Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gifts

[orchidlala]

Ok I feel tacky asking this, but here it goes.

Since both my fiance and I have been pretty blessed in life and have been together long enough to accumulate enough knick knack's for the house we just didn't feel like registering anywhere. We're are providing people with the option of donating to one of two non-profit's (Doctors Without Borders and Marriage Equality Campaign)

Now, I don't know if any of you have seen the show 'Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List' but when she got married or had some event, she did something similar. But she was very paranoid about people not donating anything, so she made them write the check to the charity of their choice but send it to her so that she could mail them out in bulk. lol

I don't want to be tacky, but since people have already begun to ask us where we're registered I really want to make sure that we raise a nice chunk of money to be donated to both of these great organizations. What's a delicate way to go about doing that or should I just leave it alone?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

Absolutely leave it alone. It is their option as to whether they wish to donate to those charities or not. I think it is nice on your part not to accumulate a bunch of things you don't really need. But there will still be people who will want to give you a gift. You may receive cash gifts which you can donate yourself if you wish.

 

[iota15]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

haha. Sounds like Kathy to MAKE people send her the cheques for charity. (Don't you do it though).

If people ask where you're registered, just tell them what you told us - we've been so blessed in life that we decided not to register. If our friends and family would like to bless us with a gift, we were hoping they would donate to X or Y instead.

Gifts are NOT mandatory, even at weddings (even though they feel like they are). If people choose to give you a gift or donate in lieu - great. If not, then just enjoy their company and have a great time at your wedding.

 

[orchidlala]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

yeah you're both right. I know it. I hope people do make a donation.

I've been people set up donation sites for honeymoon's etc. I don't know how I feel about that either. I've only attended a few weddings in the past few years and I don't think that I even remember seeing anything about being registered anywhere. I'm Middle Eastern and traditionally we just always donate money, or solid gold coins. What's the western etiquette for giving gifts at weddings?

These are the types of coins that a girl will get on her wedding day. I'm pretty sure that most of them are somewhere between $500 - $4,000 each. Since in my mom's country a woman is not allowed to get alimony if she divorces her husband, these coins and all money received on her wedding day is money that's meant only for HER and not the couple. My mom still has all of her gold coins in some safe deposit box somewhere. Before the wedding the guy also has to pay a dowry, but the money goes directly to her along with most of the monetary wedding gifts. The thing is that part of the dowry is written down in the wedding papers... kind of like a pre-prenup. But at any point of their marriage she can demand that money, even if things are going fine, she has a legal right to say "okay, I need that money now because I want to buy this" and he's legally obligated to give it to her. If they split up or he leaves or something happens all the money and gold coins are hers to keep. Based on your class (which are more defined) a girl will get somewhere between $8,000 - 500,000

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I think that sounds like a very kind and generous way to celebrate and start your lives together.

Do you have a bridal site? If so, post on there in the "where registered" area that in lieu of gifts, you as a couple are asking for donations.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I have seen this request made at weddings here and nobody seems to be bothered by it, usually most think it is a nice gesture but Australians tend to be a little more relaxed and forgiving about these subjects.

 

[mrscushion]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I think that sounds like a very kind and generous way to celebrate and start your lives together.
Do you have a bridal site? If so, post on there in the "where registered" area that in lieu of gifts, you as a couple are asking for donations.

Agreed. Personally, I would probably add a regular gift registry for those guests who are traditionalists. But that's your choice.

A lot of charities now have donation links that you can embed on the registry page of your wedding website.

 

[lucyandroger]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting a couple charities for your guests to donate to in lieu of gifts. However, I do think it would be tacky to ask them to send the checks to you first to prove that they're gifting something. It would be nice for you raise a bunch of cash for your favorite charities, but I don't think you should pressure your guests in any way.

 

[katamari]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I don't think it is tacky, but I wouldn't expect many people to do it. We asked the same, for the same reason. We were very persistent, put it on the site, and only mentioned it as what we wanted. Only about 10% of our guests only donated, and maybe only 25% donated and also gifted. You just can't control what people do, and, unfortunately, there are still strong norms to gift home goods for weddings.

I do hope it works out for you, but if it doesn't the coins are very, very cool gifts. Unique and meaningful.

 

[mrscushion]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I don't think it is tacky, but I wouldn't expect many people to do it. We asked the same, for the same reason. We were very persistent, put it on the site, and only mentioned it as what we wanted. Only about 10% of our guests only donated, and maybe only 25% donated and also gifted. You just can't control what people do, and, unfortunately, there are still strong norms to gift home goods for weddings.

Ditto that, I had the same experience. We gave guests the choice too and very few chose to donate instead of giving house gifts.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

I think you should only mention it when asked, don't openly solicit this. Also, you can always choose to donate the gifts you receive.

 

[MishB]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

When we got married 8 years ago, we definitely, adamantly, did not want gifts. We were both in our 30's, successful, and had everything we wanted or needed. We didn't register and told everyone that we would prefer not to receive gifts, but of course people gave them. The idea of asking people to donate to a charity never occurred to me, but if I could turn the clock back it's exactly what I would do.

I think all you need to do is include a card with the details (if you would have included a registry card), but receive any gifts that you receive graciously.

 

[StonieGrl]

Re: Tacky?? Asking 4 donations to non-profits in lieu of gif

No, you can't control other people's actions but you can go the polite route for yourself: If people ask, please DO tell them your preference! It is why they are asking. If they don't feel the same about the one charity, they could possibly get with the program for the other one (I've had the experience of being asked to donate to a charity I don't feel comfortable with).

If someone does not ask, don't offer the information, which is always correct regarding gifts anyway and for other events/occasions too. That is why it's not considered polite to have printed information that contains instructions for gifts (on invitations, for example).

Plus, some of the old kind of people who still know the old ways enjoy asking someone: Where are you registered? What pattern/s? etc. And you reply and tell what you and your groom selected and why. This of course works in person or over the phone best.