. The one person you can turn to, in fun times, in everyday boredom, and any crisis.

Notice I said absolutely nothing about passion. Nothing fades faster than that feeling of ''being in love''. That swooney, butterflies in the tummy, excited to see them, heart beating faster stuff goes bye-bye in the blink of an eye. It''s why people breakup; after that disappears, they''re left wondering why they even put up with the other person. Real love feels contentment, happiness, wholeness with that person -- that is a different feeling entirely. Passion exists in the equation; it''s just not the overriding emotion.

What should you look for in a husband? Healthy self respect and the respect of his peers and elders. It''s a good indicator of his moral fiber and his character. Humor, because you will need it every day of your life. He should have some idea, if he''s young, and a clear idea, if he''s older, of where he envisions his life going - - what he wants to do, how he wants to attain those goals. And speaking for myself, my husband needed to have a spiritual side; he had to have a desire to be in relationship with our Maker.

What makes a good wife? RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. It is the single most important thing to a man. To know that his wife respects who he is, what he does, how he provides for his family, the decisions he makes, means the world to your husband. Know when to bolster. Know when to shut up. Know when to prop up an ego, or provide a touchstone for what he knows to be right. If you marry a guy with character, none of the above will be a difficult task.

What makes a good husband? LOVING THEIR WIFE. Appreciating her work, in and out of the home. Thanking her for what she provides, how she turns the house into a home. Respecting that she''s not a maid, a cook, a doormat. She''s his best friend. The one person who should unconditionally love him -- and for that she deserves the world. Or his best effort at providing that.

I know that I''ve outlined traditional male and female roles. The reason is a simple one; we are who we are, and whether we consider ourselves ''feminist'' or not, love and respect are the cornerstones of a successful male/female relationship. The feminist movement was about not being appreciated, and being relegated to a subservient role. Those aren''t the proper dynamics of a successful marriage. And a successful marriage isn''t just about longevity; it''s about TWO becoming ONE.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 4/26/2009 3:27:34 PM
Author: Haven
Find a man you adore and love spending time with, and make sure that he doesn''t annoy you.
Seriously.

Sweet and succinct. That is it in a nutshell.

(Personally speaking, I found it easy to be annoyed. That''s why it took me so long to find Mr. Right!)

 

[fieryred33143]

I''ve never been married BUT in addition to the great advice given I think its important to not take yourself so seriously. Keep communication lines open and just go with the flow.

 

[Elmorton]

What makes a strong marriage?
-Honesty/Trust
-Mutual respect
-Compromise
-Fighting fairly (don''t hit below the belt, withhold, close yourself off, close the other out, and do allow for apologies)

Re: marriage/diamonds - You have to be able to outline what it is you want (honesty, trust in your partner to hear you), have respect for your partner''s wishes and expect that your partner has respect for yours, and you have to compromise about what''s possible/acceptable in your household. Where does fighting fair come in? If you don''t feel like you''re getting what you want, it''s important to go back to the first three things rather than try to manipulate your partner into what you want.

BTW - I also like Pandora''s list. I''d say that''s pretty spot-on.

 

[Haven]

Date: 4/26/2009 8:17:25 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 4/26/2009 3:27:34 PM
Author: Haven
Find a man you adore and love spending time with, and make sure that he doesn''t annoy you.
Seriously.

Sweet and succinct. That is it in a nutshell.

(Personally speaking, I found it easy to be annoyed. That''s why it took me so long to find Mr. Right!)

Oh, me too Holly. I am so easily annoyed, so my friends will often joke that DH is "the one" because he doesn''t annoy me. They always say it in jest, but there is a lot of truth in it.

Just add "easily annoyed" to the list of our striking similarities!

 

[suchende]

HollyS, I like your wife "best practices" list. It reminds me of the advice my mother gives me.

 

[hlmr]

honesty, compatibility, mutual respect, friendship and commitment.

 

[zhuzhu]

"what traits should a young woman, ESPECIALLY one who''s a big fan of the sparkles, look for in a mate?..... when we both don''t have much, it''s hard to know what that means, or how to recognize it."

It sounds like you already have a serious boyfriend? Does he not appreciate your interest in diamonds?

Anyhow, if you add the "sparkles" part in because you want someone who can afford to workship you with diamonds, then you may not necessarily get the emotional fulfilling marriage. There is very little guarantee of happiness in life if you count it based on how much material things you have (or provided with). Remember how excited you get when you finally purchase that pair of dream shoes? How do you like it 3 month later?

I would look for traits that are mentioned above by other wise PSers. Those traits will be long lasting and provide you with happiness and joy both in good times and bad times.

 

[luckystar112]

In one of my sociology classes (Marriage and Family) we talked about The Good Enough Marriage.
Very interesting read.

Here are some of the traits to look for:

Recognizing Mr. or Ms. ''Good Enough'' continued...
Cynthia Rice underwent a similar change. "Earlier in my life, I had certain criteria in my mind, like ''I''m not going to choose someone without a certain stature in life or money," she says. "I consider [settling] reprioritizing. We all have a little more baggage. I realized David was really smart. We can have a conversation and connect even while we are grinding out the day."

"I made a practical choice in a mate," she tells WebMD. "It''s not what we look like to our neighbors or to society. It''s what we have here in our home."

Although everyone has different requirements of a potential spouse, experts offer five guidelines to help you determine the qualities needed for sharing "good enough" lifetime together.

Compatibility. "Similar styles in living, similar ways of operating, whether more rational or emotional, will help you avoid chronic disappointment," Weston says. Gottlieb speaks of lifestyles that can "meld."

Sexual Attraction. "You need adequate sexual attraction, some chemistry, but you each don''t have to like 17 body parts," Weston says.

Similar Goals. You may have a laundry list of ideal qualities in a mate, but narrow down your list to three must-have traits, Schwartz suggests. "You only have so many "slots" someone can fulfill, whether it''s a shared love of travel, a similar outlook on money, or raising children." Schwartz cautions about seeking what she calls "incongruent characteristics" from a partner. "Some women marry industry lions and then are surprised when they bite," she says.

Respect. "If you admire someone, you are way ahead," says Schwartz.

Gut Check. Finally, Weston suggests trusting your gut for clues on whether someone is good enough for you. "Nine years before I married my husband, I was engaged to another man," she says. "I had funny little shooting pains and a twitch in that hand; I wasn''t sleeping well. My body was giving me clues."

 

[Kelli]

Having a GREAT time together. Keep it fun and drama free, which obviously means agreeing on the big stuff, and agreeing to disagree on little things that don't really matter. Trusting each other wholeheartedly--- unless you have a genuine reason not to, and being able to handle each other at your worst moments.

If you want diamonds, and LOTS of 'em, it's probably important to talk about your financial priorities and how much of the "fun money" you each should spend

 

[Italiahaircolor]

For me, it''s a communication and honesty. And it''s really that simple, at least for me. I feel that if one of those were missing, we''d have really weak points and break down.