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Co-Maids of Honor

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lucyandroger

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Did anyone have co-maids of honor? Is this a bad idea? Would you be insulted to be asked to be a co-maid of honor?

I have two friends that I would like to stand up with me and I don't think I could make one the maid of honor and the other just a bridesmaid. I don't even know which would be which.

Thoughts?

ETA - They have met a couple of times before and get along well.
 

shertz1981

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I wouldn''t be insulted, not at all. :)

Your day, your bridal party -- do what you want
 

monkeyprincess

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Not at all. I'm having my younger, unmarried sister as my maid of honor, and my older, married sister as my matron of honor. If they had the same marital status, they would be co-maids/matrons. Initially, my sisters were going to be my only bridesmaids, but now that I have gotten to know my future sister-in-law better, I have also asked her to be my bridesmaid. Do whatever feels right to you.
 

LilyKat

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I think it''s absolutely fine. There really are no rules about this sort of thing, and I can''t imagine why anybody would be offended in the slightest. Do whatever you like
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sonnyjane

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The other ladies are right - there are no rules, so you can do as you like. I''ll be really honest, though; one HUGE reason I decided to elope was so that I didn''t have to pick bridesmaids or a maid of honor. I was planning on just having bridesmaids without a maid of honor, that way nobody could feel slighted (didn''t have any female family, so everyone would have been friends), but then it got to the point where I would have had like 9 bridesmaids so, elopement it was lol!
 

Bleed Burnt Orange

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I have two maids of honour. One of them doesn''t live near me and the other is my roommate. I don''t think either of them mind and it helps me as well as them.
 

Lady_Disdain

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Why not just 2 bridesmaids?
 

charbie

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yup- my sisters were my "maids of honor" and my older sister is now having me be her matron of honor and younger sister be the maid of honor. i couldn''t choose between the two, so it just worked out that way.

i did have my younger sister be the one who signed my marriage cert bc i couldn''t have them both do it. my older sis and i decided since we were both engaged that she would be the one to do it for both of us.
 

missjaxon

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I think it is a great idea and I personally wouldn''t be insulted at all.
 

Bunny007

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I was a co-MOH in two weddings and wasn''t offended at all! In fact, it''s kind of nice to share in the excitement, planning, and... responsibility.
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megumic

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I also have two maids of honor and I think they are both honored and relieved! I love the idea. Why should you have to choose anyway? Go with both!
 

MagsyMay

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I wouldn't be insulted at all. Plenty of people have a sister and a best friend, and don't want to offend either person. I was at a wedding recently with 1 matron of honor, and 2 maids of honor, and the speeches did get quite lengthy... but I think you could work with that and tell each person to keep it under 5 minutes and that would be just fine!

ETA: Also wanted to add, even if it isn't a sister, I think it is perfectly normal to have a closest/best friend from childhood/high school, and then have another close/best friend from college or grad school or beyond. The reality of most people's lives these days is that they aren't still sitting around with the group of girls they grew up with, ya know?
 

zipzapgirl

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I had two friends who were both bridal attendants/bridesmaids. They are really close (we were always a group of 3), so it was no problem. I think it works out besti f the two girls are close and can organize among themselves well--or if you have really no expectations beyond "show up in the dress". I can see how this might be confusing if the girls don''t know each other well.
 

lucyandroger

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Thanks for the responses ladies!

I didn''t think anything of it until I got a weird look from one of FI''s more traditional family members...I gues I''m going to have to get used to that!
 

lilyfoot

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Date: 3/24/2010 10:04:54 AM
Author: lucyandroger
Thanks for the responses ladies!

I didn''t think anything of it until I got a weird look from one of FI''s more traditional family members...I gues I''m going to have to get used to that!
Aw
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I don''t see anything wrong with having 2 MOH''s! Screw tradition!
 

annadragon

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I was in this situation about 5 yrs ago.
My best friend and roommate managed to pull together a wedding in 5 months. She declared that another friend and I would share the position of Maid of Honor. Other friend lived in another state and wouldn''t be able to come until a few days before the wedding.
I happily arranged a shower, bachelorette party, spa day, picked up guests from the airport, hauled around centerpieces, ran bridesmaids dresses to seamstresses for alterations...
Only to be told at the rehearsal dinner that "other friend" since they were childhood friends was going to stand in the maid of honor position, have a different bouquet and have a different style of dress and thanks for all my help. At the time it didn''t bother me much. I knew one of us would have to stand in the "1st" position.
Fast-forward several years later in a conversation she mentions that "other friend" did not include her in her wedding party and she apologized to me for not having me as her maid of honor
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Umm, ok?
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Needless to say that friendship had many issues and since been dissolved. Although I''m not much for strict tradition or etiquette and largely ignorant of what the titles bridesmaid and maid of honor truly mean; I think this is just a cautionary tale not to handle it like my friend did.

Personally, I think having another girl to work with would be a blast. Oh the mischief!
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ladypirate

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I have co-maids of honor. We were all roommates in college and the three of us are really best friends. One is planning the bachelorette party and the other is planning the shower.

ETA: Everyone is having the same dress/bouquet (including the BMs). FI is still having one best man, and I'm not sure who is going to walk in with whom yet.
 

Lilac

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I say do what will make you happy - it''s your wedding and if you want two maids of honor, I say you should have two maids of honor.
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emeraldlover1

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I had two. One was my best friend and the other was one of my sisters. My sister was finishing up her last year in grad school and spending the summer in Germany. So, my BF planned my shower and my bachelorette and my sister assumed many of the duties the day of the wedding.

They were fine with it and I thought it was fantastic.
 

iheartscience

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Date: 3/28/2010 12:53:53 PM
Author: ladypirate
I have co-maids of honor. We were all roommates in college and the three of us are really best friends. One is planning the bachelorette party and the other is planning the shower.

ETA: Everyone is having the same dress/bouquet (including the BMs). FI is still having one best man, and I''m not sure who is going to walk in with whom yet.

LP-my husband just had his best man walk up front with him to wait for everything to get started and then my bridesmaids walked down the aisle alone. You could always just do that.
 

FrekeChild

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I had a MOH and a Dude of Honor. They are both my BFFs, and they''re a couple. Worked out great, and no one thought it was weird.
 

honey22

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Nup, it''s fine. I had my best friend as my matron of honour, and my sister as my maid of honour. They were fine with it. Whatever you feel better with I say.
 

CharmyPoo

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I think it is an absolute awful idea especially if they are not friends to begin with!! There are bound to be issues - who is going to stand beside you in first position?

I was a co-maid of honour and I didn't have a problem with it BUT the other one had a huge issue. I was actually the first maid of honour and several months down the road .. the bride asked if I would be ok if she asked someone else to be the MOH too (since the girl was hinting that she was not happy). I said it was fine since I didn't think it was a big deal.

Anyways, on the day of the wedding - the other MOH had serious issues where she was getting jealous and upset over the whole situation. I told her it was ok for her to stand beside the bride during the ceremony for goodness sake. I even let her pick when she wanted to do her speach - before or after me. Whatever she wanted - I let her have her way (trust me - I am usually not that nice and go for what I want). During the wedding, she ended up crying for a long time which delayed photo taking and turned everyone's attention to her (which then upset the bride). This happened a lot of times when she got jealous of one thing or another. At the reception, her fiance got wasted and she spent the whole night looking after him and then left early.

Was I happy? No - not really. I don't think I could have been more accomodating around the whole thing and felt that I got the short end of the stick. I organized 2 bachelorettes, pick-up games, etc. She didn't even show up for the bachelorette. I gave up my fiance's seat so that other strangers can attend - the bride knew my fiance as long as me. My goal was to keep the bride happy BUT I was really unhappy that day.

I would NEVER EVER put people through it unless the two people are close to each other and know how to work together. Anyone who is sensitive or don't know each other well .. HUGE NO NO!!
 

lucyandroger

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Thank you for all the additional responses!!!

It seems that the majority still think it is fine.

Thanks annadragon and CharmyPoo for sharing how the situation can go wrong. My two friends are pretty mild-mannered and very mature so I have faith that it will work out!
 

JerseyGrl81

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One of my best friends just got engaged on Saturday and she asked me to be her Matron of Honor. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding in August. She is also having a Maid of Honor. I think it is great that I will have someone eles to help me plan all the activiites with. I only met the other girl twice, but we have been texting each other this weekend and are going to take the bride to be out to celebrate next week. My friend has been friends with the girl she chose to be her Maid of Honor since they were in high school and I met her after college but we are very close now. I don''t think it is a bad idea at all!
 
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