Does BF know you think of yourself as a LIW?

[crossmyfingers]

Hey, LIWs! So I ended up getting really upset tonight and pretty much telling BF that I am nervous about how long it will be before we are married and that I feel helpless about waiting on him to propose. I basically told him I feel like I am mostly ready for marriage and that I wish he could come up with a pretty good idea of when he wants to be married.

He says he wants to get married, but says he''s not sure when exactly... He gave me a really broad idea, like, somewhere between Spring 2010 and around Fall 2011. That''s such a huge time frame, and I just wish I had a better idea of when he wants to. My only reasoning for that is that I want to know; neither of us want to have a wedding, just a small ceremony for us and then a party afterward to celebrate with family/friends, so wedding planning is no reason for me to need to know ahead of time.

I hate when I end up telling him things like that. I don''t want to pressure him or rush him at all, but then again, I *hate* sitting around wondering when in the world he will finally propose. We both know it''s what we want, so why not just go ahead and at least propose?

Do your BFs realize that you are driving yourself crazy waiting on them to propose? I don''t at all mean to imply we are all insane, but I assume most of us on the LIW board do wonder quite a bit when our BFs will finally be our FIs.

 

[trillionaire]

oh god no, he would have thought I was nuts!

He''s the type that will wait forever if he thinks that you are expecting it... so me being on some internet countdown list would have made him quite frustrated, because he would think that I was waiting and watching, and therefore ruining the surprise.

 

[Nomsdeplume]

NO! He has no idea. I''m very cool about the subject when it comes up. He is normally the one bringing it up, but I don''t want him to feel like I''m pressurising him.

 

[katomm]

Hmmmm. Yes and no. He knows I want to and that I want to get married before the end of this year. I''m not sure he knows to what extent I think about it because I don''t bring it up. He does not know about this board that I know of.

He may know more than I''m giving him credit dor, he does use my computer so it''s possible.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/14/2009 7:23:41 AM
Author: katomm
Hmmmm. Yes and no. He knows I want to and that I want to get married before the end of this year. I''m not sure he knows to what extent I think about it because I don''t bring it up. He does not know about this board that I know of.

He may know more than I''m giving him credit dor, he does use my computer so it''s possible.

LOL! I was always hiding PS from FI, deleting history and such.

After our recent engagement, I must have left PS up, and he thought that I was trying to figure out how much my e-ring cost!

I explained to him that it was a forum, and I was looking into wedding planning stuff. It took some convincing, but when he pulled up the history, he relaxed about it, lol!

so yeah, I still kinda hide PS, but I think I''ll stop soon!

 

[Lauren8211]

Nah, I kept it to myself. I would tease him every once in a while, and usually keep it light hearted. I did, shamefully, have one breakdown (complete with tears!) but he understood.

He knew I was on the list, and would often joke around about making me wait until I was #1.

My being on the list in no way affected when he was going to propose.

I made it very clear that I wanted to be married, and I''d like to get engaged as soon as we felt comfortable. He said he wanted to be a bit more established in his career ( I saw him immediately make quite an effort to do so) and he said he wanted to wait until I was done with college. Three weeks before I graduated, he proposed. I always trusted him enough to keep his word, and he did!

 

[setell]

Nope and I didn''t really care much as we''re quite happy. I would have been quite happy if he was my BF forever vs my FI now. I''m debating if I want to get married now as I just want a ring and that''s it since a wedding is too expensive as I rather we get a nice house instead!!!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 8/14/2009 8:39:38 AM
Author: setell
Nope and I didn''t really care much as we''re quite happy. I would have been quite happy if he was my BF forever vs my FI now. I''m debating if I want to get married now as I just want a ring and that''s it since a wedding is too expensive as I rather we get a nice house instead!!!

Just don''t tell your parents that! Apparently parents expect their kids to have weddings... mine are very excited to try to force me to have one!

 

[lucyandroger]

He knows...we''re kind of a couple in waiting at this point. He also knows about PS although I won''t tell him my username. I am terrible at keeping secrets from the BF.

 

[dragonfly411]

Yis

 

[nkarma]

May have seen this in another post, but....I had the exact same conversation with my bf. It worked out for us cause we have been talking marriage for a long time (years). When we moved in together a year ago, I told him outright I did not want to live together too long before marriage and I would need a proposal w/n a year of moving in and if he didn't think he was ready for that, let's not move in. But he told me was ready and let's do it. Well a few months ago my LIW-itis got way worse and there is no way I couldn't have that conversation w/o our relationship suffering. It worked out cause he did give me a finite timeline. Luckily for me it was w/n my timeline. But, fingerscrossed, I worry yours isn't which is much tougher. I personally would decide if I can wait that long and act accordingly.

I don't think there is anything wrong with discussing with your bf about marriage and when you both are ready to get married. We live in 2009 and this is supposed to be a mutual decision. Yes it's romantic for them to suprise you and do the asking, but I think many detailed conversations about what you want in marriage and where the relationship is going need to happen.

For the person who doesn't want to get married cause it's too expensive, I think it's like $60 at the local courthouse in CA. I wouldn't let the cost of a wedding which is NOT a marriage (e.g. lifetime commitment to love and support eachother) keep you from making that commitment personally.

 

[ringless]

LOL no. He doesn''t even know I go on this site.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Yes, at the two year mark I starting talking to him about our future plans and asked him when things are going to happen. He dosn''t know about "the list."

 

[suchende]

no, but i guess i kind of don''t see myself that way. like, i don''t think we''re quite there yet. three months ago, i would have said no if he''d asked. now... i would probably be okay with it, but i''d still rather wait until he''s out of law school, and maybe even until i am.

 

[ckrickett]

oh he knows... and he teases me CONSTANTLY!

 

[4ever]

Oh yes, he knows......and he knows I post on PS and always asks if I''m on my "jewlery ****" website.

.....The answer is usually yes.

I think he''s waiting for it more then I am, he''s been ready for longer and is in more of a rush for it all to happen. Last night he had a dream we were married so when he woke up this morning he told me this and how now his ring finger seems weirdly empty and that I sould hurry up and marry him.lol

We''ll get there it''s just not quite the right time yet.

 

[stepcutgirl]

He knows. He routinely asks me what number I''m at on the list and we have fun with it.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 8/14/2009 10:55:18 PM
Author: 4ever
Oh yes, he knows......and he knows I post on PS and always asks if I''m on my ''jewlery ****'' website.

.....The answer is usually yes.


I think he''s waiting for it more then I am, he''s been ready for longer and is in more of a rush for it all to happen. Last night he had a dream we were married so when he woke up this morning he told me this and how now his ring finger seems weirdly empty and that I sould hurry up and marry him.lol


We''ll get there it''s just not quite the right time yet.

My BF calls this my ''jewelry ****'' too. He knows about the site, but I don''t think he knows about the LIW list.

 

[Erinleigh]

Date: 8/15/2009 12:31:05 AM
Author: stepcutgirl
He knows. He routinely asks me what number I''m at on the list and we have fun with it.

+1
He''s been pretty cute about it too. Last time he asked I told him where I was (69 down from 120 in May) and he said ''well I''d better get a move on!''. Haha but this was before he let it out of the bag that he''s already ordered my ring...

 

[trishy]

i wish i had been on this site when i was an LIW.... i dont know if he ever thought i was a liw, before we married. i think so?

 

[Lofi]

He 100 percent knows... that I'm obsessed with Pricescope that is... And diamonds. I'm sitting here with him to my left watching a hunting show... This all started because during his sport and hunting shows, I often times get bored, so I go a little Google crazy!! Somehow I landed up here about six months ago or so... And that's right around the time when I was getting antsy for him to pop the question. Needless to say, I've changed my setting since then, so I'm glad he isn't rushing it too much. I think I could change my setting once a week because there are so many that appeal to me. But now that we know... I'm a complete and total LIW. It's so hard to wait!!!

 

[Callisto]

Oh yeah, he knows. Oddly he was the one who first said the "M" word but I''m way more into it now than he is. He knows I''m on the list but we don''t talk about it that much. I''m hoping we''ll start looking at rings this winter and he''ll get a bit more into it.

 

[iluvbooks]

LOL! I nearly burnt my rice reading this thread!

Nah. He does not know about PS. (I am new to PS btw).

Also, I see PS as one more great resource to add my self-help collection. The site is a way to assit me in coping with being a LIW. Oh and he knows I am a LIW...waiting for his proposal. We looked at rings last month. He let me know that I would receive a proposal between now and my b-day in Nov. He also added that it my occur sooner rather than later.

I could have really used this site last Fall! I was really fretting over being a LIW when he told me last summer that he was going to ask me to be his wife.

I do not bring up stuff often. If I do I say anything I say "someday". Which usually leads to more info and hearing about how someday not being far off.

There are days when I do get a tad down. You know, BF have so much control of us being LIW. Then I switch to the positive and just embrace the fact that the future is not that far off. Everything will fall into place for all of us soon. I have faith gals!

 

[crossmyfingers]

Aw, my first thread got a lot of replies!

My own BF definitely knows I''m waiting for him to propose. And most all of our friends tease us about it all the time, too. Two of our friends actually discussed placing a bet on whether he would propose on a trip we went on recently. Sometimes I feel like he might propose any second, the other times I think he *never* will.

He doesn''t know about PS or realize I post or read anything online about it. I''m glad you guys are here though. You keep me quite a bit more sane than I would be otherwise! When I got all upset the other night, I said something about not having anyone to talk to about it that understands other than BF himself... and I almost mentioned PS but held my tongue, LOL.

 

[Lofi]

Date: 8/14/2009 9:25:06 AM
Author: lucyandroger
He knows...we''re kind of a couple in waiting at this point. He also knows about PS although I won''t tell him my username. I am terrible at keeping secrets from the BF.

Me too, LucyandRoger... Me too.

 

[gwendolyn]

J always knew my positioning on the list! He would kind of stress any time I moved up on it, hehe.

So yeah, he knew, although our situation was different, because it was mostly waiting for me to feel ready to get engaged/married. Once that was set, my wait was only about a month, 6 weeks tops.

 

[Lozza]

Date: 8/19/2009 5:27:49 AM
Author: Trillionaire
Just don''t tell your parents that! Apparently parents expect their kids to have weddings... mine are very excited to try to force me to have one!

Tell me about it!!

My man knows I am going crazy waiting for a proposal, and knows I spend time on wedding/jewellery sites. He hates it, but I can''t keep secrets from him. I''m not on the list - I think he would really hate that.

 

[boobookitty]

my bf knows. day in and day out he knows i am looking at wedding stuff. i know he''d propose tomorrow if he could, but money is an issue with the ring, as well as a few other things. his family is not the most supportive sometimes so i think he is trying to win that at the moment. but if something miraculous happens and we suddenly stumble into some money, he did promise me a ring by my birthday (november!!). as soon as it''s on my finger we''re going to begin planning. so yes, he knows very much that i am waiting.

 

[southhorizon]

He knows I am waiting for the proposal but no way does he know I am on this site. He is teasing me enough as it is - heaven forbid if I gave him any more ammunition.

 

[MermaidKelly]

My boyfriend knows....I''ve told him everything.

He''s always teasing me and now he''s always bringing up the forum and ''the list''...lol