Ring Regret??

[Bjedifish]

SIGH!!! I just got engaged back in June and I am already having ring regret and envy!! Don''t get me wrong my ring is beautiful and there are days when I can''t stop looking at it! But sometimes, I''ll look at it and say to myself...sheesh thats a small rock!! My FI said to me the other day that if it were up to him he would have gotten a diamond band but with prongs my the bezel halo setting I have. He said that he think my ring looks "cheap" and I think thats when I started second guessing myself. I never told him to buy this ring, he just did it himself all sneaky pants like! I have tried soooo hard to get a good picture!! Here are 2 for your viewing and critique!

 

[Bjedifish]

oooh geez! sorry for the HUGE shot of my gigantor hand and hairy fingers!! heres number 2

 

[Bjedifish]

argh!!! I cant get the 2nd picture to post...heres my last try!

 

[cocolaw]

i think everybody has those feelings!! i have a halo too and sometimes i wish i didn''t, but most of the time i adore it! make a pact with yourself--if you don''t like it in 5 years then change it! my guess is that you have seen too many other pretty rings....this website is terrible for that

 

[Haven]

I think your ring looks beautiful! It definitely doesn''t look cheap to me at all.

As for the size--I''m guessing that your FI maxed out his budget to get you the most beautiful ring and setting possible. Are you thinking these things now because of your FI''s comment about it looking cheap?

First, I think PS engagement rings are not representative of your typical engagement ring. Second, I actually feel a twinge of romantic yearning when I see a very respectable older woman wearing a modest engagement ring--it always makes me think that her husband proposed to her when they were young (early 20s) and not yet settled into their careers, and there''s something so sweet and romantic about the fact that he scraped together what he could to buy what he could, and she''s worn it all these years.

I wear a ring that my grandmother left me. It has two diamonds and a pearl set into it. The diamonds are OMCs that are probably 15 or 20 pointers, with a pearl of the same size. We believe that it was a gift from my grandfather to her early in their courtship, which would have been somewhere in the 1940s, and she wore it every day since then until her death in May. You have no idea how much I wished she would give that ring to my DH to use as an engagement ring back when we were just dating. I wanted that to be my e-ring SO MUCH, but she wasn''t a mind reader, so it didn''t happen.

I suppose what I''m trying to say is that maybe you could look at your ring and imbue it with the romance that it represents. Size, setting, those things don''t matter. Your fiance bought it on his own, all the while thinking of you and how he wants to be with you FOR-EV-ER, and then one day he slipped it onto your finger. *swoon*

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 8/27/2009 7:48:22 PM
Author: Haven
I think your ring looks beautiful! It definitely doesn''t look cheap to me at all.

As for the size--I''m guessing that your FI maxed out his budget to get you the most beautiful ring and setting possible. Are you thinking these things now because of your FI''s comment about it looking cheap?

First, I think PS engagement rings are not representative of your typical engagement ring. Second, I actually feel a twinge of romantic yearning when I see a very respectable older woman wearing a modest engagement ring--it always makes me think that her husband proposed to her when they were young (early 20s) and not yet settled into their careers, and there''s something so sweet and romantic about the fact that he scraped together what he could to buy what he could, and she''s worn it all these years.

I wear a ring that my grandmother left me. It has two diamonds and a pearl set into it. The diamonds are OMCs that are probably 15 or 20 pointers, with a pearl of the same size. We believe that it was a gift from my grandfather to her early in their courtship, which would have been somewhere in the 1940s, and she wore it every day since then until her death in May. You have no idea how much I wished she would give that ring to my DH to use as an engagement ring back when we were just dating. I wanted that to be my e-ring SO MUCH, but she wasn''t a mind reader, so it didn''t happen.

I suppose what I''m trying to say is that maybe you could look at your ring and imbue it with the romance that it represents. Size, setting, those things don''t matter. Your fiance bought it on his own, all the while thinking of you and how he wants to be with you FOR-EV-ER, and then one day he slipped it onto your finger. *swoon*

Perfectly said.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think your thoughts are natural, especially after your FI''s comment about it looking cheap. Do you think he has some idea about your feelings towards it or is it really a random comment? Next time I would say something like "honey I love you and I''d love any ring you bought me. If you still feel this way after the wedding, maybe we could look into upgrading the center stone."

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think it''s a beautiful, feminine and well designed ring!
But if you two don''t love it, don''t worry, it''s not permanently grafted to your finger. You can always change it one day if you find another one you love.

 

[Still_Waiting]

Oh, honey! Your rock ain''t small! I''ve attached a pic of my .25 for some perspective. HOWEVER, if you guys don''t love it, there''s no law that says you have to keep it the way it is. Hence, the thousands of upgrade threads on SMTR. Me? Sure I wouldn''t turn away something bigger, but I love my rock because it''s what my FI gave me. He didn''t go into debt for it and really didn''t want to wait any longer to ask me to be his wife. I love that! And I''m guessing you guys probably have a story kinda like it. It''s what he could (likely) afford at that moment when he really wanted to buy it! It''s easy to forget that when you''re drooling over the mega-rocks on PS. It''s okay to feel like it isn''t perfect...in fact, I think that might be a normal feeling! I do wish, though, that those of us with smallish rocks would post them more often.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Well the silver lining is that since he seems open to an upgrade, you get to start planning and daydreaming and bookmarking your dream ring.

 

[Bjedifish]

Thanks all for putting my head where it needed to be!! I think my FI saying the ring looked cheap made me feel less love for my ring. I know he was just saying his personal preference, but now that i look at it I totally love my ring. I looked at it online for over a year so it must be love! Thanks all!

 

[emeraldlover1]

I LOVE my ring but I still have ring envy all the time. I still LOVE my ring though. Don''t worry.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I think it is completely natural to have second thoughts about the ring. I think your ring doesn''t look too small and i think it looks beautiful. Try to live with it for a bit, and if you still don''t love it in a few years time after you are married then maybe you could do an upgrade project together?

 

[cindygenit]

I think its beautiful!

I have a small rock too so I feel your pain.

It will pass

And Ditto Haven!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Date: 8/27/2009 9:07:03 PM
Author: Still_Waiting
Oh, honey! Your rock ain''t small! I''ve attached a pic of my .25 for some perspective. HOWEVER, if you guys don''t love it, there''s no law that says you have to keep it the way it is. Hence, the thousands of upgrade threads on SMTR. Me? Sure I wouldn''t turn away something bigger, but I love my rock because it''s what my FI gave me. He didn''t go into debt for it and really didn''t want to wait any longer to ask me to be his wife. I love that! And I''m guessing you guys probably have a story kinda like it. It''s what he could (likely) afford at that moment when he really wanted to buy it! It''s easy to forget that when you''re drooling over the mega-rocks on PS. It''s okay to feel like it isn''t perfect...in fact, I think that might be a normal feeling! I do wish, though, that those of us with smallish rocks would post them more often.

You could not have said it better! I would like to give a little applause to Still Waiting

My stone is .41 which is half the size I had hoped for. After about 2 weeks of wearing it I started feeling like I had made the wrong choice. Not so much about the stone, but about the band. Thinking, gee I should have picked the other one I loved. It was a spur of the moment thing and now I am stuck with it. What if I begin to hate it! Bla bla bla. Then I stopped thinking about it. And the compliments have not stopped since the engagement. I am sure your FI comment left a sour taste in your mouth. If it makes you feel any better, I had always dreamed of a halo and still do. But like Still Waiting said, it is the fact he/you both chose this ring and he gave it to you in the sentiment to spend the rest of your lives together. And when put like that, I would have settled for tin and glass.

 

[iheartscience]

I can''t believe your fiance said that about your ring! If my husband told me my ring looked cheap I''d hand it over to him and tell him to go ahead and order me a bigger, less cheap looking ring immediately!

Your ring is gorgeous-the setting looks very well made and the center stone is an asscher, right? I love an asscher in a halo! And look on the bright side-if your fiance isn''t crazy about your ring he''ll probably be fine with getting you an upgrade sooner rather than later. (Only if you even want an upgrade, that is-your ring is truly gorgeous so there is no need to upgrade unless you want to!)

As for the ring regret, I definitely have had (and still sometimes have) a twinge of ring envy/regret here and there. But I absolutely LOVE my ring so those feelings are few and far between. I think at first it''s easy to have ring regret because it''s such a HUGE DEAL to get engaged and of course everyone is all about the engagement ring. But once you settle in to being engaged I bet you''ll love your ring more and more. (And it would help if your fiance doesn''t tell you it looks cheap again!

)

 

[gedean]

i think your ring looks beautiful and I''m going to tell you something someone else told me (for a different situation of course but it still applies). "That''s a good dilemma to have." Just be happy that you have an engagement ring to "ponder" over...not everyone has one. Just remember that.


But, I don understand how you''re feeling. I think a lot of us have felt it at one time or another. Eespecially, since the ring is what people first see and in a way "size up" when you announce your engagement. But over time, when your wedding becomes the centerstage, your attention will be directed to that and the importance of your ring will be on what it represents and not what other people may think of it.

Plus, I agree with the idea that this ring is what you guys are starting out with..you can always work your way up in the future. And you know, not matter what you start out with, it''s human nature to want to improve....so just imagine if you had a gigantor of a rock from the start, there''s really not much more room to upgrade without draining your pockets dry.

 

[katomm]

Everyone has been so supportive in the this thread, I was very happy to read it. I really don''t have anything to add.

What I do want to say is that I know my e-ring is coming soon and while I have not seen it, I know it will be a small rock. It''s his grandmother''s diamond and when we were looking at settings I could tell from the way he was steering me towards settings for small diamonds about what the size will be.

I was concerned I would feel this way too and hate it. After reading this thread I think you guys have put things into perspective and I''m so excited to see if for the first time and get that proposal.

 

[cammy85]

Date: 8/27/2009 7:59:38 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 8/27/2009 7:48:22 PM
Author: Haven
I think your ring looks beautiful! It definitely doesn''t look cheap to me at all.

As for the size--I''m guessing that your FI maxed out his budget to get you the most beautiful ring and setting possible. Are you thinking these things now because of your FI''s comment about it looking cheap?

First, I think PS engagement rings are not representative of your typical engagement ring. Second, I actually feel a twinge of romantic yearning when I see a very respectable older woman wearing a modest engagement ring--it always makes me think that her husband proposed to her when they were young (early 20s) and not yet settled into their careers, and there''s something so sweet and romantic about the fact that he scraped together what he could to buy what he could, and she''s worn it all these years.

I wear a ring that my grandmother left me. It has two diamonds and a pearl set into it. The diamonds are OMCs that are probably 15 or 20 pointers, with a pearl of the same size. We believe that it was a gift from my grandfather to her early in their courtship, which would have been somewhere in the 1940s, and she wore it every day since then until her death in May. You have no idea how much I wished she would give that ring to my DH to use as an engagement ring back when we were just dating. I wanted that to be my e-ring SO MUCH, but she wasn''t a mind reader, so it didn''t happen.

I suppose what I''m trying to say is that maybe you could look at your ring and imbue it with the romance that it represents. Size, setting, those things don''t matter. Your fiance bought it on his own, all the while thinking of you and how he wants to be with you FOR-EV-ER, and then one day he slipped it onto your finger. *swoon*

Perfectly said.

ditto.


and still waiting... your ring is beautiful. what lovely hands you have!

 

[oddoneout]

I don''t understand the comments about your ring being cheap either. I think it''s very pretty.

 

[Londongirl1]

Ring envy is the curse of PS

. I''m from the UK and a .25ct ring is perfectly acceptable here. It''s a shame that your FI should feel that it looks cheap

but I guess that''s becuase he wants you to have something that he thinks is more impressive in other people''s eyes.

Just remember that not every woman in the real world is walking around with a 2+ carat ring

 

[packrat]

Ditto to what the others said. (and Haven, how sweet about your Gramma''s ring!)

My first engagement ring was probably .10ct. Then I got a Mother''s ring, and the stone was a bit bigger. Neither were exactly what I wanted, but what we could afford at the time. Now we''re working on something different.

A friend of mine was looking at erings in a mall store brochure one day at work, trying to find the biggest for the money b/c her FI was a Dr and she should have a huge ring..I said, you know what, the size of the diamond and the money spent don''t have a direct correlation to the love you share or the quality of your marriage. She just stared at me like I was a nutjob.

 

[cleokizzy]

Date: 8/28/2009 8:32:37 AM
Author: cammy85

Date: 8/27/2009 7:59:38 PM

Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 8/27/2009 7:48:22 PM

Author: Haven

I think your ring looks beautiful! It definitely doesn''t look cheap to me at all.


As for the size--I''m guessing that your FI maxed out his budget to get you the most beautiful ring and setting possible. Are you thinking these things now because of your FI''s comment about it looking cheap?


First, I think PS engagement rings are not representative of your typical engagement ring. Second, I actually feel a twinge of romantic yearning when I see a very respectable older woman wearing a modest engagement ring--it always makes me think that her husband proposed to her when they were young (early 20s) and not yet settled into their careers, and there''s something so sweet and romantic about the fact that he scraped together what he could to buy what he could, and she''s worn it all these years.


I wear a ring that my grandmother left me. It has two diamonds and a pearl set into it. The diamonds are OMCs that are probably 15 or 20 pointers, with a pearl of the same size. We believe that it was a gift from my grandfather to her early in their courtship, which would have been somewhere in the 1940s, and she wore it every day since then until her death in May. You have no idea how much I wished she would give that ring to my DH to use as an engagement ring back when we were just dating. I wanted that to be my e-ring SO MUCH, but she wasn''t a mind reader, so it didn''t happen.


I suppose what I''m trying to say is that maybe you could look at your ring and imbue it with the romance that it represents. Size, setting, those things don''t matter. Your fiance bought it on his own, all the while thinking of you and how he wants to be with you FOR-EV-ER, and then one day he slipped it onto your finger. *swoon*

Perfectly said.

ditto.



and still waiting... your ring is beautiful. what lovely hands you have!

ditto. ditto too! haha

sometimes it''s bad looking at PS bec it''ll make you compare what you have with all those big rock photos that it makes you forget what that ring on your finger actually represents.

 

[D&T]

there is always a time in the future for upgrades. So don''t sweat it, sounds like an upgrade will be in your near future

 

[LilyKat]

Your ring is STUNNINGLY beautiful. Its design is just gorgeous. Maybe focus on that, the overall look of the whole ring, rather than just the size of the centre diamond? (which, by the way, is NOT small by normal person standards!)

 

[Tuckins1]

I don''t think your ring looks cheap or too small. It''s stunning! I would gladly wear a ring like that!

 

[loriken214]

I adore your ring and love it.....hope you do, too!

Lori

 

[Bjedifish]

Again, Thank all for your supportive comments!!! I think that my PS browsing in the "show me the ring" forum has altered my idea of "normal". My ring is totally not small its 1ct center stone, yes Asscher, and the pave around it and on the platinum band it .35 ct. I have NOTHING to complain about! I do love it, especially when the light catches it juuussst right! I do love my ring and my FI said to me at dinner tonight, its not that he thinks its "cheap" he just thinks a prong setting looks nicer. Well I love my halo and I am now over the ring regret/envy! Thanks again!

 

[Black Jade]

Glad you feel better.
It''s a beautiful ring! I''m glad your fiance clarified what he meant, too.
Pricescope is out of line with real life. It''s fun to be on here if you can just enjoy looking and not feel dissatisfied, but I think a lot of people get a distorted idea of what''s out there. Plus, it all looks bigger on a computer monitor.
I got a .33 when I was proposed to and I''ll never give up wearing--it represents a lot of love and happiness. Although i have got other rings later, they can''t take the place of my original--they can only go on my right hand! After a few years of marriage, you might feel the same (I''m 26 years and counting).

 

[Laila619]

Just wanted to say I think your ring is quite lovely!