Husband hiding wife'' engagement ring

[CaptAubrey]

I''m sure many of you read Dear Abby and saw the rather odd letter this morning:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

DEAR ABBY: I was married a year ago. During our honeymoon, my husband started telling me I could not wear my wedding band and engagement ring together -- they were "too flashy," and he didn''t want people to think he had money. (My wedding band and engagement ring together are about 2 1/2 carats.) Being a brand-new bride, and excited about being able to wear both my rings, I refused his request.

Over the past year he has brought it up again often, saying I should wear only my wedding band. I love my rings and want to wear both. He selected my engagement ring himself, and we picked out my wedding band together, so I don''t understand why he didn''t buy me a smaller engagement ring or suggest that I get a simpler wedding band. I wouldn''t have cared if my rings were smaller, but now that I have them, I love wearing them, and I don''t want to stop.

I always take my rings off when I''m in the shower. Three weeks ago, while I was taking my shower, my husband took my engagement ring. Now he refuses to give it back to me. I have searched everywhere, but I have no idea where he put it. Every time I look at my hand and see my lonely wedding band, I wish I had my engagement ring. I miss wearing it, and I''m beginning to resent my husband over this.

Please tell me, Abby, am I being petty and materialistic, or does my husband have no right to keep the ring from me? -- RINGLESS IN INDIANA

This strikes me as pretty darned bizarre. The average 2.5 ct wedding set is going to cost around $20,000 these days (possibly a lot more), and no man spends that kind of money on an engagement ring so his wife can hide it away after they get married.

My guess is that, in fact, the stone is fake, and this guy is worried that the more she wears it, the greater the likelihood that someone will figure it out. Any other ideas?

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m thinkin'' diamonique!

There''s NO way a man would be concerned that he looks TOO good!

 

[ericad]

Sadly, I totally agree with you. It''s a fake and either he''s trying to prevent her from finding out indefinitely, or he plans on doing a switcheroo and needs the ring for a while in order to swap out the stone.

If it''s insured (which I would expect it to be) it''s also possible that he''s planning some kind of insurance fraud or that this has something to do with a financial issue since he specifically said he doesn''t want people to know he has money, but I hope that''s not the case

 

[VegasAngel]

OOooh yeah, something is definitely up. I mean just look at workinghardforsmallrewards who is upset his spouse doesnt/wont wear her rings to work. First thought is that it''s faux. Maybe he is uncomfortable with you must be loaded, made of money, where do you work that you can afford that, types of questions/comments?

 

[Anastasia]

When I read this letter to Dear Abby in the paper this morning, I knew it would show up on PS today!

I agree that it is probably fake. The other thought that I had was that he had financial problems and had already sold it.

Sounds like a pretty shaky marriage to me.

 

[CaptAubrey]

Date: 9/13/2007 1:46:50 PM
Author: ericad

If it''s insured (which I would expect it to be) it''s also possible that he''s planning some kind of insurance fraud or that this has something to do with a financial issue since he specifically said he doesn''t want people to know he has money, but I hope that''s not the case

That might be a possibility as well: that he overspent and now can''t pay the bill, so he''s going to pawn it and then file an insurance claim.

 

[Julianna]

If only Abby had come up with all the good answers you all did! At best, she was righteously indignant. She should subcontract all jewelry-related letter answers to PS.

 

[Pandora II]

What did Abby say???

I would go seriously nuts if someone ever did that to me - I think I''d disappear something vital like their mobile, or car-keys or laptop till I got it back. Then I''d be off to an apraiser PDQ.

 

[Julianna]

Eh, she said some stuff about maybe he owes people money and that''s why he doesn''t want her to look affluent. And that she should check up on their financial records. Which, yeah, she should''ve been doing in the first place. And to be suspicious. So I guess she got that part right, anyway.

 

[lyra]

Date: 9/13/2007 2:36:25 PM
Author: Pandora II
What did Abby say???

I would go seriously nuts if someone ever did that to me - I think I'd disappear something vital like their mobile, or car-keys or laptop till I got it back. Then I'd be off to an apraiser PDQ.

DEAR RINGLESS: Your husband had no right to take the ring. It was given to you with the promise of marriage, and you have kept your part of the bargain. Is he controlling? Does he owe people money? Could that be why he wants you to appear less affluent than you are? If he didn't want you to enjoy it, why would he buy it for you in the first place?

Your letter set off alarm bells. If you're smart, you'll start looking closely at all financial records. Something is up, and your husband is not being open about it. His behavior was reprehensible. If I were you, I'd be suspicious -- very suspicious.




[/b]

 

[surfgirl]

What a nut! I think someone from PS should send Abby a letter signed "from Price Scopers" and lay out all the possibilities: owes money and wants to pawn the ring; cant pay for the ering and has to give it back; it''s a fake. Sad. I feel badly for that poor woman.

 

[somethingshiny]

I thought of the insurance fraud too. Also, I wonder if this is an heirloom piece that he''s not supposed to have and he doesn''t want family seeing it. Or it may have been an ex''s stone/ring that he''s reusing and afraid someone''s going to point that out to her...

 

[iheartscience]

Wow, that was pretty nuts. I mean, who puts up with that kind of stuff? If my fiance or husband took MY e-ring from me and wouldn''t give it back, his butt would be out on the street. Seriously. It''s obvious he has some issues with money, maybe a drug habit or otherwise. Or it''s a fake. Or he''s just a controlling psycho. Either way, I wouldn''t just "resent" him-I''d dump him.

 

[wolftress]

What a bizarre story! I agree it was probably a fake or he has already pawned the ring for cash. Either way, she should be seriously considering her marriage to this man.

On a completely different but slightly related topic, I read a story once about a man who found out his fiancee was cheating on him. He snuck into her room while she was in the shower and took her engagement ring, then returned it to the store and got his money back ($50,000). He then confronted his fiancee and demanded she return the ring, but of course, she couldn''t find it. In the end, she had to withdraw all her savings and sell some of her belongings to pay him back. I don''t condone cheating at all, but in this case, I think she''s lucky she didn''t marry him.

 

[monarch64]

Well, I''m ever the optimist, so my first thought was that maybe he wants to upgrade her ring and "hid" it so he could take it to the jeweler and have it re-made? I guess that doesn''t fit with the rest of the story, but like I said before I''m a total optimist. Total bizarro-land, though, this story.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

Maybe the wife was showering before going in for Lasix eye surgery, and was on the verge of finding out her husband had given her THIS:

 

[InlovewithJHK]

Date: 9/14/2007 2:00:46 AM
Author: fleur-de-lis
Maybe the wife was showering before going in for Lasix eye surgery, and was on the verge of finding out her husband had given her THIS:

haha... i love that!

 

[treysar]

lol!

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

Date: 9/14/2007 12:36:21 AM
Author: monarch64
Well, I'm ever the optimist, so my first thought was that maybe he wants to upgrade her ring and 'hid' it so he could take it to the jeweler and have it re-made? I guess that doesn't fit with the rest of the story, but like I said before I'm a total optimist. Total bizarro-land, though, this story.

haha, I think we are alot alike monarch. that was my first thought too.

At least then he would have it off her hand and she would not be filing any reports with the police or anything. She would know where it was, and when she got it back upgraded she might be upset with him, but she would probably be pretty excited to.

The only problem is that he started saying it on the honeymoon.

So maybe he came into some money after his proposal? or maybe after his return policy was up he came here to pricescope and found out that his diamond sucked, and he has now, as they approach their 1 year anniversary (that sounds key to me) he has decided to finally take it back for the upgrade (wouldn't it be great if it turned out people on this site had given him some advice to change it out?


Or...well, one of the other ideas that have been suggested. Sounds like there might be a divorce brewing, but you would think that if he had planned to sell it and then get a divorce then it would have taken less than 3 weeks?

so what might take 3 weeks? Custom work! maybe? hopefully? I doubt we will ever know though.


Oh and however that was for the shout out, thanks

I did cause quite a scene here, but its awesome when i read my name. there was a recent thread in Rocky Talky where someone quoted me without citing the actual source, it was pretty fun to read!

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

And I have to say, if he did sell it and didn''t have the diamond pulled and replaced with a CZ he is a real fool. lol.

 

[Skippy123]

I thought he was in debt over his head (the auditor in me). Weird, oh well. I wish we could know what transpired in the end.

WHFSR, I like that you are a positive guy!!! Kudos!!!

 

[perry]

Actually, I think Abby''s adive has some real merrit.

My first thought was that he needed to sell the diamonds for something... (or had lost the ring in gambling).

Something is not right here; even if the dimonds are real and he is not selling them.


Perry

 

[MichelleCarmen]

How big would the eng. stone be? At least 1 - 1 1/2 carats. I wonder if the average woman checks to see if her stone is real?

FWIW, he''s for sure not upgrading the ring. He''s been complaining about it for an entire year, so if anything, he should be downgrading it to a smaller stone!

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

Date: 9/15/2007 12:50:58 PM
Author: MC
How big would the eng. stone be? At least 1 - 1 1/2 carats. I wonder if the average woman checks to see if her stone is real?

FWIW, he''s for sure not upgrading the ring. He''s been complaining about it for an entire year, so if anything, he should be downgrading it to a smaller stone!

He probably isn''t, but there is no way to be sure. If for some reason he wanted to do it right after the wedding but didn''t want her to have any part in paying or designing her Ering, and wasnt sure he really wanted to do it at that point then he could well have been making some feeble attempts to get it off her hand. Tried a few times throughout the year--and frankly just 1 time in 2 or 3 months would probably be enough to leave a pretty clear impression in a wife''s mind. And now he has finally made the commitment to upgrade or change it somewhat and has taken extreme measures.

Anyway, I tried to convince myself that was it, but I think the most likely situation is:

He is an ass.

Overbearing, possessive, oppressive, self-centered freak of a guy. He has probably gotten pissed off that she isn''t listening to his advice/commands and decided to take action on his own if she is too stupid to listen to him and his infinite wisdom--though obviously we cant really even begin to guess why he feels that way, could be anything from a mistress getting jealous, to friends commenting on how she always wears it, to his own personal beliefs about a woman dressing humbly. Some people, particularly those from other cultures, feel very differently about wearing fancy expensive jewelery on a daily basis.

I think him just being a jerk and demanding he gets his own way is much more likely than him gambling it or selling it off. The fact that she is excusing him and asking "maybe its ok for him to hide my rings from me?" is indicating that she is used to him doing whatever he wants whenever he wants it and just accepting it you know? The very fact that she had to ask is demonstrating what there relationship must be like.

So while I would like to think something positive, or come up with a story about gambling or debt or something like that, and while it could be any of those things, I really believe it is most likely just a regular well-off idiotic self-centered jerk we are talking about who has decided to force his demands and philosophies on his property of a wife.

 

[ice_princess]

Yup, my first thought was FAKE! What guy would care if people think he''s loaded, in my experience they actually prefer it...

 

[gwendolyn]

My theory is that the husband is a paranoid schizophrenic who believes he''s got mob entanglements!

 

[pearcrazy]

I think it''s a fake.

That reminds me of a story. Years ago, I used to work on Thursdays for a dentist who was a real jerk. His wife was his receptionist. She was nice and friendly and was one reason I could stand to work for the jerk-- his staff was great. The wife had married Jerk when he was just a poor dental student. He hadn''t had any money for an engagement ring at the time, so she wore a plain gold band. She also worked full time while he was in school to help support him and helped him pay for school. Fast forward 25 years. They now had two grown children and his practice was thriving. She drew no salary as his receptionist, a position she had held for many years. Their anniversary fell near Christmas so she requested that as an anniversary and Christmas present, he buy her the engagement ring she''d always wanted. He resisted at first and tried to make her feel guilty about what he viewed as an extravagant request. When Christmas came, there was a box from a well known local high-end jeweler under the tree, and inside was a lovely two carat round solitaire in a tiffany setting. The wife was thrilled and proudly showed off the ring to her friends and family.

After the holidays, she took the ring to the jewelry store on the box to be appraised since jerky dentist claimed it came with no paperwork. She felt humiliated when the jeweler informed her that the ring was a CZ and didn''t come from his store. She was furious. Even more so when jerky dentist didn''t understand why she was so mad. They divorced a few years later when Jerk retired, sold his practice and decided that she no longer excited him. He left her for another woman.

I think the ring in the Dear Abby story is a fake too and I think the writer is in for a rocky marriage.

 

[lumpkin]

Date: 9/16/2007 5:50:02 PM
Author: pearcrazy
I think it''s a fake.

That reminds me of a story. Years ago, I used to work on Thursdays for a dentist who was a real jerk. His wife was his receptionist. She was nice and friendly and was one reason I could stand to work for the jerk-- his staff was great. The wife had married Jerk when he was just a poor dental student. He hadn''t had any money for an engagement ring at the time, so she wore a plain gold band. She also worked full time while he was in school to help support him and helped him pay for school. Fast forward 25 years. They now had two grown children and his practice was thriving. She drew no salary as his receptionist, a position she had held for many years. Their anniversary fell near Christmas so she requested that as an anniversary and Christmas present, he buy her the engagement ring she''d always wanted. He resisted at first and tried to make her feel guilty about what he viewed as an extravagant request. When Christmas came, there was a box from a well known local high-end jeweler under the tree, and inside was a lovely two carat round solitaire in a tiffany setting. The wife was thrilled and proudly showed off the ring to her friends and family.

After the holidays, she took the ring to the jewelry store on the box to be appraised since jerky dentist claimed it came with no paperwork. She felt humiliated when the jeweler informed her that the ring was a CZ and didn''t come from his store. She was furious. Even more so when jerky dentist didn''t understand why she was so mad. They divorced a few years later when Jerk retired, sold his practice and decided that she no longer excited him. He left her for another woman.

I think the ring in the Dear Abby story is a fake too and I think the writer is in for a rocky marriage.

Holy CRAP! Why do people stay with spouses like that???? I have always wondered.

Pearcrazy, your post got me thinking. Maybe he''s just plain stingy and a tight wad. Maybe he doesn''t want anyone to know how much he spent on his wife''s ring because he''s embarrassed to have spent the money on her. There are people who can easily pay cash for expensive things, but they simply can''t bring themselves to do it. Maybe he got a very bad case of buyer''s remorse, and seeing it reminded him of how much money it cost. At any rate, she''s in for a ride. I think she should get out before they have kids and she gives him her youth.