unsure of what to think

[Munchkin]

So, my boyfriend and I spent yesterday afternoon at a cookout hosted by old college friends. We hadn''t seen them in a while, but it is the kind of group of friends that everyone keeps up with what everyone is doing through each other.

When we arrived, I was greeted with a big hug, a "Congratulations!" and a left- hand grab. I said "Ummm....we''re not engaged." Someone had told her we were. Now, understanding that stories get muddled as they work their way along the grapevine, I felt a strange mix of emotions. Half of me was thinking, "Thanks, for reminding me!"

(Although it was RIGHT in front of him - finally!) While the other half thought "Maybe boy-soon has actually arrived!"

Now I keep trying to decide if it was a genuine misunderstanding that came out of nowhere, or if they had heard that he is planning on doing it soon. Arggg! I figured only the LIWs would understand how such a comment could inspire massive over-thinking on my part!

Thanks for giving me a place in the world to work through my own insanity!

Munchkin

 

[northstar_78]

I don''t know what to say...it kinda makes sense to think that something is going on if your friends are whispering about it! And I''m glad that this question was asked in front of him...

Can you fill us LIWs in on your current situation?

 

[angelina]

Hi Munchkin!
I understand what you are going through.
I''m constantly having my left hand grabbed, followed by that infamous question!
Don''t overthink anything- because you will drive yourself crazy.

My bf made a comment last night about how he will never bother couples the question, "When are you guys going to get married?!?"....
It''s a question that can really make people upset... I know it drives me nuts!

My only advice is not to get yourself crazy- but you have to fill us in on the situation!

((Hugs))
Angelina

 

[Munchkin]

You are right. I think I managed to get onto the official list without having to give any real details!

A quick summary: We are in our mid twenties. We dated throughout college and grad school and are approaching the seven year mark. Unfortunately, the past few years have been long distance. Thankfully, we will be living near one another shortly.

He is my best friend. No one on this earth understands me like he does. There is no doubt in either of our minds that we want to grow old together. Up to this point, it has simply been a tug-of-war between "boy" and "girl" soon. I was ready about two years ago, he only became ready about a year ago. Truthfully, he had some growing up to do before he was ready. Since then there have been significant financial roadblocks impeding an actual proposal. (He wants there to be a ring, and he wants it to be the "real" one. I would love that, but like others, would also be happy with a twist-tie at this point!)

Additionally, the long distance makes it far more difficult to take me by surprise, so I often expect it/hope for it when we visit one another.

We are not shopping for a ring together, so I am truly in the dark about when it might happen. Although I do know that he has decided how to do it.

So, that is us, in a nutshell.

Munchkin

 

[angelina]

Just be glad that you''ve gotten him to ''that point''.
Some men never seem to be ready.

Start dropping subtle hints, see if you can get anything out of him.
You''d be surprised how much they talk with a bit of coaxing!

 

[Munchkin]

To be honest, I don''t want to know any more about it; I just want it to happen already! I would LOVE to be completely surprised - in ten minutes!

The conversation just felt surreal. I have fended off the "when?" question for years - but I have never been congratulated on an engagement that hasn''t happened! In a weird way, it felt like a (much more flattering!) version of "When are you due?"

On a sidenote, I truly felt sorry for the woman who conratulated me. She looked so sheepish. I know she meant no malice. It was also fun watching my boyfriend suddenly develop a temporary stutter.

I love being able to vent lunacy here!
Munchkin

 

[TheDiamondangel]

Perhaps he''s either gotten a ring, or has started the shopping process and confided in a friend, who in turn slipped the info to her or one of her gal pals. Either way, an actual congratulations doesn''t come without some good reason for it. Hang in there!