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Etiquette visitors and pets?

Tanzigrrl

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I just hosted a holiday party for about 15 of my work colleagues. I was delighted by how well my bunny handled it. She's used to it being just me and my DH, but she was thrilled to see all of my guests. I know she's not shy, but she's young, and this is the first time she's been around so many people at once. She did great - and everyone took turns petting her (if they wanted to do so). I kept her in her crate to avoid any accidents, etc. but brought her out when it was requested.
 

dk168

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Those I would invite into my house and home are my nearests and dearests, and they already know about my pets being by children substitutes. Therefore, no need for any special precautions.

It is highly unlikely I would get on with anyone who do not like cats and dogs, or have issues with my pets roaming free in my house that is also their home.

Like me, like my pets, with no exceptions.

DK :))
 

packrat

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We have four cats and a dog. When we have a number of people over it's usually (well, not the last several years but it had been for many years) during the summer, so people were in and out of the house, and we let Chicken in and out as she wanted. We told any kids that she is submissive and will cower down, so be soft and slow w/her. They're our friends. If their child is messing w/my dog they will be told "Please be sure you are playing nice w/her-she doesn't understand what you're trying to do and if she gets scared I don't want to see you get bit" and if they still can't control their hands or whatever they're doing, then they're not going to play w/her and I will tell them that-they will be removed, not my dog. My cats, they'll mostly hide if they feel like it, but if they want attention or to see what's going on, I'll tell people "Britta is picky about how you pet her and if she likes it and you stop, she'll turn and bite you" Goose still has her claws so if she's trying to get away she may end up clawing. I'm guilty of it w/my own cats, the whole hugging but I loooooove youuuuuu and the whole time the cat is like OMG MOM STAAAAAHP and pushing away from me. People are all over the basement, the main floor, outside etc, there isn't a place to put the animals. I would rather hang out w/my kitties than most people anyway, so I don't really care if people don't like it.
 

momhappy

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Niel|1450118154|3961319 said:
momhappy|1450116567|3961305 said:
chemgirl|1450115800|3961300 said:
Niel|1450114712|3961292 said:
chemgirl|1450114355|3961289 said:
Thanks for the different perspectives!

Putting them away somewhere isn't a real option for us unless it is very short term. Our house is very open and there are only 2 bedrooms plus bathrooms that can be closed. One of our cats is epileptic and has injured himself by seizuring under the bed. We don't allow them in the bedrooms for this reason, so they would need to all be in a bathroom. Not much space for them.

My take on children and animals comes from my childhood. We had a cat who was very good with children. However, I had a cousin who would terrorize the poor thing. He would chase her and throw things at her. One Halloween he was dressed as a devil and thought it would be fun to chase her around and poke her with his plastic pitchfork. Eventually she defended herself. His parents were very upset, but my mindset was they should have told him not to bug the cat.

So my view is that parents should teach their children how to behave around animals
.

This is true, but do you really want your cat to be the test subject on which the kids learn this?

Very true. I do keep an eye on them when we have company so the kids don't mess with them. If the kids are really curious about the cats and their parents are game I usually introduce them and explain how cats don't like to be startled, but they can pet them gently if a grownup is present.

So far there hasn't been any issues beyond one kid who is terrified of cats. The cats left her alone, but she freaked out every time they so much as looked her way. I sort of feel this one isn't my problem?

I was just sort of taken aback that 3 different parents texted me about doing something with the cats so their children are safe during the visit. I sort of want to ask them what they plan on doing with their kids so my cats are safe.

Then I caught myself because maybe it's just an expected thing that animals go away somewhere when people are over.

Eta: I wouldn't actually say that to a parent, I just think it.

I must say that I find that very odd - that they would text you asking that you take care of the cats :confused: I would never ask a host/hostess to "do something" about their pets. If I had real concerns about an animal, I honestly would decline the invitation. Otherwise, I'd talk to my kids prior to the visit and tell them that the animals were not to be touched (and then I would properly supervise my kids). I can see why you were taken aback because I would be too.

My father's grandparents adopted a rottweiler. The dog is fine, but snaps easily, as I've seen it "get into it" with one of his aunts dog. It was somewhat scary, even to me, one who has had 120+lb dogs. I do not trust that dog, period. They insist on bringing it to my mother in laws for holidays. I'll be damned if I'm going to let that dog anywhere near my 1 and 3 year old.

I text her when I am coming so that dog gets out alway.

And I teach my children how to treat pets.

And I agree with you Niel, which is why I said that I would take precautions if I had real concerns about an animal - I would have the same concerns you do (and take action) with a pet that is known to be unpredictable.
 

kenny

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Again in this thread I see the idea of 'etiquette' being used as a cop out to not have to take responsibility for what IMO is proper, correct, and healthy selfishness.

Your home, your rules.

If visitors don't like it they are free to not visit a place that they think has dangerous viscious monsters that will kill their precious helicoptered snowflakes. :roll:
 

CJ2008

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packrat|1450119522|3961332 said:
I'm guilty of it w/my own cats, the whole hugging but I loooooove youuuuuu and the whole time the cat is like OMG MOM STAAAAAHP and pushing away from me.

hahahaha

Yes - my girl does this - and she's little but she's pure muscle so she's STRONG.

I try to respect her and not do this to her often but I can't help it sometimes. She's so damn cute.
 

CJ2008

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If I had kids, and I was visiting someone whose pet I didn't trust I would ask them - very nicely - if they minded putting away their pet, that I was just afraid it may snap, etc.

And if I got any indication that they were not OK with that request - even if they said they were OK with it - I just wouldn't visit. I really would only want them to do it if they truly didn't mind.

And I don't think I would hold it against them (I say I don't think because I think you never know how you're going to feel until you're IN the situation) - because I understand and respect that they can do what they want in their home - but there's no way I'm going to let my kid near a dog/cat/pet I don't trust. :/
 

momhappy

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kenny|1450120006|3961336 said:
Again in this thread I see the idea of 'etiquette' being used as a cop out to not have to take responsibility for what IMO is proper, correct, and healthy selfishness.

Your home, your rules.

If visitors don't like it they are free to not visit a place that they think has dangerous viscious monsters that will kill their precious helicoptered snowflakes. :roll:

Funny you say this because I think in some cases, the precious, helicoptered snowflakes are actually the pets!!! :lol: I know people who treat their animals better than they do people... I have friends with unruly, impolite, monstrous children and there are times when they visit when my pets are the ones that need protecttion :shock: This isn't just about protecting people from unpredictable pets because it can work both ways. Houses full of people can be stressful for pets too and if a pet isn't used to dealing with young children, that can make matters even worse.
 

packrat

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When London was little mom refused to take her over to family friends around the corner b/c they had a dog who was snappy and would lunge at her, unless the dog was outside.
 

yssie

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monarch64|1450114205|3961287 said:
Keep the animals safe from the humans--put them away.

That's my primary motivation for putting the cats away...

The dogs are large and one is a jumper when excited. We put them away because - heck, even I find the jumping aggravating, and she's my dog - I don't expect anyone else to put up with it.
 

AdaBeta27

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Don't those guests with children have any pets of their own? "Do something with your cats" pretty much boggles my mind, lol. MY cats run for the cat beds under my bed anytime someone with either a dog or child in tow so much as rings the doorbell. I have a small litterbox and a water fountain set up in there. My cats just make a beeline to Cat Hotel. :lol: When the dog leaves, or if they decide that the visitor(s) are probably non-threatening, they will casually stroll out to observe at a distance.
 

telephone89

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momhappy|1450121535|3961345 said:
Funny you say this because I think in some cases, the precious, helicoptered snowflakes are actually the pets!!! :lol: I know people who treat their animals better than they do people... I have friends with unruly, impolite, monstrous children and there are times when they visit when my pets are the ones that need protecttion :shock: This isn't just about protecting people from unpredictable pets because it can work both ways. Houses full of people can be stressful for pets too and if a pet isn't used to dealing with young children, that can make matters even worse.
This is very true. I'm a huge animal lover, but TBH it drives me batty to see untrained animals, or when owners make excuses for their animals bad behavior. "Oh but I find it so adorable when little mittens nips at feet. She's just trying to herd them, isn't that so cute?!' Uh no, it's not. Or non-stop barking, trying to get on the table, etc.
 

boerumbiddy

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Whatever you decide to do about the cats, I would indeed ask the very pushy parents what the problem is. If it is allergies, I can sort of understand, though why bring your allergic children to a home already permeated with invisible cat dander? If it is behavioral, I might pointedly tell the parents you are sorry that their children cannot be trusted around your cats!

Seriously, I would do whatever is best for the cats. Lots of kids are fine, but some cannot control the urge to hug and maul. Mine mostly stay away from the dangerous little creatures -- the kids, I mean. I do put my own cats in the bedroom (if I remember) when I have co-op meetings in my living room, because I know one board member whose eyes swell shut around cats.
 

kenny

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momhappy|1450121535|3961345 said:
kenny|1450120006|3961336 said:
Again in this thread I see the idea of 'etiquette' being used as a cop out to not have to take responsibility for what IMO is proper, correct, and healthy selfishness.

Your home, your rules.

If visitors don't like it they are free to not visit a place that they think has dangerous viscious monsters that will kill their precious helicoptered snowflakes. :roll:

Funny you say this because I think in some cases, the precious, helicoptered snowflakes are actually the pets!!! :lol: I know people who treat their animals better than they do people... I have friends with unruly, impolite, monstrous children and there are times when they visit when my pets are the ones that need protecttion :shock: This isn't just about protecting people from unpredictable pets because it can work both ways. Houses full of people can be stressful for pets too and if a pet isn't used to dealing with young children, that can make matters even worse.

Also true, of course. :)

Frankly I have a friend whom I wish would 'do something' with his SO when I visit. (like put him back into the closet) :mrgreen:

I love this use of the term, "do something".
I think we should make do something a thing. ;))
 
Q

Queenie60

Guest
My kitties go to the garage with their heater and heated beds - they would prefer that over being around a house full of people which spooks them. My two small 8 lb dogs go to their crates. This is where they sleep during the night and it's their safe canine cave. Works well for all as I don't worry about guests or pets. You never know if your dog will get ahold of some chocolate or something else that could harm them. Better safe than sorry for all concerned.
 

zoebartlett

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We don't put our cats elsewhere - they're free to roam around as usual. They're very skittish though, so they hide for the duration of most guests' visits.
 

momhappy

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kenny|1450127653|3961400 said:
momhappy|1450121535|3961345 said:
kenny|1450120006|3961336 said:
Again in this thread I see the idea of 'etiquette' being used as a cop out to not have to take responsibility for what IMO is proper, correct, and healthy selfishness.

Your home, your rules.

If visitors don't like it they are free to not visit a place that they think has dangerous viscious monsters that will kill their precious helicoptered snowflakes. :roll:

Funny you say this because I think in some cases, the precious, helicoptered snowflakes are actually the pets!!! :lol: I know people who treat their animals better than they do people... I have friends with unruly, impolite, monstrous children and there are times when they visit when my pets are the ones that need protecttion :shock: This isn't just about protecting people from unpredictable pets because it can work both ways. Houses full of people can be stressful for pets too and if a pet isn't used to dealing with young children, that can make matters even worse.

Also true, of course. :)

Frankly I have a friend whom I wish would 'do something' with his SO when I visit. (like put him back into the closet) :mrgreen:

I love this use of the term, "do something".
I think we should make do something a thing
. ;))

I agree, kenny - there are some instances in which the term would come in handy ;-)
 

azstonie

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I never leave my Westies unattended around children or people I don't know well. SOme people can be very cruel to animals and you might never guess this about someone and your animal would suffer as a result. Also, children are prone to pratfalls and such and I don't want one of them falling on Finn or Maggie and certainly not something as small as one of your kitties.

I agree with all the posters who have said, re their pets: Its their house!
 

partgypsy

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I think it depends and is situational. If the people are allergic, then as long as the weather is temperate I would put my dog out. If there was a child who was really fearful of dogs, I would also accomodate that. We had a couple friends who had a child who was scared of dogs (because they didn't have dogs) and we would put our dog out when they came over. However both of the children grew out of it and now like to see and pet our dog when they come over. I know my dog can be annoying (he begs for food, barks); even we often put him out after feeding him when we are having dinner.

As far as my cat, she is indoor/outdoor and a gentle soul. She has never bitten us, and only accidently scratched us. We have friends who known for years, been over to our house who did not realize we had a cat! But now that she is elderly it would really be more a situation of protecting the cat over the guests. If they were allergic to cats I would let them know I have a cat, and if they are severe they may not want to come over, but I wouldn't make any other accomodation. Odds are they would never see her anyways. If a child caught up with her I would definitely monitor, as I wouldn't want her to be manhandled.
 

KaeKae

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Two things come to my mind:

1) If your cats are social enough to hang out in the same room as visitors (mine is not) and have no history of aggression toward any kind of visitor, then of course they should be given the freedom to roam their home as they please.

2) Parents of young children have the obligation to a) supervise their children at all times, especially in a new environment, which may bring on new experiences, such as pets and b) begin that supervision by preparing the children on what is expected during such a visit. This, by the way, goes beyond always asking for permission before approaching an animal (assuming the child is old enough to ask.) It also should include: never go upstairs without asking, always ask before helping themselves to food or drink, do not open any closed door....(obviously, these rules grow/evolve with the children)
 

tuffyluvr

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telephone89 said:
As far as etiquette, your guests have no right to ask you to 'do something' with them. They are coming to your home, they know you have animals, they can decline an invite if they so choose. I don't know your animals, but I know mine get very overwhelmed with people - especially children always trying to catch/play/etc with them. I put my animals somewhere else for THEIR protection! If your animals are fine with parties, or don't like being confined (my in-laws dog will scratch up the wall and door if locked in a room alone), then I'd say leave them out. I'd give the guests who asked a heads up. Depending on how you/they view animals I might approach it differently. You can always change plans midway through if you think they are getting ornery or the kids are being too annoying for them.

eta - I only put them away when we are having a large gathering, like 20+ people. If it's a few people over for dinner, they usually stay out. It is the hosts job to make guests feel at home, but not at the expense of the rest of the family. You'd never ask someone to 'do something' with their children before coming to their home. You should also not request that they cook you rack of lamb. Certain things you just don't do.

Agree completely. Why should your pets suffer and be locked in a room or your garage or whatever?? I would only lock my dog away for his own safety (like if he could escape or accidentally be let out), otherwise our dog is a member of the family and he has free run of the house.
 

kenny

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When I'm at my SO's parents house two nieces are often present, ages 4 and 6.
My bird and dogs are there, freely roaming/flying around their house, so I watch my 3 pets like a hawk.

Kids, and pets, are unpredictable.
 

packrat

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I'm uncomfortable around large groups of people, even when we have a lot of people over for bbq's and they're our friends, I'm glad when everyone is gone..but when we go to people's houses (and granted that's like..never), I like when their pets are out. Gives me an excuse to focus on something else and they make me more comfortable.
 

monarch64

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Packie, you just reminded me of this:

catparty.jpg
 

CJ2008

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packrat|1450145832|3961525 said:
I'm uncomfortable around large groups of people, even when we have a lot of people over for bbq's and they're our friends, I'm glad when everyone is gone..but when we go to people's houses (and granted that's like..never), I like when their pets are out. Gives me an excuse to focus on something else and they make me more comfortable.

100%.

eta: monarch, i've seen that before, and yes - that's me - i *look* for the animals haha
 

packrat

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Ha Monnie, nailed it!
 

chemgirl

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Vicious monsters.

fb_img_1450149613803.jpg
 

MishB

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My girl is the life of the party, but my boy is super shy so if we are having a gathering we put him in our bedroom with his food/water etc, he's much happier and less stressed that way.

I've had a few people with 'cat' allergies come to our house.. yeah, well - here's a Telfast for you.

:boohoo:
 

stracci2000

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Chemgirl, I want to snuggle right up in the middle of all that fur!
What sweet babies.
Ignore the haters!
 

chemgirl

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We ended up deciding to text our concerned friends and let them know that the cats will be out and about, but they are good with groups so we should be ok.

If said friends don't want to come we're fine with it.

We have wood floors and make a point of doing a mega clean before visitors come to help with allergies. So far people with allergies have been fine. I'm allergic to dogs so I get that it can be an issue.
 
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