How did engagement/marriage talk get initiated? Ring talk too?

[princessplease]

I was curious about this. How did the topic of engagement/marriage get brought up in your relationship with FF, FI, or DH?
Did you or your SO bring it up? How? How did it move from engagement/marriage talk to ring talk and looking?

FI and I talked about getting married but never went out to look at rings following our talks. Of course I brought up the topic of engagement, but in a playful way, so he didn''t feel on the spot and pressured. I was kinda nervous about bringing it up because we had only been together for about 11 months at that time, but I knew he was the man for me. We then had a few talks about marriage. One day, we were in NYC on Canal St and FI looks in a window of one of the jewelers and said "Wow look at that engagement ring. It''s lovely." I said "Eh, it''s ok, not really my style." He then goes, "What is your style? How about tomorrow we go to the mall and you can show me what style you like?" Of course, we did not buy a mall ring, but that was how we got into the whole engagement/ring discussions.
What''s your story?

 

[Squirrly]

hmm well i suppose he brought it up when he was sneakily trying to figure out my ring size over thanksgiving 2 years ago. the whole marriage thing wasn''t really brought up until we almost eloped that same weekend (we purposefully had me miss my flight, but due to doctors appointments and tests i had left and it being so close to the end of the semester i got on the next flight home)
after that was serious talk about getting married (which he had started to lead me into before thanksgiving), doing pre-marital counseling questionnaires together, and getting used to the idea. ring-wise i told him i wanted a ring pop.

i got one for christmas last year, and a claddagh ring for my birthday which is really a promise ring as i later found out. when he''s asked i''ve just reminded him that something large would be awkward on my hand and wouldn''t be characteristic of me, and whatever metal he picks will match what he gets for a wedding band. and i requested a year for planning since only my family is local and i have a great aunt in japan.

of course if you ask him he''ll say it was all him and that he started it when he called his mom the night he met me and told her he found his girl. his sis hijacked his computer when he got home later that same week and somehow we ended up talking about weddings and she spent a good 20 minutes trying to convince me i''d rather have a wedding than elope.

 

[ImpatientOne]

Then-bf invited me to Hawaii with him and two of his friends to go to one of the friend''s sister''s wedding. It was the most romantic vacation I have ever experienced in my life! A couple of days before the wedding, we were sitting in the back seat of the friend''s rental, and my bf said, "You know I am going to marry you one day!" I was thrilled. The wedding was at this beautiful resort, and while we were walking around, he grabbed me and said, "I don''t know when or how, but I am going to ask you to marry me, and it will be soon!"

A few months later we started discussing rings, then a couple of months after that he proposed!!!

 

[pluck15]

Mine was very random. I met my FF one summer playing ultimate frisbee. I played in college and after I graduated I kept playing at home with some friends from work. FF had an internship (he''s a year younger) out in the same city that I lived in. Which was really far for him cause he''s from Indiana, I''m in CA! His roommate was on the women''s ultimate team at their college and so she drug him out to our game. That''s how we got together...so we were long distance for the first 7 months or so of our relationship while he finished school. One night talking on the phone he was somewhat quiet, so I asked what he was up to. ......"looking at engagement rings......"

Totally caught me off guard! I knew he was the one, but since it was only 6 months into the relationship, I figured bringing that topic up would scare any guy away!! Ever since then is when he''s been trying to perfect what my style is and I''ve been obsessed with researching different rings and wedding related topics!

Our 2yr anniversary is coming up.....

 

[Bjedifish]

Last year in April I said to him outright, when do you see us getting married? He was very much caught off gaurd, but then again we were living together and I felt like I should know the answer to this question that keeps me up at night. He replied, "if you are asking if I have a ring for you the answer is no." That was not was I was asking, so I got angry and let him have it talking about commitment and how he needed to man up and stop being so chicken@#$%! I asked him all I want you to think about is if you can imagine your life without me? I left it at that. 2 days later he sent me a beautiful card, via snail mail, and said that he wasn''t ready yet, but he KNEW he couldn''t live his life without me. October rolls around, we are at a chinese restaurant at 11pm, he puts down his chopstix and says, ok, I''m ready. I asked him if he was talking about the moo shu pork

! lol! He said no, I''m ready to get married, in fact I''ve been ready now for a few months and I''ve been saving for a ring.

!! I had to go to the bathroom to pinch myslef about 100 times. Now its June, and...I''m STILL waiting!!! but we already talked about wedding dates(summer 2010), wedding party, location etc. Now i am hoping that our trip ( in 9 days!!!!

) will be the magic charm (ahh...Disney!) to get us to engaged! Here''s hoping!!

 

[Luckyeshe]

My FI and I are in a long distance relationship. We met at our best friends'' wedding. His bf was the groom and he was the best man. My bf was the bride, but there were too many girls as bridesmaid so I was an honored guest that was pretty much a bridesmaid. We left the wedding knowing we were 3,000 miles a part and pretty much stayed in contact via phone and email for about 5 months. We became really really good friends during that time. He and I finally saw each other again on my bday last year because he decided to fly down and see me and we decided that we wanted to see where our relationship would go. Throughout the following months we visited each other as much as we could. I''m in Tampa, Florida and he''s in Seattle, Washington ( I wasn''t kidding about it being 3,000 miles apart

). Because we were in an LDR and we saw each other almost every month if not every 6 weeks, we had to think long and hard whether or not our relationship was worth pursuing since plane tickets aren''t cheap. Also, why invest yourself emotionally to someone who is so far away when you can meet someone in your own backyard so to speak. Well, to make a long story short, we realized we loved each other and that we wanted to be together more than anything. By Thanksgiving we went ring browsing because he saw a sign for a liquidation at a store and wanted to check it out. Don''t worry, he didn''t purchase my ring at a B&M. And I started sending him pictures of what I liked with explanations of why yes and why no. He sent me ones he thought would be my taste but there was one I loved which we saw during one of our times together and he ended up surprising me with it for my bday this year. It has been completely and utterly amazing. We would have known each other 2 years come Oct 2009. I always thought you needed to know your SO for no less than 3 years before the whole proposal and wedding talk starts and here I am engaged after knowing my FDH for a year and 7 months. I guess that saying is right...."when you meet the one, you''ll know".

 

[trillionaire]

Hmm... we''d been together for years, so first I told him that I liked Trillions, and of course he didn''t know what they were so I HAD to send him picture of trillion rings. Then I would find crazy sales on rings (pre-PS) and send him links to them. I wasn''t ready to be married, but I wanted him to know my style and preferences. (this was in 2006) Later, over time, SO made it very clear that his intention with our relationship was marriage, and that if that is not what I wanted, then we needed to have a serious discussion. Once again, this was TERRIFYING to me... I''ve always wanted to get married... eventually, so I told him that we were on the same page, but I was FREAKING OUT on the inside! Finally, about a year ago, we had some big life plans that got changed, and I thought for the first time ever about breaking up... that''s actually when I became active on PS. It helped me sort my thoughts, and I was finally sure and comfortable with the idea of getting married. I still don''t want to be married right NOW, but I could be comfortably engaged without having an anxiety attack

. We''ll see how it all plays out...

 

[Nomsdeplume]

My SO does not stop bringing it up! I never had to worry because he was the first one to mention it, and still says regularly that he can''t wait to marry me etc.

 

[fieryred33143]

For us, we were on the couch watching a movie when we started talking about marriage. It was one of those conversations that we had never had before and it started like any other conversation (talking about one thing that led to another that led to another etc.) We both agreed that we wanted to get married and that would be our next step in the relationship.

Ring talk didn''t happen until I stumbled on Pricescope. I knew that with his budget, I wasn''t going to expect a large diamond and I wanted to know what smaller than 1 carat diamonds looked like. I came upon the under 1 carat thread on PS and then started poking around. Up until then I just figured he would go into some mall store and buy a ring but I realized after lurking that it really is an investment and careful consideration needs to be made. So we sat down again and I told him that I wanted to be part of the diamond search. We talked candidly about his budget and he gave me an exact dollar amount of what he felt he could afford. With that information, I went searching and throughout the process was constantly communicating with him. I found a place where I thought we could get a great diamond and a great deal and we went together. He bought the ring the same day.

 

[Rhea]

I don''t remember. It was such a natural progression, coupled with an international long distance relationship, that it was discussed early on and we never stopped discussing it until we married.

 

[purselover]

hmmm, trying to think back. I guess a serious discussion began our senior year of college and we decided to move in together after graduation. We didn''t have a set time frame at this point, we just discussed after he was done with grad school. Around March of this year he brought up not waiting so long to get married and it kind of went from there, we went ring shopping shortly after and then decided recently to go with a family ring that we will be resetting for now. Really once we decided on a time frame to get married (next summer) things started to move really quickly.

 

[CurlySue]

We had a lot of pre-marriage discussion discussions after 4 or 5 months, but they were very general (how do you feel about kids? how do you view your family''s role in a relationship? where do you see yourself living for the long-term, etc.).

Then, after about 8 months of dating, BF brought up the topic of me moving in with him once my lease ended. It was at that point that I told him I would not take that step unless I knew he and I were going to get engaged (either before the move or after). So... that''s what got the ball rolling. The nice thing about it was that we had this discussion WELL before my lease was ending (in fact, it hasn''t ended yet - I am moving in at the end of this month), so we had regular conversations about how we were feeling, whether we were still on the same page, what kind of timing (for the engagement) we both felt comfortable with, etc.

The ring talk did not happen until last week, actually! I have a RH sapphire ring that was given to me by my mother, and over dinner, I casually started telling him that I needed to get it resized. Somehow, this got us talking about RHRs in general. Next thing I know, he says, "Speaking of rings... maybe one you would wear on your *left* hand... what do you like?" So cute.

 

[sunnyd]

Fun topic!

The first marriage related talk was on my birthday (2 years ago tomorrow! Wow...). We''d been together only 5 months, and we were home, he was playing music that made him think of me. One song was by Coheed & Cambria - "The Suffering". The lyric goes "Listen well, will you marry me?" He pulled me into his lap and said, "I''m not asking, (as in proposing) but would you marry me?" I said yes!

Then the topic was essentially dropped until a couple of months later when he caught me looking at rings online!

I found PS in November, then we were engaged 13 months later.

 

[lilmissrugger]

Oooh, this is a fun topic! I remember my FF and I had been out on a pier and just talking one night for a date, and when we got back in the car, he looked at me and said "where have you been?" and I said, "hm?" and he said, "you''re such a little punk for making me wait so long to know you. But, now that I do, I can''t imagine life without you. You''re stuck with me, you know that?"

It was very sweet and silly, just like him

It''s really funny, because we met quite on accident in a snowball fight (after a bunch of crazy circumstances) where he did a double take, said hi, and then pelted me in the head with a snowball. Later on that night, I was sitting between him and another boy, who were both flirting with me, and I was kind of on the fence of who I thought was cuter and funnier, etc- then my FF went and got on a pair on nintendo pj pants and gave me some of his homemade mead, and I was sold. We started dating the next day and have been together since.

aw, i love him

 

[ckrickett]

I used to play WoW on a constant basis (raiding and the likes 5-8 hours a day at least) and he said that if I stopped playing he would propose (he brought it up first) well I did stop and now I''m waiting for the damn ring

 

[princesss]

Hmmm...I can''t even really remember.

We realized we were "The One" pretty early on, so we''ve been going on that assumption for almost 4 years now (of 4.5 together). I think we had a formal talk (with a timeframe and everything) maybe....2 years ago? July/August before senior year of college. He said that about 5 years from then he could see himself asking "a very important question." Which puts us at 3 years out. Eek! That seems soon...

 

[mizzo]

We''ve delicately danced around the topic for years with no actual plans or definite anything. Since we''ve been "lapped" lately by many other couples, I''ve gotten frustrated and done a lot of hint dropping, but there''s still no progress. So, I''ve moved on from that strategy and have a new plan: In a few months we''ll be wrapping up a big renovation project on our house and when talk begins about what the next project will be, I''m going to let him know that the next project will be engagement and marriage. He''s had sufficient time (and opportunities) to take the lead on this, but his time is up!

 

[Porridge]

One night we were out with friends, we'd had a really nice evening together before heading out and we had so much fun that night. That was the night he asked me to move in with me. Later when we were going to sleep he said we're going to get married aren't we and I said yup! We weren't together long at that stage so we held out for a few more months before the official engagement. He popped the question in much the same way as above - we'd had a wonderful evening together, and it just kinda came out! We picked out the ring together afterward.

ETA I almost forgot (we were a little, um, tipsy that night

) we had the great drunken idea of flying to Vegas then and there to get married. Looked up flights and everything, our friends were all for it and were going to come too. Then we all got sleepy

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 6/17/2009 2:15:30 PM
Author: ckrickett
I used to play WoW on a constant basis (raiding and the likes 5-8 hours a day at least) and he said that if I stopped playing he would propose (he brought it up first) well I did stop and now I''m waiting for the damn ring

rofl! a couple of my female friends gave said just about the same thing to their guys. now he didn''t say anything about not playing after you get married, right?

 

[packrat]

He kind of hemmed and hawed about it at first. I started printing pictures of rings off the internet and leaving them on his kitchen table. I''m all about the art of stealth and subtlety, you know.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/17/2009 7:41:59 PM
Author: Squirrly

Date: 6/17/2009 2:15:30 PM
Author: ckrickett
I used to play WoW on a constant basis (raiding and the likes 5-8 hours a day at least) and he said that if I stopped playing he would propose (he brought it up first) well I did stop and now I''m waiting for the damn ring

rofl! a couple of my female friends gave said just about the same thing to their guys. now he didn''t say anything about not playing after you get married, right?

nope... altho I''ll probably move onto another MMO, poor guy.

 

[Londongirl1]

The proposal was a TOTAL surprise & I never saw it coming

My then BF & I were dating for 3 months when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas . I told him that I'd quite like a necklace so Christmas eve came and he was dying to give me my gift but I said NO wait until Christmas day. Then at 1 minute past midnight he gives me this box (which I remember thinking was rather small to contain a necklace). When I opended the box, there was a 0.50ct promise ring. I was blown away because we hadn't been dating long but he said I was 'the one' and within a year later he bought me a gorgeous engagement ring.

I believe that when a man know's 'you're the one' he won't make excuses and keep you hanging

 

[suchende]

Date: 6/23/2009 3:24:54 PM
Author: Londongirl1
The proposal was a TOTAL surprise & I never saw it coming

My then BF & I were dating for 3 months when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas . I told him that I''d quite like a necklace so Christmas eve came and he was dying to give me my gift but I said NO wait until Christmas day. Then at 1 minute past midnight he gives me this box (which I remember thinking was rather small to contain a necklace). When I opended the box, there was a 0.50ct promise ring. I was blown away because we hadn''t been dating long but he said I was ''the one'' and within a year later he bought me a gorgeous engagement ring.

I believe that when a man know''s ''you''re the one'' he won''t make excuses and keep you hanging

They say women wait for "the one" and that men wait for the right time. I think that''s true, generally.

 

[suchende]

For the first time, he brought up rings last night!! I was so excited, but tried to play it cool. Unfortunately, it''s pretty clear he doesn''t have the slightest idea what he is doing, lol. He was talking about settings with side stones and was like, "those are probably REALLY expensive, right?"

 

[Bia]

We always envisioned getting married I think, because we''d often talk about ''our house,'' ''our kids,'' ''our this and that,'' but it took us a while to get there. We were very young when we met, went through some rough spots being the immature kids we were.

But then things started falling into place naturally. We were just happy and it was easy. He asked me to move in and I did. Then followed the ''I want to marry you'' conversation. We had a somewhat official discussion about it, and 8 months later he popped the question.

The ring talk, not so easy. He was very secretive and didn''t want me to have any part of it. I managed to slip some very useful information under his nose, and he did the rest!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 6/24/2009 9:55:23 AM
Author: Bia
We always envisioned getting married I think, because we''d often talk about ''our house,'' ''our kids,'' ''our this and that,'' but it took us a while to get there. We were very young when we met, went through some rough spots being the immature kids we were.


But then things started falling into place naturally. We were just happy and it was easy. He asked me to move in and I did. Then followed the ''I want to marry you'' conversation. We had a somewhat official discussion about it, and 8 months later he popped the question.


The ring talk, not so easy. He was very secretive and didn''t want me to have any part of it. I managed to slip some very useful information under his nose, and he did the rest!

Pretty much this, except for the middle part (he hasn''t asked yet). There isn''t much ring talk with us, because he wants to do it on his own, but the marriage conversations stemmed from mentions of future "our ____" and "our ____."

 

[Winks_Elf]

We talked about a courtship and marriage potential in March of 2007...we didn''t start dating until July of 2008!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

SUPER fun topic!

It happened a few times but the very first time was when some really horrible family issues arose and the media got involved. I made the comment that I wished I could just go down to the Probate Court and foresake my last name. FI turned to me and very matter of factly said, "You don't need to do that. Your name will change soon enough." Of course, he meant that statement in boy soon terms.

Second to that event, we had a very serious, very straightforward conversation about marriage when we began discussing purchasing our home together. There was nothing romantic about it but I knew where is heart was. Of course, as the weeks turned to months and the months to years - we wound up having to have The Talk which seems to be a chapter eliminated from most fairy tales

It took almost 3 years but we made it to the end and have been happily engaged for almost a year and I am happily wearing my dream ring with an amazing bonus RHR - patience pays off - it really does!

ETA - as for when the ring dicussion happened - I have my fellow PSers to thank for that. One trip to Boston and I found my dream setting, got the book with the photo of the setting and spent the rest of my days occasionally propping myself up in my favorite chair staring at the ring...adding a photo to my PC background...and my blackberry background...and telling all my awesome girls what I wanted...so he got the many many hints

 

[pannini]

Date: 6/24/2009 9:55:23 AM
Author: Bia
We always envisioned getting married I think, because we''d often talk about ''our house,'' ''our kids,'' ''our this and that,'' but it took us a while to get there. We were very young when we met, went through some rough spots being the immature kids we were.


But then things started falling into place naturally. We were just happy and it was easy. He asked me to move in and I did. Then followed the ''I want to marry you'' conversation. We had a somewhat official discussion about it, and 8 months later he popped the question.


The ring talk, not so easy. He was very secretive and didn''t want me to have any part of it. I managed to slip some very useful information under his nose, and he did the rest!

I loved this story. Makes me miss my bf right now (he''s in Ireland on business trip for 3 more weeks). We also envisioned our kids, our house, our this and that. We lived together for the past 4 years and we just realized we weren''t getting any younger, and why not? Bf has great job, we live a healthy happy relationship with healthy arguments, and we love both sides of our families. We want to create a family and we want to live a creative life. The next thing you know, we''re trying on rings for fun at mauls, and then we are researching details on diamonds.... next step... proposal (someday).

 

[jcarlylew]

fun!
I think it was the "where is our relationship going" but in a good way, talk. We had both decided on yes, we wanted marriage (with eachother! lol) but i don''t remember how the ring talk finally started. I know things went into play when i received my gma''s ring. And we went actual shopping on our two year anny (after a long fight too - swell!) and found the ring of OUR dreams.