The LAST one

[DMBsGirl]

I just learned that my good friend''s boyfriend will be proposing to her in two weeks. I am SUPER DUPER happy for her but still realize that this means that in two weeks it will be official.... Of my group of college friends, I will officially be the last one (of those who have boyfriends) to get engaged. To top it all off, my boyfriend and I have known each other longer than all the other married/engaged couples. This is really starting to suck....BIG TIME. My timeline was sometime this year, and I know my boyfriend WANTS to propose, but what is taking so long??? I''m sick of seeing friends at parties and having them glance at my hand and say "So I see you still don''t have a ring." I hate thinking that people feel that my boyfriend isn''t serious about us. I am also disappointed because I feel that when he does propose it will be more of a "FINALLY!" reaction instead of shock, surprise and joy

This is not fun anymore

 

[elaineh]

i''m sorry DMBsGirl. i''ve been with my bf for 8 years and completely understand what you''re going thru. hang in there. it will happen, and i''m sure it will be GREAT when it does. don''t worry about what other people think. it''s about you and your bf. as long as you guys are happy, that''s all that matters.

 

[monarch64]

Time to make some new friends who don''t have boyfriends, or have boyfriends but aren''t thinking of getting engaged, lol! Seriously, though...DH and I were the last in his circle to get engaged/married. It was kind of nice to see what had or had not been done, though, when it came to the wedding, hee hee. Your time will come, don''t worry!

 

[monarch64]

Oh, and another plus side is that you''ll have experienced BM''s! And you''ll know what you do or don''t want for you bachelorette party...and maybe you''ll reap the benefits of not having a wedding right around the time all your friends are (funds may be a little looser, kwim?) Look on the bright side, you have everything to gain from everyone else''s experiences!

 

[diamondfan]

When you get engaged does not mean anything in the scheme of how happy your marriage will be, so do not fret. It will all come together!

 

[snlee]

Date: 6/6/2007 12:22:47 AM
Author: diamondfan
When you get engaged does not mean anything in the scheme of how happy your marriage will be, so do not fret. It will all come together!

Ditto!

Just try to enjoy this waiting period...it only happens once! Soon you'll be engaged! Hang in there!

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear that DMBsGirl-I know how horrible the feeling is waiting while other people around you are getting engaged. Try and hang in there and Im sure that your proposal will be great!

 

[AndyR1976]

Hiya, as a guy, sometimes I just don’t understand you women

(please read on, I’m not going to be nasty here – hopefully it will actually make you feel better)

WHO CARES if some of your friends get engaged before you?!?!. Instead of the glass being half empty, perhaps you should consider that the glass is half full! I’m sure you have friends who still don’t even have boyfriends? Or perhaps friends who have had a series of bad relationships? Or friends who have been engaged (or married) then separated! Its not a competition – you should concentrate on whether you are happy NOW – not how your relationship is progressing compared to your friends''.

Second, just because your other half hasn’t proposed doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to, or isn’t planning it! Let me tell you about me! When I do things, I do things properly! It may take an extra few weeks or months to plan but I guarantee that my girlfriend (of 3 years) has LOTS of exceptional memories. For example, a few months back, she was concerned (like you women get) because I hadn’t been spending much time or money on things for us (prior to this we had always done a lot together – meals out, little presents etc etc) So she was a little concerned that I wasn’t paying her as much attention! However, I was in the background ploughing all of my time, effort and money into trying to prepare for her the best 25th birthday present ever. When her birthday arrived she understood why I had been pre-occupied for the past few weeks! I had arranged a special meal for us in her favourite restaurant, afterwards we went for a ‘quiet’ drink where I had arranged all of her close friends to be there. When we finally moved on to another pub an hour later all her work friends joined us, then another 20 people met up and we all went to a club for a huge night out. The next day a limo took us to the eurostar terminal where we caught a train to Paris, 5 star hotel for 3 nights, tours of the city, walks, dinners in the best restaurants and then some great presents which I had hidden in my suitcase (including some diamonds - obviously)….etc. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT SIMPLY WAITING UNTIL THE PERFECT MOMENT TO PROPOSE, WITH THE PERFECT RING AND THE PERFECT PLACE AND AN EVENT THAT ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS NEVER GOT FROM THEIR WEAK< LAST MINUTE PROPOSALS FROM THEIR GUYS????

Third, give him some credit for what he does do! Don’t focus on how your not engaged NOW! Why not just enjoy being boyfriend and girlfriend!! Soon enough I’m sure you’ll be engaged, then married and you have the rest of your life to enjoy that!!!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Hey girl,

I am the last (and some are now on second marriages) but I like to put a positive spin on it and think that I''m a lucky that when my turn comes I won''t have to worry about someone stealing my thunder or scheduling around others "functions".

I think the first and the last are always special for some reason...haha Just my 2cts.

Chin up and remember it is nice to be the black sheep sometimes.

Kathryn

 

[jennypoo]

Hey! I know exactly how you feel. I, too, have been dating my BF for almost 8 years. Lately I''ve been saying to myself, "It''s been eight wonderful years. We own a house together. We love each other. Why the hell hasn''t he proposed?

What could *POSSIBLY* be the hold up? He''s assured me, time and again, that it WILL happen, but WHEN? As I had mentioned in a previous post, we had a HUGE blow-up about it a few months back, and it was then that he told me that he definitely WANTS to marry me, and he knows how important it is to me, but that he wants to make the proposal special and a COMPLETE surprise. I told him I didn''t care if the rock is huge (mind you I do secretly want a fair hunk of diamond), but he told me that *HE* cares. He said he wants it to be something he''s proud of. So I''ve completely shut up about it, and I''m trying desperately to be a patient LIW. I *TOTALLY* understand where you''re coming from because I, like you, am also one of the last of my group of friends to become engaged, and, as it usually goes, we''ve been dating MUCH longer than they have. (What''s UP with that?)

Every now and then I get down in the dumps about it, too. That''s when I usually crack open an internet browser and google "why hasn''t he proposed yet?" (That''s how I found this website!) But my boyfriend told me that in the interim (between the undisclosed time of a proposal and now), he''s just enjoying being with me. Like most guys (and the guy that weighed in above), he doesn''t understand the importanance us women place on marriage. He doesn''t understand how a piece of paper will affect the relationship of two people who love each other and are committed to each other, but he knows how crucial it is to me (and most women!)

Hang in there, girl!

 

[DMBsGirl]

Thanks guys.
I know, he probably has something grand up his sleeve, and I guess I have no choice but to just wait.
He is a guy and has no idea that pressure us women face when it comes to marriage, babies, etc. Oh yes, forgot to mention two recently married friends are now pregnant. IT''s tough when everyone around you is moving on and you are still just a "giflfriend."
Waiting hasn''t killed me yet, this is testing my patience, but I hope I forget this torturous period once the engagement finally happens! Good luck to all of us

 

[AndyR1976]

Hey, I wasn''t saying that marriage wasn''t important! Although I can accept that for some guys it ain''t that much of a big deal there are guys out there (me included) who think it IS very important!

BUT, just because he hasn''t proposed shouldn''t take away from what you have now (and what you will have for the rest of your life).

And Kathryn has entirely proved my point - she has friends on SECOND marriages! Those girls (who you were so concerned about getting married before you) have been through crap times, arguments, separation and divorce!! I am betting they would rather be in your shoes and thinking to themselves that perhaps it wasn''t the best to be the first married!

I do hope that it doesn''t get you down - although I understand that it might do!? I hope my posts don''t seem to ''guy-like'' (ie. marriage don''t matter). Just trying to point out that, although important, marriage is not the be-all-and-end-all of life! If you are happy, then thats the most important!

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Date: 6/6/2007 11:13:56 AM
Author: AndyR1976
Hey, I wasn''t saying that marriage wasn''t important! Although I can accept that for some guys it ain''t that much of a big deal there are guys out there (me included) who think it IS very important!

BUT, just because he hasn''t proposed shouldn''t take away from what you have now (and what you will have for the rest of your life).

And Kathryn has entirely proved my point - she has friends on SECOND marriages! Those girls (who you were so concerned about getting married before you) have been through crap times, arguments, separation and divorce!! I am betting they would rather be in your shoes and thinking to themselves that perhaps it wasn''t the best to be the first married!

I do hope that it doesn''t get you down - although I understand that it might do!? I hope my posts don''t seem to ''guy-like'' (ie. marriage don''t matter). Just trying to point out that, although important, marriage is not the be-all-and-end-all of life! If you are happy, then thats the most important!

Always nice to have a mans perspective! lol

I am so glad that I have waited, the guy I dated at 18 (when my other friends got hitched) was an Idiot and I know that I would have been miserable with a couple of kids now if I would''ve married him. lol

I am so grateful that I had a chance to meet my dream guy and enjoy him... I know that he has a life plan and personal schedule and I also know I can''t push him, that''s why I love him. I try to remember that my schedule of what I think my life plan is is bound to be different to his.

Like the old cliche "good things come to those who wait".

Now in the mean time, let''s all hold hands and sing *Kumbyah*......heheheh

I''d lose my mind if I though I was in this boat alone!

 

[Olive Oil]

Date: 6/6/2007 11:13:56 AM
Author: AndyR1976
Hey, I wasn''t saying that marriage wasn''t important! Although I can accept that for some guys it ain''t that much of a big deal there are guys out there (me included) who think it IS very important!


BUT, just because he hasn''t proposed shouldn''t take away from what you have now (and what you will have for the rest of your life).


And Kathryn has entirely proved my point - she has friends on SECOND marriages! Those girls (who you were so concerned about getting married before you) have been through crap times, arguments, separation and divorce!! I am betting they would rather be in your shoes and thinking to themselves that perhaps it wasn''t the best to be the first married!


I do hope that it doesn''t get you down - although I understand that it might do!? I hope my posts don''t seem to ''guy-like'' (ie. marriage don''t matter). Just trying to point out that, although important, marriage is not the be-all-and-end-all of life! If you are happy, then thats the most important!

I don''t think that it is neccesarily that the friends are getting married first -- It''s that they are reminding us of the thing we want and can''t seem to get. Many women on this board (myself included) are at an age that if we want to have kids, we need to do it soon. Just because *some* women can have kids at 40 doesn''t mean that all women can. The probability of having children with serious birth defects and chromosomal disorders grows exponentially past age 35. If a woman is 30, and ends up not getting engaged to a man she''s been waiting on, that doesn''t leave her much time to find someone new before her reproductive capacity declines. I think a woman has every right to know where the relationship is heading AND on what timeline.

I''m not trying to be combative, but I think men often don''t think about this.

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Date: 6/5/2007 10:54:58 PM
Author: elaineh
i''m sorry DMBsGirl. i''ve been with my bf for 8 years and completely understand what you''re going thru. hang in there. it will happen, and i''m sure it will be GREAT when it does. don''t worry about what other people think. it''s about you and your bf. as long as you guys are happy, that''s all that matters.

DMBsGirl,

I honestly know how you feel!! I am also ''officially'' the last..and sin the same boat as elaineh. I''ve been with my b/f for 8 years also and everytime we have a wedding or hear of an engagement, i get that rock in my chest. I am very very happy for them and wish them all well, but a part of me feels left behind..and a bit alone. But i take a keep breath and now that when its my time, how happy i will be. So chin up, and don''t worry! It will come and as long as you and your b/f are happy and you know you feel about each other... that''s the important thing!

 

[DMBsGirl]

Date: 6/11/2007 12:49:32 AM
Author: whenharrymetsally

Date: 6/5/2007 10:54:58 PM
Author: elaineh
i''m sorry DMBsGirl. i''ve been with my bf for 8 years and completely understand what you''re going thru. hang in there. it will happen, and i''m sure it will be GREAT when it does. don''t worry about what other people think. it''s about you and your bf. as long as you guys are happy, that''s all that matters.

DMBsGirl,

I honestly know how you feel!! I am also ''officially'' the last..and sin the same boat as elaineh. I''ve been with my b/f for 8 years also and everytime we have a wedding or hear of an engagement, i get that rock in my chest. I am very very happy for them and wish them all well, but a part of me feels left behind..and a bit alone. But i take a keep breath and now that when its my time, how happy i will be. So chin up, and don''t worry! It will come and as long as you and your b/f are happy and you know you feel about each other... that''s the important thing!

Hello to another fellow 8 yr''er! lol
Well yesterday the FF and I were at a christening. His parents, brothers, and their wives were there. The christening dinner was very extravagant with dinner and dancing, so FF''s mom was a lil tipsy. All of a sudden out of nowhere, really loudly, she says to my FF "So, when are you getting married?" lol! I had never heard her say that, although he had told me she bugs him about it all the time. Well he got a bit upset at her for bringing it up then and there, and she gave him a little lecture. Nice to know everyone is on my side! I really feel like he is definitely planning something but I just wish it were sooner rather than later. Waiting sucks.
Oh, and on a sidenote, the christening dinner was at Tavern on the Green and someone was having their wedding there. The ceremony was going on outside the room we were in. I definitely got some "wedding jealousy" when I saw her walk down the aisle

 

[Fancy605]

Pros to being the last one:

-You get to learn from everyone else''s planning mistakes and successes
-You don''t have to worry about friends getting irrationally jealous over your engagement
-Your wedding will be highly anticipated.
-Your wedding will get the be the GRAND FINALE of your friendship circle weddings. You know how sometimes when 2 little kids have candy, one will save his candy for later so that he can savor it infront of the kid who already at his and make him wish he still had a piece too? Well the same principle sort of applies here. (not that weddings should make anyone feel envious, but people will look at yours and say, wow, I wish I could do that again.)
-You are the last one to have marrital obligations that prevent you from going out whenever and doing whatever, so you''ll be the "fun" friend for the longest. (Not that marriage isn''t fun. I am super excited to be married, but I think when I am figuring up bills and budgets and house payments and family visits and groceries, I will miss having the time to dash off with the girls whenever I want.)
-You will be the last to have to field this question: So, when are you going to have a baby?