the first "Talk"

[ephemery1]

It seems like a lot of PSers have been with their significant others for a while... just wondering how many people remember first having that specific "talk" with their boyfriend about getting married? I can''t for the life of me remember the first time we seriously discussed marriage and the future... it kind of feels like it was always just assumed, even though I''m sure there must have been some initial comment or conversation that I''ve just forgotten by now. I thought maybe if other people shared their own, I might be able to remember mine!!

 

[ladykemma]

the first date. I was over thirty. I let it be known loud and clear the first date that i was looking for marriage. so was he. we were enaged within 90 days. happily married (with a few rough spots) for 12 years.

 

[sumbride]

I don''t think we had an official first talk... it was just little comments here and there, testing the waters I suppose. I remember we used to say "when I get married" and gradually it turned to "if we get married" and then "when we get married". We started throwing around ideas for a wedding about a year in when he named about 10 groomsmen and I just kind of stared in awe, having always wanted a tiny destination wedding. Last year we went to my best friend''s wedding and during the reception he said "I don''t want to do that... I''d rather we did this..." etc... I thought it was cool. We knew we were heading toward marriage when we moved in together last summer, but it was only a couple months ago when he told me he "had a plan". We''ve been together almost three and a half years now and everytime he talks about I get excited, but then I get to the point of "Enough Talk... Time for Action BOY!"

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 4/13/2006 9:25:58 PM
Author: sumbride

I remember we used to say ''when I get married'' and gradually it turned to ''if we get married'' and then ''when we get married''.

That sounds SO familiar! And I do remember being aware of the line starting to blur between "if" and "when"... but I guess there was no clear "moment". I think we actually talked more about our future kids together than the actual engagement/wedding/marriage!

I also clearly remember him asking me online about 5 months into our relationship if he proposed right then, if I would say yes. I nearly had a heart attack... but I think he was trying to settle an argument with a friend about how soon is too soon to know enough about your relationship to make that commitment. (I told him I would say yes, FYI)

 

[Blenheim]

We were driving together down to Charlotte, NC for the weekend after we''d been dating about a year and three months. I can''t remember exactly how it came up, but I think I said something about wanting to know where the relationship was heading. I didn''t need a proposal or anything; I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about our beliefs on marriage, if we each saw ourselves possibly getting married to the other, etc. He had a lot of misconceptions about engagements, so we talked a lot about what "normal" engagements are like. Example: he thought that the guy proposed and then the couple just got married, like, a week or a month later. He had no idea that it often takes a year to plan a wedding.

After that, we did start to move from talking about "when I get married" to "if we get married" to an occasional "when we get married". I think he''s trying to save the latter until after the proposal. He''s pretty conservative about discussing things, because he really doesn''t want to throw around words without being completely sure that he means it. It took him about a year to tell me that he loved me.

Okay, quick off topic story. I was the first one to say "I love you." I was about to head overseas for four months, and didn''t think that I''d see him at all during that time, and wanted him to know that I loved him before I left, whether he could reciprocate it or not. He couldn''t quite at that time. He ended up flying to visit me over Thanksgiving Break, because the distance was getting very hard on both of us (plus he had never been to continental Europe). After he got off the plane, he told me, "I flew 4500 miles just to tell you that I loved you."

 

[anchor31]

That''s amazing, Bleinheim!! He''s so sweet!!

It was pretty gradual for us too I guess. In January 2004, after 5 months of relationship, my grand-mother wasn''t doing very well (thank goodness she''s better now!) and I was sharing my concerns with J. I was upset and crying, and I told him how my mother has been telling my sister and me that she wants to see at least one of us get married before she "leaves". I didn''t mean anything by it really, I didn''t know if I wanted to marry him yet... But he hugged me and said, "Don''t worry, she''ll see us get married." I was shocked!!

Exactly a year later he looked at rings in jewelry display windows in my face. He actually dragged me over to look.

I hadn''t been thinking about a proposal just yet, but that certainly got the wheels turning! Just to make sure that we were both looking for the same thing out of this relationship, a couple of months later I asked him if he wanted us to get married one day, and he said he did.

Our first "serious" talk about engagement was last summer, when he asked me to move in with him next summer, and I put my cards on the table. I don''t believe in living together before being engaged and would not move in with him without a solid official commitment. He was taken aback, but I told him about my convinctions and explained my point of view; he thought about it and said he would respect that. In September, he told me he was thinking about proposing, I found PS and became a LIW in October, he told me his 2006 timeframe in November, we went ring shopping in February, and here we are! He''ll have the money very soon and he''ll propose during the summer. We won''t be moving in together for a number of reasons, my school and both our finances among them, but we''re both very excited to be getting engaged this summer!

 

[Mannequin]

Our first "official engagement discussion" was over dessert at the Cheesecake Factory last Memorial Day weekend. We''ve had many more since, mostly in the last few months, and he plans to propose before June.

 

[ilovesparkles]

Blen what a cute story! When I met my BF we really weren''t heading in the dating/romantic direction. We just talked to get to know each other and we talked a lot about life dreams where we were and what we wanted. Both of us have come from broken homes and a big thing for us is the divorce rate and what we believe marriage to be and they are pretty much identical. THat was amazing and something we really connected on. Well then about 3 weeks after we met he blurted out "I think I''m in love with you" and well that was that. From there on we did discuss the seriousness of the relationship and things were decided on quite quickly because of the distance (1600+miles). We have a rough timeline but nothing set. He''ll be moving out here in Jan. 07 and this past March when he found out I was on PS, oops, I told him not to freak out I knew I wouldn''t be getting a ring for about 2 years which he agreed was right on. But everyonce in a while in simple sentences things come up about when we are married or our children or this for us in the future blablabla. Its just such a great feeling!

 

[sumbride]

Date: 4/13/2006 9:41:55 PM
Author: Blenheim

Okay, quick off topic story. I was the first one to say ''I love you.'' I was about to head overseas for four months, and didn''t think that I''d see him at all during that time, and wanted him to know that I loved him before I left, whether he could reciprocate it or not. He couldn''t quite at that time. He ended up flying to visit me over Thanksgiving Break, because the distance was getting very hard on both of us (plus he had never been to continental Europe). After he got off the plane, he told me, ''I flew 4500 miles just to tell you that I loved you.''

Oh Blenheim.... that is so sweet!!!


I said it first too, but ours went a little differently... I was all freaked out because even though we''d been dating 5 months, I wasn''t positive he felt the same way... so I got really nervous one morning and said "I have something I have to tell you." He started shaking and said "Whhahhhaaatt??" I said "I just want to tell you... I love you." He kissed me and said "I love you too! Now don''t ever scare me like that again! I thought you were about to tell me you were pregnant or something!" It was a really funny moment, but not something I really share with everyone...

 

[fatafelice]

Date: 4/14/2006 8:58:55 AM
Author: sumbride

Date: 4/13/2006 9:41:55 PM
Author: Blenheim

Okay, quick off topic story. I was the first one to say ''I love you.'' I was about to head overseas for four months, and didn''t think that I''d see him at all during that time, and wanted him to know that I loved him before I left, whether he could reciprocate it or not. He couldn''t quite at that time. He ended up flying to visit me over Thanksgiving Break, because the distance was getting very hard on both of us (plus he had never been to continental Europe). After he got off the plane, he told me, ''I flew 4500 miles just to tell you that I loved you.''

Oh Blenheim.... that is so sweet!!!


I said it first too, but ours went a little differently... I was all freaked out because even though we''d been dating 5 months, I wasn''t positive he felt the same way... so I got really nervous one morning and said ''I have something I have to tell you.'' He started shaking and said ''Whhahhhaaatt??'' I said ''I just want to tell you... I love you.'' He kissed me and said ''I love you too! Now don''t ever scare me like that again! I thought you were about to tell me you were pregnant or something!'' It was a really funny moment, but not something I really share with everyone...

LOL! Both of those stories are so cute!

For us, we''ve been together SO long that it has been sort of an assumption for a long time. I think we had only been together for about 6 months when we both admitted that we could spend the rest of our lives together. But we were only 19 then. Talk of getting engaged got more serious after about 3.5 years, when he was going to graduate from college. If we hadn''t broken up, we would have most likely gotten engaged around our 4 year anniversary. In fact, he told me recently that when I broke up with him, he had already started saving for an engagement ring!

I guess I really screwed that up!

It took us a long time to recover and rebuild from the breakup. I would say in about February 2005, we were having serious talks, but they were ugly. He still wasn''t ready and I was. It wasn''t until last summer that he actually seemed ready to look at rings and think about saving, but he has always made comments about our future and sometimes about our wedding. I think the future doesn''t scare him as much as the engagement and the wedding, if that makes sense.