Reading way too much into it?

[bubbly1126]

I''ve decided to do an update since I haven''t been on in a while to keep anyone posted.

I never had that talk with the boyfriend about setting a timeline or anything. I''ve actually done a pretty good job keeping my freak outs to a minimum and not worrying so much about it.

However, it seems the less worried I am about it the more he drops hints of marriage in the near future. While he has said it will happen "soon", we all know what boy soon means, so I''ve kind of just tried to suck it up and accept that it will happen when he feels it''s the right time for us. But why all the hints? Or is it just me missconstruing what he says for hints? Quite possibly. But maybe you could help me...

1) We''re at a boat club''s end of the summer party and a friend of his fathers'' is trying to explain how to do something to the both of us... so I try doing it and he says (jokingly, of course), "oh you''re a **boyfriend''s last name here**, you''re not going to get it... "Boyfriend says, yeah, she might as well be" and gives me this cute look.

2) My birthday is coming up and he had said he had my gift all picked out and I''m the type that will hound him every day for him to give it to me. He goes, "I''m gonna feel so bad when I give it to you b/c it''s not going to be this great gift you seem to think it is..." The convo continued from there with me just making fun of him saying he was ashamed of his own gift to me. So... he goes to get it but says they no longer had it... so he said he was walking around and saw this other gift and said to himself "that''s it. it''s perfect, she''ll just totally love it!" He had said how this gift was much more expensive than the first gift and such. I jokingly said, "oh so you''re not ashamed of this gift, now are you?" and he replies, "oh, no, definitely not ashamed of this one." Why he felt the need to tell me all this, I have no clue. Was he trying to throw me off with saying I would be disappointed with the first gift (because it''s not a ring - he didn''t say that, but I think that he is what knows I was thinking of lol) because it really is a ring? Or is he just simply not a ring and he''s just trying to torture me? lol. I don''t get it?

And the hint he gave me for the gift is ADS. He said it is the exact gifts initials. My only thought is a diamond setting. (Because if it is a ring, I know he''d come up with something like that to make it obvious and yet not.) Oh and he said that I have said that I wanted it... but not directly. (And with his thinking, "not directly" could be that I''ve said I''ve wanted a ring but didn''t actually pick the one out that he got me... OR... I''ve talked about us getting married but didn''t directly mention the ring. Both could work... at least in his mind.)

Note: It''s scary how I''ve figured out how he thinks! LoL. I guess 5 years will do that to ya!

Also, it''s kind of making me think it''s a ring because he always gives in to me and I ALWAYS get my gift early. I asked why he couldn''t give it to me early this time b/c he always does and he said b/c this year it''s going to be a surprise and he refuses to let me ruin it for myself.

I don''t know... I could totally just be reading way more into this than I should be. Actually, I''m pretty sure I am since I don''t believe (unless he''s been stashing money away that I don''t know about) he has the money right now since we just had to get a new computer and of course he bought the x-box that we DIDN''T need. Grr.

This is way longer than I intended and I am sure that most of it is just rambling... but yeah, ladies, just tell me I''m reading into way more than I need to be! lol.

 

[CrookedRock]

I''m a big overreader! But those little instances always stick in my head too. It was cute that he said you might as well be part of the family (then make me part already!!!)lol!Guys don''t say things like that if they don''t mean then, and certainly not after 5 years!

Hmmm.. ADS! You''ve got me there! I would have never come up with a diamond setting. Can you think of anything else you might have hinted at?... I can''t wait to know what it is!! When is your BDay?

 

[bubbly1126]

I know that all of his family already consider me a part of the family. His father has been calling me his daughter-in-law for at least a year now... so that drives me nuts b/c I want to be like could you give you''re son a swift kick in the pants and tell him to get his butt moving! Haha!

My b-day is October 21st.

I haven''t told him anything I want for my birthday because I really don''t know... lol. Sure, when we''re out I''ll point at stuff that I like but nothing that I can think of that would match up with ADS.

Knowing me, I''m completely off and it''s something else that is so completely obvious. LoL.

Well, we''ll see! Hehe.

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, honey, I think you may be setting yourself up for disappointment so I''m going to strongly advise you to sit down with your man and TALK TO HIIM! He can''t read your mind. He may have no idea this is so much ON your mind. He may not be thinking about these things at all, at least not imminently. And I don''t want to see your feelings get hurt!

The first ''hint'' sounds like he could just as easily have meant by ''she might as well be'' ''she might as well be a ''Smith'' because she''s just as tech-inept / goofy / whatever as the Smiths'' not ''she might as well be a ''Smith'' because she will be one soon''. That seems more plausible in the context. And as for the gift, it could be anything, but it just doesn''t sound like the way a man goes about getting an e-ring to me.

TALK TO HIM. He sounds like a sweetheart! And being all mysterious about it like this is only going to wind up with you getting your hopes up and being disappointed and then him being sad he disappointed you. In a marriage, you should never be guessing or expecting the other to guess what''s on your mind. Just talk to each other and see what''s what. Seriously.

Do you know why you don''t want to talk to him about it?

 

[bubbly1126]

When he said "She might as well be", I know it was in the context I took it. But maybe he just meant it as we''ve been together so long, she might as well be.... instead of maybe a hint towards something more.

It''s not that I don''t want to talk to him about it. It''s that lately we''ve just had too much on our plates that I haven''t really thought about it. He''s also been so loving lately... and I think it''s making me feel more comfortable waiting. I know it''s coming eventually. It''s just not bothering me as much as it has in the past. So I don''t see a reason to bring it up and maybe get disappointed when I really don''t need to. Kind of like, it''s ain''t broke, don''t fix it.

Things are good and I''m not worrying as much so for now, I''m just gonna enjoy our time together.

 

[NYCsparkle]

Maybe it means A Diamond Solitare?!?!?!?!

 

[bubbly1126]

That''s an awesome guess!!

It''s funny too because although I''ve told him before that I was a solitaire, that did not come to mind! Silly me!

I just hope and pray I''m not setting myself up for disappointment!

We''ll see!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 9/26/2007 7:21:17 PM
Author: Independent Gal
Oh, honey, I think you may be setting yourself up for disappointment so I''m going to strongly advise you to sit down with your man and TALK TO HIIM! He can''t read your mind. He may have no idea this is so much ON your mind. He may not be thinking about these things at all, at least not imminently. And I don''t want to see your feelings get hurt!

The first ''hint'' sounds like he could just as easily have meant by ''she might as well be'' ''she might as well be a ''Smith'' because she''s just as tech-inept / goofy / whatever as the Smiths'' not ''she might as well be a ''Smith'' because she will be one soon''. That seems more plausible in the context. And as for the gift, it could be anything, but it just doesn''t sound like the way a man goes about getting an e-ring to me.

TALK TO HIM. He sounds like a sweetheart! And being all mysterious about it like this is only going to wind up with you getting your hopes up and being disappointed and then him being sad he disappointed you. In a marriage, you should never be guessing or expecting the other to guess what''s on your mind. Just talk to each other and see what''s what. Seriously.

Do you know why you don''t want to talk to him about it?

Just wanted to add a big ditto onto this. The one time I got my hopes seriously up about my fiance popping the question, it did not happen. Boy did I feel mad/sad/dumb/disappointed. Of course, I''m a talker so we had specifically talked about getting engaged and married multiple times so he was well aware that I wanted to get engaged basically immediately and I knew we were on that track. But the scenario I had in my head just did not happen.

However, it sounds like you guys haven''t even had a serious conversation about marriage yet...but I don''t know that for sure, just assuming, of course. What''s the big deal about talking about it? Just ask him what''s up with you two getting engaged. (The sooner, the better, because boy time moves awfully slowly sometimes!) Marriage is a partnership, so deciding to get engaged should be done together, too, in my opinion. It shouldn''t be about the girl hoping and praying he pops the question on his own. In real life that usually doesn''t happen!

However, I do hope he surprises you with A Diamond Solitaire and proves me wrong!

 

[teetee]

Honestly, I think that you are reading more into this. The gift can be anything and I would hate for you to get your hopes up and be disappointed if it is not a ring. I agree with Independant Gal and thing2of2 that you need to talk to him and let him know that you are ready to take the next step. Look at it this way, longer you delay the talk, the longer you will be waiting for the ring.

 

[anchor31]

Sorry sweetie, but yes, I do think you''re reading way too much into it. LIWs tend to do that.

Remember what I said before? If you don''t ask him what his intentions are, you''ll never know.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I agree with Independent Girl, don’t get your hopes up or read into things too much. When my b-day rolled around this year, my SO told me, “when you open your present, you are probably going to s*it yourself”. Of course there was a little part of me that was like “ohhhhh maybe it’s a ring!”. It wasn’t a ring, it was a Wii. (Sidenote: I was totally psyched about the Wii. Completely floored he was able to get his hands on one.).

Last Christmas I really thought that it was going to happen. I set myself up for it big time and when it didn’t happen, I was crushed. It ruined my holiday completely and when two of our friends who had only been dating for 4 months announced their engagement Christmas night, well, I am sure you can only imagine how I felt. Looking back, it was very silly of me to read too much into things my SO said (and there were some big ones like “you’ll be changing your last name soon enough”).

Now, even when it seems like it could be the perfect opportunity, I never get my hopes up. I realize that it will happen when it’s meant to happen and try not to decipher when and where I think it will. I’ve learned that when men want to keep a secret they are pretty darn good at it.

With all that said, I really do hope that it’s your time and that you prove all of us doubters wrong

 

[bee*]

Date: 9/27/2007 8:02:36 AM
Author: anchor31
Sorry sweetie, but yes, I do think you''re reading way too much into it. LIWs tend to do that.

Remember what I said before? If you don''t ask him what his intentions are, you''ll never know.

totally agree with this. I would sit down and have a talk with him. There''s nothing worse than getting your hopes up and it doesn''t happen

 

[partgypsy]

I don''t know you and your boyfriend he may be on the same radar, or he may have gotten you an amazing audio digital system that he knows you will LOVE!
Do not underestimate the general density of guys. My former boyfriend (ie husband) and I knew soon on each other was the one for us and we moved together. However I actually told him at some point I wasn''t interested in marriage (long story). But as time went on, changed my mind. Before one of my birthdays he asked me what I wanted, and I said (coyly) "a ring", thinking he would know full well what that meant! That birthday he gives me a small box, saying I hope you really like it, excited and proud of himself. I open it up, and it is a beautiful ring, a handmade rubellite tourmaline 18k gold ring, but I''m a little confused (no proposal words coming out of his mouth). Finally I say, "what IS this?" and he get''s all flustered, "what do you mean, it''s your birthday present!" Then I had to explain what I meant by "a ring". I almost felt bad for him, because he had no idea, had even sold one of his paintings to buy it!

anyways it''s good to prime the pump, even if in general terms, like I can see myself with you for the rest of my life, etc.

 

[DMBsGirl]

Well if I were you I would definitely be overreading into these things because they seem like clues to me! BUT, if you read my thread recently, just try NOT to get your hopes up tooo high, or else you might end up reacting less than enthusiastically to an otherwise wonderful gift. My ff is still hurt by my reaction to his gift and feels that it wasn''t good enough because it wasn''t "the ring." I really HOPE it is your engagement ring, and I will keep my fingers crossed for you, but just be open to the possibility that there''s a chance it could be something else.

 

[bubbly1126]

Thanks all. I''m definitely open to the idea that it will most likely not be a ring. But a girl can dream, can''t she? lol.

No matter what it is, I''ll be happy.

By the way, thing2of2, we have had a talk about marriage and he says we will be getting engaged "soon." He''s always said he wanted to marry me so I know it will eventually happen and he knows it''s something that I hope will happen (girl) soon. Someone on here had suggested I talk to him and ask him for a timeline and such and I had fully planned on it but lately it just hasn''t been bothering me as much that he hasn''t asked. So, I''m kind of backing of the idea of a talk like that because if I''m dealing with it well then I feel it''s unnecessary. For now, I''m just going to live it day by day and enjoy the time we spend together.

But again, thanks everyone for setting me straight!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 9/27/2007 8:59:45 PM
Author: bubbly1126
Thanks all. I''m definitely open to the idea that it will most likely not be a ring. But a girl can dream, can''t she? lol.

No matter what it is, I''ll be happy.

By the way, thing2of2, we have had a talk about marriage and he says we will be getting engaged ''soon.'' He''s always said he wanted to marry me so I know it will eventually happen and he knows it''s something that I hope will happen (girl) soon. Someone on here had suggested I talk to him and ask him for a timeline and such and I had fully planned on it but lately it just hasn''t been bothering me as much that he hasn''t asked. So, I''m kind of backing of the idea of a talk like that because if I''m dealing with it well then I feel it''s unnecessary. For now, I''m just going to live it day by day and enjoy the time we spend together.

But again, thanks everyone for setting me straight!

Oh, good! I guess I just assumed that because it seems like lots of LIWs haven''t even had a true, straight up conversation about marriage! I just can''t even comprehend that because I''m sooooo open about EVERYTHING (probably too much-hahaha!) with my fiance, and I was definitely very *open* about wanting to get engaged, when I wanted it, etc.

My only additional advice would be to direct him to the ''Rules of Engagement'' penned by TGal so he can clarify his definition of what exactly "soon" is!

Hahaha! Love those Rules-I wish they were around when I was a LIW not so long ago!