The Talk

[still waiting]

All right ladies, what do you think. It''s been 6 years that we''ve been dating because we were going to wait til'' I completed my degree to get married. I will be graduating this Summer and we have yet to look at rings, set dates or any of that stuff. So this week,

I am going to have "the talk" with him because it''s time. What do you think? Thoughts! Comments! Guys, I''d love to hear your thoughts.

 

[magna2]

StillWaiting,

This is just one guy's point of view - but my recommendation is to not have "the talk" that you are contemplating. I am afraid that you are approaching it the wrong way. Not knowing your relationship nor the marriage discussions that you may or may not have had, I get a feel of certain expectations that you have that are not shared with your boyfriend.

There is a right way to approach it and a wrong way. My sense is that you are taking the wrong way. It is alright to bring up the marriage question especially if you have had prior discussions and were in agreement with your future plans. But please check the "attitude" at the door. I am not sure what you mean by "the talk" nor do I understand your reasoning of "it's time". Done improperly, it comes across as an ultimatum. What guy needs that kind of headache? Subtly ask him, if you have had past discussions, what are the future plans now that you are graduating. Do not, under any circumstance, ask him where the heck is the ring and what is the date.

If you are fired up to have this "talk" I would recommend that you hold off until some time has passed after your graduation to give the guy a chance.

For all you know, he might be planning to surprise you with the engangement ring as a graduation present. Granted that you are now getting your degree and have great earning potential, the guy would still prefer to be the one wearing the pants in the family.

 

[aljdewey]

I'll chime in from the woman's point of view here.....and COMPLETELY agree with everything Magna just said.

1) You agreed to hold off on marriage until you graduated. You have *not* yet graduated. Yes, it's around the corner, but no, it's not here yet. Give him a chance to do his thing instead of trying to orchestrate the outcome.

2) You've obviously talked previously about marriage with him if you've both agreed to wait until you graduate. As such, it's not like it hasn't crossed his mind ever. He doesn't need prompting at this point. If he's ready, he'll ask, and if he's not, he won't.

You can't control when/if he's ready...you can only control where you're at. I agree that calling it "the talk" makes it sound offensive and ominous and ultimatum-laden.

If you really want to be smart about this, wait until a month or two after graduation....get an idea of where your life is going, etc....and then be gently honest with him. There's nothing wrong with saying "this is where I see myself heading, and I hope it's with you. What are you thinking?"

Timing is everything, and I personally think doing this now is jumping the gun. And when you do talk, it's okay to make sure you're both on the same path still,but it's disastrous to frame it in a tone of "WELL???? It's time!" It has the be "time" for both of you.

 

[XvvOrlyBearvvX]

I cant say anything about her troubles because its all with kind of guy her boyfriend is...but aljdewey I LOVE what you said:
"this is where I see myself heading, and I hope it's with you. What are you thinking?"

Nice...Btw I love your icon

 

[innerkitten]

It's true you did agree till after you graduated, however it sounds like graduation is just around the corner. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to bring it up. I think some men need to be pushed slightly but I know others will disagree.
Also I personally had "the talk" with my man and I had good results. I know have a good time line of when events will take place etc.

 

[innerkitten]

P.S. Sometimes I think it's important to be straight forward where these things are concerned.

 

[mike04456]

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On 1/5/2004 3:32:06 PM aljdewey wrote:





If you really want to be smart about this, wait until a month or two after graduation....get an idea of where your life is going, etc....and then be gently honest with him. There's nothing wrong with saying 'this is where I see myself heading, and I hope it's with you. What are you thinking?'


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I agree with this. I see nothing wrong, as a man, with your bringing it up, but leave the attitude at the door unless you want to scare him off...

 

[sumi]

I agree with being upfront about this. If it's something that's important to you, I don't see why you should have to play games and wait for him to bring it up. No need to walk on eggshells. If you're both dedicated to each other, talking about marriage will not drive that person away. Believe me, once you get married you will be having many serious discussions. Might as well get used to it now.

 

[innerkitten]

Sumi said it well