Death...do you think about it at all

[missy]

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

kalomeli, I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss your friend's family is dealing with-how horrible. So young. My heart goes out to all of you.

I have been reading about near death experiences recently and 99 percent of them said death was very peaceful and joyful and they didn't want to come back. Even those who had "painful" deaths had no pain or fear. That's comforting to me. I fear the pain of death but not the afterlife because I believe I know where I will be. If these people are right, the pain should hold no fear.

AprilBaby, thanks for sharing this. That is a comforting thought.

After both my parents died, in not so great ways, I think about them a lot, and death sometimes. I believe in an afterlife, so I am most concerned about the process of dying. I helped one of my parents die, as best as I could, and I would hope that my children would do the same for me. It was obviously a hard thing to go through. If you have the opportunity to help someone make that journey, I encourage you to. I learned things about the process, life, my parent, and myself. I miss them dearly, and over time, the longing does not decrease.

pregcurious, yes, missing your loved ones is something that is always there with you no matter how much time has passed. I still miss my grandmother terribly (22 years gone now) and my darling kitty as well. I am so sorry for all your losses and I am glad going through the process you went through with them helped somewhat.

 

[dk168]

My mum is a springy 75yo, and she worries about what will happen if she is ill and incapacitated, as my brother who lives with her is not going to be much help being mentally ill, with me living in another continent (my elder sister has ex-communicated the family years ago).

She has hinted she would rather go quickly with help, and asked me to look into Dignitas for her, after I mentioned to her that that's what I would consider if I discover I have a degenerative or incurable condition.

I am not afraid of dying. However, I would rather die happy rather than in pain and suffering.

Having lost my late partner to an accident suddenly in 2008, I urge everyone to tell his/her love ones how much they mean to him/her on a regular basis, as one cannot tell what may happen the next minute, let alone the next day!

I cannot alter the past, however, I can plan and influence my future, and I live life to the full on a daily basis, and be content and happy with my lot.

DK

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Missy, thank you! We will work on that plan when we inherit money in the next few years (parents all in mid-80's). That's why it isn't being done now. We still have one more child starting college next fall, and that is where we are spending our current money the next 4 years!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

Oh my goodness! I missed this before. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

 

[anne_h]

No, I don't think about death too much. I'm in my thirties so I know it's not statistically likely to be any time soon.

But I know I will die, we all will die, and I accept that.

I don't believe in an after-life. I don't think I'd want one anyways.

When my oldest first started asking why people die, I came up with "all creatures must die to make room for new ones" which pretty much sums it up for me. lol

I do share a fear that some others mentioned - which is around the death process itself, if it is painful and drawn out. I would not look forward to that.

What's on my mind more is more planning for retirement. Many of us will probably be alive and retired for many years. I want to make sure I will be financially covered.

Anne

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Honestly, I worry about often. I''m afraid I'm going to hell for some not to nice actions of mine in the past. I worry about leaving my child, even tho he's 28 and independent. I don't want to be without my husband.

My BIL died very unexpectedly over the summer of a massive coronary. I saw the devastation he left behind and I don't know if I can handle it.

Also, my therapist retired in November and I'm not crazy about my new one, so I really don't talk about this with anyone.

 

[ClassyRocks]

I absolutely believe there is an afterlife. We all live on for eternity, and it is important to have that settled in our hearts where we will spend it. I know, I know, I know. . . that I will be in the Presence of the Lord, my Savior when I leave earth. I also have peace that my husband and children know the Lord and that we will all be reunited someday.

I feel the most compassion for those who are left after a loved one dies. The grief can be consuming, and the details that have to be addressed afterwards adds another layer of burden. It bothered me a great deal when my children were younger as to who would love and care for them if my husband or I died. Now, my children are able to take care of themselves so that does not weigh on my heart to the same degree. Also, my husband and I have also spent time and emotion putting our estate in order; however, there are things that surely need to be updated.

 

[ClassyRocks]

Honestly, I worry about often. I''m afraid I'm going to hell for some not to nice actions of mine in the past. I worry about leaving my child, even tho he's 28 and independent. I don't want to be without my husband.

My BIL died very unexpectedly over the summer of a massive coronary. I saw the devastation he left behind and I don't know if I can handle it.

Also, my therapist retired in November and I'm not crazy about my new one, so I really don't talk about this with anyone.

We all have done things that we are ashamed of. Please, don't let your past be a stronghold in your life. I wish I could give you a
{{{Big Hug}}} and share with you.

 

[JaneSmith]

Here is my answer without reading any other replies. Do I think about death? Yes, sometimes. I'm in the medical field so I've seen many a varied death. I've had a will and advanced directives since my early twenties.
There is no evidence for life after death or a soul. When we I die, it will be like the billions of years that happened before I was born, I will simply not exist. I do rather hope I live a long healthy life before the inevitable, and I hope to die without pain in my sleep. I hope to be remembered fondly by those who love me, and I would like to contribute something of meaning and value to the world, leaving it a better place.
Here is a longish presentation about (the Higgs boson and) how the physics of everyday life are completely understood. It also demonstrates how the existence of a soul living on after corporeal death is an impossibility. Start at 34 mins for brevity.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrs-Azp0i3k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVrs-Azp0i3k

 

[AprilBaby]

Here is my answer without reading any other replies. Do I think about death? Yes, sometimes. I'm in the medical field so I've seen many a varied death. I've had a will and advanced directives since my early twenties.
There is no evidence for life after death or a soul. When we I die, it will be like the billions of years that happened before I was born, I will simply not exist. I do rather hope I live a long healthy life before the inevitable, and I hope to die without pain in my sleep. I hope to be remembered fondly by those who love me, and I would like to contribute something of meaning and value to the world, leaving it a better place.
Here is a longish presentation about (the Higgs boson and) how the physics of everyday life are completely understood. It also demonstrates how the existence of a soul living on after corporeal death is an impossibility. Start at 34 mins for brevity.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrs-Azp0i3k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVrs-Azp0i3k

Nothing is impossible.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Honestly, I worry about often. I''m afraid I'm going to hell for some not to nice actions of mine in the past. I worry about leaving my child, even tho he's 28 and independent. I don't want to be without my husband.

My BIL died very unexpectedly over the summer of a massive coronary. I saw the devastation he left behind and I don't know if I can handle it.

Also, my therapist retired in November and I'm not crazy about my new one, so I really don't talk about this with anyone.

We all have done things that we are ashamed of. Please, don't let your past be a stronghold in your life. I wish I could give you a
{{{Big Hug}}} and share with you.

Thank you very much. You made me cry!

 

[ClassyRocks]

I am praying for you right now. I am going to trust God to reveal His mercy and love to you, dear one!

 

[JaneSmith]

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

That is unbearably sad, I'm so sorry Kalomeli. Hugs to you.



Loriken, that is a rough disease, you are a strong person to come back from all that.

Honestly, I worry about often. I''m afraid I'm going to hell for some not to nice actions of mine in the past. I worry about leaving my child, even tho he's 28 and independent. I don't want to be without my husband.

My BIL died very unexpectedly over the summer of a massive coronary. I saw the devastation he left behind and I don't know if I can handle it.

Also, my therapist retired in November and I'm not crazy about my new one, so I really don't talk about this with anyone.

Please do not terrorize yourself with thoughts of hell. We all make mistakes, and the best we can do is forgive and remember to do better next time.




Several posters have expressed concern and fear of dying and leaving children young or grown behind. It is something that concerns me too. One thing I did was buy a bunch of cards (birthday, christmas, wedding, new baby, get-well-soon, etc) and write in them for my daughter, so she would have something from me on those special days in her life if I die young. It was sad as hell to do, but made me feel better once it was done.

 

[JaneSmith]

Here is my answer without reading any other replies. Do I think about death? Yes, sometimes. I'm in the medical field so I've seen many a varied death. I've had a will and advanced directives since my early twenties.
There is no evidence for life after death or a soul. When we I die, it will be like the billions of years that happened before I was born, I will simply not exist. I do rather hope I live a long healthy life before the inevitable, and I hope to die without pain in my sleep. I hope to be remembered fondly by those who love me, and I would like to contribute something of meaning and value to the world, leaving it a better place.
Here is a longish presentation about (the Higgs boson and) how the physics of everyday life are completely understood. It also demonstrates how the existence of a soul living on after corporeal death is an impossibility. Start at 34 mins for brevity.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrs-Azp0i3k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVrs-Azp0i3k

Nothing is impossible.

AprilBaby, I think you meant something along the lines of:
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
(Hamlet (1.5.167-, Hamlet to Horatio)
But the statement that 'nothing is impossible' is easily refuted. Please draw me a triangle with five sides and one angle. Or, to mangle the late great Noam Chomsky, please show how "colourless green ideas sleep furiously".

 

[Sky56]

I am afraid of violent or accidental death. I hope to die at a very old age of some natural disease process. Any other kind of death I am quite fearful of. I have faith in God and believe in the afterlife. I think of death often, always have. I am in excellent health but have fears of that ending and having an early death. Sometimes I think I love life too much, creating fear of it ending.

 

[rosetta]

Death is something I must confront almost every day. My patients die, some of them even before I've given them any treatment. Young ones too. And children. I must acknowledge it, but not dwell out or I could never do my job.

It's coming to all of us. I hope no one here dies of cancer. My ideal death is with a massive heart attack or embolism in my sleep. Which is probably not going to happen. Unfortunately, most of us will die with a period of suffering beforehand, there are many, many horrible ways to die. I think we need to find a way to steel ourselves for this. Dying well takes courage. It could happen any time (on New Year's Eve, the 30 year old daughter of a family friend died in a car crash) so I never take being young as some sort of cushion against death. There are no guarantees, and so I tell my friends and family to sort their finances now, not later. They mostly don't listen though, they think they'll live forever!

 

[justginger]

Death is something I must confront almost every day. My patients die, some of them even before I've given them any treatment. Young ones too. And children. I must acknowledge it, but not dwell out or I could never do my job.

It's coming to all of us. I hope no one here dies of cancer. My ideal death is with a massive heart attack or embolism in my sleep. Which is probably not going to happen. Unfortunately, most of us will die with a period of suffering beforehand, there are many, many horrible ways to die. I think we need to find a way to steel ourselves for this. Dying well takes courage. It could happen any time (on New Year's Eve, the 30 year old daughter of a family friend died in a car crash) so I never take being young as some sort of cushion against death. There are no guarantees, and so I tell my friends and family to sort their finances now, not later. They mostly don't listen though, they think they'll live forever!

I've always planned to make our wills a priority after we have a child - it just seemed that before that point, it was unnecessary (and lawyers, like everything else, are expensive down there!). After sorting through all of the difficult (emotionally and logistically) matters regarding the estate of my SIL, the first thing I am going to do when I get home is make an estate lawyer appt to get wills for DH and myself. There is too much I don't know about estate laws in Perth to risk my spouse missing out on survivor benefits, etc. Maybe 30 is also the year of life insurance...

 

[missy]

Death is something I must confront almost every day. My patients die, some of them even before I've given them any treatment. Young ones too. And children. I must acknowledge it, but not dwell out or I could never do my job.

It's coming to all of us. I hope no one here dies of cancer. My ideal death is with a massive heart attack or embolism in my sleep. Which is probably not going to happen. Unfortunately, most of us will die with a period of suffering beforehand, there are many, many horrible ways to die. I think we need to find a way to steel ourselves for this. Dying well takes courage. It could happen any time (on New Year's Eve, the 30 year old daughter of a family friend died in a car crash) so I never take being young as some sort of cushion against death. There are no guarantees, and so I tell my friends and family to sort their finances now, not later. They mostly don't listen though, they think they'll live forever!

rosetta, those are very wise words and something to take to heart. What you do everyday is incredibly difficult and stressful. Knowing you make a difference to so many despite the heartbreak you encounter on a regular basis is what I am sure makes it a worthwhile challenge for you.

I am sorry about your family friend's daughter and thank you for making a difference to your patients and their families and perhaps the future of cancer as we know it.

I am afraid of violent or accidental death. I hope to die at a very old age of some natural disease process. Any other kind of death I am quite fearful of.[/b] I have faith in God and believe in the afterlife. I think of death often, always have. I am in excellent health but have fears of that ending and having an early death. Sometimes I think I love life too much, creating fear of it ending.

Hi Sky, same here. I hope that for all of us. That we all live to a ripe old age healthy in mind and body and die in our sleep.

Here is my answer without reading any other replies. Do I think about death? Yes, sometimes. I'm in the medical field so I've seen many a varied death. I've had a will and advanced directives since my early twenties.
There is no evidence for life after death or a soul. When we I die, it will be like the billions of years that happened before I was born, I will simply not exist. I do rather hope I live a long healthy life before the inevitable, and I hope to die without pain in my sleep. I hope to be remembered fondly by those who love me, and I would like to contribute something of meaning and value to the world, leaving it a better place.
Here is a longish presentation about (the Higgs boson and) how the physics of everyday life are completely understood. It also demonstrates how the existence of a soul living on after corporeal death is an impossibility. Start at 34 mins for brevity.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrs-Azp0i3k&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVrs-Azp0i3k

Jane, thanks for sharing your thoughts. That is what the pragmatist in me thinks too but truly I hope we are wrong and that there is some sort of afterlife or heaven or something where we are reunited with our loved ones forever. I can be an idealist that way too. Pragmatist mainly but idealist at heart...

Honestly, I worry about often. I''m afraid I'm going to hell for some not to nice actions of mine in the past. I worry about leaving my child, even tho he's 28 and independent. I don't want to be without my husband.

My BIL died very unexpectedly over the summer of a massive coronary. I saw the devastation he left behind and I don't know if I can handle it.

Also, my therapist retired in November and I'm not crazy about my new one, so I really don't talk about this with anyone.

Amber, I am sorry about your BIL and his family. How awful. I second Classyrocks in that no one is perfect and don't keep beating yourself up for what happened in the past. As long as you live your life as a good person we all make mistakes and you just move on and do better in the present and future. (((Hugs))) to you.
Also, find a new therapist who you can talk to who can make you feel better and stop seeing your current one. It takes time to find the person(s) we click with sometimes and if you are taking the energy and money and time for therapy make it count with someone you can open up to who you feel can make a difference for the better in your life.

I absolutely believe there is an afterlife. We all live on for eternity, and it is important to have that settled in our hearts where we will spend it. I know, I know, I know. . . that I will be in the Presence of the Lord, my Savior when I leave earth. I also have peace that my husband and children know the Lord and that we will all be reunited someday.

I feel the most compassion for those who are left after a loved one dies. The grief can be consuming, and the details that have to be addressed afterwards adds another layer of burden. It bothered me a great deal when my children were younger as to who would love and care for them if my husband or I died. Now, my children are able to take care of themselves so that does not weigh on my heart to the same degree. Also, my husband and I have also spent time and emotion putting our estate in order; however, there are things that surely need to be updated.

Hi Classyrocks, I admire your strength of conviction and wish I had the peace of mind about this topic that you do.

No, I don't think about death too much. I'm in my thirties so I know it's not statistically likely to be any time soon.

But I know I will die, we all will die, and I accept that.

I don't believe in an after-life. I don't think I'd want one anyways.

When my oldest first started asking why people die, I came up with "all creatures must die to make room for new ones" which pretty much sums it up for me. lol

I do share a fear that some others mentioned - which is around the death process itself, if it is painful and drawn out. I would not look forward to that.

What's on my mind more is more planning for retirement. Many of us will probably be alive and retired for many years. I want to make sure I will be financially covered.

Anne

Anne, I like the answer you give your kids about why people die.
Good luck with retirement planning and hope you have a long healthy retirement.

I've always planned to make our wills a priority after we have a child - it just seemed that before that point, it was unnecessary (and lawyers, like everything else, are expensive down there!). After sorting through all of the difficult (emotionally and logistically) matters regarding the estate of my SIL, the first thing I am going to do when I get home is make an estate lawyer appt to get wills for DH and myself. There is too much I don't know about estate laws in Perth to risk my spouse missing out on survivor benefits, etc. Maybe 30 is also the year of life insurance...

Ginger, yes please do get this going. This is the time to take care of these unpleasant tasks because you really never know what the future holds and while I know this is a morbid topic for some I am glad it might be the impetus for some to get important though not happy paperwork completed. Wills, powers of attorney and all that stuff to prepare for the unknown and hope you won't need it for a very long time.

 

[loriken214]

PLEASE get your wills and estates in order NOW....before you need to deal with them! My late mom thought she had everything in order, but her will only had one witness and we went through years of hell and thousands of dollars in lawyer fees to get everything settled. Bank of America witnessed her will and they knowingly did it wrong! Mom wouldn't tell me where her papers were and I had to dig through tons of papers until I found everything....after she passed away suddenly. She told me that I was in charge of things, but didn't feel the need to let me know the details. All of this while I was very sick with SLE Lupus.

It was awful! Make sure you have everything written down and document where you want your things to go and how you want to be buried....seriously!

Lori

 

[anne_h]

There is no evidence for life after death or a soul. When we I die, it will be like the billions of years that happened before I was born, I will simply not exist.

This.

 

[kalomeli]

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

kalomeli, I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss your friend's family is dealing with-how horrible. So young. My heart goes out to all of you.

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

Oh my goodness! I missed this before. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

That's all I think right now. Me and my friend we found one of our friends dead today. He was 26.

I'm broken.

That is unbearably sad, I'm so sorry Kalomeli. Hugs to you.

Thank you missy, diamondseeker2006 and JaneSmith! Hugs are very much needed right now. His death was unexpected and very shocking to both his family and our little group of friends. Just the day before we were planning for fun team outfits for this weeks kyykkä tournament. We'll play on Saturday in his honor knowing that he'll be there in spirit.

We miss him so much.

 

[monarch64]

I'm ok with death. It's the only sure thing in life. I know it's inevitable but I look at it like this: before I was born, I didn't know I existed. And when I die I expect it will be the same. No worries, no cares, no heartaches. Just simply peace.

 

[minousbijoux]

Having had several enlightening, wondrous experiences (including, but not limited to, ghosts), my opinion is that there is something beyond this plane. There is mercy so vast, we have no words to describe it, nor brains in our very human heads to comprehend it. What it's like, where it is, I couldn't begin to guess. I am sure some of those I love have hung around me -- I feel them almost physically sometimes & if I ask sincerely, they "talk" to me.

This life is like going away to school, to me. We're here to learn and to grow. The body is like a coat we put on for a while & when it's worn out or ripped, no longer wearable, we slip out of it. I only wish that process weren't so painful for so many.

--- Laurie

Beautifully said. Laurie: here or in the afterlife, when we finally meet up and have a chance to talk, I am sure we will be fast friends.

After both my parents died, in not so great ways, I think about them a lot, and death sometimes. I believe in an afterlife, so I am most concerned about the process of dying. I helped one of my parents die, as best as I could, and I would hope that my children would do the same for me. It was obviously a hard thing to go through. If you have the opportunity to help someone make that journey, I encourage you to. I learned things about the process, life, my parent, and myself. I miss them dearly, and over time, the longing does not decrease.

I agree with so much of what has been said, but this is my concern about dying - I would like to be helped to die, and without burdening them (a tall order), would like my kids to be there, or so I think now.

 

[GemFever]

I'm in the group who doesn't believe in an afterlife and doesn't really fear death except when it comes to a drawn-out and painful end of life experience. And of course premature death would be very sad because of its effect on family members. That I do worry about all the time.

On the opposite spectrum -- has anyone experienced the feeling of being so happy they could die? I've experienced moments of unexpected euphoria when it felt like "This is it. This is the pinnacle of life and nothing more is necessary." For me, it happened when I was in my favorite park in the early summer, it was morning and I was on summer break and had no obligations and the air smelled so sweet and .... it was just the perfection of life. Living any longer would mean coming down from the peak. I wanted to melt into the air and be done with it.

Sometimes I feel insecure about my attitude towards life and death -- like I do not value life enough. DH is the opposite -- he loves life so much, just mere existence, that he's terrified of death and wants to live forever.

 

[luvsdmb]

I worry about dying way to much, the saying "Don't count the days, make the days count" should be tattooed on my body in order for me to stop thinking about it so much.
I can't stand silence so that part of it scares me, plus the thought of not being with my husband is to much for me to handle. I recently had the conversation with him after a family member died, that if I died and he re-married he better promise to be buried next to me, even if that meant his second wife was on the other side.He said "don't worry we are a pair" I know this is crazy. But this is stuff I think about. I also worry how I will die, will I know how I died after I'm dead, or when it's happening? Which scares me.

I also think I need to make pre-funeral arrangement's and burial plots and all of that, but honestly I don't know if I want to know right now where I will be buried, maybe when I'm a little older. I want to be buried next to a busy loud road, I do know that.

Have any of you made pre-funeral arrangement's? Was is hard or scary? Do you think about it now or do you feel at peace that it's taken care of?

 

[loriken214]

I believe that the actual moment of death will be like going to sleep and I won't feel a thing. Up until then, I'm going through hell on a daily basis...dealing with SLE Lupus. That doesn't mean that I feel sorry for myself, but it does rule my life and every day is a challenge. I welcome my death, but I'm not trying to hurry it along. Each day is a welcome gift and I'm thankful for every one that I am given. I am comforted knowing that I will be at peace once and for all after I pass away....my faith assures me.

As for my funeral, I don't want one. I want to be cremated. DH is having a hard time with this since all of his family is buried in the ground in one cemetery. Not for me....my family is buried all over the place. My wish is to be put with my furbabies, when they are all gone, and be sprinkled somewhere...or buried in a special place...not a grave, though. Our precious Clyde has already been cremated and his ashes are waiting for me. He was our 12 year old mini-dachshund and we had to put him to sleep when he started having grand mal seizures 2 years ago. We have Bonnie, his sister, and Coco our special needs cat and they will go with me, too.

My MIL had her funeral completely planned and paid for and it was a huge relief at the time of her passing. My late Mom had most of her funeral planned, but not all...it was awful having to make decisions about her casket, flowers, obit, etc. Very emotional trying to decide things just after her sudden passing.

DH wants to be buried and I'll get a plot for him in the same cemetery where his family is buried. We will go ahead and start planning things for him soon. I'm donating my body to DONATE Texas so they can use whatever parts are viable and then will be cremated.

Life is to be lived while we have it!

Lori