Idea''s on asking future step daughter to be bridesmaid?

[hawaiianorangetree]

Hi Everyone!

So FI''s daughter is coming to visit this week and it is her birthday today. (She is now 15). I want to ask her to be my bridesmaid this week and i wanted to make it a little special so i am after ideas!!

We haven''t got alot of cash to spend at the moment and she is getting an ipod touch for her birthday so i can''t do anything too expensive.

I plan on asking my daughter (who is 9) to be my flower girl too so i want to incorporate her into it as well but it is mostly about FI''s daughter.

She is a great kid and i really want to make her feel like she is just as much a part of the day as we are so give me ideas ladies!!!!!!

 

[vc10um]

Is she a girly-girl??? If so, can you take her for a manicure, and then present both your daughter and FI''s daughter with a flower in their favorite color with a note asking them to be bridesmaid and flower girl, respectively?

 

[cindygenit]

Hmmm well since you don''t want to spend too much money, i would just ask her outright.

I took my MOHs to dinner and then just asked them at the restaurant. No big deal. They always knew they would be my MOHs anyway hehe.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I like the idea of taking her for a manicure, i might look into that, thanks.

It kind of is a big deal, me asking her to be my bridesmaid, and i want her to know that she is wanted because FI was engaged once before and the devil woman didn''t want his daughter to be a part of it at all, she wasn''t even invited to the wedding and in the end she is the reason the relationship broke up. I know that this has affected her and she has always been a little wary of me and our relationship isn''t as strong as i would like it to be... hence wanting to do something cool for asking her to be my bridesmaid...

any other ideas?

 

[4ever]

What are her interests?

Could you tell her and then rent a bunch of wedding movies to get her a bit excited about being involved?

Or ask her a wedding related question, like, which of these cake/dress/table decorations do you like best? Then tell her she has good taste and she'll just have to be a bridesmaid to help you out with all this.

Or ask her to look at a few pictures of dresses you printed out and ask what she thinks of them. Then depending on her response say somthing about her picking out her bridesmaid dress or what she would want her bridesmaid dress to look like. (Wearing a fancy dress is what i'd have been excited about at 15 if someone wanted me as a bridesmaid)

I'm not sure but if she's a girly girl it would be nice to do it someway like this where she feels involved and excited about it.

 

[cindygenit]

Date: 10/2/2009 1:13:58 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I like the idea of taking her for a manicure, i might look into that, thanks.

It kind of is a big deal, me asking her to be my bridesmaid, and i want her to know that she is wanted because FI was engaged once before and the devil woman didn''t want his daughter to be a part of it at all, she wasn''t even invited to the wedding and in the end she is the reason the relationship broke up. I know that this has affected her and she has always been a little wary of me and our relationship isn''t as strong as i would like it to be... hence wanting to do something cool for asking her to be my bridesmaid...

any other ideas?

WOw your FI''s ex is not a very nice woman. Sorry, hawaiian, I shouldn''t have said it wasn''t a big deal. Just that I assumed you have a great relationship with her! You know what happens when we assume...

we make an a** out of u and me... but in this case just me... hahahah

It is very admirable of you to try and make her feel special this way! Personally, I would do something that would make you "bond" as you will be (step)-mother/daughter in the future. Manicure is great, but you should find out what she really loves to do and incorporate that into your plan.

 

[honey22]

Are there any bridal expos coming up? You could take her to the expo with you and ask her over lunch? Or do lunch and then the bridal expo? They are such girly things and she would probably get a kick out of it, knowing she was going to be your BM?

 

[Deelight]

I made cards for my BM''s and FG''s it was really inexpensive but it was a nice way of showing/telling them how excited I was to have them as my attendants

all else fails movie, window shopping and girls lunch out and ask her, the time you spend with her doing stuff together will help build bonds

 

[kweet]

I think that its lovely that you want to be so inclusive. 15 is a difficult age and I can understand that she may have reservations given her prior experience. It is very sensitive of you to be so eager to make the "BM proposal" special for her.

How about taking the two girls for afternoon tea in a hotel and asking her there? Or maybe cooking a nice meal for them both and asking her during that - you could find out what her favourite food and dessert is and you could kind of have it like a birthday celebration for her?

Also what might be nice is to make it clear that she, as the elder BM, is very important to the running of the day, given that your little girl is only 9 - you could try and make her feel quite important.

I can see why you might not want your FI present, you don''t want to give the impression that he is forcing you into asking her, you want it to be clear that its your idea that she play a big part in the weddding

Anyway good luck and I''m sure it will go well

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Thanks for all your ideas, advice and suggestions ladies!!

I wa begining to think that i wasn''t going to get to ask her this week as i have been so busy with work but i ended up hurting my back (really bad!) at pilates the other night and the doctor gave me 3 days off work which has been a blessing in disguise.

We went to the shops today and we had a spa mani and pedi at one of those places that have seemed to pop up all over Perth (4 opened in my local shopping centre in a matter of months), you know where all they do is nails? It wasn''t very relaxing but it was quite funny having 4 women working on your hands and feet at once. (if you have been to bali or thailand you will know exactly what i am talking about!).

It didn''t feel right asking her then so we went to look at some shops afterwards and we went into one that had quite a few bridesmaids type dresses. We were looking at a yellow one and she was saying how pretty it was and i said to her ''You will have to wear yellow or silver if you want to be a bridesmaid'' and she kind of looked at me funny and said really? so i asked her if she would like to be my bridesmaid and she said yes and we hugged and all is good.

I have to say i really feel sorry for guys and the pressure they must feel when they propose because i was soooooo nervous!!!

 

[vc10um]

Sounds perfect!

So glad you were able to find some special time for you guys to spend together and ask her!

 

[junebug17]

Date: 10/7/2009 9:36:40 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
Thanks for all your ideas, advice and suggestions ladies!!

I wa begining to think that i wasn''t going to get to ask her this week as i have been so busy with work but i ended up hurting my back (really bad!) at pilates the other night and the doctor gave me 3 days off work which has been a blessing in disguise.

We went to the shops today and we had a spa mani and pedi at one of those places that have seemed to pop up all over Perth (4 opened in my local shopping centre in a matter of months), you know where all they do is nails? It wasn''t very relaxing but it was quite funny having 4 women working on your hands and feet at once. (if you have been to bali or thailand you will know exactly what i am talking about!).

It didn''t feel right asking her then so we went to look at some shops afterwards and we went into one that had quite a few bridesmaids type dresses. We were looking at a yellow one and she was saying how pretty it was and i said to her ''You will have to wear yellow or silver if you want to be a bridesmaid'' and she kind of looked at me funny and said really? so i asked her if she would like to be my bridesmaid and she said yes and we hugged and all is good.

I have to say i really feel sorry for guys and the pressure they must feel when they propose because i was soooooo nervous!!!

I agree, sounds like you handled things perfectly and everything went well! I must be a little emotional today, I teared up a little when you described how you asked her, you are so nice to care so much about her feelings. Sounds like she went through a rough time during FI''s previous relationship, your kindness and thoughtfulness must mean the world to her. I am just so impressed with how well you handled this, and that you are so thoughtful towards her.

 

[D&T]

Date: 10/2/2009 2:54:54 AM
Author: cindygenit

Date: 10/2/2009 1:13:58 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I like the idea of taking her for a manicure, i might look into that, thanks.

It kind of is a big deal, me asking her to be my bridesmaid, and i want her to know that she is wanted because FI was engaged once before and the devil woman didn't want his daughter to be a part of it at all, she wasn't even invited to the wedding and in the end she is the reason the relationship broke up. I know that this has affected her and she has always been a little wary of me and our relationship isn't as strong as i would like it to be... hence wanting to do something cool for asking her to be my bridesmaid...

any other ideas?

WOw your FI's ex is not a very nice woman. Sorry, hawaiian, I shouldn't have said it wasn't a big deal. Just that I assumed you have a great relationship with her! You know what happens when we assume...

we make an a** out of u and me... but in this case just me... hahahah

It is very admirable of you to try and make her feel special this way! Personally, I would do something that would make you 'bond' as you will be (step)-mother/daughter in the future. Manicure is great, but you should find out what she really loves to do and incorporate that into your plan.

ditto here!!!

ETA: I just finished reading your last post... congrats!!! you handled it very well and sounds like shes excited