Should children have a say in ending their own life?

[kenny]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-26181615

SNIP
Parliament in Belgium has passed a bill allowing euthanasia for terminally ill children without any age limit, by 86 votes to 44, with 12 abstentions.
When, as expected, the bill is signed by the king, Belgium will become the first country in the world to remove any age limit on the practice.
It may be requested by terminally ill children who are in great pain and also have parental consent.

Opponents argue children cannot make such a difficult decision.

It is twelve years since Belgium legalised euthanasia for adults.
END SNIP

What say you?
Should a child of any age have a say?
Or do they have to reach a certain age or maturity to really understand the finality what they are deciding?

 

[kenny]

I voted yes.
But I can totally understand if someone feels life itself, even one in excruciating pain with no hope for recovery, is inherently too precious to terminate.

The problem is do we get to extend that decision or take it away from:
1. Other adults
2. A child, ours or others

It was easy for me to vote yes on an Internet poll but if I was a legislator I'd really struggle with this one.

 

[ForteKitty]

We've been discussing this at home for the past week. I believe that terminally ill children are mature beyond their years because of what they've had to endure. They know about death, and they have likely lost friends to painful deaths. They're aware of what it means to be dead. If they are in pain and don't want to do it anymore, they should have the right to end their lives.

 

[missy]

We've been discussing this at home for the past week. I believe that terminally ill children are mature beyond their years because of what they've had to endure. They know about death, and they have likely lost friends to painful deaths. They're aware of what it means to be dead. If they are in pain and don't want to do it anymore, they should have the right to end their lives.

I agree. It is a terrible position for parent and child to be in but ultimately I feel the parent should respect their child's wish. Life just for the sake of life is not always worth living.

 

[ame]

We've been discussing this at home for the past week. I believe that terminally ill children are mature beyond their years because of what they've had to endure. They know about death, and they have likely lost friends to painful deaths. They're aware of what it means to be dead. If they are in pain and don't want to do it anymore, they should have the right to end their lives.

This. They're usually not as scared of it as their parents are, it usually is the parents that are more frightened and panicked than the kids.

 

[chrono]

I am another who agrees with FT. We cannot feel their pain and if the child who has been through too much says enough is enough, who am I to say no? Of course, I will do my best to talk it through first but I would respect their decision once I am convinced they fully understand what it means and how it affects others and themselves.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I could never take the life of my child who was sick. I would see that they were not in constant pain because there is medication for that, and I would do everything in my power to make them as comfortable as possible and surround them with love every waking moment. Young children most certainly do not comprehend death and could not possibly make that kind of decision. That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard. The old people there should be fearful because next they may decide that people over 75 are a burden to society and don't have a quality of life worth extending. Dangerous thinking, because once human life is devalued, you just don't know where it will lead.

 

[monarch64]

I voted yes. If my child was that ill and could convince ME that they were in enough pain to want to end their own life since it was going to end anyway, I would consent.

Legalizing euthanasia doesn't mean everyone's going to jump aboard the train and start killing themselves. It just means there is one less hurdle to deal with in getting the inevitable over with.

*edited for grammar

 

[marymm]

According to the newspaper article: "The law states a child would have to be terminally ill, face 'unbearable physical suffering' and make repeated requests to die - before euthanasia is considered. Parents, doctors and psychiatrists would have to agree before a decision is made."

Under these criterion, I am in favor of the legislation. It is a fact that not all pain can be managed or made bearable by medication.

 

[packrat]

The thought of one of my kids being terminally ill makes my stomach drop to my toes. The thought of losing one of my kids makes my heart hurt. The thought of watching one of my kids die slowly in front of my eyes and be powerless to "make it better" or to even do *anything* makes my mind hurt. I can't fathom it. I'd rather my child go peacefully, in my arms, knowing and feeling my love than to sit by the bedside for days/weeks waiting and wondering and trying to maintain my sanity, and keep some level of...what? Normalcy? Why prolong a life that is not going to allow itself to continue to be prolonged indefinitely? Why subject my baby to more "no hope"? My child would have to come first. If my child is in pain-and I don't mean just physical pain-we all know emotional/mental pain-that feeling of helplessness/hopelessness...If it came to that, and that was their decision, I would abide by it.

 

[purplesparklies]

I have always wondered why euthanasia is widely considered to be a gift when given to animals for whom we feel we can end their suffering but people are aghast and vehemently opposed to giving human beings that same gift. I do think all people should have the right to make that decision under the circumstances outlined. It is absolutely NOT possible to keep those who are suffering debilitating illnesses pain free and comfortable. If only it were. Having watched someone slowly lose their battle with a fatal disease, I know all too well how long and painful that process can be for the patient. This was someone who was fortunate enough to have top notch care and for whom expense was no consideration. It doesn't matter who you know or what you have when it comes right down to it. It meant nothing. It was brutal. It was heart wrenching. There was tremendous suffering.

 

[OreoRosies86]

If my child were to say "Mom, I can't take this pain anymore, it's time to go" I would absolutely have to respect their wishes despite holding out hope for a miracle.

How to Die in Oregon completely shifted my perspective on assisted suicide.

 

[yennyfire]

The thought of one of my kids being terminally ill makes my stomach drop to my toes. The thought of losing one of my kids makes my heart hurt. The thought of watching one of my kids die slowly in front of my eyes and be powerless to "make it better" or to even do *anything* makes my mind hurt. I can't fathom it. I'd rather my child go peacefully, in my arms, knowing and feeling my love than to sit by the bedside for days/weeks waiting and wondering and trying to maintain my sanity, and keep some level of...what? Normalcy? Why prolong a life that is not going to allow itself to continue to be prolonged indefinitely? Why subject my baby to more "no hope"? My child would have to come first. If my child is in pain-and I don't mean just physical pain-we all know emotional/mental pain-that feeling of helplessness/hopelessness...If it came to that, and that was their decision, I would abide by it.

This. Every.Last.Word.

 

[KaeKae]

I cannot take a side on this, just as I cannot imagine having to watch my child suffer so much.

 

[JewelFreak]

The wisdom & awareness of terminally ill children is astonishing. So is the pain & inconvenience they willingly -- even cheerfully -- suffer in order to get well. And in order not to cause grief to their parents. When a terminal child says it's time to quit, we can believe him. By the time they come to that point, I've had the feeling they are halfway into a next world anyway.

I volunteered at the Children's Cancer ward at Cornell Med. Center in NYC & saw strength & maturity in deathly ill kids that would put many an adult to shame. With the safeguards in the Belgian law, it sounds humane to me, leaving control -- either way -- to patient & parents.

Sometimes being alive is merely not being dead & an unbearable burden. I agree that children often seem more peaceful with the prospect than adults do.

--- Laurie

 

[aljdewey]

Yes, they absolutely should have a say.

 

[ForteKitty]

I could never take the life of my child who was sick. I would see that they were not in constant pain because there is medication for that, and I would do everything in my power to make them as comfortable as possible and surround them with love every waking moment. Young children most certainly do not comprehend death and could not possibly make that kind of decision. That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard. The old people there should be fearful because next they may decide that people over 75 are a burden to society and don't have a quality of life worth extending. Dangerous thinking, because once human life is devalued, you just don't know where it will lead.

This isn't about a society putting down people they deem unworthy. The legislation doesn't allow children to be "put down", as you imply. They are leaving the choice up to the individual and their family/physician. Also, pain medication doesn't always work. Many terminally ill people die painfully, despite being administered pain medication.

 

[Kaleigh]

I voted yes. They should be granted the ability to go in their way. Many are way beyond articulate in saying look... I know I am dying.. Please let me go in peace. MY family is suffering in each and every way.... I don't want to be poked and prodded... I cannot take the Chemo. I want to go in peace.....

 

[momhappy]

My children couldn't choose a healthy, well-balanced meal if left to their own devices, let alone something as important as whether or not to live or die….
For me, I don't have a yes or no answer, but I would not be opposed to it on a case-by-case basis.

 

[packrat]

I watched my uncle pass away from cancer..the family all sitting around, nothing really to talk about, he was in and out of awareness, and even tho there was a morphine pump for his pain, there was a safeguard on it. There were times... you know that feeling where you want to punch yourself, scream, cry, your hands sweat and you want to shove something in your brain to make you not see/remember what you're seeing? B/c it's so hard for your brain to comprehend? I felt like that. Dr's and nurses kept saying he wasn't in pain but the sounds and the facial expressions, I couldn't believe it. He wasn't sleeping peacefully, he was writhing and thrashing at times. If he'd been given the choice before he got to that point, I'm quite certain he would have wanted to go on his own terms.

I think that even as a child, when you are faced with adult situations, you should be allowed to make your own decisions about those situations. It's an early death, regardless. But the control over the child being able to live his life to the fullest has been taken away-let the child have *some* sort of control over the uncontrollable.

I'd rather my kids have a...I don't know, a celebration of their (short) lives, than it get to the point that the family feels that horrible relief when someone passes and you know they're finally at peace and are not suffering anymore. Something else I think about is if there is control over that time, there is control over who is surrounding the child, who is waiting to surround the family. There are people who pass away, and even tho there are plenty of family/friends there, they aren't there physically, maybe they stepped out for a breath, to get something to drink, whatever, and it happens, and that person dies alone. That would tear me apart.

I've been w/any pets that have had to be put down, and while it's a horrible feeling, it's also, to me, a blessing, to be there. One of our dogs died before we could get her to the vet---outside, alone, on the back porch, while I was in washing my face before bed. That hurts my heart in a way that stroking and kissing my Bella, makes me heart happy-sad, b/c I was there in those final moments.

And yes I get that kids aren't pets but how could I treat my kids any less compassionately?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I really cannot imagine the pain of being in that situation. But I will not play God and decide when it is time for someone to die.

My own father was in terrible shape with Alzheimers, and trust me, I prayed a LOT that he wouldn't have to linger much longer for his sake and for the sake of my mother. But I could not have killed my father.

 

[LLJsmom]

The wisdom & awareness of terminally ill children is astonishing. So is the pain & inconvenience they willingly -- even cheerfully -- suffer in order to get well. And in order not to cause grief to their parents. When a terminal child says it's time to quit, we can believe him. By the time they come to that point, I've had the feeling they are halfway into a next world anyway.

I volunteered at the Children's Cancer ward at Cornell Med. Center in NYC & saw strength & maturity in deathly ill kids that would put many an adult to shame. With the safeguards in the Belgian law, it sounds humane to me, leaving control -- either way -- to patient & parents.

Sometimes being alive is merely not being dead & an unbearable burden. I agree that children often seem more peaceful with the prospect than adults do.

--- Laurie

Wow, I cannot fathom this. I could not even begin to comprehend. Can't answer. Makes me feel sick to my stomach, either way. JewelFreak, you are strong...

 

[Begonia]

I could do it. I hope I never have to.

When my Mum was dying with stage 4 Lymphoma, it was our job (sister and I) to give her painkillers. At a certain point you have to give them more medication even though it may be several hours before you should (breakthrough pain). We were left with the vials. We understood we were left with the vials. Mum was in terrible pain. I whispered in her ear that the next dose might be too much, and to squeeze my hand if she understood. She squeezed.

I gave her the meds.

I would rock that child and hold on tight. The good Lord and I brought that child into the world and the good Lord and I would help them out.

It was my honor to help Mum die.

 

[AprilBaby]

Much easier to say you would do it than to actually have to do it.

 

[Kaleigh]

Much easier to say you would do it than to actually have to do it.

Disagree.
Been there...

I don't hold the market on loss.

I just ask that you respect responses..

I didn't respond to agree..

I shared what is my experience.

 

[TooPatient]

I said other.

If the safeguards are in place -- terminal (in near-ish term), great pain, dr agrees, parents agree -- then I think it could be a very kind thing. I would not be in favor of the child choosing to end their own life if parents were opposed as the parents may have insight into something the kid doesn't know about (like a new experimental treatment).

Children who are sick are so much more wise than even adults who haven't had certain experiences in life. All you have to do is talk to a kid suffering from a severe disease to know that is true.

I would HATE to ever see such a thing used as a way to get rid of a burden on the family. I can easily imagine a sick child not wanting his/her parents to go through the suffering of the different treatments and choosing to end their own life as a "kindness" to their family. If they could end their lives a year or two before the illness would kill them, they could potentially be choosing to die just before a successful cure is found simply to spare their family emotional & financial suffering.

I hope to never have to make such a decision. Ever. I can't imagine making a conscious decision to help someone end their life. Be that my DH or step-daughter or anyone.

That said, I have watched a loved one die a slow and miserable death. I've seen multiple family members deteriorate due to cancer and other diseases. I've been there in the final days when the doctors claimed they weren't in pain. It is horrible. They ARE in pain. It is one of the most painful things I've ever seen. It is not something you forget.
My grandparents watched one of their sons deteriorate and die a bloated, discolored, painful death. They would have done anything to help him end his pain.


To the posters who have been in situations with loved ones and had to make this decision -- Big hugs. You are strong women who did a very kind thing.


Sorry for the ramble!
I guess what it comes down to for me is that it would break my heart to be in the position to make a decision like this. But I also feel strongly that at some point there is no hope (as in death is a certainty within a short time) and all you can do is make the end as comfortable and dignified as you can manage. I wouldn't leave one of my cats or dogs suffering to die a fully natural death and I can't imagine leaving a human family member (even a child!) suffering either.

 

[JewelFreak]

I could do it. I hope I never have to.

When my Mum was dying with stage 4 Lymphoma, it was our job (sister and I) to give her painkillers. At a certain point you have to give them more medication even though it may be several hours before you should (breakthrough pain). We were left with the vials. We understood we were left with the vials. Mum was in terrible pain. I whispered in her ear that the next dose might be too much, and to squeeze my hand if she understood. She squeezed.

I gave her the meds.

I would rock that child and hold on tight. The good Lord and I brought that child into the world and the good Lord and I would help them out.

It was my honor to help Mum die.

Beautifully written & thought out, Begonia. I respect your wisdom. When my mother was dying of cancer we faced a similar decision. Her hospice nurse, when she gave us a quart bottle of morphine w/a dropper, said in fact, "We have to do things according to the law. You simply have to take care of your mother." We knew what she meant. Shortly before the end Mom kept sighing that she wished it were over & I asked if she wanted me to help her go. We had talked about it earlier. Yes, she said. As I picked up the bottle, she changed her mind, saying she was afraid my sister & I would "get in trouble." After a brief disjointed discussion she was adamant that she did not want "to get you girls in trouble," so she died the hard way -- her last gift to us.

I cannot describe my emotions at the moment I held that morphine, preparing to kill my mother. I admit to relief when she took the burden from me -- but out of vast love for her I would have done it if she'd wished, and would have regretted only that it had to happen at all.

I will never understand how, especially, those who believe firmly in an afterlife are equally firm about preventing others from going there when the only alternative is prolonged agony.

--- Laurie

 

[DNB]

I could never take the life of my child who was sick. I would see that they were not in constant pain because there is medication for that, and I would do everything in my power to make them as comfortable as possible and surround them with love every waking moment. Young children most certainly do not comprehend death and could not possibly make that kind of decision. That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard. The old people there should be fearful because next they may decide that people over 75 are a burden to society and don't have a quality of life worth extending. Dangerous thinking, because once human life is devalued, you just don't know where it will lead.

I agree 100% with you. It's heading down a scary and dangerous path. I was so appalled when I heard this. No child, no matter how "mature" people think they are understand the finality. Human life is already devalued enough.

 

[missy]

I could never take the life of my child who was sick. I would see that they were not in constant pain because there is medication for that, and I would do everything in my power to make them as comfortable as possible and surround them with love every waking moment. Young children most certainly do not comprehend death and could not possibly make that kind of decision. That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard. The old people there should be fearful because next they may decide that people over 75 are a burden to society and don't have a quality of life worth extending. Dangerous thinking, because once human life is devalued, you just don't know where it will lead.

I agree 100% with you. It's heading down a scary and dangerous path. I was so appalled when I heard this. No child, no matter how "mature" people think they are understand the finality. Human life is already devalued enough.

I think it is actually the opposite...allowing someone experiencing extreme pain and suffering who has a terminal illness to die with dignity and peace and surrounded by love is one of the biggest gifts we can give to someone and shows how much we value life.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I'm surprised people see this as disregard for human life.

To die in control and with dignity is one of the kindest things you can do for a person. Animals have shockingly sub par rights compared with humans, and we still prioritize their comfort and dignity in the final moments.

An end of life plan is not easy to carry out. Every effort must be exhausted to save the person's life. When those efforts have proved futile, it is only humane to let the patient take their leave with the minimal amount of suffering and fear they can.