He thinks I want the ring, not him!

[Rose_Dust]

So my BF thinks I only care about the ring and not about him becasue I am always on here looking up things and talking to him about what I read on PS. I know that this isn''t the case, that in fact I would take him anyday and every day without a ring but its just fun to be on PS and to see and talk about all things sparklie. What do I say to try to get him to understand that he is what matters, not a rock in some metal.

Have many of you been in a similar situation where your SO didn''t get your obsession (for lack of a better word) of PS??

 

[AnneTossy]

hmm. has he seen what''s on PS? Maybe he''s getting upset because he won''t be able to afford some of what is on PS? I have no idea if that is true or not, because I don''t know your situation...I''m just trying to think of possible reasons. Maybe he is feeling inferior?

To make him feel better I would probably stop bringing it up, and not logging on when he''s around. Maybe he''s feeling pressured?

 

[kateydid05]

Hi Rose_Dust,

My boyfriend has no idea this forum exists, let alone that I''m a member of it and on LIW, haha. But I know that he is clueless (and so am I still) about all things engagement ring related so I do a lot of research to help him (and learn myself) when it comes time for him to buy the ring. Personally, I like to look at the shiney things and get some sort of ideas and mainly I''m just curious!! Perhaps explain to him what you already just said that you "would take him anyday and every day without a ring but its just fun to be on PS and to see and talk about all things sparklie. What do I say to try to get him to understand that he is what matters, not a rock in some metal".

So far I''ve gauged that this place is not one of those sites where women complain about not being engaged, but rather, a social networking site with a lot of helpful information so perhaps clue him into that. It''s harmless! Obviously I haven''t been around long enough to know your back story, but have you guys talked about engagement at all or did this "obsession" just blind side him? But I would suggest just talking to him and explaining to him what you already said here

 

[Autumnovember]

Mine always jokes about how I just want the ring also because I''ve become so educated about diamonds through PS.

I just always reassure him that the ring is the added bonus to having him and I don''t even need a ring, it''s the commitment that I want most.

Just reassure him

 

[Rose_Dust]

Thanks for all your responses, I guess I''ll have to keep beating the dead horse in saying that I just want him, maybe he''ll get it some day.

Kateydid- Yes we have discussed marriage and engagement throughly, so he has not been blindsided by this whole thing.

 

[RaiKai]

From your previous posts, I noticed you have only been actually dating for about 9-10 months, and he has said before he has felt pressured to propose (to point he desired to do it any less) and it has caused some tension between you.

I think that he is trying to tell you right now he is still feeling this pressure. The pressure of not only you talking about rings and proposals, but of you speeding up things before perhaps HE is ready (even if he has not communicated it precisely this way). I imagine you are both young and maybe he himself is not sure yet how to express at this point what he is feeling. I am not at all saying he does NOT want to marry you, but I am saying he is sending a very clear signal here from my perspective that he is feeling that the relationship has taken on a tone that is not working for him and that he is worried about. I recognize you have said you have talked about marriage and engagement and all of this...but that does not mean he wants it to be talked about ALL the time.

My advice, is to stop talking to him on a daily basis all about the rings and things on PS - he "gets it" and stop talking about rings and proposals. If that means you need to take a break from PS, by all means do it. Start talking to him about HIM and about YOU. Enjoy your relationship. Enjoy each other. Learn more about each other. There is ALWAYS more to learn. It sounds like he is feeling it has become all about some future proposal, wedding, marriage, and the relationship itself is being lost in the rush to "get there". Honestly, I would rather be spending time with my husband learning about each other emotionally, mentally and so forth than talking about rings and other "things". We got engaged when we were both ready and it certainly did not require me bringing up engagement and weddings and marriage and rings on a daily basis. Sure we had talked about marriage - our views, values, expectations and so forth on it, just as we talk about everything, but it did not dominate our relationship or our conversations at all. I don't even think we had talked about it for months before he actually quite spontaneously asked me (and there was no ring involved!). Marriage will come when you are both READY, and that is not the same as you wanting it (or even him wanting it).

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 6/22/2010 10:21:12 AM
Author: Rose_Dust
Thanks for all your responses, I guess I'll have to keep beating the dead horse in saying that I just want him, maybe he'll get it some day.


Kateydid- Yes we have discussed marriage and engagement throughly, so he has not been blindsided by this whole thing.

You don't have to beat a dead horse by SAYING you just want him. You need to show him. Take the time for him. Take the time to learn more about HIM. Take the time to open yourself up so he can learn more about YOU as a person. Be vulnerable, open, and honest with each other as people. Talk about your fears, goals, dreams, insecurities - ask him about HIS too. Share a funny and embarrassing story about yourself. Ask each other questions - what did he like most and least about his childhood for example? What does he see himself doing in 5, 10, 15 years? Is he happy with his job? What does he like/dislike about it? What quirks about you drive him crazy at times? What traits does he like most about you? Where does he think you two can improve your relationship? What is his biggest disappointment and his greatest joy in life? Be open with him in return - share YOU with him!

And have fun doing things together. Dance in the living room. Go camping over a weekend and sit at the fire talking. Cook dinner together. Join him for a day where you guys enjoy one of his main interests. And do the same on another day where you participate in one of your interests (NOT PS'ing or ring shopping!). Try something new together - like a new hike, or a new restaurant, or heck, go paint pottery. Stuff like that.

 

[Rose_Dust]

Very good advice RaiKai, it brought tears to my eyes. I love him more than anything and want him to realize that.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 6/22/2010 11:54:35 AM
Author: RaiKai

Date: 6/22/2010 10:21:12 AM
Author: Rose_Dust
Thanks for all your responses, I guess I''ll have to keep beating the dead horse in saying that I just want him, maybe he''ll get it some day.


Kateydid- Yes we have discussed marriage and engagement throughly, so he has not been blindsided by this whole thing.

You don''t have to beat a dead horse by SAYING you just want him. You need to show him. Take the time for him. Take the time to learn more about HIM. Take the time to open yourself up so he can learn more about YOU as a person. Be vulnerable, open, and honest with each other as people. Talk about your fears, goals, dreams, insecurities - ask him about HIS too. Share a funny and embarrassing story about yourself. Ask each other questions - what did he like most and least about his childhood for example? What does he see himself doing in 5, 10, 15 years? Is he happy with his job? What does he like/dislike about it? What quirks about you drive him crazy at times? What traits does he like most about you? Where does he think you two can improve your relationship? What is his biggest disappointment and his greatest joy in life? Be open with him in return - share YOU with him!

And have fun doing things together. Dance in the living room. Go camping over a weekend and sit at the fire talking. Cook dinner together. Join him for a day where you guys enjoy one of his main interests. And do the same on another day where you participate in one of your interests (NOT PS''ing or ring shopping!). Try something new together - like a new hike, or a new restaurant, or heck, go paint pottery. Stuff like that.

RaiKai got it just right so I won''t type it out again.

Once you are engaged, you could have the same feelings from him towards the wedding. Get started doing stuff together now so that you can both enjoy the wedding planning, wedding, and go into marriage happy and confident together.

 

[beezygal]

Whenever I''m on here, my bf will tease me.. "talking to your friends again?"

I told him I''m happy I found this forum because I know my diamond has the best cut for a good price. I keep telling him about my standing on the LIW list.

 

[KatrinaLH]

I have been staring at the internet for the last three, no four days, looking at tiffany novos, have demanded this to be my engagement ring, (as and when he chooses to pop the question, for some reason he still wants to) and talking about how much the ''budget'' will be, and then pushing it and pushing it.

For some reason, he still loves me, and hasn''t made any (serious) comments, about my clear addiction to this website...yet

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/22/2010 5:28:55 PM
Author: KatrinaLH
I have been staring at the internet for the last three, no four days, looking at tiffany novos, have demanded this to be my engagement ring, (as and when he chooses to pop the question, for some reason he still wants to) and talking about how much the ''budget'' will be, and then pushing it and pushing it.

For some reason, he still loves me, and hasn''t made any (serious) comments, about my clear addiction to this website...yet

I don''t mean to lecture, but this is exactly the type of attitude that would make a boyfriend feel like you only care about the ring.

I hope that you have spent as much time discussing with your boyfriend the realities of marriage, and of spending your entire lives together.

Honestly, if I was being bugged by my husband for something constantly, I would be rrreally annoyed. So maybe the LIW''s should try to put themselves in their boyfriends shoes more often!

 

[KatrinaLH]

Date: 6/23/2010 10:17:44 AM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 6/22/2010 5:28:55 PM
Author: KatrinaLH
I have been staring at the internet for the last three, no four days, looking at tiffany novos, have demanded this to be my engagement ring, (as and when he chooses to pop the question, for some reason he still wants to) and talking about how much the ''budget'' will be, and then pushing it and pushing it.

For some reason, he still loves me, and hasn''t made any (serious) comments, about my clear addiction to this website...yet

I don''t mean to lecture, but this is exactly the type of attitude that would make a boyfriend feel like you only care about the ring.

I hope that you have spent as much time discussing with your boyfriend the realities of marriage, and of spending your entire lives together.

Honestly, if I was being bugged by my husband for something constantly, I would be rrreally annoyed. So maybe the LIW''s should try to put themselves in their boyfriends shoes more often!

My boyfriend does not feel like I only care about the ring. This is clearly what my comment states.

As with discussing the realities of marriage and spending our lives together, we are currently saving for our mortgage deposit, after which we will need to make a number of property decisions, which we are both totally aware of before considering an engagement. Its a shame I have to explain myself when only commenting that basically, my boyfriend is being wonderfull about the situation.

If you dont mean to lecture, then dont. This website is designed to help individuals share their pictures and opinions of engagement rings, to enable you to feel excited about your engagement, as and when it should be, and not for people to make you feel rubbish.

I apologise if my boyfriend''s supportivness of my search for the perfect ring offends you.

 

[Snow_Miser]

Rose_Dust, you and I could be twins. I absolutely love my boyfriend more than anything in this world. He is my best friend.

But... I love looking at all of the beautiful ring on here! I am anxious for our future engagement and am constantly telling him about diamonds I find that I like (I already have the setting picked out).

Unfortunately, I know we will not be engaged for several years, which is fine with me. We are 23 and just starting our careers. For now, I am trying not to bother him too much with diamonds and rings (although he absolutely gets annoyed at times, in which case I back off for a couple of hours

) and I am enjoying our life together as it is now. I don''t want to rush our engagement or marriage, because I know I will want to come back and relive this part of our lives if I do.

RaiKai absolutely said it best. Thank you, for encouraging and reminding us what is important in our lives... our significant others. The ring will be the cherry on top.

 

[merilenda]

Date: 6/23/2010 3:41:19 PM
Author: KatrinaLH

Date: 6/23/2010 10:17:44 AM

Author: lilyfoot

Date: 6/22/2010 5:28:55 PM

Author: KatrinaLH

I have been staring at the internet for the last three, no four days, looking at tiffany novos, have demanded this to be my engagement ring, (as and when he chooses to pop the question, for some reason he still wants to) and talking about how much the ''budget'' will be, and then pushing it and pushing it.


For some reason, he still loves me, and hasn''t made any (serious) comments, about my clear addiction to this website...yet

I don''t mean to lecture, but this is exactly the type of attitude that would make a boyfriend feel like you only care about the ring.


I hope that you have spent as much time discussing with your boyfriend the realities of marriage, and of spending your entire lives together.


Honestly, if I was being bugged by my husband for something constantly, I would be rrreally annoyed. So maybe the LIW''s should try to put themselves in their boyfriends shoes more often!

My boyfriend does not feel like I only care about the ring. This is clearly what my comment states.


As with discussing the realities of marriage and spending our lives together, we are currently saving for our mortgage deposit, after which we will need to make a number of property decisions, which we are both totally aware of before considering an engagement. Its a shame I have to explain myself when only commenting that basically, my boyfriend is being wonderfull about the situation.


If you dont mean to lecture, then dont. This website is designed to help individuals share their pictures and opinions of engagement rings, to enable you to feel excited about your engagement, as and when it should be, and not for people to make you feel rubbish.


I apologise if my boyfriend''s supportivness of my search for the perfect ring offends you.

I don''t think Lilyfoot is offended by your BF being supportive. There are just some red flags when someone says that they''ve "demanded" a ring and that they''re "pushing it and pushing it."

It''s great that you''ve discussed your future together and that you have a supportive SO. But I have to agree with Lilyfoot and say that you might want to back off a little. It doesn''t mean that you should be any less excited about getting engaged. But your language sounds pretty demanding and pushy (actually, those are basically your own words) and those qualities have a tendency to push away just about anyone.


As to the OP - I don''t think my FI minds that I''m on here, and he''ll joke like Beezy''s SO and ask "what are your friends saying today?" Occasionally, he''ll get confused as to why I''m still looking at rings on here, since I already have one. So I have to explain that they''re just fun to look at!

I generally just agree with RaiKai though. It''s definitely fun to sit on PS (and I do my fair share of that) but get out and do something fun with him! That can speak a lot louder than words, I think.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/23/2010 6:40:28 PM
Author: merilenda

Date: 6/23/2010 3:41:19 PM
Author: KatrinaLH

Date: 6/23/2010 10:17:44 AM

Author: lilyfoot

Date: 6/22/2010 5:28:55 PM

Author: KatrinaLH

I have been staring at the internet for the last three, no four days, looking at tiffany novos, have demanded this to be my engagement ring, (as and when he chooses to pop the question, for some reason he still wants to) and talking about how much the ''budget'' will be, and then pushing it and pushing it.


For some reason, he still loves me, and hasn''t made any (serious) comments, about my clear addiction to this website...yet

I don''t mean to lecture, but this is exactly the type of attitude that would make a boyfriend feel like you only care about the ring.


I hope that you have spent as much time discussing with your boyfriend the realities of marriage, and of spending your entire lives together.


Honestly, if I was being bugged by my husband for something constantly, I would be rrreally annoyed. So maybe the LIW''s should try to put themselves in their boyfriends shoes more often!

My boyfriend does not feel like I only care about the ring. This is clearly what my comment states.


As with discussing the realities of marriage and spending our lives together, we are currently saving for our mortgage deposit, after which we will need to make a number of property decisions, which we are both totally aware of before considering an engagement. Its a shame I have to explain myself when only commenting that basically, my boyfriend is being wonderfull about the situation.


If you dont mean to lecture, then dont. This website is designed to help individuals share their pictures and opinions of engagement rings, to enable you to feel excited about your engagement, as and when it should be, and not for people to make you feel rubbish.


I apologise if my boyfriend''s supportivness of my search for the perfect ring offends you.

I don''t think Lilyfoot is offended by your BF being supportive. There are just some red flags when someone says that they''ve ''demanded'' a ring and that they''re ''pushing it and pushing it.''

It''s great that you''ve discussed your future together and that you have a supportive SO. But I have to agree with Lilyfoot and say that you might want to back off a little. It doesn''t mean that you should be any less excited about getting engaged. But your language sounds pretty demanding and pushy (actually, those are basically your own words) and those qualities have a tendency to push away just about anyone.

Thank you, merilenda. For a second there, I thought I had entered some sort of Katrina-Twilight-zone where men actually want to be made "demands" of, and have their budget "pushed and pushed".

Katrina, I can''t even entertain the things you wrote in your last response, they''re that ridiculous. Good luck to you.

 

[nicoleben]

OMG yes ive been told the same thing!, the night we got into an argument over the engagement... Its about the ring isnt it?!? UGH.. i was like.. seriously? im female, ive dreamed of this since i was a little girl! grrrrrrrrrrr

 

[KatM]

deleted. sorry, confused two posters