How long did it take you to get engaged and married?

[codex57]

Started dating April 1998. Just got engaged on the 23rd. Survived a long distance relationship.

 

[Mara]

Caroline...my two cents is that he has already said he understands and would wait...so why worry about anything else? He will get over his embarassment and why can't he just keep the ring safe until you are both ready? I wouldn't rush into anything, your mom was right...personally I feel you are somewhat young to enter into something so serious as marriage, esp if you feel as though you aren't ready. It sounds as though you have a good head on your shoulders, want to finish school and be your own person first before you get seriously involved with someone. If he truly understands you and loves you, he will wait until you're ready and hopefully by then you will have absolutely no doubts whatsoever and you can both begin a new life together, having done things on your own as well.

Best of luck and have him put that ring somewhere safe for the future!

On the original topic...we met in August 2000, dated for 2.5 years, got engaged in Jan of 2003 and were married in May 2004.

He is 36 and I am 30 (just turned!).

 

[MrsFrk]

Caroline- I would definitely wait. You are young, and have articulated some very good reasons for waiting to be engaged. The very fact that you are able to so clearly express why you want to wait means you SHOULD. In addition, the loss of your mother is very fresh (my deepest, deepest condolences, I too lost a parent young). You need to grieve and heal and mourn for her before you make any major decisions. If he truly loves you, he will wait.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years. We met in the 8th grade. My heart was a-flutter the moment I laid eyes on him, my vision became blurry, my mouth dry, my hands clammy. We ''went steady'' for a summer when we were 15. Reunited at 18, moved in together immediately, began talking marriage immediately, got distracted, bought a few houses, a few cars, adopted a few dogs, eloped 8 years later. I adore my husband with the same giddiness I felt when I was 13.

 

[heart prongs]

Mrs Frk: What a sweet story!

Mara: Happy 30th! A wise woman once said to me: "I had a good time in my 20s...but I''m having a great time in my 30s." I have to agree -- my 30s are treating me very well!!!

Irish Caroline: It will work out if it''s supposed to...so sorry about your mom...

Happy almost 2005 everyone! klr

 

[ammayernyc]

Hi all.
I''ve been dating my bf for just over 3 years. We moved in together on August 30 of this year (although I was basically living in his apartment for about 6 months before we took "the big step.") We just started looking at rings.

We haven''t had any of those big talks, but I''m not sure that we actually need to have the discussion to know that we are right. I do have reservations, but it''s only because of the situation when we started dating:

When we first met, my mother was dying of cancer. She died a month and a half after we started dating. To make matters worse, my father had died almost two years to the day before my mother. So, here I was an orphan at 26.

A year and a half after my mom died, I had to sell the apartment I grew up in for various reasons. My bf and I talked about moving in together then, but he wasn''t ready (and frankly, neither was I but I was just grabbing onto anything that was stable).

So, in January it will be three years since my mother died and five years since my father died. I think that I have "gotten over it" the best that I could have -- basically meaning that I''m not crying every day and have managed to live a life.

I am hoping to be engaged by the summer, but am secretly hoping to be engaged by my birthday (in April) since I am turing 30 and it''s freaking me out.

So, there is my long and convoluted story... I''ll keep you all posted as to when I get the ring!

 

[irishcaroline]

Thank you to everyone who replied to me and help me out...you are all right, i should wait and thats what i am going to do. But i will let you all know how things go in Jan 2005 when i see him next. Should be interesting...

Thanks again and best wishes to everyone for the new year 2005!!

ps: Good luck to you ammayernyc, and keep us informed on how things go!

 

[codex57]

IrishCaroline, your situation sounds a lot like mine was, except in reverse. We started off on a long distance relationship as well. Chatting online, lots of phone calls, etc. Decided to go "steady" over the phone I think. Anyways, we finally got a chance to see each other in person for a weekend. It went great. Apparently, it was during that weekend that she decided she was ready to marry me. I think she even told her family. I wasn''t so ready since we were both in school and I was still figuring out what I wanted in life. Luckily for me, she waited.

I think it''s very important that both people are absolutely sure they''re both ready. If he truly loves you, he''ll wait. Long distance relationships are hard. If he truly loves you, he''ll realize that sacrifices need to be made for it to truly work. Plus, I think waiting is a good idea. I have this theory that all relationships go through a "honeymoon" phase. I''ve always preferred giving a relationship some time in case you''re simply in the honeymoon phase and feelings change dramatically after that "honeymoon" phase. If it''s meant to be, the honeymoon phase will never really leave (after over 6 years, we''re still generally in that honeymoon phase) or you''ll still truly and deeply love each other. The relationships NOT meant to be usually means people start to see and get annoyed at each other''s faults. If you really love someone, you''ll love them even with all those faults. The honeymoon phase tends to blind you and trick you into thinking you''ve hit that stage, but time will help lift that veil over your eyes if it really is just a veil.

 

[irishcaroline]

ok as great as all your views are in helping me make up my mind im sooooo stuck and confused. Someone please tell me why i cant help break into a smile when i think about this ring, even though i dont want to be engaged yet. But why i still ask about it 24.7 until he is actually starting to tell me to stop lol...ive even talked him into bringing it over in jan...BUT i also want it for a surprise when i am ready...HELP!

ohhh and another thing, isnt it every girls dream to pick their own ring?????? he knows his stuff about jewellery etc but my god he better have picked right on this one, as he got it designed especially and apparently is not able to return it now.

Caroline

 

[superblonde1975]

Hi there! I am 29, my husband is 30. We met in Oct 2001, got engaged Dec 5, 2001, and married Dec. 19, 2001. We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary. Funny, no on e either of us knew thought it would be a very good idea. In fact, they thought we were stupid. And although I understand where they were coming from, and I understand that I have only been married for 3 years, I feel right about it. Believe it or not, I think marriage is as much of a business decision as it is a love decision. I know lots of people who love each other dearly, and would never be able to sustain along-lasting relationship because their other views (financial, career, family, etc...) differ so greatly from each other. Sometimes it takes you a long time to know, and sometimes it does not. The answer is that there is no answer. Sorry to seem so ambiguous, but that''s life. Good luck!

Jessica

 

[qtiekiki]

We dated for 2 and 1/2 years before he proposed last July. We will be getting married next November, so that will make it a total of 3 years and 11 months.

 

[qtiekiki]

p.s. I am 24 and he is 26.

 

[treysar]

Before I got engaged I would have thought it was CRAZY to get engaged to someone after less than 2 years .
BUT (big butt) life taught me a lesson.

I met my fiance on-line and got engaged a year and 3 months later. Our engagement however, is a pretty long one - we''re not getting married until August - that''s a year and a half engagement! But it has worked out well this way!!

I think that you''re the only one who will know if it''s the right thing - there are many opinions but yours and hers are the only ones that matter! Good luck!

 

[Queenofhearts]

My boyfriend and I have been dating over three years now. He has given me a promise ring at the two year mark and we are not engaged. He and I both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. No hurry in that department. Unlike Tina Turner love has everything to do with it.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I met my husband in our last year at University--dated for a few months, but I thought he was "too serious" and we split. Fast forward 5 years and a few relationships later (I was engaged to another and broke the engagement), we reconnected and he proposed in Cuba in Jan, received my ring in April and were married in Sept of the same year. I was almost 26 and he almost 31. In 2005 we will celebrate 20 years of marriage.
Best of luck to you and yours.

cheers--Sharon

 

[cflutist]

Lets see, met websailor in February 1995, he proposed in July 1996, married in August 1997.

 

[Croí]

heh
I love this thread and I can hit two topics at once.

knew each other at work for about a year. I thought he was handsome but with a scarey military slant to his personality & an unpronouncable last name ! hehe. I think he thought I was just a crazy foreigner !

prior to Christmas (two years ago) I''m having a tough time, first Christmas since my break-up ....
he gives me a hug in the office. whoa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPARKS !!!!!! everything changed in that INSTANT - everything !

took a few months to get up the courage to really ''date'', though we talked on the phone and e-mailed constantly. kept it quiet at work - people may ''suspect'' but no-one knows and no-one has asked straight out ....
started really ''dating'' in April/May - moved in together in Nov.

hopefully getting ring soon - wedding planned for May 1st !
(so less than three years total)

 

[Patty]

I can''t beat JudiW but I met and married my husband within 8 months. Got engaged after 4, had a 4 month engagement. That was 26 years ago.

 

[eks6426]

My parents met in late August 1968. Married January 3, 1969. Less than 5 months after they met. Today is their 36th wedding anniversary. They say they knew by the 2nd date. I guess sometimes, you just know when it''s right.

 

[msb700]

irishcaroline: my husband and I met online in jan of 1995...we hit it off immediately, even though we were only ''friends'' at first...i was 15 yrs old back then...by May he told me he loved me and i knew that i did as well (we had still never met face to face)....we decided to move things to the next level from "friends" to "bf/gf", but still *didn''t* see each other...all we knew is that our personalities were so in sync that physical appearences was a secondary thing...in june i passed by the school where he studied and saw him in a basketball game and he glimpsed me in the crowd....we went on our first official date a month after in July where we actually ''saw'' and ''talked'' face to face for the first time...that was 6 months after knowing each other and 3 months after we make bf/gf...we were both young, but we both knew without any spoken words that we were meant to be....we both knew it was only a matter of time before we got married, but back then we weren''t financially ready plus were both too young to be commited to something like marriage and a place to live in etc...this april we finally got married after a 1.5 year engagement (we got engaged in dec 2002 we were both 24 then)....this May05 we will celebrate our 10 year anniversary he was my one and only boyfriend and i was his one and only girlfriend...high school sweethearts u can say..but we never regretted the fact that we didn''t date other ppl nor did we feel that we had ''missed'' out on things....

is it crazy to meet someone and fall in love when u havent met? i dont see why...if u both care and love each other, thats all that matters..and to be in love online without seeing each other only shows that what u both have is based more on feelings and not physical feelings...i have met my man 10 yrs ago and couldn''t be happier...all i say is take ur time and make sure u are both ready to make this commitment before getting married..its very important that u discuss ALL aspects of your lives and culture...make sure u reach an agreement and understanding first..i wish u all the best!

 

[irishcaroline]

msb700: wow that really sounds like the ''perfect romance''...i thought things like that never worked, ya know, marrying the 1st boyfriend! As my mums friend did that but now they are breaking up, so i guess its the only example i had to go by, but yours is wonderful and i wish you all the best for the new year. Ohhhh do tell about your wedding, how you guys got engaged and stuff, i love hearing about it! You can private message me about it if you want!

Caroline

 

[flopkins]

my parents dated for three months, then tied the knot!! and they are still going strong... must be about 27 or 28 years now!! they were both in their late twenties at the time, i think my mom was 29 and my dad was 27 or so.

me & fi, dated for 3 years since dec 2001, engaged since oct 2004 and getting married in a year and a half (we are going for spring 2006) so will be 4.5yrs total

i''m 24 and fi is 25...

this thread makes me happy!

 

[princesstn]

my fiance and i started dating for about a month and then started talking about the future and marriage. 2 months into the relationship, he proposed. i''m still waiting another 2 years until i graduate from grad school to get married though

 

[IrishEyes]

Irish Caroline: Don''t know if you''re still posting to this thread, I was reading about your situation, and I hope everything works out for you! It sounds like an exciting, yet confusing situation. I think you should see how things go between you and he if you stay here in the US for a few months like you had mentioned. Give it time, remember what your mother felt, and remember that you are still young and can go in many different directions!! That is the wonderful part about being young and unattached: the world is yours

Hope everything works out!

 

[irishcaroline]

Its really nice to be able to read about everyones purposal timings etc...very cool! Keep em coming, unfortunately i cant write about mines yet...but when i say yes, whenever that is you will all be the 1st to know about it! lol

Irish Eyes: Thank you for your kind comments...I am still posting to this thread, just been a bit busy lately with exams and stuff. But i also have my own thread going, the link if you want to have a wee look is....

[/url]

If that doesnt work the name of the thread is "Meeting your future husband or wife on the internet?"...my whole experience etc is all wrapped up in here, and there are loads of helpful people giving me ideas on what i should do etc, this forum is totally wonderful.

Thank you to everyone who helped out!!!! Will let you all know how it goes when he comes over on the 15th!

Take Care

Caroline

 

[BlushingBrideToBe]

Great topic! I think I''ll add my two cents. Well, :blushes: my courtship with my fiance has been short...but there is a story behind the reason why and how I knew this was the man for me. For starters I''ve always told myself I''d never marry and I didn''t want any kids. Surprise! My father told me that when I meet the right one that would change...and it did. I''ve been in a few realtionships, and some not too good. One was abusive and the other viewed me as a toy. Since I was in such horrible realtionships I knew the first day I met Bruce, that he was the one. I never felt the feeling I feel around him, it was like I knew him from somewhere, and felt the same. Another thing I knew he was the one, and trust me ladies and guys, it''s true . I''ve always dreamed and prayed I''d meet a virgin man. As luck would have it, after getting out of a bad realtionship,bruce lands in my lap. I found out, that he''s never really dated, and basically he was waiting for the "right one". Another "how I knew", is...a mystery. Considering I"ve dated a little, I guess you just know when the right person comes along. I know many in this post have said, be sure to know your man well before you say yes, or even propose. We started talking marraige 3 months into the realtionship and he proposed december 2004. We both knew we wanted to be together and KNEW we were soulmates. I wish I could explain how wonderful this is....the feeling isn''t the love cloud its a deep understanding into each others nature, I swear we were lovers in a past life, because we are just alike, and our backgrounds are similar. All the stories I have heard warmed my heart....its wonderful to hear people talking about their loves, and how they met. We met....over the net actually, and it''s kinda embarassing, but..hey it was fate right? lol

Peace
Sheri

 

[Momoftwo]

Met at 18 (me) and 21 (dh) at college. Dated for 2 yrs and 4 months, got engaged, married 7 months after that at 21 and 24. That was almost 24 years ago. We''re still going strong, have raised two kids and are enjoying spending time alone together.

 

[Kaleigh]

I met my dh during our junior year in college. We dated for four years befor getting married. We have been married for 18 years and have two teenagers!!