How to handle not being invited when everyone else is....

[howtohandle]

I need help on how to handle this situation.
I work with a group of 15 people. One of the co workers (female) is getting married. She has passed out invitations to every one in the office except for me, even people she doesn''''t really know or even talk to
I talk to this person every day and seemed to have a good relationship with her.
the wedding is coming and she is doing a lot of planning. i sit in cubicle right next to her. everyday, i hear her and everyone is the whole group talk about it, rsvp, how much fun. it is obvious to most that everyone has been invited except me and at this point, it is becoming embarrassing. how do i handle this situation in a professional manner?

 

[atroop711]

sorry this is happening. Could it be that you didn''t receive your invite by accident? Got lost in the mail? Has any of your coworkers asked you about being invited? If this wasn''t a mistake then all you can do is smile and be the bigger person (if this was done intentionally to leave you out and feeling blue). When the day comes that you will see her for the last time you can tell her congrats and wish her well on your day. There isn''t really more that you can do but if it is KILLING you and you have a good friend that is going to the wedding maybe they can ask the bride to be if you were invited or not

. You may or may not want to go down that path.

Sorry I don''t have better advise for you.

Annette

 

[atroop711]

I just read it again...she passed out invites? In front of you? Clear this up for me..I am getting annoyed at her for doing this.

 

[Caribou]

Is she inviting everyone in the office but you? How long have you worked there compared to others?

I''m only inviting 2 people from work...but I''m not handing them invites they will be getting them in the mail. What she''s doing is rude and if she''s going to be that rude about wedding invites than I would be happy that I''m not invited.

 

[howtohandle]

Yep, everyone but me. Even people that she doesn''t talk to.

 

[atroop711]

I agree with Caribou...if she handed them out and invited everyone but you then she is being rude. I wouldn''t want to go to her wedding if she is playing such childish games like that.

 

[howtohandle]

Sitting here, I was just getting upset.
I never even though of the positive point that you all are bringing up.
Given that all of this has been done of purpose and how rude it is, I am lucky to not have to deal with it.
Thanks for the quick responses! They are much appreciated!

 

[atroop711]

Good for you...take the money you would have spent on a gift and treat yourself to something special. Forget her...

 

[solange]

What this coworker did was terribly rude and hurtful. I agree that you are fortunate in being spared the time and expense of a gift, possibly birdal shower, engagement party, etc.

However, I think you should get this matter off your chest instead of allowing it to upset you. Do what you think is best for you. For me, it would be just coming right out and asking why I was excluded. Perhaps there was some reason that you are unaware of. If not, she is a very mean spirited person who goes out of her way to hurt people. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, you might ask someone else to ask her.

One would think that, at what should be such a happy time in her life, she would not be looking for a way to deliberately hurt someone she pretended to be friendly toward.

 

[monarch64]

I feel really bad for you, howtohandle. Shame on your co-worker for doing what she did. Being professional about it is definitely the best way to go, I commend you for coming here for advice first and thinking about how to handle this situation. If it were me, I think I''d absolutely kill her with kindness and let her carry the guilt, along with the rest of the co-workers, who will eventually find out through word-of-mouth that she snubbed you. That is a terrible, second-grade thing to do to someone. Heck, it''s not even second-grade, because even then if you had a birthday party you invited ALL of your classmates, not just the ones you considered your "friends."

Rise above it, and just know what goes around usually comes around!

 

[FireGoddess]

Date: 2/28/2006 5:00:47 PM
Author: atroop711
Good for you...take the money you would have spent on a gift and treat yourself to something special. Forget her...

Ditto! That's what I say....no need to spend money on wedding gifts, bridal shower gifts, etc. If this truly was not an oversight, then this woman is pretty tactless. I invited all of my coworkers to my wedding. While that is not necessary...to invite all except one....is just plain rude.

If everyone is talking about it and then gets quiet if you're around, I'd just say, "look - I'm not invited, and I don't particularly care. You don't need to act all hush hush about it - why should it bother you if it doesn't bother me?" Even if it does bother you - they shouldn't be privileged enough to know it.

 

[lovelylulu]

i''m sorry! some people are so small

a similar thing happened to me, but it was actually a high school friend. we had a group of pretty close girlfriends and this bride invited each one of them, but me.

at first, i was sort of offended and felt hurt- confused as to why i was purposefully excluded, when i couldn''t really pinpoint a reason she''d do such a thing. then, i realized that it was her problem, not mine. i was a little sad to miss out on a fun reunion with the rest of my girls (we''re sort of scattered about the country now)-- and all of them thought it was such a bitchy move. but, in the end i come out on top because, i am actually MUCH closer friends with the other girls, two are my bridesmaids -- than they are with that mean bride.

what i did: just sent her a card wishing her happiness in her new life with her husband. i felt i should take the higher road.

 

[FireGoddess]

Just to reiterate - there''s no way this could be a mistake? (If not, I stand by my first post.) The reason I wonder is because I just remembered something that happened to me...

I sent out Save the Date cards for my wedding and somehow, one of my old friends from grade school days did not get a wedding invitation, though I sent her a STD card. She inquired through another friend as to whether I had deliberately not invited her after sending the STD, or had changed my mind or something, and the truth was none of the above. I clearly meant to invite her (hence the STD card) and I thought I had sent her an invitation, but somewhere in the 150 I sent out, hers was either missing or got lost. She could''ve just contacted me of course, but I guess she felt weird and asked a mutual friend. I sent her another invitation and that was that.

It made me think that maybe it could be a mistake? But in handing them out....seems rather deliberate. Just thought I''d throw in an optimistic POV that the woman may not be such a witch....but if she is, you''re better off this way.

 

[CareBear]

Are you also getting married? Could it be that she doesn't want to attend other people's weddings? If she invited you, she would have to attend your wedding.

 

[cymbrie]

Honestly I have to think like FG this has to be a mistake, perhaps she has every intention of inviting you but there''s been a mixup of some sort?! Maybe ask another co-worker to ask if she invited you. You could just approach her and say " Have I done something to offend you? I notice that you''ve invited everyone else and I did not receive an invitation was there some mistake?" I might seem kind of awkward but then so is continuing to work in this environment. Just a thought. Best of luck with this.

 

[sluke]

Can I ask if you are getting marry soon? and if your coworker is Asian? I ask because I attended a high school friend''s wedding, and was not that close to her , but her best friend (who she was so "tight" with throughtout middle school & high school) was not invited. We all wonder if there was a fall out or something, but someone mention that since both of them were marrying in the same year (or very closely to the same date), that attending another wedding would be bad luck or something. Maybe someone more familar with the Asian culture and tradition could chime in.

 

[lmurden]

Wow, this is really awful.

I know that you are hurt but don''t let it get you down. Hold your head up high and move on.

She is obviously not your friend.

Good luck

 

[JCJD]

I don''t know, I learned this was rude back in 2nd grade when I wanted to invite some girls in my class to my birthday party and not others. My mom made me mail the invitations or hand them out outside of schooltime. Either this lady never learned this was rude, she''s intentionally trying to be rude, or she slipped up unintentionally. The only way to know for sure which it is is to ask, which I personally think would be more rude than she has been. The opportunity might present itself though since it''s becoming clear that you are the only one in the office not invited - someone will probably mention it to her. Just be gracious and calmly matter-of-fact about it with your coworkers and you will come out on top of the politeness scale, no matter the reason behind it. This isn''t something to get your panties in a (big) bunch about, at least publicly.