Can''t believe I am doing this again..

[bobbin]

Help me!!!

Since I removed myself from the LIW list earlier this year, I have been desperately trying not to think about getting engaged or getting my hopes up. We were going through a rough patch so it wasn''t that hard. But we have been going so well for a few months now and I can''t stop thinking about it again. To top it off, I know he has the ring!! And he is excited about getting engaged/married now. He tells me that he is just waiting for the right time to propose (he has it planned). All in all it feels different to how it did before.

However, I am really getting my hopes up for next weekend. We are going to Melbourne for the weekend. We are staying at a relatively nice hotel, and on the Saturday night we are going to a tramcar restaurant http://www.tramrestaurant.com.au/ for dinner, and then going to go see Wicked! It will be awesome. Then the following weekend it is my graduation party. So I keep thinking how awesome it would be for him to propose to me at dinner on Saturday, so that I can tell all of my friends and family at the graduation party the following weekend. It seems fitting - that we enter the new stage of our lives (post university) with a new status.

But my logical side tells me that it won''t happen next weekend. He has told me for a while that he has a particular time of year picked out to propose, and I can''t see this weekend being it, more likely my birthday or our anniversary. He doesn''t know that I would see this time as being significant. I can''t tell him either, because he wants to surprise me and he wouldn''t do it even if he had planned it if I let on that I even suspect it could be that weekend.

I am terrified that I will start to get resentful again if it doesn''t happen soon. I am back to wanting it sooo much, and if that happens over a prolonged period without me knowing when the proposal will be, my type A personality might take me back to where we were before. I need some help to put it all in perspective and keep my expectations in check.

 

[gwendolyn]

Hon, if you know he has the ring, do your best to RELAX (easier said than done, but you know he''s not just going to forget about the ring!).

Don''t try to build up expectations of what YOU think would be the ideal way/time/DATE to propose, because maybe he''s put considerable thought into how he''d going to do this, and you really don''t want to punish him by getting angry, resentful or disappointed because he didn''t read your mind and propose when YOU thought it''d be good. There is a LOT of pressure on a person to make the proposal PERFECT, so please please please give him the time and space to figure out what he thinks would be perfect for the two of you and let the man do his plan!

Just trust in him that, when he DOES do it, it will be wonderful and special and amazing. Because it will be.

 

[hughsie]

Good luck and stay calm! The way I''m dealing with this is realising that when it finally happens, I will really regret being impatient, resentful and difficult to live with (I''m not saying that you are like this at all, just that this is how I could find myself going if I let myself). If you are happy, try to just enjoy being happy

 

[misskitty]

Breathe

If he has the ring & knows how/when he''s going to do it, you know it''s going to happen! I''m sure it''s really suspenseful and frustrating, but isn''t it better to know that he has the ring and a plan than not knowing if he will ever ask? Just think of it this way: even if it doesn''t happen next weekend, there''s really only a finite span of time that you''ll have to wait -- after all, I bet he''s just as anxious about proposing as you are about him doing it!

(I''m not sure if that''s the perspective you''re looking for, but I feel like I''d rather be in the situation of him having a ring than not even thinking about it yet, you know?)


p.s. Your post makes me miss living in Melbourne. I''m not sure if that tram car restaurant was there when I was, but it sounds amazing!

 

[bobbin]

Thanks everyone

I know I need to relax and just enjoy it but as Gwendolyn said, it is easier said than done.

Yesterday he said that we should really take the camera along. I asked why and he said that he knew we would not be able to take pictures of the show but it would be nice to just document our trip. Perfectly understandable, right? But my brain went - "Maybe he wants the camera so we can take pictures when we get engaged?" Yeah right. I am such a logical and down to earth person normally, I don''t know why this makes me crazy.

 

[cindygenit]

I was exactly like you and I kinda gave him a push...(not recommended, it almost broke us... stupid Cindy)

The way I saw it, we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together, so why not get engaged now?? Turns out he had financial problems at the time... Oops!

Anyway, moral of the story is, know that your partner loves you and let him do his own thing

you will both be eternally happy when he pops the question I''m sure. In the meantime, focus on your relationship as it is today, and other things in your life!

 

[ringless]

Girl, I'm in the same prediciment as you are Hang in there. I know your time will come soon, and when the time is right!

cindygenit - Very good advice!