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Seeking Answers to Questions

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JJPawl

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
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Hey everyone. I have recently been thinking about proposing to my girlfriend of two years. I am in a spot right now where I know we are both ready emotionally for the event. I have taken all of the advice from internet sites, t.v. shows, and magazines. I have researched diamonds, learned all of the lingo, and I have talked to her about the eventual prospect of marriage. More important than anything I love this girl with all my heart. I support her in everything she does and wants to do with her life and she does the same for me. We want each other to achieve our dreams and to be with each other through it all. So here is my dilemma.

We are both 21 year old college students soon to be entering our senior year. I know that this is something I want to do without a question in my mind but I am trying to determine the best time to do it. Here is a little backstory I would love any advice anyone would be willing to offer.

As I said we are both 21 years old and have known each other since we entered school. We ran track together and soon became a couple. Over the past two years we have grown close and fallen in love and have talked to each other about marriage. I want to stop the talking and make it a reality so I started saving money for a ring. Now she comes from a family that isn''t particularly well off but because she is an only child her parents were able to put together a college fund to take care of her college tuition. I on the other hand come from a somewhat less well off family with 6 kids to boot (myself being the oldest) so I am and have been taking care of all of my tuition costs, phone bills, and car payments. Even so with the plan I have I believe I can save enough to buy her the ring she wants and deserves by December.

She plans on moving back home and working straight out of college with her bachelors degree in Accounting after she takes her CPA. I on the other hand will have three more years of graduate school in a Physical Therapy program. So here are the things I was thinking of.

Option A) My initial idea was to wait until the week of our graduation to propose. The benefits are that we will both have undergraduate degrees and will be about to transition into a new stage of our lives anyway. It allows for me to save more money and gives me more time to save the money. As I said before we have talked about marriage and we both agreed that a 1.5 to 2 years to plan the wedding would probably be best, and we can savor being engaged so I will be out of the classroom and in actual clinical training by then. And finally we will still be at school so she can show the ring off to her friends before we leave. Downside is I may have to ask her parents for their blessing at Christmas because that will be the only time I will see them in person before the end of the school year.

Option B) Propose at Christmas. Like I said I will have enough money saved and hopefully the ring around Christmas and I am going down to visit her and her family. She will be able to show the ring off to here family and friends while we are on break and then her friends at school when we get back. We already have big plans for Christmas so it would be a huge surprise to pop the question and then it gives me time to save for graduate school before heading off. Downside is we may have to make it a 2.5 year engagement period and I have to save the money faster.

Option C) To do it on Spring Break. This option is sort of the compromise option between the other two. The problem is that because we are both collegiate athletes who compete in the spring. We will be on campus training and competing during this time so their won''t be a big romantic event.

Option D) Wait all together until after grad school. I only add this option because some people say that 21 is too young to get married. I contest that when two people love each other as much as I know I love her and she loves me and when you want to be their to support your partner and help them achieve everything they dreamed while they help you do the same their is never a time that is too early. And we wouldn''t be getting married until we were 23-24 because I turn 22 in a month and she turns 22 on Valentines day.

All I know is that I am saving and planning to marry the most amazing girl I have ever met. I have done and am still doing research I just am looking for advice as to when. I know I''ll choose the time when I feel most comfortable in doing it but is there a better time than others?

If it wasn''t for the money I would do it as soon as I could.

Thanks in advance.

Joe
 

Nomsdeplume

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
1,671
Reading your post, I think you know what to do. You know that after you graduate, it will be the beginning of a new part of your life, and it would be a great time to enter into an engagement. That, coupled with a long engagement, should mean that you are both financially stable and independant when you get married. Plus, you get to save up and prepare for the big day. What's the rush? You know you'll be together forever.
Good luck!
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katomm

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
Messages
317
I have to agree, I think graduation sounds like the best plan and asking for her hand at Christmas sounds like the right way to do it.

Good luck!
 

CravingDiamonds

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
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1,025
I would say to wait until at least you graduate. If you still have three more years of graduate school left, when would you get married? After you graduate from graduate school? How do you know that she will be able to get a job right after graduating? How are you going to afford the wedding and being married with your graduate school bills?

I don''t want to rain on your parade, but these are just some things to consider. If you love her then you want to provide her with the best life and getting married may have to wait a little bit?
 

JJPawl

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2009
Messages
2
Trust me I have considered it. That is why there is option D. I realize that it would be financially easier to wait until I am done with grad school and have a job working in a Physical Therapy department somewhere. That is the type of advice I''m looking for. I know it might be hard but I know a lot of couples that started out that way. I have friends who have gotten married as Freshmen entering undergraduate programs and they are perfectly happy and content.

And that is why option A is most appealing to me I know this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and I don''t want to have to wait until I graduate from school. I know this isn''t a forum to ask for that kind of advice but I assume most people here are married and some got married in similar situations. I am wondering how hard was it? After my first year of graduate school I can work nearly full time because we enter our clinical training and are out of the classroom. In my third year there would be plenty of time for a wedding ceremony and honey moon so if there was a long engagement I think that would work perfectly. Once we both have jobs I know we will be extremely financially stable possibly even quite well off as we are both smart, very hireable, knowledgeable individuals going into decent fields of work.

I suppose that is the advice I''m looking for. I am kind of looking through rose colored glasses thinking everything would be alright especially when I have my sweetheart by my side. Everywhere you look everyone says, love conquers all, the money doesn''t matter, etc... But if it''s going to be extremely difficult I will wait because I want to give my future wife everything she deserves. From personal observation I haven''t seen much difficulty from my 23 year old friend who got married before even being accepted into Pharmacy school two years ago and others. But I want advice from people who have lived it. I know money will make things easier but is it worth the wait.

In the end it is my decision and all I am sure of is that I love this woman and want to be with her for the rest of my life. Whether we are married or not we are together already so no advice is going to rain on my parade.
 

Nomsdeplume

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
1,671
I understand the urge to get married NOW NOW NOW!!! But like I said, what''s the rush really? Do you feel that unless you marry straight away, you will break up eventually?
Here are the cold, hard facts. I''m sorry if this seems harsh. Most couples break up over financial issues. Getting married when you are not financially secure therefore increases the chances of divorce.
You would have two options: take out loans and go into debt (bad idea) OR sponge off your parents and put even more pressure on them (is that fair? NO).
Don''t you want to give your marriage the best chance of survival?
There is a reason why statistics show that if you get married under the age of 23 your marriage is 4 times more likely to fail (hint: it has nothing to do with age)

Please don''t make a huge mistake here. Love is irrational, but marriage shouldn''t be.
 
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