Ask for blessing - timing???

[sklingem]

I am planning on proposing at some point this coming Spring - pry. in April. While I am not a big fan of asking for parental permission, I think that asking for their blessing may just be a nice and considerate thing to do. I am just wondering whether I should do it in person even if it is 4 months before the planned engagement (we will get to see them for Christmas) or just before it by phone? Would you be worried about them "spilling the beans" as well?
Or parents acting "weird" (or differently/suspiciously) while we are still visiting? Any opinions? Thanks! BTW I get along great with them.

 

[Sangrona]

Hey Rob09,

I don''t know much about your FFI''s family, but I know mothers and daughters and I DON''T recommend asking four months in advance. I am now almost 34, but about 10 years ago, I was dating someone who sat with my dad and had a talk about "the future" with him. I don''t know what my BF at the time said to my dad, but my mom used the two hours we were at the mall to call EVERYONE in San Antonio and invite them to our "engagement" party.

We came back home to many well-wishers and were completely floored. My parents brought out champagne they had been saving "for a special occassion" and happily announced my BFs intention to marry me! We hadn''t even been dating that long...and I was aghast. We didn''t get married, but I have made it clear to SO that he CANNOT talk to my parents unless he KNOWS exactly what he''s getting himself into.

Most parents would just be too excited to wait four long months...is it possible to visit again for another occasion closer to your proposal date? Like Easter, or Spring Break or a birthday?

My 0.02

 

[sklingem]

Thanks Sangrona. I think that you are right ... too much risk involved. I don't think that we can visit them this coming Spring, so the phone will have to do .... sorry, but I had to laugh at your story ... hope it was not too terrible! LOL

 

[blondebunny]

Ya I agree definitely do not ask 4 months prior... my mom would NEVER be able to keep it in for a week.. let alone 4 months... hahaha..

Are you close enough with her parents that you could call them and they would be okay..?? I mean Id feel awkward if I didnt know them that well and was asking over the phone? Maybe if you do ask on the phone, the next day send a nice card and flowers thanking them for their blessing and you cant wait to be apart of their family, since you wouldnt be able to do it in person?? I think that would be a nice gesture..

 

[sklingem]

Date: 10/2/2008 6:43:29 PM
Author: blondebunny
Ya I agree definitely do not ask 4 months prior... my mom would NEVER be able to keep it in for a week.. let alone 4 months... hahaha..


Are you close enough with her parents that you could call them and they would be okay..?? I mean Id feel awkward if I didnt know them that well and was asking over the phone? Maybe if you do ask on the phone, the next day send a nice card and flowers thanking them for their blessing and you cant wait to be apart of their family, since you wouldnt be able to do it in person?? I think that would be a nice gesture..

Thanks bb -
I have met them several times (they have stayed with us several times and I have spent a week at their house)and we will be with them for another week for the holidays. So I would feel comfortable asking them over the phone. A card and flowers is a nice idea - I will certainly keep it in mind!!!

 

[debzy103]

I respectfully disagree. I know my bf asked my father for permission to marry me before he bought the ring. That is already about a month ago, and I don''t think we''ll be engaged for about another month. So, while he only asked about 2-2.5 months beforehand, I know my dad truly appreciated having been asked in person. Plus, it seems much more sincere that he asked before he purchased the ring - like he was actually asking permission.

I kind of figure out my bf had asked my dad, but nobody came right out and told me. It''s the sentiment. I''d just make it clear to her family that you are not planning on proposing very soon so they should please keep the conversation between the two of you. If they respect you and her, they''ll keep it a secret and let her be surprised when you do eventually ask her.

 

[sklingem]

Date: 10/2/2008 8:52:07 PM
Author: debzy103
Plus, it seems much more sincere that he asked before he purchased the ring - like he was actually asking permission.

LOL - that''s why I am asking for their blessing and not permission I guess. Ring is already made and the proposal will happen no matter what ...

 

[debzy103]

Date: 10/3/2008 3:48:15 PM
Author: rob09

Date: 10/2/2008 8:52:07 PM
Author: debzy103
Plus, it seems much more sincere that he asked before he purchased the ring - like he was actually asking permission.

LOL - that''s why I am asking for their blessing and not permission I guess. Ring is already made and the proposal will happen no matter what ...

My point was that it''s much more respectful to ask her father in person, rather than over the phone.

 

[idreamofcushions]

I have to agree with some of the others...4 months is too far ahead. My mom couldn''t hold a secret from me for a day! and I know her too well even if she could. My SO and I have talked about this and he says he will likely call 5 minutes before he proposes for this reason! lol

I think doing it in person is the best way, of course. I''m fortunate that my SO and I live around the corner from my parents. But I don''t think it''s a faux pas to call instead. I think it''s a wonderful gesture and one that not enough people still do. So kudos to you!