Parenting Q's - vacationing without your kids

[momhappy]

Just out of curiosity, would you go on a month-long vacation without your children? I ask not because I'm contemplating it myself (I wouldn't leave my kids for a week, let alone a month), but I know someone who did this. I just wondered if it's something that others have done/would consider and why or why not? Thanks for your input

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Absolutely not. A month is too long to leave young children, in my opinion. When our 2 older kids were 10 and 13, we went to China for two weeks to adopt our youngest daughter, and they spent one week with my parents (it was their spring break) and the second week, my in-laws came up and kept them. I would not have asked that favor had it just been a vacation, but obviously it was necessary since we were adopting a child. Other than that, I may have left for 2-3 days for educational conferences once the youngest was school age and my husband stayed home with the kids.

I remember being 9 and at camp for two weeks and was very homesick. I never made my kids go to camp longer than a week because I remembered how that felt (and they never chose to go for more than one week). We always have taken family vacations. Our youngest will be going off to college in the fall, so now our trips alone can begin. Hopefully we'll have 15-20 years of good health to go wherever we want and stay however long we want. But our first priority when our kids were young was to be parents, and I would have felt that it was very selfish to have left my children for a month...I really cannot imagine that unless it was some critical situation like a parent dying or something. Not to mention we had no family nearby who could have come to keep them for that long.

 

[packrat]

No way Jose.

My mom went to Australia for 3 weeks when I was in 4th grade, my brother in 3rd. We stayed w/my grandparents. If I went on a vacation for that long, my kids would have to be older, like High School, and I'd still have an adult stay at the house. I've never been away from my kids for longer than a day, day and half.

 

[ringbling17]

Nope. I would never do this, definitely not for that long.

I am going away next month for 4 days with just my husband and I am already feeling really guilty about that. I was thinking about bringing my youngest with us but my husband said no.
It will be the first time in 17 years that we will be going away on vacation alone, so I am wondering if we will even know what to do with each other.

It will be like a first date, lol!!

 

[TooPatient]

Haven't since "A" has only been with us for 18 months, but would in a heartbeat if we had the ability to do so!

BUT:

Depends on kid's age and who they would be staying with (or who would be staying with them).
We would have done day trips & long weekends successfully first so it wouldn't be a huge shock.
We'd also do family trips so it wasn't just the parents traveling while the kid stayed home every time.
Not going with would be introduced as NOT a punishment so it was more like a grown-up reward rather than missing out.

I don't see any problem with older kids staying home for a week or two or even a month so long as it was done in a responsible (safe, kind, etc) way.

 

[partgypsy]

since kids arrived 11 years ago no couples trips, only a couple overnights alone (kids at grandparents) though I would take a long weekend trip no problems.
My parents traveled without me my sister and younger brother (in HS or JR high) for a 3 or 4 week trip in the summer; frankly I was jealous but was no problem otherwise.
I think it depends on age and number of kids, whether there are close family members who can take care of kids, etc, a lot of variables.

 

[braga123]

I am divorced, so I am blessed to always have my daughter's dad watch her when a destination isn't appropriate for my daughter (Vegas). Still, the longest I go on vacation without her is probably 4 days. What brings me the most joy in vacationing is the opportunity to share experiences with her, so I plan my vacations with that in mind. I do have friends who look forward to leaving their kids behind as they treat themselves. In their situations, I don't see how they don't feel guilty that they are splurging on themselves while their kids are stuck and miserable with their grandparents. Honestly, if I couldn't afford to travel with my children, I probably wouldn't. When I was married to my first husband, we were both 26 at the time and our daughter was 18 months, many of our friends discouraged us from taking her on a 3-week trip to Europe. We took her, and it was a lot of work, but well worth it.

 

[amc80]

A month is a bit long. I think two weeks would be my max. It would depend on the kids, though. My parents went to Hawaii for a few weeks when I was in high school. I stayed for friends for part of the time. My grandma game for the other part...but she got bored and went home early. So there were several nights where I was on my own. I was really responsible, though, and didn't even consider doing anything bad.

 

[makemepretty]

No. That's a long time for a child. Heck, who can even go on vacation for a month? Ha!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

No way!!! My kids are pre-teen and teen but still, even at their ages, I'd not leave them for that long nor would I burden a family member to care for my kids while I'm off traveling the world.

If I were to go on a long vacation, it'd only be after my kids were in college OR if I could take them with me.

 

[momhappy]

I guess for me, it wouldn't matter how old my kids were or who would watch them. Even if they were in HS and the grandparents watched them, I still wouldn't leave them for a month. I guess that I believe that it was my choice to have kids, so that means that I must sacrifice lengthy vacations until they are no longer under my direct care & supervision. I took lavish vacations before they were born, and I hope to when they are adults and out of the house, but for now, most of our vacations are family vacations.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I guess for me, it wouldn't matter how old my kids were or who would watch them. Even if they were in HS and the grandparents watched them, I still wouldn't leave them for a month. I guess that I believe that it was my choice to have kids, so that means that I must sacrifice lengthy vacations until they are no longer under my direct care & supervision. I took lavish vacations before they were born, and I hope to when they are adults and out of the house, but for now, most of our vacations are family vacations.

Yep! I agree. My kids do love spending time with their grandparents, but I feel guilt leaving the kids with them...We're going on vacation this summer for less than a week, but we only do a separate get-away once a year around our anniversary. All of our other vacations include the kids and we're planning to go to Hawaii and will go only with the kids, so this means waiting an extra year to go so all four of us can go and we don't have to be on a super tight budget.

My parents use to leave me all the time and now that I think back, I wonder what was going through their mind. They use to leave me at friends houses on holidays...like one year, they left me at a friend's while they went to the Bahamas and I had to spend Easter with the friend. I think that was asking a bit too much.

 

[justginger]

I don't have kids, so I'm not sure my opinion counts, lol.

A month is a long time for Americans to vacation. That's a treat of a holiday. I can't imagine leaving the kids behind for a special event like that. Annual leave down here is regularly 4-5 weeks, and I still think with it being a 'normal' holiday, that's a long time to be away.

2 weeks? Probably. Especially somewhere very expensive and/or inappropriate for children (like Antarctica). Other than that, no - I'd want to introduce my child/ren to the beauty of the world, as my parents did for me.

 

[tyty333]

Nope, no way. My DH and I went on a 5 day vacay when my kids were 3 and 5 and that was too much. My parents
watched them so I had no fear but I just felt bad and would not do it again until they are much older (HS maybe) and thats
probably only if they didnt want to go with me/us.

 

[anne_h]

Yes.

Although it's unlikely the people I'd trust would be available for that long and that I could get that much time off work all at once. lol

ETA: Just noticed OP asked for the reasons behind our reply. For me, I'm a big believer in parents still having a life, and to me that includes adult-only vacations. And I also believe it's healthy for kids to see and learn that too. A month is a bit on the long side, but if I really wanted to do it, and could swing it, I would. With the right family member, our kids would do great and I know they'd have a wonderful time.

Anne

 

[momhappy]

I don't have kids, so I'm not sure my opinion counts, lol.

A month is a long time for Americans to vacation. That's a treat of a holiday. I can't imagine leaving the kids behind for a special event like that. Annual leave down here is regularly 4-5 weeks, and I still think with it being a 'normal' holiday, that's a long time to be away.

2 weeks? Probably. Especially somewhere very expensive and/or inappropriate for children (like Antarctica). Other than that, no - I'd want to introduce my child/ren to the beauty of the world, as my parents did for me.

Of course your opinion counts

 

[woofmama]

My DH & I have taken two trips with-out the kids. Both were 5-6 days and the boys were safely with their grandparents who they share a very close relationship with. They had fun, we had fun No harm, no foul.
We have also taken trips together and my kids have never gone away to camp, but have taken 4-5 day camping trips with their friends families.
We are a very close family & I know they never felt resentful of our husband/wife trips, nor have we disapproved of their vacations with friends. My older son is now over 21 and the youngest is 15 so I anticipate a few more hubby & me only trips in the near future.

 

[momhappy]

Yes.

Although it's unlikely the people I'd trust would be available for that long and that I could get that much time off work all at once. lol

ETA: Just noticed OP asked for the reasons behind our reply. For me, I'm a big believer in parents still having a life, and to me that includes adult-only vacations. And I also believe it's healthy for kids to see and learn that too. A month is a bit on the long side, but if I really wanted to do it, and could swing it, I would. With the right family member, our kids would do great and I know they'd have a wonderful time.

Anne

I think that it's healthy for parents and their kids to be apart from time to time too. However, I do not feel that a month apart would fall into the range of what I would consider to be healthy. We have taken a couple of long weekends. I doubt we could get away for a week even if we wanted to because we don't have grandparents that could act as competent caretakers for any extended period of time.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Where I live young kids (as young as 8 years) go away to camp in summer for 1-8 weeks, so I don't think it's a big deal depending on the family. One of my coworkers sends her 2 kids, ages 6 and 11, to their grandparents for the whole summer across the country every year. All of their grandchildren go, about 10 of them, every summer. We;ll see how I feel when kids come into the picture.

 

[LLJsmom]

Yes.

Although it's unlikely the people I'd trust would be available for that long and that I could get that much time off work all at once. lol

ETA: Just noticed OP asked for the reasons behind our reply. For me, I'm a big believer in parents still having a life, and to me that includes adult-only vacations. And I also believe it's healthy for kids to see and learn that too. A month is a bit on the long side, but if I really wanted to do it, and could swing it, I would. With the right family member, our kids would do great and I know they'd have a wonderful time.

Anne

It depends on the family and what people we doing and who was watching the children. I think that in certain families and situations, this is fine. I have close family whose children went to boarding school starting in high school. The kids made the decision to go on their own. My family lives in CA so definitely not the norm (vs parts of England, Asia and the east coast). The parents had gone on longer vacations and no one was damaged. . The children and parents were fine. Nobody traumatized or neglected. Nobody being irresponsible or negligent. If an opportunity came up, maybe extended reunion or who know what and I really did not want to miss an opportunity, I would consider it. If my children were older and there was a camp of some sort that they really wanted to attend for a month, provided it was safe and worth their while I would let them go, absolutely. For example, if I could swing it financially and make it ok for my work place, I would consider doing bikram training, which is two months. I wish. And, my DH and I have been away for seven days. My kids were with the grandparents. I look back on that as one of the best vacations we've ever had. Yeah, if I had the opportunity. I would do it again.

 

[junebug17]

My kids are older now but no, I would never have considered going away on a month -long vacation without them. It's just too long and I wouldn't want to be separated from them for that long. I would have missed them too much! I also would not want to impose on someone to care for my children for that length of time.

 

[Laila619]

No way. The most I could do would probably be one night away from them.

But unfortunately, I don't have anyone I could 100% trust to watch my kids overnight and keep them safe (except DH, but I'm assuming he'd be with me).

 

[TooPatient]

Got a minute so thought I'd come back to add a bit more to my original thoughts.

I spent weeks at a time by myself all through high school as I watched my grandparents' house. It was an AMAZING way to learn to wash dishes regularly, keep up on my laundry, don't stay up all night, pay bills on time, etc.
After reading this thread earlier, I talked to DH about this and he absolutely agreed. He had weeks at a time alone and got to make minor mistakes then so he was prepared when he moved out.

My dad's parents would take care of us for 2+ weeks at a time in the summer. No big thing! I actually loved being there (usually).


That being said, it really depends on the individual kids and the circumstances. Having trusted neighbors or family to keep an eye on things even for older (maybe especially for older!) teenagers makes it a learning thing rather than chaos. If the kids are too young then it is probably too much. If it is presented as the parents having a great time and them having to "miss out" it is probably not so good.

Done right, I feel that it can be a really useful life lesson.


Of course we can't afford more than a night away once a year for our anniversary (plus our family camping trip) any time in the near future so this is all just a theoretical for us!

 

[mayerling]

No. Two weeks is max depending on the child's age, let's say high school. My son is 20 months and I wouldn't even go for a week. To be honest, I was mortified that the Cambridges left their 7-month-old for a week.

 

[recordaras]

I spent every summer starting from grade 4 with my grandparents, and those were some of the happiest memories of my childhood. So I definitely do not have any issues with being away from any hypothetical children for prolonged periods of time.

 

[yennyfire]

Nope. That's just too long to be away. I'd miss them terribly and the only people I'd trust would be my parents who don't even keep them overnight, so a month would never happen. Now, when they are older and both in camp for 2 weeks, (not the first year they go, but once I knew they loved it and were happy to be there), I can see taking a 2 week vacation knowing that my parents are close by in case of emergency and we can't get a flight home immediately....a girl can dream, can't she??

 

[missy]

I'm not a parent but no I would not spend a month away from my children if I was a parent. When we were young my parents never went away without us for more than a night (or two) and then my grandparents stayed with us and it was fun. But we always went with them for longer getaways and in fact traveled a lot and learned a lot from those experiences and it was bonding as a family. I still value those times with my parents and sister and I am so glad and feel fortunate that they always included us.

I understand the need to get away from your children once in a while as a couple. It is important to put yourselves first as a loving couple and make sure your relationship remains strong (that time is important too but a whole month seems extreme). That way your children can have a strong loving and supportive family. But of course it depends on the age of the kids. Once they are older (in college) all bets are off and I think it is A-OK then.

 

[momhappy]

I think that it's sort of odd to think that some folks consider it to be ok for older teens/HS kids to stay alone for extended periods of time. Sure, they are more independent & require less "hands-on" care, but their lives can be much more complex in many ways. There is NO WAY that I would allow a teen to spend weeks at a time alone. Is that even legal?

 

[missy]

I think that it's sort of odd to think that some folks consider it to be ok for older teens/HS kids to stay alone for extended periods of time. Sure, they are more independent & require less "hands-on" care, but their lives can be much more complex in many ways. There is NO WAY that I would allow a teen to spend weeks at a time alone. Is that even legal?

I think teens (in high school and younger) definitely need supervision. I don't know if it is legal or not but I would not leave a teenager alone for a month. Depending on the maturity level and common sense of the child in question though I guess but still.

 

[iluvshinythings]

I've never taken a vacation longer than a week so I don't know if I would even enjoy being away for a month.

When my daughter was still living at home, we left her with her grandparents a few times for a few days. She had fun, the grandparents loved it. No big deal. I think I would have missed her too much to be able to stand a month away from her though.

We never traveled when I was a child so I always made it a priority to travel with my daughter. I wanted her to experience things beyond her normal neighorhood and community. We have some great memories of road trips and cruises.