deflated

[nytemist]

Not testy at all... just disagreeing with your twisted idea of who we are. And that''s fine. This wasn''t about you insulting us anyway, so I bid you farewell.

Changing gears... BF got an email from his sister about Christmas, since she will be hosting it at her house she wanted to confirm we were coming. She also asked him if we would have any news to bring to dinner. His reply was "not if you cc her (meaning me) on the email." It could mean something good, I know, but we need to have a little chat soon. I''m starting to feel a bit disconnected- not sure if it''s him or me.

 

[Caribou]

Sorry NY.

My BF was e-mailing a good friend of his and he forwarded me the e-mail because she sent him pictures of her baby she wanted me to see. He forward the e-mail to him...so I read the e-mail.

He made a comment about how the whole wedding thing would be expensive so he would have to start saving more...she asked him when he was going to propose.

He either never answered her, called her to tell her, or deleted the response to her question..which I could see him doing knowing that I would read it and it would drive me crazy.

Oh well.

Hopefully, NY he's throwing you off track..which I pretty sure is the case.

 

[AmberWaves]

I''m sure it will be fine, nytemist, about being disconnected. Perhaps it''s got to do with feeling slightly let down. Talking it out is always a good idea, just as long as you remain calm and in control of your emotions (which I for one rarely do)

. As for that Prism woman (maybe), most of us are here because we aren''t waiting, per se, as much as we are her to commiserate with others who feel as we do, and we lack other places of support. Either that, or we''re all just biding our time with our various arrangements, and find it''s calming to rationalize with others in our position. I know I for one would never propose to my BF, he told me himself he would hate for me to do that, and wuold be very angry at me for it. When I seem to run the house and everything inside it, it''s my way of letting him do something his own way. Why deny him that? It would be cruel. Sexism only exists when you create it.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 11/29/2005 12:16:22 PM
Author: Prisms
Haha. Lordy, you women in here are testy! Well I wish you all the best, and hope your men 'step up to the plate' sooner than later.

I thought you were leaving.

Quite honestly, I find you very hyprocritcal...why are you even on here if you are seemingly so against the marriage?? Why even get married? I would think it would be more of a feminist act to not get married and have kids....showing your daughters that they don't need to marry at all because after all, marriage is for women who want to relinquish power to their men.

Ohhh what power they would have then!!

 

[larussel03]

I hate saying anything negative about other members,but does anyone else get the feeling prisms may be a troll? You know, people who go around and start trouble on forums for fun?

 

[Caribou]

Date: 11/29/2005 2:42:43 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*
I hate saying anything negative about other members,but does anyone else get the feeling prisms may be a troll? You know, people who go around and start trouble on forums for fun?

I was thnking that but I was hoping that didn''t happen in this forum. Everyone is really nice even when they disagree. Prism is just evil.

 

[nytemist]

O M G YES!!!!!!

I certainly agree with sweetpea! But, the only way folks like that have an effect is by acknowledging them.

 

[SoonIHope]

Oh well, hopefully he/she is gone now and we can get back to the topic at hand.

Nytemist - I think that email sounds encouraging!!! Let''s hope he''ll do it sooooon!!!

And don''t feel bad about feeling disconnected; I think it''s totally normal to feel that way every now and then when you have a disagreement/issue that''s just sort of pending. It''s much easier to feel disconnected than to keep yourself angry and upset all the time, and since the issue hasn''t been resolved, you can''t start getting over it yet. So just hang in there and hopefully it''ll happen for you really soon!!

 

[picky]

Ha. Ya''ll are killing me! How am I a troll? I merely stated a different angle of looking at the situation and you all jumped on me because you don''t share my view. Sheesh, now I''m all evil.

And hey, I''m not against marriage at all. I''m not a big fan of the man soley having all the power in deciding when you become engaged to each other. I''m not a big fan of weddings, but marriage in my mind, is a valid arrangement with valuable functions, especially for women.

Several of you stated that you want the "romance" of him proposing to you. I can understand that. But how is it romantic when you are in distress about him dragging his feet and nagging him about it all the time? A proposal is romantic when it is on time and genuine....not bullied.

 

[nytemist]

Yep, my recovery time starts in about 20 minutes! I''m running out of work early to head to canuck country for my mini vaca! I can''t wait! I looooooooooooooove Montreal so much. This will definately pick up my spirits. Not going to be too bad weather-wise either.

BF is now gripey that he isn''t coming with me. The other day, when I finally told him I was going, he was like ''oh, that''s great. I know you love going there.'' Now it''s 20 questions- ''you''re gone til Sunday? Why not come back a day early? How about me seeing if I can get the weekend off and come up to join you? Are you guys going clubbing?'' And so on. He hates it when I go places (leave the state) with out him.

Roughly 5 days without me. Gee, could this make him think???

-Even with this whole situation, I''m so giddy right now-

 

[Caribou]

Date: 11/29/2005 3:30:49 PM
Author: Prisms

Several of you stated that you want the ''romance'' of him proposing to you. I can understand that. But how is it romantic when you are in distress about him dragging his feet and nagging him about it all the time? A proposal is romantic when it is on time and genuine....not bullied.

You are a guy aren''t you? Only a guy would not see the woman''s side and think that maybe it''s HIM that is putting us ''distressed'' which in turn causes us to ''bully'' them, as you say.

 

[SoonIHope]

Ooooh, I love Montreal too!!! Have fun!!!!

And yeah, hopefully thinking of you out there having a glorious time without him will help him realize how much he wants to be having a great time WITH you...for the rest of his life.

Good luck!

 

[larussel03]

Date: 11/29/2005 3:34:27 PM
Author: nytemist
Yep, my recovery time starts in about 20 minutes! I''m running out of work early to head to canuck country for my mini vaca! I can''t wait! I looooooooooooooove Montreal so much. This will definately pick up my spirits. Not going to be too bad weather-wise either.


BF is now gripey that he isn''t coming with me. The other day, when I finally told him I was going, he was like ''oh, that''s great. I know you love going there.'' Now it''s 20 questions- ''you''re gone til Sunday? Why not come back a day early? How about me seeing if I can get the weekend off and come up to join you? Are you guys going clubbing?'' And so on. He hates it when I go places (leave the state) with out him.


Roughly 5 days without me. Gee, could this make him think???

-Even with this whole situation, I''m so giddy right now-

haha sounds like you''re making him sweat! Maybe he''ll do a little shopping while you''re gone

 

[princessv]

Have fun nytemist!! Your SO sounds like mine with the "are you going to go clubbing" question. Here''s to making him sweat like Sweetpea says

 

[anchor31]

Yay, nystemist! Have fun in my home town!

Wish I was there too...

 

[MissAva]

Date: 11/29/2005 3:30:49 PM
Author: Prisms

Ha. Ya''ll are killing me! How am I a troll? I merely stated a different angle of looking at the situation and you all jumped on me because you don''t share my view. Sheesh, now I''m all evil.

And hey, I''m not against marriage at all. I''m not a big fan of the man soley having all the power in deciding when you become engaged to each other. I''m not a big fan of weddings, but marriage in my mind, is a valid arrangement with valuable functions, especially for women.

Since when do they get all the power, the woman gets to say yes or no...that is power.


Several of you stated that you want the ''romance'' of him proposing to you. I can understand that. But how is it romantic when you are in distress about him dragging his feet and nagging him about it all the time? A proposal is romantic when it is on time and genuine....not bullied.
We are not bullying our men, I for one post here so I can let him have his space. I can share with others without exerting pressure on someone who does not need it.

 

[MissAva]

Date: 11/29/2005 3:34:27 PM
Author: nytemist
Yep, my recovery time starts in about 20 minutes! I''m running out of work early to head to canuck country for my mini vaca! I can''t wait! I looooooooooooooove Montreal so much. This will definately pick up my spirits. Not going to be too bad weather-wise either.

BF is now gripey that he isn''t coming with me. The other day, when I finally told him I was going, he was like ''oh, that''s great. I know you love going there.'' Now it''s 20 questions- ''you''re gone til Sunday? Why not come back a day early? How about me seeing if I can get the weekend off and come up to join you? Are you guys going clubbing?'' And so on. He hates it when I go places (leave the state) with out him.

Roughly 5 days without me. Gee, could this make him think???

-Even with this whole situation, I''m so giddy right now-

That sounds wonderful! Enjoy your vacation!

 

[nytemist]

I missed so much in 5 days! Congratulations to the newly engaged!!!!

Montreal was fabulous... hit my favorite spots, (mmmmm, Oishii Sushi) spent time with friends and enjoying the St. Laurent nightlife. Did not have my phone on the entire time so on my way back home under US cell service I turn it on and have 3 messages from my BF. We talked briefly before I left and apparently he is worried about our status. Bascially I remember saying I was thrileld to go to and was seriously thinking again about moving there, and that I looked forward to the New Year, since I''m embarking on a new career, it really is the time to wipe the slate clean in every aspect of my life. So, the last message from him from unday was him asking if we could have a sit-down some point this week. That he needs to be putting in more effort to discussing what the future holds, whether it makes him uncomfortbale or not.

Who knows where this conversation will go. I hope it doesn''t become another train wreck like back in July.

 

[SoonIHope]

Nytemist - Glad you had a great time in Montreal!

And it''s great that you''re planning to have a real talk with your boyfriend (& that he initiated it). Hopefully you two can really clear the air and come to a decision that makes you both happy. I think it sounds promising, and I''m hoping for the best for you!!!

 

[appletini]

ny: I''m so glad you had a wonderful trip! I think your BF definitely got a wake up call while you were away. I think its great that he is the one wanting to initiate a conversation about the future. Keep us posted.

 

[MissAva]

Sounds like you had a wonderful time with your friends....always the best way to feel good about things. A sit down sounds serious and I hope it goes well for you and for him, when do you think it will happen?

 

[anchor31]

Hurray for Montréal!!! I''m looking forward to going back too. Only two weeks to go, but I have to get through my finals first! EEEK!

It''s good to see your boyfriend finally woke up. Good luck for the talk.

 

[nytemist]

You can do it anchor!! Your finals will be over before you know it! Everytime I go back I start reconsidering my choice to move to NY. Though I know it''s more difficult for an American to move into Quebec. My friend is still going through the paperwork and she has been living there since mid 2001.

Matatora- he called me here at work earlier asking how ther trip was and all, since I hadn''t talked to him since Wed morning. He was very eager to find out what my schedule looked like and when would be a good time. So, it''s looking like Sat. or Sun. afternoon. I may have to miss some football,

but it will be worth it.

 

[caligal]

Good luck Nyem!

 

[nytemist]

Geeez... I miss so much when I''m not on for a few days!! Even more graduates from the list!!! Yee-ha!

So, we got together and talked yesterday. I made it clear to him that I haven''t been asking him for solid concrete answers about our future plans, just being able to throw ideas out on the table. Maybe I haven''t done the best job of that, making it seem like I need to do everything in a month or something. However it did bother me when someone would ask me what our plans were, being together for so long and I''d have to say I don''t know- haven''t really been able to have that conversation successfully yet. I explained to him that I do want him in my life, I love him and I''m intense about it, but this vagueness about our path together had created a distance, maybe more so on my part. I said it would be so nice and weight off my shoulders to know in my heart that we truly share the same outlook on matters that come up and being open about what we may not agree on. He sat and listened to me for about a 15 minutes while I made my point, then I gave him the time to do the same. He said he understands exactly what I''m saying, and have been saying for the past year. Like a typical guy, it''s just been fear and/or discomfort and as with most men they figure if they ignore it or put it off until later everything will be fine. He finally understands that there are two us involved here. I know he felt left out before, but if he couldn''t tell me what he wanted, how do I plan to include him?? So all the diagreements and miscommunications in the past- he understood what I was saying, but didn''t want to face the issues (men!!

) It was only that it seemed like I would leave did he really think he has to put himself back in this relationship, give a damn about it and start talking. The he said he thought a lot when I was away- and admitted that he wasn''t happy with me being so far away having fun (because, you know, another male could be dancing near me in a club) so he searched his feelings and made some decisions. To be funny, he said he talked to the cats and told them they would have to adjust to the idea of moving to NY in the future. He said the cats semed fine with the decision, but they can''t read a map and don''t know how far away it is.

I asked is he was sure and he said yes, but he wants to keep his condo at least a year so it can appreciate some before he sells it. I said fine, I''m not going to be able to go anywhere yet but when I was ready, he wold put plans in motion to sell his place and start looking in and aorund NY to find someplace affordable. Glad this talk happened. FINALLY.

I was good though. Didn''t mention anything about engagement. I shouldn''t need to remind him again. He''s well aware of what he said. However, I did want to be bad and say "19 days"

 

[anchor31]

I''m so glad you talked! I was wondering what was happening with the two of you!

I''m really happy you understand each other now, and I truly hope he will propose, ring or no ring, within the next 19 days!

 

[SoonIHope]

Oh that''s great news! I''m glad you''ve come to a better understanding with each other and he''s ready to really put himself back into the relationship. And the thing about the cats was so cute!

I''m keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!