Can someone explain this to me b/c I don''t get it!

[I Like Diamonds]

So, BF and I get into this conversation a couple of nights ago that he wants me to be part of the decision making process for my ring b/c I''m the one that has to wear it. OK. Fine. This is despite the fact that we can''t come to an agreement. Fine. So, I find this setting on BN

It''s very simple...it looks like a regular setting but under the diamond there are 2 small diamonds in a bezel setting that are vertical. I''ll post the link later. I love it! So, I email it to him and he tells me he doesn''t like it. WTF!

Why bother asking me to take part in the decision making process if you don''t pay attention to what I like! GRRR.
Thank you for listening.
ILD

 

[jcarlylew82]

i went through that with my boyfriend as well. I LOOOVVEE halo setting, he can't stand it. and for awhile it was "i dont like it" but wouldnt explain why. Give it some time. The more he gets into the proccess the more he will be able to better explain why he might not like certain styles, without sounding so...blunt.
It took us a while to get to that point - I love antique/deco and he loves classic and modern. There were styles that he would like and i dont, and of course vise versa. By the time i could finally understand what he liked and what i liked, it actually opened up our options, instead of us being set on our individual one style. It took us nearly 6 months to agree on a ring - and we both LOOVVVEEE it!

Just tell him to use his words next time

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

My SO and I also agreed that I should be part of the ring process since I''ll be wearing it from the point of proposal on. We''ve looked and shopped, and out of all the rings I liked he probably said 20% of them were nice and loved 2 settings total.(one which we both love which is totally out of our price range) Some that I loved and knew I loved, we went to try on and he wasnt crazy about them. I''m still looking at one of those, but most I edited out later on for various reasons or in comparison with the ones Im still considering. I think it works because his opinion is helping me to refine what I want, plus my opinion is giving him an idea of what catches my eye. I told him that I dont want to know what hes going to pick or if he''s going custom because I still want that element of surprise.

There are sooo many settings out there and always the option of a custom setting which doesnt have to break the bank like you''d think. My advice is to keep looking and just save everything you like and go through them together and take out what he doesnt like. If its the case, fight for one or two you know you love that he''s not to crazy about. After he sees all the settings and you''ve seen tons of settings both your tastes be more selective and hopefully you''ll come to an agreement.

btw do you have a picture of the ring you mentioned? someone on PS may have it, then you can see how it looks in action.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 11/6/2008 6:44:31 AM
Author:I Like Diamonds
So, BF and I get into this conversation a couple of nights ago that he wants me to be part of the decision making process for my ring b/c I''m the one that has to wear it. OK. Fine. This is despite the fact that we can''t come to an agreement. Fine. So, I find this setting on BN

It''s very simple...it looks like a regular setting but under the diamond there are 2 small diamonds in a bezel setting that are vertical. I''ll post the link later. I love it! So, I email it to him and he tells me he doesn''t like it. WTF!

Why bother asking me to take part in the decision making process if you don''t pay attention to what I like! GRRR.

Thank you for listening.

ILD

Sounds to me like you want to do it on your own. Just because he does not like one of the settings does not mean that you don''t have any input or that he does not pay attention to what you like. Sorry - if you are going to do it together you will have to relax a bit about it and have an open mind as well (same for him of course). Look at the bright side: Some LIWs do not have ANY input whatsoever. So for you, it could be a lot worse. Try to enjoy the process and given the complexity, you may have to look at a lot more rings ... can that be so bad???

 

[EricaR]

Its not worth getting upset about, trust me. This is YOUR ring and honestly, it doesn''t matter if he hates it as long as you are happy.

I went through this same thing with my FI when we were picking out my ring. I''d send him four or five links to rings I was in love with and he''d just make a "meh" sound. I''d ask him to pick out rings he liked and two weeks later he hadn''t bothered looking yet. It doesn''t register very far up on the "list of things he cared about", if that makes sense. He realized that the ring is important and he wanted me to be happy but beyond that it didn''t matter much to him.

We''ve been engaged for nine months now and he finally said that my ring was growing on him. My only response to that was "good for you" - a long time ago I had stopped even worrying about what he thought in regards to the ring.

 

[neatfreak]

I think this is just a misunderstanding. When he said "part of the process" he meant that he wanted to choose it together. YOU meant that YOU wanted to choose it.

I would just talk to him and explain to him that it is something you will wear forever and unless he has moral objections to the setting you love, just consider it?

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/6/2008 10:15:25 AM
Author: neatfreak
I think this is just a misunderstanding. When he said ''part of the process'' he meant that he wanted to choose it together. YOU meant that YOU wanted to choose it.


I would just talk to him and explain to him that it is something you will wear forever and unless he has moral objections to the setting you love, just consider it?

ditto nf. D is so so fussy and was far fussier buying a ring than I was. We searched at least 60 jewellers in Ireland, France, Germany, Spain and the US and there was only one that we both loved which was the one I ended up with! D asked me to be involved too but as nf said, it''s to pick one that you both love. It will come, you''ll probably just have to search that little bit harder.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/6/2008 6:44:31 AM
Author:I Like Diamonds
So, BF and I get into this conversation a couple of nights ago that he wants me to be part of the decision making process for my ring b/c I''m the one that has to wear it. OK. Fine. This is despite the fact that we can''t come to an agreement. Fine. So, I find this setting on BN

It''s very simple...it looks like a regular setting but under the diamond there are 2 small diamonds in a bezel setting that are vertical. I''ll post the link later. I love it! So, I email it to him and he tells me he doesn''t like it. WTF!

Why bother asking me to take part in the decision making process if you don''t pay attention to what I like! GRRR.

Thank you for listening.

ILD

First of all, email has no tone, so although he may have been thinking something like, "meh, don''t really like it" you might have read it (in your surprise at him not going along with what your choice) in a more abrupt, clipped, maybe even slightly aggressive manner. I''d suggest that you have these discussions in person or over the phone from now on, in case part of the misunderstanding was a misinterpretation of tone.

Second of all, I agree with Rob that both of you need to be open to the other''s likes and dislikes. Maybe if you had asked him WHY he didn''t like this lovely setting you chose, he could''ve explained what stylistically about it and what he did. Maybe once you find out the most important factors, you can find a setting that blends those elements together to even further represent the merging of your two families.

 

[vita*dolce]

My boyfriend and I have had similar disagreements. he doesn''t like cushion cuts or step cuts an di love both!!! Eventually we found a couple of settings (for RB''s) we both agree on and i''m just waiting to see which he chooses!!! don''t worry, you''ll figure something out!

 

[sammyj]

Date: 11/6/2008 2:23:33 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 11/6/2008 6:44:31 AM
Author:I Like Diamonds
So, BF and I get into this conversation a couple of nights ago that he wants me to be part of the decision making process for my ring b/c I''m the one that has to wear it. OK. Fine. This is despite the fact that we can''t come to an agreement. Fine. So, I find this setting on BN

It''s very simple...it looks like a regular setting but under the diamond there are 2 small diamonds in a bezel setting that are vertical. I''ll post the link later. I love it! So, I email it to him and he tells me he doesn''t like it. WTF!

Why bother asking me to take part in the decision making process if you don''t pay attention to what I like! GRRR.

Thank you for listening.

ILD

First of all, email has no tone, so although he may have been thinking something like, ''meh, don''t really like it'' you might have read it (in your surprise at him not going along with what your choice) in a more abrupt, clipped, maybe even slightly aggressive manner. I''d suggest that you have these discussions in person or over the phone from now on, in case part of the misunderstanding was a misinterpretation of tone.

Second of all, I agree with Rob that both of you need to be open to the other''s likes and dislikes. Maybe if you had asked him WHY he didn''t like this lovely setting you chose, he could''ve explained what stylistically about it and what he did. Maybe once you find out the most important factors, you can find a setting that blends those elements together to even further represent the merging of your two families.

Ditto to everything gwen said...sometimes guys just can''t find the proper words to express what they really want to say...or they don''t realize that a response requires more than 2-3 words. I also agree that selecting you both need to communicate your likes and dislikes for your future ring. Maybe you can sit down and make a list or go through pics together??? Better yet, go to a jewelry store and try some on. I don''t think this has been said yet, but pictures of an engagement ring probably don''t mean much to men/boys. They just see a ring and they are not attached to it in any way. I am sure that if he saw your dream ring on your finger it may feel more real to him and he may be able to evoke a better response/reaction.

 

[I Like Diamonds]

Let me say that this has been an ongoing debate WAY BEFORE we even started looking for a ring...I like side stones...he doesn''t...I like this...He doesn''t....I like that...he doesn''t...I usually give into his thoughts b/c most of the time..he''s right...Recently we just had a conversation where I told him I was no longer going to be part of the planning process. I told him to surprise me b/c I felt like I was F-ing things up. He replied that the reason he asks is b/c he wants me to be part of the process...keep in mind this is the same boy that told me that if I wanted something I had to point it out...None of that "I really like this..." subtle hint thing.He said that the small little boy brain doesn''t pick up on hints and that I have to point to it and say "I want that!" Which I haven''t done in this case-and might have to resort to it.
OK I''m done venting. I know I''m going to end up with what he wants to get and that is fine. I figured that if I was going to be part of this that I''d get a small say....Just a little...guess not. Rant over.

 

[BlueSki231]

Why should it matter if he likes it - YOU''RE the one that''s going to be wearing it forever.

Tell him it''s TOO BAD he doesn''t like it!! haha!

If my guy picked out a wedding band for himself that I thought was hideous, but HE seemed to be really excited about it, I probably wouldn''t say anything and let him wear the ring he chooses.

But that''s just me...

 

[I Like Diamonds]

Date: 11/6/2008 6:17:43 PM
Author: Namaste
Why should it matter if he likes it - YOU''RE the one that''s going to be wearing it forever.


Tell him it''s TOO BAD he doesn''t like it!! haha!


If my guy picked out a wedding band for himself that I thought was hideous, but HE seemed to be really excited about it, I probably wouldn''t say anything and let him wear the ring he chooses.


But that''s just me...

Thank you. My point exactly. Now, if he would just see it my way

 

[gwendolyn]

Who''s paying? If it''s a gift, sorry, but the buck does officially end with him, literally and figuratively. But if you contribute, then it''s both of yours and your say should be more substantial. Of course, the idea of helping to pay for an engagement ring really turns some people off, but it *is* a way to choose more aspects of your ring. And if you like side stones (and he doesn''t) and he likes something else (and you don''t), combine the two likes! Maybe you''ll end up with something even better than you can imagine, that''s even more meaningful.

 

[I Like Diamonds]

Date: 11/7/2008 3:02:29 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Who''s paying? If it''s a gift, sorry, but the buck does officially end with him, literally and figuratively. But if you contribute, then it''s both of yours and your say should be more substantial. Of course, the idea of helping to pay for an engagement ring really turns some people off, but it *is* a way to choose more aspects of your ring. And if you like side stones (and he doesn''t) and he likes something else (and you don''t), combine the two likes! Maybe you''ll end up with something even better than you can imagine, that''s even more meaningful.

Technically, we are. The way BF explains it is that it is money that will be ours. If that makes much of any sense. I like your combined the 2 likes. I wish he would just pick one out...That way there is no reason to debate over it.

 

[i_heart_cushions]

Date: 11/6/2008 6:44:31 AM
Author:I Like Diamonds
So, BF and I get into this conversation a couple of nights ago that he wants me to be part of the decision making process for my ring b/c I''m the one that has to wear it. OK. Fine. This is despite the fact that we can''t come to an agreement. Fine. So, I find this setting on BN

It''s very simple...it looks like a regular setting but under the diamond there are 2 small diamonds in a bezel setting that are vertical. I''ll post the link later. I love it! So, I email it to him and he tells me he doesn''t like it. WTF!

Why bother asking me to take part in the decision making process if you don''t pay attention to what I like! GRRR.
Thank you for listening.
ILD

Sorry that you''re so frustrated...

But I just wanted to give you some hope with my story:

when I first showed my BF the rings that I liked (the Tiffany Novo) - he thought it looked weird. But after awhile, it grew on him and he agrees that it really is the nicest ring that I have tried on, and is on the same page as me as to that being the style of ring I am going to get.

I think that my BF had a certain type of style in mind that was opposite of what I liked (he always pictured a 3 stone princess) - so the novo was the completely different style of ring.

Maybe when it comes time for you to try on rings together, he can see your style you like and realize that it DOES look nice on you?

Give him some time...I''m sure you will both eventually agree on a ring you both love.

Good luck!

 

[gladyskristen]

Maybe what he wanted was to choose a ring design that BOTH OF YOU love? That's FF's opinion anyway. I suggest you go ring shopping with him so he can see how different rings look on your hand! Some guys are so bad with imagination, they can't think out of the 6-prong solitaire box!

 

[I Like Diamonds]

Date: 11/8/2008 11:29:41 PM
Author: gladyskristen
Maybe what he wanted was to choose a ring design that BOTH OF YOU love? That''s FF''s opinion anyway. I suggest you go ring shopping with him so he can see how different rings look on your hand! Some guys are so bad with imagination, they can''t think out of the 6-prong solitaire box!

the 6 prong solitaire box!!!

BF and I talked and he is afraid that the diamonds on the bottom won''t let enough light shine through...Leave it to my boy to want diamonds to be all shiny and sparkly.We are back to the original setting we chose from WF. I''m good with it. Thank you for listening to me vent about this!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 11/9/2008 8:54:22 AM
Author: I Like Diamonds

Date: 11/8/2008 11:29:41 PM

Author: gladyskristen

Maybe what he wanted was to choose a ring design that BOTH OF YOU love? That's FF's opinion anyway. I suggest you go ring shopping with him so he can see how different rings look on your hand! Some guys are so bad with imagination, they can't think out of the 6-prong solitaire box!

the 6 prong solitaire box!!!

BF and I talked and he is afraid that the diamonds on the bottom won't let enough light shine through...Leave it to my boy to want diamonds to be all shiny and sparkly.We are back to the original setting we chose from WF. I'm good with it. Thank you for listening to me vent about this!

Sounds like some of the problem is that he doesn't know enough about diamonds. A well-cut diamond will (or should) have excellent light return, which means that the setting it is in should have nothing to do with how much the diamond sparkles and returns light. Cut is the most important of the four C's, so invest in an ideal/excellent cut diamond and you will get a gorgeous sparkly stone, m'dear.

 

[I Like Diamonds]

Sounds like some of the problem is that he doesn''t know enough about diamonds. A well-cut diamond will (or should) have excellent light return, which means that the setting it is in should have nothing to do with how much the diamond sparkles and returns light. Cut is the most important of the four C''s, so invest in an ideal/excellent cut diamond and you will get a gorgeous sparkly stone, m''dear.

[/quote]


I figured as much...but I''m done fighting with him about it. the kicker is that he wants to get a H&A cut! I give up! Can I just have something shiney & sparkly on my finger now?

 

[MoonWater]

Hmm, well my husband and I picked out something we both approved of. I had a preference for cushions but he liked rounds. We both agreed on the setting (tho I'm the one that picked it out) and I got a round stone because he preferred it on me. I guess I didn't feel that strongly about it (though I still covet cushions) because I'm in love with my ring. I liked that it was a joint decision, makes it more sentimental for me. I think it would be cool if the two of you could agree on the same thing. Did you ever think of designing one together to be custom made?

Also, post a link of this ring, it sounds interesting.