Does your spouse go to the doctor often?

[fieryred33143]

This past weekend I went to my friend's gtg. Her friend was there with her son. The friend's husband was not there. I was a little surprised not to see him being that he is a very close to my friend's DH.

Later in the evening while I was helping my friend wash dishes, I asked why he wasn't there. She told me that he passed away in May

Apparently he had not been feeling well for about a year but refused to go to the doctor. He finally went in April after multiple evenings of feeling very, very sick. They discovered he had cancer and it was too late for treatment. He passed away a month later. I do not have all of the details and would never ask for them. Their son is very young, I believe he is 4 or 5. He was also very young, only 44.

Besides feeling heartbroken for their family, it made me really angry. My dad did the same thing-sick for years, went to the doctor at the last minute, discovered he had cancer, and passed away 3 years later. I don't understand how anyone who has loved ones could NOT go to the doctor to make sure they are in good health. And I don't just mean men that have children. Losing a spouse is devastating. Why would anyone want to put their spouse through that just because they are too stubborn to go to the doctor?

I'm struggling with this with FI now as well. His family has a laundry list of health problems. I have been with him for almost 9 years now and he has only been to the doctor ONE TIME. I keep reminding him that he's at that age where he really needs to do certain checks to make sure he's free from any diseases. If not for me and if not for him then at least for our daughter

It just makes me very angry

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Oh Fiery that's so sad

DH is very much this way. He has to be on death's door before he goes to the doc and always ends up with a lecture on waiting. Last time he went he found out he had a bad case of pnemonia and bronchitis. This was after being sick for weeks. He finally went to the doc when he just plain couldn't function anymore. He has a strong history of cancer and heart disease in his family, and is very fair skinned with lots of moles. All of these concern me and I could easily see him in a situation like the one you described. But you can only do so much...

Honestly though, I'm sort of the same way. I know what symptoms are usually present when there's a bacterial infection vs a viral so if I suspect it's a virus I won't bother going unless I have a secondary symptom like bronchitis that I know can actually be treated quickly and effectively. I'm sure once LO is here DH and I will be more vigilant where this is concerned because, 1. we'll be exposed to more bugs through LO and 2. we wouldn't want LO to get sick from us and 3. we need to be healthy to care for LO.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

My husband is hypochondrical, so he goes to the doctor often. Still, I'd rather him be hypochondriacal than never go.

I only go to the docotor when it is absolutely necessary, which really frustrates my husband.

ETA: Fiery, I'm so, so sorry about your friend's husband. Stories like this make me realize I should go more often.

 

[fieryred33143]

HH-I do the same. I think a lot of people wait until the last minute to see a doctor, especially if they can treat the symptoms with some OTC medication. But annual physicals are so important. Going in once a year for 1 hour won't take much time out of your life and you can just get everything checked out.

FI's only reason for not going is that he's afraid they'll find something. I understand this fear. No one wants to be living life happily and then go to the doctor only to discover you will need a lifetime of treatment and medication. I just wish I knew how to convince him to go. His mom has diabetes as does 5 (yes 5!) of his family members. I fear he may have diabetes as well but just doesn't know because he won't get checked.

 

[E B]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's husband, fiery. How sad.

My husband would never go to the doctor if I didn't make his appointments for him, but he's very rarely sick. We've been together for 7 years and I think I've seen him catch a cold maybe twice.

He's good about going once I schedule them, though. I have to schedule his dentist appointments too Whatever gets him to go, I'll do.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yea re: the annual physical. For me, I never miss them. I have a history of bad paps and have had surgery on my cervix due to hpv. I HAVE to have my annual exam.

 

[tyty333]

Very sad .

My DH rarely gets sick but does go when he doesnt feel good after about 3 days. He loves to exercise and work in the yard and
it would drive him nuts not to feel well enough to do that. I think a lot of people dont go because they think it may be bad news
(which in this case it was). I'm so sorry to hear it. 44 is way to young.

Me...I try to go every Oct for my annual physical/pap/mamo. Oct is a fun month for me !

 

[soocool]

My mother ignored all her symptoms and when my sister and I noticed that she was losing weight , getting paler, and lacking energy we urged her to go to the doctor. We reminded her to get her mammogram every year and she just lied to us and my dad about going. When she got very sick and my dad drove her to the hospital despite her protests it was too late. She had cancer and by that time it had spread all over her body. She died just a few weeks later.

If I had ignored my symptoms of lightheadedness and being out of breath earlier this year, I would not be here today. I think that was the real wake up call to my DH. He realizes that it is not a sign of weakness to go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure everything is ok.

 

[E B]

FI's only reason for not going is that he's afraid they'll find something. I understand this fear. No one wants to be living life happily and then go to the doctor only to discover you will need a lifetime of treatment and medication. I just wish I knew how to convince him to go. His mom has diabetes as does 5 (yes 5!) of his family members. I fear he may have diabetes as well but just doesn't know because he won't get checked.

You've likely already tried this, but I'd just stress that it's something EVERYONE should do once a year and schedule the appointment for him. What helped me was to find a doctor we could both go to and then schedule consecutive appointments. Maybe it'd make him feel better to know you're going the same day?

 

[Dancing Fire]

FI's only reason for not going is that he's afraid they'll find something. I understand this fear. No one wants to be living life happily and then go to the doctor only to discover you will need a lifetime of treatment and medication. I just wish I knew how to convince him to go. His mom has diabetes as does 5 (yes 5!) of his family members. I fear he may have diabetes as well but just doesn't know because he won't get checked.

me too. i know they'll find something wrong me and then tell me to stop eatting "junk foods"

 

[fieryred33143]

My mother ignored all her symptoms and when my sister and I noticed that she was losing weight , getting paler, and lacking energy we urged her to go to the doctor. We reminded her to get her mammogram every year and she just lied to us and my dad about going. When she got very sick and my dad drove her to the hospital despite her protests it was too late. She had cancer and by that time it had spread all over her body. She died just a few weeks later.

If I had ignored my symptoms of lightheadedness and being out of breath earlier this year, I would not be here today. I think that was the real wake up call to my DH. He realizes that it is not a sign of weakness to go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure everything is ok.

I'm so sorry you went through this soocool And I hope the subject didn't bring up any hurt feelings

 

[soocool]

My mother ignored all her symptoms and when my sister and I noticed that she was losing weight , getting paler, and lacking energy we urged her to go to the doctor. We reminded her to get her mammogram every year and she just lied to us and my dad about going. When she got very sick and my dad drove her to the hospital despite her protests it was too late. She had cancer and by that time it had spread all over her body. She died just a few weeks later.

If I had ignored my symptoms of lightheadedness and being out of breath earlier this year, I would not be here today. I think that was the real wake up call to my DH. He realizes that it is not a sign of weakness to go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure everything is ok.

I'm so sorry you went through this soocool And I hope the subject didn't bring up any hurt feelings

For a while my sister and I felt that we were at fault because we should have taken her to the doctor. We blamed our father for ignoring what was going on with mom (my dad is the greatest dad in the world). We just blamed ourselves and felt guilty. But then we realized that it was mom. That is the kind of person she was. She never bothered anyone when she did not feel well. She thought that if God had given her cancer that perhaps it was her time. Mom was deeply religious and philosophical. She said that you cannot hold on to everything forever. You have to know when to let go and to never take anything for granted. In those few short weeks she had left she said she never regretted anything she had ever done and was absolutely happy with the life that she lived. I miss my mom!

 

[dragonfly411]

I have struggled with this with SO often. His father passed away last fall. He had been feeling ill for a while, and had had some respiratory problems, but only went to a doctor once. He passed from heart failure, but we often wonder if he had been at full health/strength if he could have been saved. SO doesn't like the doctors. He inherits it from his dad. He will avoid going at all costs. He honestly has to be chronically sick for over two weeks, or bleeding profusely. It is the bane of my existence I swear.

 

[charbie]

My husband is hypochondrical, so he goes to the doctor often. Still, I'd rather him be hypochondriacal than never go.

I only go to the docotor when it is absolutely necessary, which really frustrates my husband.

ETA: Fiery, I'm so, so sorry about your friend's husband. Stories like this make me realize I should go more often.

This is my husband, too!
fiery: also sad to hear about your friend husband.

I'm also one who fears having something terrible happen, but I'm also a major hypochondriac myself. I work in a nursing home, so am aware of early detection so id always rather be safe than sorry.
DH I swear always is at the doctors. He goes for everything. Currently its back pain. Before that it was because he felt like he peed too often. Before that it was bc he has a deviated septum. I much prefer that he gets his ailments taken care of and keeps on track with all preventative measures. Men in his family have all died in 60's or 70's, so I hope him caring for his body means he will live long and prosper

 

[katamari]

I've heard this (men seeking healthcare later and less often) is a major contributing factor to women outliving men.

My DH only goes to the doctor when he is hurt. It is much harder to get him to go when he is sick. He does, thankfully, get physicals.

 

[jaysonsmom]

My husband is better than I am when it come to getting annual physical checkups. His family has a long list of healthy issues that he wants to monitor. Most of his family passed away in before they reached their 60's (which to me seems really really young given the lifespan these days).

I only go for my woman's wellness check each year. I've never had bloodwork done to check for lipid panel/blood sugar/liver function etc. I guess I haven't felt anything that would prompt me to get those things checked. If something felt "off" I'd probably do it.

 

[Callisto]

SO and I are usually pretty good about going to the doctor, but neither of us get sick very often. I'm really good about going to the gyno annually but really need to get better about getting an annual physical. I think part of the hard part for me is that I don't have a relationship with any doctors here in my new area. I'd have to just pick a doctor out of a hat basically to go to which makes me anxious. I should really ask around for recommendations and go get a physical. I have some extra flex-spending money anyways...

K, I'm gonna get an annual physical within the next month. Just gonna suck it up and do it. Maybe I'll make SO come with me too like suggested above.

Also jaysonsmom- I had my bloodwork checked last year and I'm really glad I did. It wasn't very expensive and it was comforting to hear it was all good. Plus they told me I could wait a few years to check it again, especially due to my age. I had been putting it off for no particular reason but it was nice to get a clean bill of health from them.

 

[rosetta]

Yes men are notoriously poor at seeking medical advice. A source of never-ending frustration for me.

 

[random_thought]

DH and I both only go to the doctors when necessary as we are still in the waiting period for health insurance. And even then we only go if we feel VERY ill. We can't justify spending the money that we could use to pay off debts on something that might just go away on its own...obviously if we broke an arm or something we would go in; but not for just feeling ill.

 

[Bliss]

Thankfully DH is a hypochondriac and is always getting checked out for any little thing. He urges me to do the same and I do. My big thing is dental care because of its significant link to heart disease. My father passed early because he didn't take good care of himself. He left us a pile of money and stuff, but in the end... none of that ever mattered. We wanted HIM, not all the material things he worked himself to death over from stress and poor diet.

I feel strongly that once you are married, you have a duty to take care of your health. People depend on you and need you to be around, especially kids. My duty as a parent is to maintain good health so I can be around for their lives, milestones and as support. It's so awful when you lose a parent...why bring kids into the world if you're going to leave them early due to poor choices in life? It's not up to us when we go, but if we have the opportunity - we should be good stewards of the body we're given. We only have one shot at it, after all.

 

[packrat]

JD and I had discussions b/c he would flat out refuse to go-once when we dated the first time around he was so sick he was hallucinating. I don't have the patience for it. Once we started talking about marriage and kids, I made it clear I felt it was selfish and we would be taking a nice life insurance policy out on him. I made smart ass comments that if he refused to listen to me and ended up in the hospital he would have to get a 2nd job to pay for his medical treatments that would be waaaay more expensive than just a $20 copay, and he'd be sitting in the hospital all by his lonesome b/c I'd be busy working and taking care of the house and kids all by myself to visit. And I'd ask what he thought I should tell our future kids about why daddy wasn't around anymore to play with them and do things with them. I'm mean, I freely admit it.

 

[Alienor]

Hubby doesn't go to the doctor unless I make the appointments for him. If I make it, he will gladly go. Maybe he just like being babied.

Me, on the other hand was raised in Europe, so we believe in being preventive rather than curative. So I am very consistent in getting yearly check ups and if something doesn't go away after a month or two, then I go see a specialist.

 

[fieryred33143]

Thankfully DH is a hypochondriac and is always getting checked out for any little thing. He urges me to do the same and I do. My big thing is dental care because of its significant link to heart disease. My father passed early because he didn't take good care of himself. He left us a pile of money and stuff, but in the end... none of that ever mattered. We wanted HIM, not all the material things he worked himself to death over from stress and poor diet.

I feel strongly that once you are married, you have a duty to take care of your health. People depend on you and need you to be around, especially kids. My duty as a parent is to maintain good health so I can be around for their lives, milestones and as support. It's so awful when you lose a parent...why bring kids into the world if you're going to leave them early due to poor choices in life? It's not up to us when we go, but if we have the opportunity - we should be good stewards of the body we're given. We only have one shot at it, after all.

Totally agree Bliss.

 

[boredstiff]

Thanks for this reminder. I just scheduled a physical after reading this thread. (I'm a guy)

 

[zoebartlett]

That's horrible Fiery.

My husband rarely goes to the doctor. Luckily, he's not one to get sick that much. I wish he went for check ups on a more regular basis, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can suggest it but it's up to him to make the appointment.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

My FI has horrible allergies.

It took me over a year to get him to see a primary care doctor. I even told him what medicines to get, and gave him a sample of saline wash. He used the meds and saline spray for a month and stopped.

It took me another year to finally get him to an allergist. The allergist gave him all the same medications and the sample of the saline wash. He comes home, puts the sample next to the one I have him, shakes his head and says. "I just paid $500 for the same advise you gave me for free."

I am still trying to get him to see a dermatologist to look at the hundreds of moles he has. I got him to go once and the dermatologist stressed to him that he has to come back every 6 months. He has not been back in 2 years. That really annoys me because melanoma is not something you play with. He promises he will go after he gets on my insurance. We will see.

 

[elrohwen]

DH gets physicals more often than I do (I generally go once every 3 years, he goes once a year like clockwork). I go to the doctor far more often for recurring problems (allergies and sinuses) but he gets more concerned with little issues and tempted to see the doctor for every little thing. Just last night I had to talk him out of going to the doctor because he'd had a stomach bug for a little over 24 hours (he was already much improved, so I told him it wasn't necessary). He's not very good at self-diagnosing or knowing when it's a good idea to go or when it's not, so his first thought when he's sick (which, luckily for him is very rare) is to see a doctor or go to the hospital. I would rather have him be this way, and have me talk him down, than have him do the stoic man-thing and never see a doctor.

His father passed away after a long, hard fight with cancer right when he started college. I know this had a huge impact on him and I think it makes him worry more about health issues than he would otherwise. He often assumes the worst - with his stomach bug, he thought he had dysentery or his appendix needed to come out. We've both had experience with close friends/roommates with appendix issues, so we knew he didn't have those symptoms, and dysentery, seriously? Haha. There are a million other little bugs it could be, but his mind jumps to these weird serious things. I would've been all for going to the doctor if he wasn't getting better, but for some reason he wanted to go when he was 80%. Oh, and he wanted to go the hospital, because he thought they could do more than his doctor. Silly DH. I told him we can't afford the ER unless it's actually an emergency.

 

[Sha]

DH hasn't gone to the doctor in over 10 years. I'm putting my foot down about us having a joint checkup next month.

 

[KimberlyH]

My husband has been to the doctor once since he was 18, he is 42. He and I made a deal that he'd go every other year for a physical once we had a baby, because he has an obligation to her to be here and healthy.

 

[Kaleigh]

My husband goes every 6 months. He lost his dad when he was 11. And if something comes up, he calls the doc right away...