Need Advice on Alternate Proposal and Fill-In Ring!

[wildhawker]

So ladies (and gents!), my original plan was shot down by timing (she is getting antsy, and for her health and mine, I''m moving up the date!), so...

I have some ideas to run past you all!

1. Wait until she is deeply sleeping and place the ring on her hand, proposing when she wakes up.
2. A variation of the "box in a box" routine, give her 4 or 5 "boxes" inside other boxes (largest to smallest), only when she gets to the smallest box, a small letter expressing my love for her would be inside (no ring), and the ring would be in my hand ready for the big question.
3. Ask to go to the ferry building in San Francisco, and walk out to the pier where we began our first date (adjacent to the ferry building) to propose.

Her sister feels that, since the e ring won''t be ready in time, I need to have a fill-in ring available (she said silver or 18k white gold), something she would wear later as a right hand ring. Any ideas? She already has a Claddagh ring her sister gave her when she was 16, so I''m wondering if there are other variations on the Claddagh.

In any case, thanks for your thoughts in advance!

 

[wildhawker]

Lots of folks looking, but no comments or poll votes? I''m counting on you guys, so don''t be bashful!

 

[musey]

I didn't vote, as I would wait until the actual ring arrives. I would have been sad to show off a non-official-engagement ring in the days immediately following our engagement. That OR I would develop an attachment to the placeholder and prefer it to the actual e-ring. I'm weirdly sentimental like that.

But that's ME, and obviously may not be true of HER.

When will the actual ring be ready?


As far as your options, it really just depends on you and her and your relationship. I would say go for whichever feels "right," and none of us can tell you which that is, because we'll all just pick how we'd most like to be proposed to... and what do we know, anyway?

 

[musey]

Date: 1/16/2008 10:12:42 PM
Author: wildhawker
Lots of folks looking, but no comments or poll votes? I'm counting on you guys, so don't be bashful!

There are a lot of lurkers on this forum, who aren't registered (so can't respond). They could vote, though, I suppose.

Trust me, hardly any PSers will be too "bashful" to give their opinion, presuming they have one

Lack of responses usually means lack of opinions.

 

[Sparkalicious]

I voted for #3. That''s a great idea with a nice personal touch that will let your gf know that you really thought about it.

With regards to your other inquiry... Your gf may be anxious to be engaged, however, she may be willing to wait for the ring to be finished. What''s an extra couple of weeks for it to be made, right?... if that''s the case.

Unless there is a real reason to rush, is it possible to just wait until the ring is ready. That way all your ducks would be in a row and your proposal will be personal perfection.

Maybe if you express to her your intention to get married and your desire to get everything in order before proposing, maybe she will be less anxious and you both won''t feel so rushed ...

 

[door knob solitaire]

Forgive me WH...I loved the way you worded the last choice...I had to choose it just because it made me laugh! But I don''t mean it. I really love #3. I am a water baby though so the thought of the surf and possible sunset just makes me weak in the knees. #3 can be very romantic...no dental work involved!!

However...I never vote for a stand in ring. It is too clumsy to have to explain this isn''t the real ring....and you have too. I have heard of girls bawling at the sight of the stand in ring. You can ask many of proposed to girls, and generally we all answer the same...we have no idea what you guys said to us. We are blinded by the thought of proposal...the marriage...the wedding...and we focus on that bauble. We don''t hear you. Testing one two three...no sound check will be successful. "what did he say? I have no idea...I couldn''t hear anything..."

So as vain and materialistic as it may sound...a real stand in ring...I don''t like. If you are both playful and humorous...I would get a candy ring pop...but for me the only positive vote I can offer you is for the pier proposal.

Does your proposal have to be scripted and rigid? Could you pull it off as though it was a spur of the moment...you are so beautiful in the moonlight...I can''t wait any longer...sort of thing? If so, it would be understood that there is no ring yet.

PS. I would never tell a guy not to give a jewelry gift...so this is really hard for me to say no to the fake ring.

 

[wildhawker]

Thanks for the thoughts all. Just to clarify some, the "real" e ring will be ready around 2/1. However, she confessed to her sister (who confessed to me) that she''d like to be proposed to before it came, sometime in the very near future. I could wait myself, and was planning on surprising her at work (she''s an ICU Trauma nurse at a prominent Northern California hospital), but with this in mind, I set out to create the "new" plan A (I never had a plan B).

The original plan A was as follows: talk her coworkers into sneaking me into a room at her work, have them call a "code" in that room, requesting her assistance... she walks into a room full of flowers, and me on one knee.

So, I find myself trying to create a new scenario that she''ll appreciate through the years. Each of the 3 ideas are uniquely "us" in some way... The first, since we all give her a hard time about missing life because she sleeps so much (think "Babe, you were even proposed to and slept right through it!"). The second, she loves surprises and hates to wait (see a parallel with the engagement?). And, finally, the third, well, the night of our date we stood closely together while she pointed out the different buildings in San Francisco and how they were lit up for Christmas. If it isn''t apparent, we both love to laugh and tease each other, hence, I didn''t think the teasing of #2 was over the top.

So, there you have it. A little history on us, which, hopefully, gives you all a little idea as to what I''m up against. Ultimately, I know that her response to my proposal isn''t based upon whether or not I have a fill-in ring or not, or how I propose... but, as any man in love would, I want her to enjoy the moment.

Again, I sincerely appreciate all the advice and insight, and I am indebted to the folks here at Pricescope for all of the help given me. Hopefully I can contribute as much as you all have.

 

[Circe]

Hm ... well, I voted for #3, because while the first two are very cute, they bug a little for different degrees: the first because it seems a little ... off to me, just symbolically speaking; after all, who doesn''t want the chance to say YES! YES! YES!, right? The second one sounds awesome for a wonderful, special present, but for the proposal, especially considering the circumstances ... maybe not. But you know her a heck of a lot better than any of us do - if you think she''ll get a kick out of it, go for it! I voted for Door #3 because it just sounds sweet and romantic and beautiful - a great story, but not necessarily like a proposal that''s putting The Story of the Proposal before the actual, y''know, proposal.

As for substitute/fill-in rings, I think I''m with DKS on this: the emotional impact of whatever you give her that night is going to be huge, either in terms of giving her a moment of klung thinking it''s The Ring, *or* in terms of that being the one to carry the emotional impact of being engaged. Given that the ring''s going to be ready in two weeks and two days, it seems like it might be worth waiting ....

... but, again, since you and her sister know her best, and if you feel that sooner rather than later will make her happiest, why not an eternity band? If you get a thin one that works for stacking, you''ll be set for years and years of significant emotional renewal as you add to her collection and bring the magic of the moment back over and over.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Circe...that is a great idea...and he can work an eternity...into the speil....

"Babe...I wanted to offer you this ring first, accept it as a symbol of our future together, as tonight I vow to love you for all eternity".

Oooohhh...be still my heart.

 

[Circe]

Ooooo, beautiful, DKS! That''s the perfect approach.

And, looking at your previous posts, WH, it looks like you picked a *gorgeous* setting ... so sapphires or diamonds, channel-set princess cuts or east-west baguettes, or even a simple metal band with beautiful engraving should all work equally well in conjunction with her eventual wedding set!

 

[winston26]

I really like your proposal ideas and how much thought you''re putting into them! My vote was for #3 because it ties it all back in to your first date when it all started! And lucky for you it was in a romantic place because my coworker was just proposed to in the Culver''s parking lot because that''s where their first date was!
Personally I don''t like #1 because I''m not a morning person, would be cranky. For a big moment many girls like to feel pretty with their hair done, makeup on, and at a minimum their teeth brushed!

As far as the ring, my FI proposed with the diamond in its placeholder (or whatever you call that fake ring) and I was not disappointed in the least. We spent A LOTTTT of time picking out the diamond and that is what I am scentimentally attached to. The only negative was that we were at the Grand Canyon and we were both freaked it was going to fall out! Since you''re saying she knows it''s done on 2/1 but wants a proposal before anyway, that tells me she would not care either!
What I have to give FI credit for was that he had it set up for people to take our photo when he actually proposed so I have the coolest shot of him on his knee on the edge of the canyon.....but he knows I''m really into photos. So personal things you know she likes will really make it special.

 

[sparxs111]

I like number 3 personally. And as long as SHE won''t mind not receiving her ring on the proposal then I say JUMP!!!! Some people Ive talked to want the ring the same time and don''t want to wait. Good job on all the personal touches too!!! gumball machine rings are always cute...???? hehe

 

[mrchips]

Personally, it totally up to you.

I mean, I''d do number two and then take her to number 3.

The sleeping one I don''t get. I mean wouldn''t you want her to be awake when you''re putting the ring on?

What if she wakes up?

In the end, though we can all give you advice on proposing but YOU have to do what YOU feel is best and YOUR heart feels is best.

I would wait for the ring to add that final touch to it.

Best of luck.

 

[door knob solitaire]

I know this is a crazy idea...but since your stand in ring would cost you some more money...why not use that as a carrot and see if the ring completion can be moved up a notch? Pay for expedited service. A rush job. Pronto...andele...

I don''t know the reason for the delay, but many times jewelers may ask another client if they mind the delay as they have another client with a rushed deadline????

You have not if you ask not! Worth a try isn''t it?

 

[heather318]

Date: 1/17/2008 12:33:31 AM
Author: wildhawker
The original plan A was as follows: talk her coworkers into sneaking me into a room at her work, have them call a ''code'' in that room, requesting her assistance... she walks into a room full of flowers, and me on one knee.

As cute as your original plan was, it most definitely would NOT work. I''m a nurse.. And you can''t just "call a code".. That would involve more than just your lovely girlfriend entering the room. That would involve doctors and code teams.. Ok, sorry about all my technical information..

 

[wildhawker]

Date: 1/17/2008 10:41:34 PM
Author: heather318

Date: 1/17/2008 12:33:31 AM

Author: wildhawker

The original plan A was as follows: talk her coworkers into sneaking me into a room at her work, have them call a ''code'' in that room, requesting her assistance... she walks into a room full of flowers, and me on one knee.

As cute as your original plan was, it most definitely would NOT work. I''m a nurse.. And you can''t just ''call a code''.. That would involve more than just your lovely girlfriend entering the room. That would involve doctors and code teams.. Ok, sorry about all my technical information..

I was working with one of her coworkers on it, but since they''re on night shift, it''s been trouble trying to coordinate the efforts. Obviously, it would have been an evolving plan, but may be tabled due to the time issue anyway.