She doesn''t want a ring.. (believe it or not)

[yanks]

Hello all,
I''ve been lurking for a while just reading up, doing some research. I''m a few months off from a proposal. We''ve discussed it and all is ready to go, with one snag. She doesn''t want a ring. She''s just not a ring kind of girl. She''s never had one before, just doesn''t like things on her hands. The problem is, this extends past a ring. She doesn''t have her ears pierced and doesn''t wear necklaces. Sooo, what do I do? I''ve been trying to think of something else "special" that I could buy, but nothing comes to mind. She tells me she doesn''t need anything, but I would think her friends and family would think less of me without any type of gift.

Anyone ever run into this? Have a solution?

 

[ForteKitty]

a car?

 

[yanks]

Not out of the scope of what i''ve been thinking However, she just got a new one recently. The top of my list right now is a dog.

 

[Lorelei]

Hi Yanks and welcome

A dog sounds good!! Another idea is how about a really wonderful watch? There are some incredible ones available and you can find one to suit her I'm sure- if she prefers very plain styles. You could also have it engraved somewhere inside to celebrate our engagement and the names and dates. I have heard of a guy proposing with a grand piano instead of a ring, it goes to show you don't necessarily need a ring to become engaged if your GF isn't into rings, good luck, I know you will find just the thing!

 

[Kojack]

Do rings just feel uncomfortable on her hands? If its the uncomfortable reason, have her try on a really thin band. If she doesn''t want the hole bulky rock feeling, a thin band may be the solution.

 

[SoonIHope]

I agree with Kojack, have her try on a few different types to see if she can find one that''s comfortable. Perhaps even a very very thin wedding band with no diamonds or engraving whatsoever, just so she''s got SOMETHING on that finger. I bet that once she starts telling people she got engaged and every single person says, "Oh?? Let me see the ring!!" she''ll wish she had a little something to show for it. As great as it would be to say "He got me a ___ instead", I feel most people will assume that she should have a ring. A plain band would still be a symbolic placeholder and she could just tell people, "I didn''t want a fancy ring, so he got me a ____ instead" but at least there will be something there. Then again, this is coming from a girl who desperately wants a ring, so of course I want something on my finger!

Regardless, congratulations!!! I''m sure you''ll come up with something perfect for the two of you!

 

[Lorelei]

This might be the case, but Yanks has said that she isn't a ring sort of girl and doesn't want one. Maybe a thin band might work, but she might mean what she says that any type of ring isn't for her. I know to us PSers it seems unusual, but IMO if Yanks is absolutely sure she doesn't want a ring, they have obviously discussed it and she knows she can have a ring or test some out if she wants to, but chooses not to , then another special gift would be more appropriate in this case. If she changes her mind at any time she could get one then!

 

[widget]

No jewelry at all??!! And what planet did you say she was from? (just kidding!

)

If a ring is out of the question, an ingraved watch might be a good idea.

I''m a sucker for sentiment and symbolism, and would want something that won''t depreciate, grow old, or go out of style.

How about a beautiful crystal or mineral specimen that somehow symbollizes your love and commitment...perhaps housed in a beautiful little antique box? Then later, in case she changes her ways, it could be mounted in a unique and beautiful pendant. I''ve posted a few I found at www.acstones.com to give you an idea of what I"m talking about.

widget

PS: any treasure you find presented tied around the neck of a new puppy might be nice, too...

 

[yanks]

Thank you all for the terrific ideas. A Watch would work because that is something she wears!


The reason behind the lack of ring is more just her nature. She''s (and she would kill me for saying it) a "tomboy". She likes to play in the mud (no joke, family is farmers)


I thought the same thing many of you said, when she tells people she got engaged, the first thing they will ask for is the ring. I would hate if she had to respond "It''s home in a cage", "It''s getting tuned" or "It''s in the fish tank

". The other reason is I''d like people to know that she''s taken!

Widget you hit it right on the nose, my thoughts were a ring around the puppy neck, however, without the ring, it''s just a puppy.



I welcome any other thoughts. In the mean time, i''ll take a look at some watches or maybe a non-diamond (expensive) ring that she doesn''t have to wear all the time. THanks agian!

 

[decodelighted]

What about a ring TATOO. Okay, totally not ME ... but maybe her? If you do the watch ... I love, love, love the Jaeger LeCoutre Reverso in stainless. About 5-6K so def. "e-ring" level investment territory!

 

[curlygirl]

The watch is definitely a great idea. You can even get it engraved so it can commemorate the day of your engagement. I say, go for it!

 

[belle]

from a non-jewelry type person, my vote is definetly a watch.

 

[snuga]

I vote for the watch too. My only problem with a dog is that it will eventually die. That would be a terrible thing to happen and to know that your "engagement present" is no longer alive, it would make me feel a little bad. maybe that's just me though?

At least she will be able to have the watch forever. And even if it breaks, she can hold onto it.... unless you want to stuff the dog when it dies?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/28/2005 10:48:35 PM
Author: kalispera
My only problem with a dog is that it will eventually die. That would be a terrible thing to happen and to know that your ''engagement present'' is no longer alive]

Kali, that''s EXACTLY what I was thinking. And I''m a dog-lover, dog-person, dog-mommy ... but it''s a fact of life. Arguably most pets last longer than most marraiges

but ya certainly can''t go into it thinking that

.

Def. still get a dog, maybe for X-mas, b-day or to celebrate an anniversary or something ... but not the engagement. JMHO.

 

[widget]

Author: yanks
I would hate if she had to respond ''It''s.... in the fish tank

''.

Does this mean you think my "romantic rock" ideas would end up as fishtank gravel?

Oh, well....

....In the mean time, i''ll take a look at some watches or maybe a non-diamond (expensive) ring that she doesn''t have to wear all the time....

Great idea! Get thee over to the "Colored Gemstone" forum eye candy thread for inspiration!

Good luck, and have fun....

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[Mara]

i love the dog idea because it can be very symbolic of your new life together...but i would say that you have to make sure she really wants a dog...because you don''t just want to give a dog if you aren''t willing to really care for it etc. but if you did want a pet, you would become so attached to the dog you wouldn''t be thinking of your symbolic engageement gift dying but rather your faithful companion to you both being gone.

that said if you don''t want a committment like a dog which can be a big one, then i think the watch would be awesome, you could have it engraved with something special to you...maybe even a few little diamonds in it...she''s not totally averse to diamonds right?

 

[windowshopper]

a dog is a terrible idea in my opinion.................you need something enduring and symbolic. A dogf is, quite frankly, not much different than getting a baby except their is no college tuition to save for....

I would buy her a very narrow platinum or white gold band with perhaps one single .15 diamond set into it on the top. Tell he that you undesrtand that she doesnt really like or wear jewelry but you felt it was important to at least get her one-- symbolically. That way she can keep it in her jewlery box or drawer and if she decides she feels like wearing it--out to dinner , to a party etc she can. Tell her that someday when you are oldand gray or passsed away its a family heirloom that perhaps their children will sentimentally want to use.................these things aren''t just for us you know

 

[valeria101]

Date: 11/28/2005 12:17:20 PM
Author:yanks

She tells me she doesn't need anything,

No need to tell me this, is there a reason why not beyond her not wearing jewelry?



but I would think her friends and family would think less of me without any type of gift.

Silly. You can't possibly please everyone. The one who needs to be happy is your GF - lots more important than the rest of the clan.



Anyone ever run into this?

Yes. I don't care for this particular piece of jewelry either.


Have a solution?

Hope so... see below.

Watch?

or...


Get a loose diamond (or some other kind of gem) and let her keep it in the drawer? I've seen this done - it is not that weird. On the other side of the spectrum, collectors of fine jewelry don't care much for waring their prized hoard. Also, maybe she is not likely to wear some piece of jewelry all the time, but that is precisely why special events are about. It could be that the engagement ring is not 24/7 jewelry but a significant piece that gets out only in the limelight. E-rings with relatively fragile colored gems (opal, say) are meant for this sort of wear.

If the ring is not the sort that is worn 24/7 - than she can show it off for now answering public curiosity and not have to explain why she doesn't want to wear it all the time.

Believe me, a ring doesn't make any difference showing 'she's taken' - it is up to her to make it look that way with or without a ring. You must know by now that is the case.

My 0.2. Hope things work out for you

 

[fire&ice]

I second the diamond band idea. It''s far less obtrusive than a traditional engagement ring. A couple of my friends received this. One was an antique with sapphires & diamonds in a double row..

 

[Kim N]

I'm another non-jewelry person, and I love the idea of a watch engraved with your names and the date.

 

[ellewoods]

Hi Yanks.

I know that you''ve said that your girlfriend is definitely the non-jewelry type, so I apologize if my response will frustrate you or be unhelpful. I too am a girl who never wears jewelry....I have a nice silver Tiffany bracelet my boyfriend gave me that my boyfriend gave me, and I wear it on occassion, but other than that I don''t bother with jewelry. That doesn''t mean I won''t try at some point though, just with my lifestyle right now it''s not a priority.

So all that being said....I think a perfect compromise is to get her a thin eternity band (thin band with tiny diamonds all around). That way you have a special, important, concrete expression of your proposal and her acceptance. I bet she would really like something like that, once she sees it is very thin and doesn''t get in the way, and isn''t showy or too much for her simple style. I think they''re very elegant and pretty, but in a understated and quiet way. Many ladies get them for their wedding band, to go next to their more traditional engagement ring with a center stone.

If your girlfriend really is uncomfortable wearing rings, she can wear it around her neck on a thin chain, or wear it on special occassions, or use it for both her engagement ring and wedding ring in one. Is she open to wearing a wedding ring, even if she doesn''t want a typical engagement ring? It can serve as both.

Here''s a pic of an eternity ring along the lines I''m thinking of.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hey guys, just an aside: anyone remember "Say Anything"? "I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen." Sorry, just came to mind. I love the dog idea. Just make sure she''d like the breed you get her!

 

[yanks]

Thank you all for the thoughts and ideas. We spoke a little more and she really just doesn''t want a ring. We both don''t feel it''s a tradition that means much to either of us, so even a small ring isn''t really going to server much of a purpose.

However, I would like to get something. A Watch seems to be the best idea at this point. However, I am also going to get her a dog. She has been begging for one for years, and I think she can have it now

Even when the dog dies, it will still be part of our thoughts and we will remember what it stands for. We will still have our love and decided that we don''t need a Diamond to prove that to ourselves. I guess it fits in with our simplistic ways of life and thinking.


Thanks again everyone, I will let you know what pans out.

 

[littlelysser]

I''m adding in a little late here...but I love the idea of an engagement puppy. One of my dear friends got his wife an engagement puppy 14 years ago. She didn''t want a ring, but she did want a dog! They''ve been happily married for over 10 years...

Unfortunately, Quiche, the engagement puppy, had to be put to sleep a few weeks back...but considering that my friend and his wife have a child and are very very happy...the loss of puppy certainly didn''t mean the loss of the marriage...

 

[K_roK56]

I think dog is a wonderful idea, you will both watch the dog grow over the years... good luck!