How can I help my best friend quit smoking?

[Indylady]

She wants to quit. She has an e-cigarette, and likes it. The gum gives her heartburn, and she doesn't like some other inhaler type device. She does well cutting back, but gets back into it when something stressful hits. I want to be supportive in any way possible, and to help throw around some ideas with her.

Has anyone quit? How did you do you do it? Do you have advice?

Thanks in advance!

 

[marymm]

When I quit, I used the nicotine patch for a couple of weeks right after I stopped smoking, gradually using it less and less.

I also changed up my pattern a bit - I used to walk outside and smoke (ha, it sounds strange when I type it out) so walking without smoking felt really wrong right after I quit - I kept my hands busy with those little nerfy-strength balls so I wouldn't miss smoking so much.

When I got stressed, I'd use my music/earphones as my release, instead of reaching for a smoke.

To change a habit takes about 6 weeks - if she can set up some alternatives in advance and have the control to use them instead of smoking during that month-and-a-half, then she likely will be successful.

Being a good friend and a sounding board is helpful, but quitting smoking can only be done if the person is set on quitting - lots of people think they want to quit and plan to quit and wish they could quit, yet fail to commit themselves. And for some people, it takes several tries before they are able to quit the habit for good.

 

[kenny]

You can't.

It's up to her alone to break one of the strongest addictions on the planet.

 

[packrat]

Agree w/Kenny. It's hard and it sucks but it's something she has to do on her own. I would maybe just not talk about it-let her know you support her and let that be the end of it. Sometimes even the simple "Are you still having cravings?" "How's the not smoking going?" was enough for me to be like ohh crap, here I've not even thought about a damn cigarette in 12 hours, and now it's in my head and I realize how much I miss it.

I chewed on pens a lot. Lots of Altoids. Gum. Exercise. Anything to stay busy and not think about it.

My parents are using the e-cigs. Dad walks around looking like he's toking off a bong or a peace pipe or something. He seems to *want* to quit tho, and mom doesn't really, so I dunno how it's going to go.

 

[Circe]

Sooooooooooo ... TMI Background Paragraph Ahoy!

I got caught smoking by my mom at 12. She took all my books away for three months. In a shopping cart. (I had a lot of books. Don't judge.) I didn't smoke again for ten years, by which time you'd think I would have been smart enough to know better. I wasn't. Decade late, first year of grad school, I was homesick: my dad chainsmoked, and I bought his brand to burn like incense. Well, that and I was in a seven person program and the other six smoked, and it was smoke or choke. A year later, my Ph.D. program, likewise - the one time I tried to quit, my roommate, aka The Smoking Fairy, left a CARTON on my desk. She claimed she'd forgotten she'd bought it for me on her last flight in.

At any rate, for a smart girl, it took me a surprisingly long time to quit: I promised cake tomorrow and cake yesterday, but never ever cake today; there was always some deadline stressing me out that prevented me from quitting. And then I read an article about e-cigs, and angels sang hosannas, and I finally QUIT, until I had a bad stress thing. When I started up again, and then really easily quit again with the e-cig. Only, that time, not even bothering to taper down, just switching back from normal cigarette to placebo. Since then, I'm another one of these on-again-off-again-gone-again-Finnegan smokers, which, back when I was smoking a pack a day, was completely incomprehensible to me. Then, I thought either one was addicted, or not: now, I see it as a dreadful habit it's possible to indulge in occasionally. Like drinking. Except you get less booze through ambient existence.

My advice? Honestly, is to do nothing, and be supportive of the e-cig, nicotine gum, etc. ... but more than that, of how she relates to her addiction. I got serious about kicking mine six months before I knew I wanted to start trying for a kid. But prior to that? Without a concrete goal, while I vaguely knew I *should* quit, there was jack anybody could do (though quite a lot people could do to make me feel patronized). It really is a hugely individual decision. For what it's worth, though, as an ex-smoker, I can tell you there's a big difference, for better and worse. On the one hand, I was MORTIFIED to realize how bad I smelled, how much my walls were marked up, etc. On the other hand ... oh my goodness, I miss smoking if only for what it did to my sense of smell. People talk about the dulled olfactory sense like it's a bad thing. BULL. It is a stinky, stinky world we live in. All the Guerlain in the world doesn't make up for seatmates with BO, nasty street trash, or funky neighbors. Can I get a sense-of-smell-ectomy to go with my e-cig, please???

P.S. - Wellbutrin. It really does kill the effect cigarettes have on the brain, and that's collective wisdom in action right there ....

 

[JewelFreak]

Wellbutrin is often recommended as if you could take it like aspirin or antibiotic. Yes, worth trying, but it can have some nasty side effects. Not for everyone by any means.

Like any addiction, the victim has to want change more than anything else. You can be there -- for instance, at the other end of the phone to give her strength if she calls when she has a bad craving. Otherwise, it's up to her. You can't get over an addiction (you never get rid of it; you just learn to live without the activity) for anyone else -- it has to be because YOU want it; the determination must come from inside, or it doesn't work.

--- Laurie

 

[missy]

I'm not a smoker but whenever I needed to break a nasty habit I find that going cold turkey is the method that works best for me. I am not sure about nicotine withdrawal symptoms and if an e-cigarette could help with that since she cannot do the gum but if she could just stop smoking real cigarettes completely all at once perhaps that would give her the freedom she wants from smoking and allow her to finally quit completely. I know it's very tough to just quit something completely right away but I always found that was the best way for me to quit a habit. Just do it immediately-ofc she has to take withdrawal symptoms into account but if she can find another way to do this without gradually quitting smoking cigarettes that might work best.

Good luck to her and kudos to you for being such a supportive friend. And anytime she has a big craving where she feels she might falter have her call you and you can talk her through it. Never underestimate the support of a loved one(s) IMO. Sure she has to want to quit but having support is a good thing and just might be the impetus she needs to finally break the habit.

 

[momhappy]

No advice on how to quit, but just wanted to give you kudos for being such a supportive friend. I just watched my father-in-law die from lung cancer. He lasted less than 6 months from diagnosis to death. His last few months of life were spent struggling to breathe and basically unable to function in any capacity at all. I have smoked briefly in my life (mostly socially) and now I can't imagine why on Earth I did that after watching my FIL die from it. I wish your friend the best of luck on kicking such a horrible habit!!!

 

[Indylady]

Marymm,Kenny, Packrat, Circe, Jewelfreak, Missy and Momhappy, thank you all so, so much for your responses.

First of all--I understand that its up to her. I don't want or intend to be pushy, and we're close enough that she'll be the first to say, "you're not helping!" if I'm not helping. But, basically, I want a way to be there for her, encourage her to quit, without her feeling pressured and like she would have to hide it from me if she could not quit.

Marymm, I think you really have a great idea about working out, or doing another activity. Whenever I work out, I end up eating healthier, because it seems like a shame to waste a hard workout with french fries. Conversely, when I don't work out, I feel a lot more free to pig out Getting involved with another activity, one that smoking takes away from, is a great idea. Also, I didn't know that it takes about 6 weeks to change a habit. Maybe, in the same 6 weeks, I can kick a habit of mine.

Kenny, I know. If there's anything I can do though, I'll certainly try.

Packrat, I'll keep that in mind, not to mention it when its not necessary. I certainly don't want to feel like I'm hounding her, or to remind her of smoking. Altoids and gum are a great idea. Hahahahahahaha you are too hilarious about your parents and the e-cig! When we're out, sometimes another friend will look at her e-cig and say, "No, I want a real cig..what's the point of that anyway?" Its so annoying, and sort of heartbreaking for me because I know how hard it is and how hard she's trying.

Circe, thank you for your story! I always love to hear them. She's in a similar place to where you were--in graduate school, with a lot of smokers and situational smokers around. Certainly, there is almost always someone to join her when she's smoking. Your comment about getting booze though ambient existence cracked me up! When she's trying to quit and she's caught by the smell of cigarettes, it definitely, definitely makes her do a double take, if not run to the store right away. The e-cig has been helping her a ton, but, she slows down and then ramps up a couple weeks later. When she's stressed, or after a couple nights of partying, or after she looses the e-cig in her room--she's back to smoking.

--I have to run and catch an appointment, but I'll get back to you all as soon as I can get back online! Thank you so, so much for your help.

 

[junebug17]

My sister struggled with quiting for years (no exaggeration) - she was able to cut down a lot but just couldn't totally quit. She credits Chantix with finally helping her kick the habit completely. I know nothing about it, I'm sure it's not for everyone, but just wanted to mention it as a possible option.

 

[Kelinas]

Cold turkey is the best method imo, and I quit on VDay 2011


I agree with the other posters and that all you can do is support her and be there for her . this is on her.

 

[kenny]

I just wonder where the line is between support and pressuring.
Clearly the line is in the head of the smoker, and the 'supporter' can't read minds.

I suspect some smokers see ANY input from others to stop smoking as counterproductive (even thought the giver may see their effort as support) and may cause anxiety which may result in more smoking, or closet smoking.

Personally I'd limit my 'support' to responding to their statements such as, "Kenny, I haven't touched a cigarette in a month." with something brief and low-key like, "Congratulations, that's great."
I'd leave it at that.
I wouldn't bake them a cake, buy them a gift, or throw them an office party or make a big deal about it, because then if they fall off the wagon it's a bigger embarrassment for them.
Now they've not only let down themselves, they've let down Kenny and the whole office.

An addiction is a very private and personal thing to struggle with.
IMO only a therapist or other pro whom the smoker seeks out should get personally involved with this.

 

[packrat]

Gotta agree w/Kenny again. I quit (for good, not the other 57 times) August 2000, and I didn't tell anyone but my parents and JD that time. Answering questions over and over, talking about it, rehashing it, nodding and trying to laugh it off when it's pointed out over and over that I'd tried many many times before and I kept smoking so why did I think it would be any different this time? JD actually was a smart ass about it a couple times, and I'd tell him if I "cheated" and took a couple drags-he'd get all growly about it and it ticked me off-I could've just kept quiet about it but I was holding myself accountable, so I finally just told him to stuff it.