An alternative - elopement. Pro''s & Con''s

[perry]

Well... Not what I was planning; but that is what we talked about last night.

Here is a possible location as well.... the Seaside Oregon area

http://www.stephanie-inn.com/theinn.asp

And to make it simple: They even offer an Elopement Package:

Don't have the time or want the hassle of a big wedding? Have you thought about eloping instead? The Stephanie Inn is the answer. We will take care of everything for you. We will have the officiate and witness (or you can bring your own witness) awaiting in our oceanfront Library/Chartroom, in your room or on the beach. There will be a hand-tied bridal bouquet of mixed flowers for the bride-to-be and after the ceremony, champagne, Stephanie Inn champagne flutes and a small wedding cake for the celebration. Retire to your oceanfront second floor room with a king bed where the fire is lit, bubble bath awaits you in your Jacuzzi for two and rose petals are sprinkled on your sheets. You may add dinner for two for an additional $90 (does not include gratuity or alcoholic beverages). We can also help coordinate a photographer, music or whatever else you may need. Call the Stephanie Inn at 1-800-633-3466 and ask for Mary for more information and reservations. 72-hour notice is required and extra person charge applies for witnesses. This package rate is available through July 1, 2007 and is based on room availability. Additional room nights are available at standard rate. A marriage license is required. $899

Another hotel down south of there a bit offers a lower cost Elopement Package as well.

Thoughts folks....


Perry


ps: for those wondering... "D" hasn't actually said she will marry me yet - so I'm not going to say we're engaged yet - but she is discussing wedding plans. For all I know we will end up buying a plain $100 dollar ring set on the way there - to be upgraded latter.

 

[perry]

Virginia:

You ask a very good question, since I have posted aspects of the story in different parts of pricescope before.

I have no simple answere. In part because people are not simple. Men see things differently than woman. Most people don''t understand the differences in communications and needs and let it break up their marriage.

We have had some rocky moments while we have learned some things. I am convinced that if she committs - that things will work out. We just went through some issues prior to marriage that many people don''t see until after they get married. She is tettoring on the edge of should she committ or not. We have even talked about that and we both understand that she could decide that she will not committ; in which case we will jointly bury the concept of marriage. Their are severall big factors in play... it will be a major life change for her; and will involve her essentially giving up her carrear and depending on me for her support (at least initially) until she can become established at something else (her lifelong chosen vocation does not offer any employment here - and is not redily tranferable to other things). She packs up and moves 6 hours from her home of over a decade.

The reason eloping came up is that if she committs she is not interested in a conventional wedding due to issues with her extended family (there is apparently a person out there who must control all "family" weddings and has interfered greatly in her siblings weddings).

As far as whats in it for me. "D" understands my past, my strengths, and weakneses - and where I am trying to go - as a person and as a profession; and is willing to support my main goals. I have not met that many single gals in my age group who are willing to do that.

Marriage is about many things; and has many values to each other. The ability to work through the rough spots is key to a successfull one. "D" has stated that it has been my ability to do that which differentiates me from a number of other people she knows.

I hope that helps people understand. Perfection is something to work towards, but can only be persued if you forgive yourself and each other of the past.

Perry

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/18/2006 7:10:38 PM
Author: perry
The reason eloping came up is that if she committs she is not interested in a conventional wedding due to issues with her extended family (there is apparently a person out there who must control all ''family'' weddings and has interfered greatly in her siblings weddings).

If I''m remembering correctly - "D" seems to have quite a bit of trouble "standing up to people". The guy she couldn''t get to move out of her place ... this wedding-crazed "family member" ... I can''t help but wonder if her continued "consideration" of getting married to you is the same kind of deal ... she never says no, never says yes ... doesn''t take a STAND one way or the other.

Personally, I wouldn''t want to marry someone who was so wishy-washy in GENERAL, not to mention wishy-washy about GETTING MARRIED TO ME.

Please don''t get swept willy-nilly into the when, where, how & ring-shopping without more consideration of WHY. And IF.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 6/18/2006 5:51:21 PM
Author:perry

Well... Not what I was planning; but that is what we talked about last night.

Here is a possible location as well.... the Seaside Oregon area

http://www.stephanie-inn.com/theinn.asp

And to make it simple: They even offer an Elopement Package:

Don''t have the time or want the hassle of a big wedding? Have you thought about eloping instead? The Stephanie Inn is the answer. We will take care of everything for you. We will have the officiate and witness (or you can bring your own witness) awaiting in our oceanfront Library/Chartroom, in your room or on the beach. There will be a hand-tied bridal bouquet of mixed flowers for the bride-to-be and after the ceremony, champagne, Stephanie Inn champagne flutes and a small wedding cake for the celebration. Retire to your oceanfront second floor room with a king bed where the fire is lit, bubble bath awaits you in your Jacuzzi for two and rose petals are sprinkled on your sheets. You may add dinner for two for an additional $90 (does not include gratuity or alcoholic beverages). We can also help coordinate a photographer, music or whatever else you may need. Call the Stephanie Inn at 1-800-633-3466 and ask for Mary for more information and reservations. 72-hour notice is required and extra person charge applies for witnesses. This package rate is available through July 1, 2007 and is based on room availability. Additional room nights are available at standard rate. A marriage license is required. $899


Another hotel down south of there a bit offers a lower cost Elopement Package as well.

Thoughts folks....


Perry


ps: for those wondering... ''D'' hasn''t actually said she will marry me yet - so I''m not going to say we''re engaged yet - but she is discussing wedding plans. For all I know we will end up buying a plain $100 dollar ring set on the way there - to be upgraded latter.

wow what a good idea!

 

[perry]

Thanks ladykemma. I appreciate it.


Perry

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/18/2006 7:27:30 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/18/2006 7:10:38 PM
Author: perry
The reason eloping came up is that if she committs she is not interested in a conventional wedding due to issues with her extended family (there is apparently a person out there who must control all ''family'' weddings and has interfered greatly in her siblings weddings).

If I''m remembering correctly - ''D'' seems to have quite a bit of trouble ''standing up to people''. The guy she couldn''t get to move out of her place ... this wedding-crazed ''family member'' ... I can''t help but wonder if her continued ''consideration'' of getting married to you is the same kind of deal ... she never says no, never says yes ... doesn''t take a STAND one way or the other.

Personally, I wouldn''t want to marry someone who was so wishy-washy in GENERAL, not to mention wishy-washy about GETTING MARRIED TO ME.

Please don''t get swept willy-nilly into the when, where, how & ring-shopping without more consideration of WHY. And IF.

I really want to echo this.

Under the BEST of circumstances.....two people who both approach marriage with enthusiasm and eagerness, fully committed to each other, and with excellent communication skills......marriage is still a complete challenge. It is a constant dance of give/take and compromise and respect. It is rewarding and frustrating at the same time.

Under LESS than the best circumstances, it''s even more difficult to be successful.

I''d really think long and hard about entering into a marriage where either party isn''t 1000% eager and committed to getting married.

"D" understands my past, my strengths, and weakneses - and where I am trying to go - as a person and as a profession; and is willing to support my main goals. I have not met that many single gals in my age group who are willing to do that.

There don''t have to be "many".....there only has to be one, and she has to be the right one. This above sounds to me like "she''ll do" or settling. It''s not enough that she understands you, where you''re trying to go, etc. That''s only half of the package. She has to also WANT to be with you; she has to WANT to be ready to marry you without hesitation. If she felt it in her heart, she wouldn''t hesitate.

I understand about thinking you just won''t find anyone else that fits. I felt the same in my late 20s/early 30s. I seriously considered someone who "mostly" fit the bill.....but in my heart, I knew it just wasn''t right. I wanted the real deal. At 37, I finally met the *right* man, and I realize that I''d have missed out on him if I had decided to settle for "best available at the time" instead of "best fit for me".

I don''t know if it''s the same for men, but I just think that If you settle, you''ll never truly be happy. You deserve someone who is completely over the moon at the very idea of spending her life with you. I hope that''s what you get.