Frustrated.

[princessv]

Ok, have to vent, thank you LIWs that understand me!

I am so frustrated at him right now. There are 3 deadlines (for us to get engaged) that he set within the past year and half that he has passed. This is now the 4th. I know he has the ring this time. I contributed significantly to my e-ring fund and by significantly I mean like 5/6 of it. I didn''t think that it would be a problem since the stupid hurricane wiped out alot of his e-ring fund, but now I''m starting to resent him a little. The reason is I feel like I''m the one thats pushing him along. I''m so frustrated because I''m thinking that "What if it doesn''t happen this time?" Will there always be an endless amount of deadlines?

Anyway so I basically told him how I felt and he got all irate and told me when he is going to do it (the week after Thanksgiving). So then I''m upset because 1) he told me by Thanksgiving 2) I specifically told him I would NOT be able to see him that weekend after since finals will be starting and 3) I didn''t want to know the exact date. It''s like he doesn''t listen to me at all! So then he starts blaming me for having ''ruined the surprise.'' Well then I said you could still surprise me by proposing earlier then the date. It''s like he has no concept of good surprises (proposing before the deadline he set) and bad surprises (meaning how angry I''d be if he passed yet ANOTHER deadline).

This is the way I''ve been feeling since the 4th deadline has come about I''m just frustrated and not even excited like I was the first few times.

Maybe you guys can get me back in the pre-engagement excitement mood.

 

[SoonIHope]

Oh, PrincessV I''m so sorry!!! That really is unfair of him to repeatedly miss the deadlines and then to take all the surprise out of it by telling you it''s AFTER yet another deadline, PLUS at a bad time for you PLUS you know exactly when it is!!! Maybe he really will try to surprise you by beating that deadline a little? But even if he doesn''t, there must be some reason he chose that week, so perhaps he has something planned out that has to wait until then? I''m really sorry though, it does sound like the excitement has really blown out of it by now... but don''t forget you WILL be engaged REALLY SOON!!! He actually has the ring and has picked a date, and you''re finally after all this waiting going to have that ring on your finger! And get to marry the man you love! So even though I compleeeetely understand how frustrated you are, just try to remember that even though it''s driving you crazy at the moment, the thing you''ve been waiting for all this time is finally going to happen! And I''m sure once you actually see him proposing to you all these negative feelings will go away because you''ll be so thrilled that it''s actually happening, so try to focus on that! You''re SO CLOSE!!!!! Congratulations!!!! You''re on the final leg!!!!

 

[fatafelice]

Oh, PrincessV, big {{{HUGS}}}!

I can definitely understand why you would feel so upset! And while I''m glad to hear that you have already addressed this with him, I don''t think his response was very fair. If you don''t mind my asking, how far apart have the other dealines been? Maybe he is like my SO and not very good at keeping track of the time?

I have been hesitant to even discuss deadlines, because I don''t know how I would react if one came and no proposal. Since he has already missed more than one and you have stayed with him, maybe he is not taking them very seriously...

Or maybe he has something big planned! And Albiocca is right, once it happens, you will forget what all this anxiety feels like!

Either way, since he already has the ring, hopefully it will be soon. Maybe you have gotten through to him and he will take some action. If not, I think two of you will need to have a serious talk.

More {{{HUGS}}}! Good Luck!

 

[anchor31]

Ack. It has happened a few times that I felt like my SO wasn''t listening to me, or that he had chosen to ignore what I had said because it simply didn''t suit him. I know it''s horribly frustrating. Fortunately, this seemed to have stopped happening; he probably realized we''d always end up arguing about it and that it made me unhappy.

As for the missed deadlines, I''d be very angry if my SO had done something like that. If you say you''re going to do something, then do it no matter what, so unless he was really having second thoughts about marrying me... Promises are a very sensitive thing for me. I''m sorry to hear about your situation and that he''s blaming you for spoiling the surprise.

I hope you and your SO can talk this out and that things will work out. If he has the ring, then don''t worry, it''s coming soon.

 

[allycat0303]

Princessv,

Hugs! I''m so sorry that you are feeling this way. Obviously, him telling you about the Thanksgiving thing was a bit....Grrrrr.... I can only assum that he was reacting emotionally (maybe feeling a bit of pressure). It sounds to me like an engagement is pending, you''ve taken all of the right steps to it. All I can say is vent with us, and not at hime

 

[princessv]

Thank you ladies for being so kind and understanding

I''m in a better mood now that I''ve calmed down a bit and read y''alls post (yes I''m from the South lol)

Well the deadlines were ones that he set. The first was to be engaged by December of last year. The thing is I never even brought up getting engaged, it was all his idea! (honestly I was happy with the way things were except he wanted me to move to him and live with him and I required a ring for that). Then that one passed although I''m NOT sure why and then he set the next one for April which passed (partially my fault for wanting to use my grandmother''s diamond) and then I moved to be with/live with him (which I didn''t want to do till we were engaged) and so he said by June/July...well apparently he had paid for two sidestones and a setting but the sketchy jeweler didn''t come through (the two .6 sidestones were graded by EGL which we didn''t trust and sent the diamonds off to GIA which came back several grades lower and the jeweler kept the money and waited 2 months after to return the money) The thing is he didn''t even tell me about all that until August. There I was patiently waiting, not even talking about rings or engagement, etc. It was hard for him to get in touch with the jeweler who avoided his calls since we were dealing with a B&M that my mom trusted 12 hours away.

Now we decided to pick something else and I''m just nervous something else will happen which seems like the trend.

Well hopefully all will go well and he will surprise me in the end

Maybe the 4th time is the charm? Even my mom when I told her what he said about getting engaged over Thanksgiving said "Well, we''ll see."

Sorry for my long posts!

 

[anchor31]

I too refuse to move in with my boyfriend before being engaged (ring or not, I just want a proposal and a wedding date) and I''m curious as to know why you moved in with him before the engagement in the end and how it makes you feel. I''d love to hear about your experience!!

I hope things will go well for you and your SO. Keep your fingers crossed and keep up posted!

 

[princessv]

LOL Oh my! You don''t want to get me started on that topic...I''ll PM you.

 

[anchor31]

Thanks!

 

[princessv]

Anchor31, I don''t know if any of my PMs went through, the stupid page keeps refreshing. I''m on a school computer.

 

[anchor31]

I got one, saying that if you put smilies in it wiped the rest...

 

[princessv]

Well I just replied this time I think it went through!

My hands hurt..haha

 

[MissAva]

Just out of curiousity what was the idea behind the deadlines? You say there have been three already, what happened with each one?

 

[nytemist]

I know I''m dealing with my own frustrations right now, but what is the deal with guys telling their SO''s a deadline of when it will happen and then don''t follow through? Why are they saying when it going to happen at all? It''s supposed to be a surprise!! Even the people who chose their ring are supposed to be surprised! I''m beginning to think men like the idea of ripping our hearts out with the teasing (oh come now... if you keep mentioning it, I''ll push the date baaaaack) What is the damn point????!?!!

If you love them, propose. If you need to do all this ridiculous back and forth, obviously the heart isn''t in it. That''s how it seems to me. If everyone who has been given these so-called ''deadlines'' has seen it come and go with nothing happening would say ''hey, you know what, you''ve played with my emotions enough, it''s not a game, I''m done with being jerked around. Guys would wake up real quick once they realize they don''t hold all the cards anymore and are on the verge of losing this person they love becasue they want to play games.

 

[princessv]

nytemist: I couldn''t agree with your post more! In fact I did say the hell with it after the third time especially when he moved away. Actually its a long story but it''ll answer Matatora''s question too.

When my SO and I began dating I had just moved to Michigan to start grad school. At this point we were dating for about 3-4 months. He lived in Louisiana at the time. Within a month of me being in Michigan I realized I hated it, being a warm weather loving southern gal. I knew I wanted to transfer out and I was willing to move down to Louisiana. At this point, it didn''t matter to me whether we were going to get engaged, I was willing to make that kind of move without a commitment and would still make the same decision with no proposal.

Then he said he wanted us to live together. I was VERY against this idea at first. I don''t believe in living together and not being married (or at least engaged to be married). Don''t get me wrong, I don''t mind if other people do it but for me it just felt wrong. I told him all this and said the ONLY way we would live together is if we were engaged. He was excited by this and said he was thinking about getting engaged as well. We had been dating about 6 months at this point. I said it didn''t matter to me when we got engaged as long as we were engaged before I moved in.

Ok more on this later the guy to fix my computer is here!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I can totally relate to your frustrating wait. I was given a deadline (which gave him a full year?!?) and honestly if he hadn''t proposed by then I probably would have moved out. I think it a control thing. If he has the ring, wants to marry you, what is the hold up? It is SOOO unfair for him to give you a date and not propose 3 times and THEN be angry when you try to talk to him! I would be furious. He clearly does not understand what an important moment this is for you. He is going over deadline, picking a weekend when you do not have time, and telling you the date when you said not to!

I am HOPING he is trying to throw you off and is planning to pop the question before then. I''ll keep my fingers crossed. **hugs** Just know once he does propose you will feel so great and all the stress of waiting will be over.

 

[princessv]

Ok sorry about ending that post earlier.

So basically my only stipulation about moving in was we were either getting engaged or I wasn''t moving in. I would have still moved but got my own place to stay. Then we started looking at rings and he set the first deadline as December (I''m not sure why that date but it just was) then April because I was going to move in in May. Well at this point, he had paid the jeweler in NC already for 2 1.2 ctw sidestones and a setting for a three stone to use my grandmother''s diamond and the sidestones were being sent off to the GIA to be graded so I was willing to wait. I got really frustrated in August (since he said we would be engaged at the end of summer for sure since theoretically he had the ring) when still no engagement ring and he finally told me what happened with the jeweler.

Then to top things all off, I got into school in New Orleans about 1 1/2 hours away and all of a sudden he tells me he is moving 12 hours away. He moved and I ended it. He ended up moving down to be with me after five days of being away. I was so resentful at this point. There was no discussion, I didn''t even have a say.

Then the hurricane came and we ended up having to relocate. I don''t resent him like I did before because this time he ended up moving for me. (He''s now at school about 1 hour away) By this point I was just sick of the whole engagement fiasco and didn''t plan on bringing it up for a long long time. He brought it up and said he really did want to get engaged and instead of having to worry about trying to find two sidestones to match and trusting a B&M jeweler 12 hours away, to try to pick out something online. So I started researching and fell in love with the Jubilee. In the end we did end up dealing with a really nice local jeweler who the cutter of the Jubilee in NY felt comfortable with dealing. So the ring supposedly should be ready this weekend. I just hope that nothing happens again.

Really there is no hurry for us to get engaged now considering I only have 1 more year of school left and he has 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 and we won''t be able to live together for awhile. But all that said, I really do hope it surprises me...I think I need to go look at theknot.com or something to get me back in the pre-engagement excitement mood.

Tacori e-ring I absolutely adore your ring!

 

[anchor31]

Do you have pics of the Jubilee? *is very curious*

 

[princessv]

No, but I know the one he picked hehe

It was one of two Jubilees I actually saw with my own two eyes. There was also a .8 D VS1 (?) I remember it was a D but don''t remember the clarity exactly and I could detect a slight color difference between the two but the H was more gorgeous and bigger! The jeweler even held the Jubilees under some cabinets with not much lighting and they just sparkled so much. I could go on and on about Jubilees now I''m an absolute fanatic.

Its a 1.05 H SI1 to be set in a WG trellis setting.

PS The jeweler absolutely LOVED the Jubilee (he carries many AGS0 type rounds) and he wants to carry the Jubilee which Cary Horowitz (one of the inventors of the Jubilee) is totally thrilled to have happen!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 11/14/2005 5:39:52 PM
Author: princessv
Tacori e-ring I absolutely adore your ring!

Awww...thank you. There are SO many beautiful rings on here that I feel like mine doesn't really stand out (like it does in real life b/c here in Charlotte, NC gemstones are not a popular mix in e-rings) After 6 months (I cannot believe its been 6 months already) I am still so in love with it

Anyways, back to you (it is your thread after all!) I know how frusterating it is. We dated over 4 years (and I have been out of school since 2002 so he could not use that as a reason to delay) and it was a long, horrible, taxing wait. I literally thought I was losing my mind! A marriage devil took over my body. I was not myself. BUTTTT....it WILL happen. I promise. But I do believe in communication and honestly and he should give you deadlines if he can not back them up. You need to let him know that this is not okay.

I remember being teased (saw the jewelers B. card, or he hinted at something) and got my hopes up several times and it didn't happen and that is crushing. Also know that there are plently of LIWs or graduates on here. None of my friends or family understood why I was so obsessed. I really wish I had found PS sooner! We are all here to listen.

 

[princessv]

Hey Tacori e-ring,
I have to say your ring does TOO stand out on here I absolute adore the touch of color on the sides its not like the sapphires over power your gorgeous diamond. (I also have to say I''m not a big fan of emerald cuts unless they are huge like yours hehe) Btw I''m from the Charlotte area too and I''ll be there for Christmas break!

Meanwhile I wanted to say thanks again to all you people on PS posting definitely has put me in a better mood overall.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Thank you again. I have been meaning to take better pictures. I cannot capture the fire in my EC. Anyways, I am SO glad you are feeling better. Most of us have been through or are going through what you are. It made me very nervous. The waiting is horrible. It sounds like you will get your diamond very, very soon! I''ll keep my fingers crossed! Are you from Charlotte (your parents live here)?

 

[princessv]

Blah. So I just got off the phone with SO and he says that he''s really frustrated because he just got off the phone with the jeweler who says that the setting probably won''t be in by this Tuesday (when the boyfriend is headed back to Charlotte with me) but that he''d try.

Stuff like this ALWAYS happens to me. I must have bad luck or something.

Tacori e-ring: My parents do live in Charlotte so thats why I spend all my breaks there and I think you need to take more pictures

hehe at least I can drool over other people''s jewelery on here!

 

[MissAva]

Oh Princess what a bummer. But perhaps he is being a sneaky boy and trying to throw you off track about the proposal?

 

[princessv]

Matatora thanks for the lovely thought!

But with everything that has gone wrong in the past...well I guess I''m a pessimist now...no worse. A cynic. Yes thats what I am

 

[snuga]

Date: 11/16/2005 7:56:57 PM
Author: princessv

well I guess I''m a pessimist now...no worse. A cynic. Yes thats what I am

Join the Club!! I''m the President, we meet every Wednesday at 7:30!

 

[princessv]

LOL I''ll be there kalispera!

On the other hand, I am resigning myself to definitely not getting engaged over Thanksgiving break.

Because the setting is taking so long I''m having the girl''s version of buyer''s remorse haha I want a halo darnit! Maybe I can change the setting in a few years

But I''ve never seen a Jubilee in a halo setting..I guess it might have to be custom made but then again isn''t the shape the same as some asschers? Any thoughts?

 

[omc]

While I see y''all''s point FOR SURE about being mad about having a deadline pass and how wrong it is to tell someone you are going to do something and then not follow through with it... I''d like to add another perspective.


Would you honestly feel comfortable not talking AT ALL about engagement and then one day BAM, ring down on one knee, your parents know I love you will you marry me... and before you say yes, think about lots of things... isn''t a marriage supposed to be about two people becoming one and making decisions together? If that is the case, then shouldn''t the decision about the timing of the engagement involve both parties? also, think about it from the POV if you''re the guy. Could you really buy a ring and make all these big plans without knowing she''d say yes? How else are they supposed to plan it all unless we sort of give them the "pre-yes". Sometimes, I think in the discussions of "I love you, you''re the one" boys and girls talk about their future, and guys lay something out there, and then all the sudden it becomes a promise to us, when really it was tentative and the point of the conversation was not to get a timeline as much as it was just to make sure we are heading in the same direction with our emotions. Of course the guy shouldn''t make promises without keeping them, and yes there are times when it really was a deadline (like I''ll move in with you if we get engaged within the year, and then oops no engagement, not cool) but other times, I think it''s jsut getting carried away in "pre-yes" conversations...