What really changed after marriage???

[iwannaprettyone]

Ok, here are the rules. List 3 or more things that changed after you tied the proverbial knot. You can go into detail if you so desire.

For me:

1) Trust- I trusted DH before to make the right choice, but this has amplified 10 fold since marriage. I know everything he does is in the best interest of our "family".
2) Decision making, we don''t share bank accounts but we do respect each other enough to consult on large purchases.
3) Bond- by bond I feel DH is truly family now, I can''t explain the connection....

 

[TravelingGal]

1) All of the sudden bars appeared on the windows and doors
2) Someone threw away the key
3) No one comes when you scream for help

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:14:20 PM
Author: TravelingGal
1) All of the sudden bars appeared on the windows and doors
2) Someone threw away the key
3) No one comes when you scream for help

1. DH and I are both more comfortable in social situations. We are who we are, there''s no pressure to impress, we have each other in all our nerdiness.

2. The laundry has multiplied more than the addition of 1 more person warrants. I swear there are laundry gremlins that sneak in and copy the dirty clothes to make the pile bigger.

3. There''s always someone there to scrape me up off the bathroom floor when I''m sick. Or go for gatorade. Etc.

 

[D&T]

1. I have to check in now so DH doesn''t go hysterical and think I''m at the hospital or the Jewlers if I"m more than 20 minutes late driving home from work
2. I feel like we do dishes two times a day now!
3. I feel much safer

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:24:15 PM
Author: D&T
1. I have to check in now so DH doesn''t go hysterical and think I''m at the hospital or the Jewlers if I''m more than 20 minutes late driving home from work
2. I feel like we do dishes two times a day now!
3. I feel much safer

LOL!

 

[D&T]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:25:21 PM
Author: geckodani

Date: 7/20/2009 12:24:15 PM
Author: D&T
1. I have to check in now so DH doesn''t go hysterical and think I''m at the hospital or the Jewlers if I''m more than 20 minutes late driving home from work
2. I feel like we do dishes two times a day now!
3. I feel much safer

LOL!

DH knows me way too well... and I can not lie - darn it! One of his friends was at a stop light and saw me walk away from one the shop and asked DH if that was me the other day ...lol, Now I have to confess

 

[NewEnglandLady]

1.) Finances. I''m still adjusting. More shared and he considers what was his as mine...I''m still not used to that.
2.) Mentality shifted from getting married to buying a home and starting a family (typical and boring, I know, but still)
3.) More than ever he is my best friend and life partner--I used to think about what we each contributed in terms of bills, chores, etc. thinking that it should be completely equal, but I''ve noticed that in marriage who does what is less relevant because we''re both focused on simply making the other person happy and doing what is best for our future family. I''m realizing that this is a real partnership.

 

[steph72276]

My body

. Oh wait, that was after the baby came along....I will have to do some more thinking.

 

[atroop711]

everything has gotten larger

1. my apt

2. my family

3. and my A$$

(that's ok the 3 kids were worth it)

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

1) I have more household chores
2) Expectations about performance, increased

3) Luckily my personal DI has increased significantly, so the above are more tolerable

cheers--Sharon

 

[MonkeyPie]

1. I''m not quite as annoyed by being "nursed" when I''m sick now - somehow the way he does it is so much less annoying than the way mom did.

2. Shared bank accounts and truly shared money. No impulse purchases - I even call him to "ask permission" (read: tell him I''m going to buy) if it costs more than $10.

3. My last name

 

[nycbkgirl]

1) weve become one...sharing everything ..bank accts, secrets etc

2) def feel secure and safe

3) we are a real family and the day to day dealings (laundry, dishes...make me smile bc we do it together)

 

[nycbkgirl]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:23:48 PM
Author: atroop711
everything has gotten larger

1. my apt

2. my family

3. and my A$$

(that''s ok the 3 kids were worth it)

LOL! good one

agreed.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:43:05 PM
Author: nycbkgirl

Date: 7/20/2009 1:23:48 PM

Author: atroop711

everything has gotten larger


1. my apt


2. my family


3. and my A$$

(that''s ok the 3 kids were worth it)

LOL! good one

agreed.

 

[ms.halo]

1. I had two rings instead of one
2. I was tan (honeymoon)
3. We had a lot more stuff


We lived together for years, so when we got married it didn''t really feel like anything was different at all.

 

[ficklefaye]

oh i really like this thread, FI and i have been living together for almost two years and i''ve always been interested to hear what changes after the actual wedding

 

[Upgradable]

1. I have a team mate. He is someone who is willing to carry 60% of the load on those days I''m only up to 40%, and vice versa.


2. I don''t feel less loved or appreciated on bad hair, bad skin, bad mood days.


3. I have now been WITH him longer than I lived before him!


Twenty-two years of marriage..... totally different than what I ever thought, and more than I ever even knew to wish for!

 

[Lilac]

1. DH and I didn''t live together before we got married, so that totally changed after the wedding. We have even more fun now because we never have to say goodbye to each other at night! We love it.
2. DH and I didn''t do certain... physical activities before marriage

So that certainly was a huge difference.
3. I felt this before the wedding, but if possible even more so after we got married I feel DH and I are truly a family and partners in life. We have an even closer bond and connection than ever before and I think we both just feel like a unit.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:04:19 PM
Author:iwannaprettyone
1) Trust- I trusted DH before to make the right choice, but this has amplified 10 fold since marriage. I know everything he does is in the best interest of our ''family''.
2) Decision making, we don''t share bank accounts but we do respect each other enough to consult on large purchases.
3) Bond- by bond I feel DH is truly family now, I can''t explain the connection....

You know, I''ve been struggling with the question lately. We attended a wedding recently, the second in our extended ''circle,'' and a few single friends were asking us what was different or what was "the best thing" about marriage. It''s a tough question to answer, especially because we lived together for 2.5 years before the wedding and were, for all intents and purposes, already living as though we were married. So as far as tangible things that we can put our fingers on, we''re left at a loss for these questions.

All the changes are intangible for me. Your points do touch on some of the things I feel now, after the wedding, but I find it impossible to articulate exactly what''s different or better... it just is. I''m sure a lot of it is just psychological, knowing that we''re "married" somehow feels different and more important in a way... but that''s just me, my own reaction to that marriage certificate. People get a confused/concerned look on their faces when I describe this to them, so usually I fall back on the requisite "it''s just so great, rainbows puppies butterflies!" and they "aww" and move on.

Anyway, the only thing I''ve been able to fully put my finger on is the sense of unity that wasn''t quite fully developed before. As much as he was my best friend and teammate before, and he truly was, there''s another level that wasn''t there for us before.

 

[radiantquest]

Nothing, really. Nothing changed.

Well one thing. I am no longer asking about an engagement ring.

 

[bobbin]

I have been wondering about this question a lot as well.

SO and I have been living together for almost three years now, and we are not even engaged. We will probably get married around the five or six year mark, so will have been living together for four or five years at that point. We consider ourselves to be completely committed to one another, share all household chores, plan for the future together etc. We are a team. Therefore nothing tangible will change after marriage. So what will change?

I am really interested in reading all of the responses from people who had been living together for a significant amount of time before marriage for some insight!

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/21/2009 6:01:12 AM
Author: bobbin


I have been wondering about this question a lot as well.


SO and I have been living together for almost three years now, and we are not even engaged. We will probably get married around the five or six year mark, so will have been living together for four or five years at that point. We consider ourselves to be completely committed to one another, share all household chores, plan for the future together etc. We are a team. Therefore nothing tangible will change after marriage. So what will change?


I am really interested in reading all of the responses from people who had been living together for a significant amount of time before marriage for some insight!

I know my first answer was a humorous one...but I'll be serious now. My husband and I lived together for a year before we got married. I remember the first year being hard (the change after living alone for a while). 14 yrs later the changes that I could think of is comfort level. It's amazing that I have such a comfort with another person. I've always been a shy person, not very comfortable in my own skin (not now

) and was a people pleaser. I cannot believe that in all the years we've been together that I'm my TRUE self with this man. I have no issues with speaking up for myself, saying no, walking naked (with the lights on), ect with my husband. This may be easy for many to do but this is HUGE for me..and that was one of the biggest changes after marriage. Compromise (with the living situation) was another change for me. I had lived on my own since I was 19yr old...when he moved in with me I had been on my own for 8 yrs...that was a big change to get used to. I was used to calling all of the shots in the apartment...now I had to take someone elses tastes and wants into consideration (and bad bathroom habits

)

I don't remember a huge change from our living in sin days

to our married days except for my own personal growth.

 

[NakedFinger]

According to www.theplunge.com (for those that dont know, think SpikeTV for weddings. Its all about getting engaged, weddings and marriage for men)....


Living In Sin Vs. Living With A Wife: What’s The Difference?

Let me guess. You and your (potential) fiancée live in separate houses-she still lives with her parents, learning how to be a housewife-and you're both waiting for you wedding night to have sex, right?

If that's you- move on. The vast majority of this site will offend you deeply.

If you're like 68% of couples today, then you've already shacked up and are living in sin. So what, if anything, actually changes when you get married?

Gaze into The Plunge's crystal ball:

Different: Less socializing. The number of restaurants, bars, and lounges you go to will plummet by 20-60%. And when you do (grudgingly) leave the house to meet friends, you'll go home 90 minutes earlier than before.

Same (or better): The sex. You can relax about this one. From watching American Beauty or every sitcom, you'd think that once you get hitched, the highlight of your sex life is a morning jerk-off in the shower. Don't worry. That won't happen when you get married...that will happen when you have kids.

Different: More nesting. That gift registry serves a purpose--now that the two of you are literally a family, even if you've already lived together, you'll still find yourselves doing more cooking, watching more Netflix, and spending more time "playing house." This isn't a conscious decision, but something that you'll slip into, gradually, the way a heroin addict eventually needs a bigger and bigger hit. Soon you won't remember a lifewithout your domestic heroin.

Same: Her. She won't morph into some wretched nagging wife, and she won't be cleansed of all her annoying quirks. What you have is what you get. (For more on seeing if she's The One, click here.)

Different: The way you buy goodies. In the old days, let's say you're in Best Buy and have an epiphany-you realize that your 5 megapixel camera is suddenly laughably inadequate, you need 8 megapixels, 10 megapixels, you'll go 50 megapixels if possible. You need it, you must have it, it's a minor miracle that you got this far in life without it. So you pull the trigger... Once you're married? Every purchase over X dollars (where X is between 20 and 200, depending on your income) needs approval from both chambers of Congress. This is the biggie. Until you have kids, money will be the root cause of all tension and bickering. It's the one thing that living together can't prepare you for. Where to invest? Do we splurge for the convertible? Can I buy the new iPhone? These are no longer your decisions. If you've lived together you've probably discussed money and agreed upon some broad contours-where to live, when you'll buy a house, etc.-but marriage is a different ballgame. It's not (necessarily) miserable. But it's different.

Same: She's still not going to understand why the NFL Draft is must-see TV, why a playoff game from 2006 is still flagged on your DVR as "never erase," or why you root for the Dolphins' kicker in a 30-point blowout. Marriage brings you closer...but it's not a mind-meld.

Different: The home décor. For her, marriage is the difference between a house and a home. As a live-in girlfriend, she was cool with the Yao Ming lamp in the bedroom. As a wife, she'll have less tolerance for a décor that's inspired by 7'6" Chinese centers.

Same: Your global routine. While you stay in more and bar-hop less, it's true that the overall arc of your habits will remain the same. Your jobs are the same. Your tv watching is the same. So for a good chunk of your everyday experience, living together is a fair approximation of what the future will hold.

Different: The chores. It's a subtle shift, but now that the courtship is officially over, no one needs to impress the other, so she's less prone to doing the "guy chores" like yardwork and trash. (And vice versa.) Right or wrong, gender stereotypes exist for a reason, and you'll find yourself sliding into those norms.

Same: Your chemistry. Either you have it or you don't. Marriage isn't a panacea that will suddenly inject morechemistry into a relationship, but it's not going to suck it away, either...at least not yet.

Different: The in-laws. Today they keep their distance. But the moment that you become family they could "pop in" whenever they please, expect more invitations, hound you about the holidays, and potentially visit for weeks at a time. The secret is to create boundaries, and that starts right now, today, before you get married.

 

[Gypsy]

1. My family's behavior toward him. Much improved. It was like a switch .
2. It's nice to know that you can't just throw a hissy fit and 'breakup'... there's all the legal crap too, and even though we are really good at working things out. The fact that it's official now makes it even more compelling to work things through. We made vows.
3. Calling each other husband and wife. I love hearing it and saying it. Plus people preceive you differently as a result. They take you more seriously.

Together 9+ years before we got married (living together nine of those years). Married less than a year.

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:50:58 PM
Author: Gypsy
1. My family''s behavior toward him. Much improved. It was like a switch .
2. It''s nice to know that you can''t just throw a hissy fit and ''breakup''... there''s all the legal crap too, and even though we are really good at working things out. The fact that it''s official now makes it even more compelling to work things through. We made vows.
3. Calling each other husband and wife. I love hearing it and saying it. Plus people preceive you differently as a result. They take you more seriously.

Together 9+ years before we got married (living together nine of those years). Married less than a year.

Totally. Love it.

 

[sba771]

I am not married yet, but what I can see for us changing when we are married are the following:

1) Finances- we share money, but I am not 100% comfortable with using ''his'' money and accepting it as ''ours'' (I am currently not making an income due to a joint decision about moving). I hope I will feel better about this when its legal. I know its stupid, but I think it will be better. I am working on thinking its ours, but I was so used to earning money on my own.

2) How I deal with my in-laws. They are very nice good people, but they do things that can upset me unintentionally or get on my nerves. I don''t speak up since we are still in that sort of sticky ''I want them to like me'' phase even though they do and its been 2+ years. I hope I can be more assertive once we are married because I don''t have to worry as much about their judgement or the wedding.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

1. My ability to put things into prespective. Because there is often so much "stuff" that comes with marriage...it''s helped me find whats really important and let the rest go.

2. Balance. My husband gave me balance.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:31:32 PM
Author: sba771
I am not married yet, but what I can see for us changing when we are married are the following:

1) Finances- we share money, but I am not 100% comfortable with using ''his'' money and accepting it as ''ours'' (I am currently not making an income due to a joint decision about moving). I hope I will feel better about this when its legal. I know its stupid, but I think it will be better. I am working on thinking its ours, but I was so used to earning money on my own.

2) How I deal with my in-laws. They are very nice good people, but they do things that can upset me unintentionally or get on my nerves. I don''t speak up since we are still in that sort of sticky ''I want them to like me'' phase even though they do and its been 2+ years. I hope I can be more assertive once we are married because I don''t have to worry as much about their judgement or the wedding.

The in-laws thing was true for me - I always used to be concerned with their opinion of me before the wedding. I spent SO much time trying to get them to like me. I called, tried my hardest to have conversations with my (at the time future-) MIL, and just did my best to be warm and friendly even when I was getting treated terribly in return. Even DH says he doesn''t know what more I could have done to try to have a relationship with them. They couldn''t accept having to let go of their "baby" (yes, those were their words).

After the wedding I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I still try to have a relationship with them and I try to call and be nice to them, but I no longer feel personally hurt by the things they do or say. It doesn''t matter what they think of me - I''m married to their son and all that matters is that HE loves me! And if I feel the need to speak up if they say something that bothers me I don''t worry about them liking me as much as I did before we were married. I''m trying to be more assertive than I was before.

 

[Pandora II]

DH and I lived together for 4 years before we got married but even so:

1) Nice china and bedlinen (love that registry

)

2) Chucking the BC on our wedding night

3) Direct result of 2)... we have a baby

4) Direct result of 3)... we''re now celibate and exhausted!

oh, and nice bling on our fingers

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Less sex.

More nagging.

Shorter leash.


I still liked it better than being single though. A lot better.