Bride/Bride family paying for groom''s parents'' hotel?

[lliang_chi]

Hi folks,

I have a quick question. Is it normal for the bride''s family/bride and groom to pay for the hotel room for his parents and sibling? I honestly haven''t given the hotel rooms any thought (besides setting up a room block), so didn''t make any reservations or anything. J''s sister brought up the issue of us getting his parents a hotel room. I''d be happy to do it, but she kinda did it in a way that was... belligerent. She and J have been in a passive aggressive fight all weekend so I don''t know if it was just that she was picking a fight or if we''re actually supposed to cover the hotel expenses? Thoughts?

Thanks,
Lisa

P.S. the whole passive aggressive fight is not the question; the question is do we pay for the hotel room.

 

[kama_s]

I dont think it's necessary. I think back in the day when the bride's family absorbed most of the costs of the wedding, then I can see why the they would pay for the groom's parents' room.

We aren't paying for anyone's room, besides our own. Neither set of parents are helping out financially, so it wouldn't make sense for us to pay for their lodging only, and not for all our guests.

 

[CDNinNYC]

I agree with Kama.

While it would be a generous thing to offer, it''s definitely not necessary or required.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My parents are only inviting 6 guests or so, and are paying for their rooms since they are flying in from afar for my wedding. (And it''s a Chinese hospitality thing).

Other than that, guests are paying for their own rooms.
We''re having the wedding in the grooms hometown so their parents obviously are staying at home. They did offer to host my parents for the wedding in their home though, which was very nice of them.

 

[CaliCushion]

I''ve never heard of it being tradition for the brides family paying for the grooms parents accomodations. If J''s parents don''t have the money to stay at a hotel (or are embarassed to say that), then I think it would be gracious of you to offer.

 

[LadyBlue]

We did paid for the hotel, but mostly because he knew they were tight at the moment, not like as an obligation.

 

[LilyKat]

I''ve never heard of it being a requirement or even a tradition.

If the wedding is in your hometown and they are coming from far away, and/or they are struggling financially, it would be nice to offer. Otherwise, no need.

 

[iheartscience]

Add me to the no camp! That''s not traditional as far as I know. I think that comment must have been part of the passive aggressive fight.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I will just comment that I know people who have only been to weddings where the hotel rooms were paid for, for all out of town guests. Some weddings have been known to do this, it's certainly not the norm, but maybe the last few weddings the sister went to, her rooms were paid for so she's used to it?

But like people have said, I think it's a nice gesture to offer if you have the funds, but I don't think it's etiquette or expected.

This is assuming your in laws are American, I know in some other cultures, the expectations are different. For example, I'm Chinese, and there are just special expectations and courtesies involved when dealing with parents and parental in laws.

 

[Winslet]

My parents are paying for FI''s parent''s room, but they are doing it as a gesture of welcoming them into the family - not as an obligation to any sort of etiquette on the matter. I don''t think it''s a MUST for anyone.

 

[honey22]

Date: 6/21/2009 1:28:13 PM
Author: CDNinNYC
I agree with Kama.


While it would be a generous thing to offer, it''s definitely not necessary or required.

Ditto. You have to draw the line somewhere or you will go broke.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

We did...but it was a bonus, not something we felt obligated to do by any means.

 

[lliang_chi]

Thanks everyone for you input. Yes I do agree it''s a very nice offer that we still might do. But just the way J''s sister said it made me feel like I was commiting some huge faux pas. His parents can afford it, but we still might want to cover their hotel costs (from J and I, not my parents). I''m pretty sure I have to wait a few weeks to ask J if he wants to cover his *sister''s* hotel costs, he''s very annoyed at her at the moment.

~Lisa

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think it''s very generous of you to cover his parents hotel expenses...but I don''t think you need to cover his sister, no way. Although it''s a nice gesture, unless she''s a minor, why? Are you covering your aunts, uncles, BM''s, GM''s, your siblings? Probably not. I would say, if you''re going to comp anyone, leave it at the parents.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/21/2009 8:44:19 PM
Author: lliang_chi
Thanks everyone for you input. Yes I do agree it''s a very nice offer that we still might do. But just the way J''s sister said it made me feel like I was commiting some huge faux pas. His parents can afford it, but we still might want to cover their hotel costs (from J and I, not my parents). I''m pretty sure I have to wait a few weeks to ask J if he wants to cover his *sister''s* hotel costs, he''s very annoyed at her at the moment.


~Lisa

Is it possibly a cultural thing? I know another poster recently was commenting that in certain cultures a child is expected to take care of their parents (i.e., pick them up from the airport themselves rather than sending a friend to do it). So is it possible that his sister was meaning a cultural tradition rather than a wedding etiquette thing?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/21/2009 10:14:38 PM
Author: neatfreak


Is it possibly a cultural thing? I know another poster recently was commenting that in certain cultures a child is expected to take care of their parents (i.e., pick them up from the airport themselves rather than sending a friend to do it). So is it possible that his sister was meaning a cultural tradition rather than a wedding etiquette thing?

That was probably me. My family is pretty traditional Chinese, and big into family courtesy and familial duties, etc. I always have to remind my parents that my fiance is american and doesn''t understand. Once, my dad was visiting, and he was setting up a chair he bought for me, and my fiance didn''t offer to help, and my mom was almost livid at how disrespectful and lazy my fiance was. (In reality, my fiance is just used to growing up in a family where the polite thing to do with guests is to not bother them and just let them feel at home to do their own thing).

Sigh...cross culture relations is hard, lol.