Mixed Feelings

[akw94]

Hi everyone,
Things are going pretty well these days, making some headway on the details. I ordered my slip and am about to get the invitations printed (or print them myself). I still have plenty to do but it''s coming together.

So here''s my dilemma: all along, I''ve been pretty adamant that I don''t want a shower. Reasons are that part of me really doesn''t see the point but also, all my FI''s family are out of town, 3 of 4 bm''s are out of town and the guestlist is fairly small so there wouldn''t be that many invites.

That being said, all of a sudden, I sort of want one. I have no logical explanation, I just think getting together with everyone would be fun. Awhile back, my step-brother offered his house to hold the shower. I''m not sure if they were offering to host or not but I''m sure my mom would do that if I wanted or my MOH would likely help, even though she''s out of town. But I still just can''t decide. Another thing is that my FI will be out of town for the next 6 weeks

so he likely wouldn''t attend. Would it be weird to have one w/o him here? I don''t know if his family could make it or not but would that be weird to invite them when he''s not even in town? Also, the earlier concerns are still there.. most bm''s aren''t here and I doubt they could fly in since they''re already coming in Sept. for the wedding and so mainly it would be my family and a few friends.

What do you think?

 

[So_happy]

To be honest, it sounds like you want one more than don''t want one. If that is true, then I absolutely think you should proceed

I mean, why not? You may regret not having one but not as likely to regret having one. And by the sounds of it, it would be a lovely gathering of loved ones........and that''s never a bad thing (well, okay....it CAN be.....but that''s only if you come from my family

).

Instead of hosting it yourself, perhaps you could ask your stepbrother if he is still interested in hosting? Or try to clarify in a tactful way if he was indeed interested in hosting rather than simply loaning his space?

And I believe traditionally the shower consisted of the bride and her female friends and relatives so I''m thinking your FI not being there, while a bit lonley perhaps, would not be a strange thing at all. Before my moh planned a couple''s shower, I assumed I''d invite FI''s family and girlfriends of his guy friends etc and he wasn''t going to be there so that part sounds, also, okeedokee to me

Keep us posted!

 

[jcrow]

since our guests were mainly out of towners too, we had a cocktail party/couple''s shower the thursday before our saturday wedding. all of the oot''ers were in town for the wedding anyway, plus they would have been looking for something to do anyway. it was a ton of fun and wasn''t all that pricey.

 

[akw94]

So Happy, I think you''re right about wanting one more than not. It''s just weird to me b/c I really, really didn''t want one up until now. I can''t quite explain what changed but something did. Maybe I''m just getting so excited about the wedding and don''t want to wait for an activity until September. Now that could be it! Glad to hear that my FI not being there wouldn''t be odd. I''d forgotten about most of them being all girls so that would work out.
I agree about not hosting myself, I wouldn''t want to do that. But can my mom host it? That''s probably what would happen since my MOH is out of town and my only bridesmaid here has expressed no interest.
Is there a tactful way to ask my step-brother if he were offering to host? When offering his place, he just let me know that we could have the shower there if I was having one. That didn''t really seem like an offer to host but I just don''t know.

JCrow, I''d thought about doing something the weekend of the wedding but that time period is so filled up already. But actually, it would be possible to do something the Thursday before. I do have plans to make the cookie favors that day but I hope that wouldn''t take all day. But I think his family isn''t coming until Friday.
Maybe my mom can work w/them and figure out whether a July date or right before the wedding would be better. Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[So_happy]

Date: 6/14/2007 6:02:35 PM
Author: dixie94
So Happy, I think you''re right about wanting one more than not. It''s just weird to me b/c I really, really didn''t want one up until now. I can''t quite explain what changed but something did. Maybe I''m just getting so excited about the wedding and don''t want to wait for an activity until September. Now that could be it! Glad to hear that my FI not being there wouldn''t be odd. I''d forgotten about most of them being all girls so that would work out.
I agree about not hosting myself, I wouldn''t want to do that. But can my mom host it? That''s probably what would happen since my MOH is out of town and my only bridesmaid here has expressed no interest.
Is there a tactful way to ask my step-brother if he were offering to host? When offering his place, he just let me know that we could have the shower there if I was having one. That didn''t really seem like an offer to host but I just don''t know.

JCrow, I''d thought about doing something the weekend of the wedding but that time period is so filled up already. But actually, it would be possible to do something the Thursday before. I do have plans to make the cookie favors that day but I hope that wouldn''t take all day. But I think his family isn''t coming until Friday.
Maybe my mom can work w/them and figure out whether a July date or right before the wedding would be better. Thanks for the suggestion!

Girl, if my tastes, expectations, ideals, and perceptions have changed at all in my 32 years of life, it would have to be during the past 8 months of this engagement period! (And this applies to the wedding planning specifically and being engaged as well) So believe me when I say I EMPATHIZE!!! I am amazed and at times just plain confused as to how I got here at times lol. You are so in the right to change your mind about wanting a BRIDAL SHOWER

The question now is how to navigate this.........

My take on your bro? Your''e right, that didn''t sound too much like a hosting offer as much as it did a very wonderful offering of his home. Keep his offer in mind if his place is convieient, tho!!

My take on your mom? If you have a feeling she''d like to do that, or she''s hinted about it in the past then that seems the most reasonable way to go. These days alot of family members of the bride are hosting showers (I''ve read) and it''s not looked upon in the same "gift grabby" way. Heck, my moh is hosting mine! And I''m betting there are ALOT of sister maid-of-honors out there who will host others. So, I personally feel your mom as a host would be special and quite fantastic!!!

My take on times to have it? Uh....sounds to me like a little wedding-y action would feel pretty good to you right about now

I know I''m looking foward to mine on the 30th and I do find myself considering it very much like a "kick off" of sorts. Feels great to have that punctuating event. And then the bacherlor parties about a month before........VERY spaced out but VERY cool. However, the week/end before could be really great, too, as you could have more of your BMs etc there.....you might be alot busier during those days leading up to the big day but who knows....you could have tons of appointments/tasks to do next month, too, so it''s a toss.

Since you do sound like you want this, I am cheering for you and your mom to work something out!! Can you hear me???

 

[surfgirl]

I think its fine to ask your mom about it, so long as you dont expect your out of town friends/MOH/BMs to make the trek since it''s an added expense.

 

[akw94]

So Happy, thanks for the empathy! I told my FI last night that I was re-thinking the shower idea and he was just shocked, wondering what had happened to make me change, etc..

I tried to explain that nothing had happened, I just felt differently, I thought it would be fun to have a pre-wedding thing, but I don''t think he quite got it.
So I appreciate knowing that it''s ok to just change your mind. Geez, it''s my first wedding, can''t a girl be entitled to a little change of mind???????
My brother''s place really isn''t that convenient but I''d still consider it. I do think you''re right about them not hosting though.
Glad to hear about having my mom host. I just don''t see who else could do it and she''s already said she''ll host the rehearsal dinner so I don''t see her minding. She''s just been great w/all the wedding stuff!
I think you''re right that I''d like it sooner vs. so near the wedding. I don''t really want to plan another activity near the wedding day, especially since Thursday I''m doing the diy cookie favors and then Friday the diy flowers. But I''m still up in the air about the date.
Thanks again for your encouragement! I''m feeling a little excited now, even though I''ve yet to ask my mom about this... I still can''t quite make that decision on whether to have it.

Surfgirl, I would love it if any out of towners could make it but I absolutely don''t expect it. I already appreciate them so much for just being able to come to the wedding.

 

[janinegirly]

hi dixie...oh you should definitely have one! you''re only a bride once. there''s no real necessity for a shower..but then weddings aren''t all about the practical anyway! and you shouldn''t have to feel silly about wanting one, this is your time.

how about just inviting some friends you have locally or coworkers? having your mom host is perfectly fine too btw. and you should invite your bm''s..you never know, they may attend and get involved too!!
i actually like the girls only showers, so it''s fine that FI isn''t there. and even if it''s small it doesn''t matter, it''s all just for fun and to kick off the countdown to the wedding!!

 

[So_happy]

Your welcome Have you made any decisions yet regarding your mom and this bridal shower of yours??

 

[akw94]

Well, no decisions yet. My mom brought up the shower over the weekend but not in a hosting it sort of way so I feel weird asking her to host it. She''s already throwing the rehearsal dinner, and I think it''s just too much. So I''m not sure now. I emailed my step-brother asking him if his offer was to host or hold it at his house. I felt weird asking but he''s very straightforward so I think he''ll clearly tell me the answer. And really, it makes a big difference which it is!
So I may talk to my step-mother about the shower but right now, I''m not sure. I''m also waiting to hear back from my MOH b/c she''d brought it up before when I said I didn''t want one. I emailed her and said I''m re-considering so I figure I''ll get her feedback first.
I guess it''s a good thing I''m not set on having this b/c I''m not sure it will happen! Hopefully I''ll be able to figure it out by the end of the week.

 

[So_happy]

I''m glad to hear you''ve put feelers out there! Your odds are pretty good that one of them will come back with a positive response